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Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I really want you to know I appreciate it and I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your last one. I always like to thank you for reading, reviewing, story alerting, or favoring but sometimes I don't have the time when I get the review, story alert, ect. So I forget when I do have the time. So sorry.
Good songs besides Should I Tell Her to listen to on repeat while reading this chapter are:
Right Here in my Arms- H.I.M
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and I don't own Should I Tell Her. All I own is Arina and that bug that just died on the floor… okay so I don't own it but really who will stop me?
Should Tell Her?
Chapter 9
It wasn't exactly either of their plans, but it worked out wonderfully none the less.
The cold didn't really affect them for that moment, and the following after that.
Gaara's P.O.V
As Sakura woke up, I instinctively closed my eyes, pretending to meditate. I had been trying to meditate all night, but had not succeeded due to the distraction of the sleeping kunoichi herself. Though, truthfully as I never saw the point of lying, I really just wanted her to stay there. No reason to upset her when she seemed so comfortable… Hn, the truth… perhaps the other part of the truth was just a technicality, so insignificant it deemed no importance. Yes, a technicality.
She stiffened as thoughts began to race through her mind, those thoughts I could hear. Wondering "who the hell" she was "lying on," Sakura took to breathing steadily to calm herself. I felt her raise her head slightly and, I figure as she saw my hair as I was the only one in Suna with such color hair, she thought, "Sweet Kami… Gaara?!"
Sakura was realizing our position and finding it upsetting. It panicked her somehow. I suppose I should have figured and it bothered me how I was so optimistic.
Some say the best way to go about life is to lower one's expectations, to self one's self up for disappointment. I, personally, take on an altered version of that. I set myself up for the worst possible catastrophe, which normally involves Shukaku massacring or my scaring someone I learn to trust away.
Why couldn't I just have fucking done that and left the girl to sleep and gone home?! In such thoughts, a bomb could have hit and I am sure I would not even have fucking noticed.
Thus, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt her hand brushing on my neck. My being hyper-aware of her constantly did not help. Finding my resolve, to stay as still as possible, I was a bit more composed as she slid her hand up to my jaw.
When she paused under my lips, I wracked her minds for the thoughts that had occurred moments before, the ones I had missed because she distracted me, even when unconscious of it.
Hn… so Sakura thought I was sleeping. Her mind was probably still fuzzy (as Arina had told me about waking from sleep) from just awakening. She was testing me, seeing how she had to move in order to get out of our position without "waking" me.
My thoughts were cut short, once again, as her fingers traced up my face. I felt them on my forehead and then her palm on the kanji. Feeling it seemed to unnerve her as she swiftly proceeded into my hair.
Her fingers running through my hair pushed so many reactions for me I could not count them. Human instincts, the very things only few years ago I thought were so easily discarded. But now, when she was here, touching me, seemingly so unafraid and vulnerable, how was I to deny them?
There had to be some logical way to evade the sigh from rise from my chest and passed my lips, to avoid constricting my arms and crushing her fragile body against me, and, inevitably, to not scare her away.
Skilled fingers pressing into the back of my scalp rhythmically and I could not stop the hitched breath that escaped my lips. When I didn't move thereafter, Sakura's hand continued to tangle in the hair at the top of my head, and now I could tell she was simply playing with it.
For the second time, when her hand made contact with my face, I nearly jumped out of my flesh. The second hand on my face, in addition to the one in my hair, made it difficult to keep those damn human instincts at way. I felt her chest and torso press against my own as she leaned on me and her soft hand hovering near my closed eyes as her fingers traced them. The dull ache in my ribcage alerted me of something I had over looked before. A human instinct, my increased heart rate. Though, looking in her thoughts for a brief moment, I saw that she had not noticed. This didn't stop me from hoping she hadn't, which was immensely illogical, but I simply couldn't think logically at the moment. I had heard something in the brief second I peeked into her mind, something about "gorgeous sea foam eyes." I really didn't know what the hell to think. I didn't notice when her face had, along with the rest of her body, initially started leaning towards me.
The only thing I noticed was when her nose brushed against mine. Then, I stiffened and my breath checked and she realized that I didn't sleep.
Sakura jerked away and fell off my lap, in which landing had her at the very edge of the hospital bed with only her legs sprawled on my lap. I snapped my eyes open to look at her. She began to scramble ungracefully and I felt the compulsion to keep her from falling off the bed and possibly causing a concussion. I slipped my hand onto her back, my other on her arm, and tugged her forcefully (maybe a little unnecessarily so) back near me.
I openly stared at her, listening to her thoughts silently.
Her thoughts wondered to the aforementioned "beautiful eyes" before stopping short with a mental growl of "Damn it, no!"
