A/N I guess this is going to be a chapter fic? lol enjoy!


Dear Journal,

Ha, I can't believe I just wrote that.

Well, Casey and I had an... interesting night. I don't know how else to describe it.

It wasn't a bad night, but it also wasn't a good night... if that makes any sense.


Dear Diary,

I cannot find the words to describe how relieved I am that this awful night is over.

Hm... I guess that works.

Yes, it was an awful night indeed.


I was just chilling on the couch, watching some Jersey Shore (What? It's a guilty pleasure)

When Casey...

Uh...Hm... How do I put this without sounding like an insensitive jackass?


It was humiliating!

I couldn't get the freaking thing off, and Derek was just, just...

He was just there, okay?

I had no other choice.


Now, I wasn't going to do it. No, I was actually going to ignore her.

But I was like the only one there and I would have felt like a jerk if I didn't help her...

Look, it's not like I wanted to do it!


I had a date waiting for me for crying out loud!

And I don't get asked out very often.

I mean, maybe that stems from my lack of knowledge in the dating realm...

But that's completely besides the point.


So I go into her bedroom and there she is.


And I was trying to cover myself up. I really was!


She was like, naked... almost.


He wasn't laughing, though... Which puzzled me.


Honestly, I didn't know how to react...


Eventually, Derek found a way to move his feet and walk over to where I was.

But that was far from easy.

He just stood there for the longest time, silent, not making any remarks, or any little jabs - nothing.

For a moment I wondered if he was even in the room with me.


Look, it was a weird dilemma for me to be stuck in.

And Casey's backside didn't help the situation!


Finally, after minutes of Derek and I fighting and arguing, he managed to free my hair from my bra strap.


Thank God she was at least wearing pants... I don't know what I'd do if I came in there and found her...

Never mind.


And here's where it gets weird.


Casey is an attractive woman. It doesn't really take rocket science to figure that one out...

So is it wrong for me to stare at her... uh, attributes? I mean, they were right there, practically in my face.


Look, I'm just going to say that his eyes were not where they should have been.

I'll leave it at that.


Argh, and then Casey's little boy toy was at the door.


I was thankful for the interruption.


She went to the door, I went back to the couch.

It was as if nothing happened.


Josh Stone - that's his name.

He's in my literature class, and we get along very well.

And we're extremely alike - it's almost uncanny.

He and I have the highest grade in our class... and when the professor asks our class a question, we are the first ones to raise our hands.

Which is refreshing. I think in order for a relationship to work out, two people have to be fully and completely compatible with one another.


He's an idiot.

I ran into him a few times on my way to class.

He's that guy who's a little too aware he's smart, you know what I mean?

I forgot his name... But I pretty sure it's Tosh.

Anyway, this Tosh guy walks around like he's better than everyone else just because he was born with an abnormally large brain.


I was in a very bad mood when I opened the door, but as soon as I saw Josh's face, it all went away.

He was so romantic.


So Toshy boy pulled that sappy, romantic crap. He gave her a flower, kissed her cheek, and spewed out some clique adjectives to describe her eyes.

I wanted to puke.


Derek didn't seem to happy when Josh and I left.

I don't know why - it's not like I didn't tell him about it.

I thought I told him about it... Didn't I?


Casey never said shit about this dude.

She never mentioned him, never gave me any indication that she was going out. None.


Josh takes me to this wonderful cafe not far from the apartment.

And it's absolutely breathtaking.


I end up getting this text from Sarah, a blond chick I met a few months ago.

She's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, if you catch my drift, but hey, I'm bored and she's hot.

It'll have to do.


So I'm having a wonderful time.

I agree with everything he's saying.

We even share the same views on family values.

It's as if we're the same person.

I should have been falling for him at that point...

But I wasn't.


Sarah comes over and we just start making out.

Not really much to explain, and nothing worth explaining, anyway.


I just don't understand how this can happen.

Josh is a good looking guy - nice eyes, perfect smile, great hair.

And he's also smart and charming.

So why do I feel so empty right now?


Sarah leaves just as Casey's coming back.

And she looks pretty happy.


I was miserable by time we arrived back to the apartment.

But I didn't want Derek to know that.


She was laughing and smiling, and Tosh was holding her hand.

They must have really hit it off...


Josh kissed me and I kissed him back, and I tried really hard to feel something, to feel some sort of a spark between us.


I felt sick.


Nothing.

I felt nothing.


I turned away and sat in the living room.


Josh left and I felt relieved.


I bet she can't wait for her next date with Toshy.


I deleted his number from my phone that night...


A couple hours later, Casey comes back into the living room, in pajamas and face covered in green gunk.


I couldn't sleep.

I kept thinking about, well, everything.


She told me she just had insomnia - and jitters because of some test coming up.


Why does this keep happening to me?

I meet the perfect guy, but somehow I always end up finding something imperfect about them.

And that tiny, insignificant flaw ruins everything.


Casey seemed really upset, so I offered her some of my ice cream.


And somehow that made everything better.

Just like that.