They then continued to switch focus to our position of her straddling my lap, also the fact that I seemed to be unmoving and staring at her. She thought about her hyper-aware senses, then "Son of a bitch, no!" My eyes widened as I let my curious and confused emotions play on my face.
I felt my lips quirk against own accord (and perhaps some of Shukaku's) as she thought about ripping my eyes out.
A noise that greatly resembled a growl slipped from her lips from deep within her delicate throat. It was then that the smirk that threatened to form did in fact form. It was also then that she lunged at me.
I somehow landed on my back, off the bed and on the floor, with Sakura, who somehow managed to pin my shoulders down, on top of me. The sand whipped around, fluttering anxiously as it went against instinct to fling her across the room, hell across the desert, when I commanded it not to touch her.
Suddenly, a victorious grinned stretched on Sakura's face.
It was then I decided to, as Naruto would say, say "Fuck it." Like hell was I letting her win.
Irrational, illogical, with no real reason at all, but a human instinct. My (presumably male or perhaps just shinobi) instincts kicked in, refusing to let the deviant little angel above me win.
I suppose using my sand was what they would call "cheating" but when I found myself pining the surprised little angel down, I really did not give a damn.
And I also supposed using my advantages of hearing her thoughts was cheating too. Though, seeing her hair fanned out, the frustrated look on her face, and her jutted lip pleasured me a bit too much, I could not bring myself to care. Just a technicality I suppose.
And perhaps leaning down to her, telling her I could in fact hear her thoughts as she thought it was unnecessary, but like I said, just technicalities. Irrelevant facts easily over looked.
Sakura stared at me with wide eyes, and I, using much more will power than should have been required, climbed off of her. "Shukaku linked our minds, and I can hear your thoughts." I explained, carefully gauging her reaction.
After a blank look of realization, she growled, "You bastard," anger, obviously, as I had figured since- "Why can you hear my thoughts but I can't hear yours? That's so not fair."
Wait… what the hell?
I stared at her, trying to figure her out.
Sakura, to a stranger, seemed like such an open book. And maybe in some aspects she was. But not right now.
She got irritated with my silence and asked, with none too delicacy, "What damn it?"
"I tell you there is a demon inside your mind that is linking our thoughts and your concern is why you can't hear my thoughts?" I asked, allowing my disbelief to show to her plainly.
The idea frustrated me.
Could she at least make it hard for me want her the way I do? Could she at least pretend to hate me, to fear me, me and the demon?
After she mentioned her "super sensitivity" I was suspicious. Could the bijuu share our thoughts between us as well as his heightened senses? I asked, and then made when she failed to do so, (something that unnerved me while she explained was my distraction with her facial features,) her to elaborate. What she said confirmed my suspicions (though, admittedly, the way she said it caused a strange sensation in my abdomen.)
Shukaku, the smart bastard, had somehow found a sort of loop hole. What the hell. Just when I thought keeping Sakura in the dark was going so damn well and by the end of her stay I would not have disrupted her life, I get screwed over.
For one of the first times in my life, I was attempting to do something noble for another human being and I get kicked in the ass. That is just how my life works.
I then explained what I had realized as she shifted uncomfortably. Had I been staring at her?
She began her questioning and I resolved not to tell her anything. Anything I may have said may have led to my eventual down fall so I opted for the ignorance is bliss method. She was too damn smart for her own well being.
Sakura then asked an interesting question.
Just why couldn't she hear my thoughts?
Perhaps it was because I was hearing the voice of another being my entire life, so I was used to interpreting my thoughts from another's. Maybe, since I am the Ichibi's host, my side of the bond is stronger so I am capable of getting a clearer view of her thoughts.
I voiced, in summary, my possible conclusions.
Again, I was surprised when she asked me what she could do to understand them. She… wanted to hear my thoughts? She wanted to hear the demon? Was she really not afraid? Sakura responded to, "Wouldn't hear my thoughts, the demon … unnerve you?" as "No not really."
This angered me suddenly. I snapped my eyes back to her.
Why did she have to make this so damn hard?!
She didn't fear him? Impossible, she had to be lying to avoid insulting me. Didn't she see she wasn't making it any easier for me by doing that?
"Stop, stop, damn you woman."
She looked surprised, "Stop… what exactly, Gaara?"
I felt something inside me crack, it didn't snap quite yet, but it was close, "Stop acting like it doesn't bother you! I've been inside your mind for fucks sake! I know it does!" I stood sharply, dragging her with me by her arm.
Her face then took to a very submissive look. "You're right… but I want to try and understand, Gaara! I want to understand… it… him…"
I saw red. Understand? Hah, now I knew there was something wrong here. Understand a demon! For someone so smart she was so incredibly naïve. Did she really think she wanted to understand it? Would she want to "understand" if she knew what he was thinking of? No, she'd flee. She'd be gone, running away. The red brightened.
Violently slamming her against the wall, I snarled, "If you care about the life you are living at all, you will distance yourself and interest from him." The red faded and before I hurt her further, I spun on my heel and fled the room.
I heard her fast paced footsteps behind me and couldn't help feeling overwhelming relief, even though I had heard her decision to follow me.
The nurses didn't try to stop her as she followed me out of the hospital. But really, who would?
Although I was very much opposed to using my rank to intimidate those around me, I was glad I could get her, and myself, out of the hospital without objection. I suppose my reputation also helped sway any decision to try and stop me. I used to use fear as a reign to control the people around me, now when they did so on their own, it kind of pissed me off. Not at this moment though, now I was more than glad for their fear.
After a silent walk, we arrived back at my home. As I walked through the door of the kitchen, I heard Sakura call to me. I turned to look towards her and I found myself locked. She stood so vulnerable staring at me incredulously with her jade eyes--- it was then I felt the pressure in my head.
I snarled. It was that same kind of squeezing of my brain and mind that Shukaku brought when he was experiencing an unusually strong emotion. I grimaced and felt my knees go numb. Ah fuck. They gave out and I tumbled helplessly to the floor.
Squinting my eyes, I noticed Sakura. Her milky skin was unusually pale and I felt her familiar chakra begin to disappear. When she staggered back ungracefully into the wall, I knew exactly what had happened to her. She slid down the wall and slumped over.
"You need rest, go to sleep." I uttered seriously, lifting my head to stare at her evenly. To my surprised delight, she complied, albeit shakily.
I recognized a dull throb in my head and then heard as Kankurou, Temari, and Naruto busted into Sakura's room just down the hall from my own.
I blamed my headache on them… idiots.
Then, all of the sudden, it felt as if a spiked metal ball has just hit me square in the head. I felt as if I wasn't the only one in my mind, but Shukaku had been surprisingly dormant and Arina normally speaks up as she enters my mind—and she doesn't cause such pain. It was actually starting to burn as I tried to conduct rational thought. With a jolt I realized the similarities of this feeling to that of the feeling in the kitchen…earlier… with Sakura… what happened there again? The coldness surged me and I finally understood just what the hell was going on.
'…Gaara…'
Sakura… had she…? …Oh hell.
'…Oh, Gaara…'
Mother fucker… she had…
'Shit.' I thought cynically, 'I'm fucked.'
I looked down at the book in front of me, ache residing, though a new one was emerging. I tried to ignore everything but the book.
While I was in the hospital with Sakura, Arina was looking for a change of Sakura's clothes and had come across my missing book. The inside cover read 'Property of the Hokage Library' and a note signed by Tsunadae to Sakura inside of it. Tsunadae lent it to Sakura for its partial information of Medical Jutsu on her trip here to Suna—as it could be a powerful tool. The note mentioned nothing of the decoding section.
It just so happened to be my missing book, in the library of another Kage as some sets seemed to be as during war scrolls and books scattered in the mess. But in Konoha? Then here, with Sakura? And all that Shukaku said about demons and their mates…
And I still didn't know where the book on my bed came from.
Ah hell. Irony sucked. Clichés sucked. It all just sucked right then.
As it seemed I couldn't keep focus on the task at hand, I transported to the roof, where the sun was beginning to set. I sat unmoving with my right leg sprawled out and my left one bent, my right arm resting on it and leaning on my left for a while without interruptions…
Without interruptions until later that night, when the stars had been twinkling in the sky for some time, I sensed her presence. I opted not to move or acknowledge her—hopefully prolonging destruction. After minutes of silence, my resolve crumbled and I was met with instinct.
"You can understand my thoughts now." I said and soon after realized my statement's pointlessness. I already knew the answer to that. She sat by my side, her proximity almost alarming, but I didn't show I noticed. I sensed her stare, but ignored it.
"Yes," she replied quietly.
Still not looking at her, I continued, "You are in my head now." I then finally turned to her, the arm that was on my leg moving to support myself in between us as I moved. Her lips were parted with her response that never had the chance to exit her mouth and I pinned her with my stare. I must have been unnerving as I just stared at her. Leaning forward, I tried to understand her expression. Surprise? Bewilderment? Was there any fear?
I stumbled on what to say next, and my question came out as an unintelligent slur of words, "And… you can feel that I…"
She replied just as quietly, still returning my stare, "yes…"
"And still you don't run…" I whispered, more to myself, half in bewilderment half in disbelief, but she replied with her whispery "yes" anyway.
After a few moments, she broke away from my stare. Her posture became awkward and she looked everywhere but me—mostly at the sky. Sakura then looked down at our hands, which were next to each other in the bit of space between where each of us sat.
"You're cold," she murmured, keeping her stare at our hands, "And no sand shield?"
I spared a glance at my hand, as I already knew her hand was next to mine, with doing so noticing her hand also covered in goose bumps, "Hn. You're cold too. Why aren't you asleep?"
She smiled in that tired sort of way that she did when I was being particularly difficult- like right then, although the expression was a sincere smile, anything less would create tarnish to her features, "You didn't answer my question."
"Nor did you mine." I admit I was being especially difficult, and I knew then too not just by her mentally tired expression, but I didn't care. In doing so I avoided more awkwardness.
Sighing, Sakura brought her knees to her chest and hugged them with one arm, leaving her other hand to continue resting besides mine still. "I couldn't sleep."
I moved my gaze back to the sky, but didn't bother moving back to my previous position. I decided then to answer her earlier question, as she had answered mine, "Shukaku doesn't feel the need to protect me fully right now."
"What I'm no threat?" She asked jokingly, I suppose with her generally cheerful exterior she felt comfortable and was glad for the opportunity to lift the silence.
Glancing at her from the corner of my eye, sensing her joking demeanor, I replied, "No," she pouted slightly- not conscience of it- I noticed, "For some odd reason, the demon trusts you."
"What makes that so odd?"
I opted for no reply.
After some moments, I sensed her frustration. She asked again, more seriously. I didn't have much of an option to reply this time.
I inclined my head in her direction, trying to think of a way to put it, "You are dangerous." I said simply, hoping she wouldn't inquire more.
Never did I possess what one would call "luck" in such matters that involved other people.
Her brow furrowed, narrowing pink brows and wrinkling cream skin, "Sure, so I lose my temper sometimes, I don't see-,"
"No," I interrupted impatiently, "That's not what I meant… You are dangerous because of what you control."
To this she had no reply and we sat in blissful silence for moments on. That is, of course, until a chilling breeze swept over both of us. She shivered violently, wracking her body and causing her hand to brush against my own.
After all that had happened that morning, what caused me to react the way I did I will never know.
Gripping her hand, I tugged it forcefully, successfully making Sakura fall from her position with her knees bent out in front of her to landing on her hip unsteadily with her knees resting against my thigh, overlapping it slightly.
I found myself leaning in more, then pausing, not knowing what the hell came after that.
Why the hell was she smiling?
After that morning, I couldn't imagine why this physical contact shocked me so much. It seemed logical that I would have been even slightly accustomed to her small, soft, warmth against me.
Logic was- yet another thing- that seemed to evade me lately.
I sat there, still as stone.
Attempting to remember when I felt this clueless was a failure. I do not think I had ever felt more clueless and helpless in my life.
Personally, I felt content with just the sight Sakura. I did not mind just staring at her in that moment, but she seemed to be waiting for me to do something. I could not figure out what it was. Still with her curved pale lips, she tilted her head.
The action made her look slightly vulnerable and inquisitive, but it still seemed as if she was waiting for something from me.
I studied everything about her face. Jade eyes stared patiently, yet hopefully, at me. The ends of her short, pink hair blew against her jaw and over her cheeks with the breeze. Sakura's pale lips were parted slightly, allowing air in and out easily… but maybe there was more than that. A "ton of bricks" would not adequately describe the way in which the realization hit me.
I had seen it, heard about it, but never fully understood it.
Was it possible she wanted me to kiss her? …No…never… but then, I remembered, I could simply look into her mind and find out.
Just as I had this realization, wind gusted by once more, causing her to shiver and withdraw. I felt a tiny pang of what I thought was called regret for the first time ever, presumably for my social ignorance.
Against my will, I found my arm snaking around her small shoulders. Those same inquisitive eyes stared up at me. Then, as if I had just complimented her with the highest regards, she smiled.
As I felt her arms slide around my torso, my own eyes widened. Sakura curled up against my side with her head resting against my chest. I felt my gaze automatically turn toward the sky once more, only to return to her face as I sensed her glance. She stared up at me through her pink bangs.
Before, Sakura had looked like she wanted answers, those which I could not give. Just then, I felt as if we were both thinking the same thing: Fuck everything else.
I knew I'd have to deal with my moment if weakness the following day, but for just then I'd enjoy my time with her.
I imagine life with her by my side but,
Should I tell her...
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