Okay, I know this sucks, (No pun intended.) but if you hate it, I plead temporary insanity on account of the fact that I'm burning up with a high fever, right now. As always - feedback? Always welcome.


"Okay, let's start from the beginning." a stern Stefan said, looking at Bree and Kay. Who then looked at each other, trying to figure out just how they got sucked into their favorite TV show. "Um, oh! I know!" Kay said shooting from her seat. "It was the 16th. Remember?" she said excitedly. Bree nodded, understanding "Yeah, it was right in the middle of the Marathon." Stefan was looking back forth between them before standing, trying to regain control of the situation. "Wait, wait, wait. Now, let's back up." he said, crossing his arms "What Marathon?" Kay and Bree giggled, wiggling excitedly. Kay reached out and rubbed one of his arms, saying seductively "You know, it's too bad you have a girlfriend." Stefan's brow furrowed, "Beg pardon?" The girl giggled, again. "Isn't he adorable when he goes all broody?" "Yeah! It's so cute when he does the innocent face, too." "Hey!" Stefan called, "Back on point?"

Bonnie walked out of the Mystic Grill, she was fishing for her car keys in her purse when she slammed into someone. "Oops! Sorry." she said as she looked up from her purse. Instantly her expression darkened. "Damon. What the hell do you want?" she snapped. Damon crossed his arms, "Is that any way to treat your new BFF?" " 'BFF'? Are you freakin' kidding me?" Bonnie shrieked. "I need your help." Damon pleaded. Bonnie snorted "You need your ass kicked." Damon pouted mockingly. "Go to Hell, Damon." Bonnie sneered. Then she opened her car door and climbed in. Before she started the car, Damon said "Been there, done that. Thought I'd get a tan, really upset me when I didn't."

"So, you were jogging in a marathon, or . . .?" Stefan trailed off, leaving the endless possibilities open for them to choose from. Bree laughed "No, Silly. It was the Vampire Diaries Marathon! On TV!" Kay was laying back on the couch staring at the ceiling muttering to herself. Stefan glanced at her, before returning his attention to Bree "Uh, what's wrong with her?" he asked gesturing to Kay. Bree looked at her "Oh, she's suffering majorDamon-withdrawals. Poor thing. I think she needs another Damon-fix." Stefan's eyebrows almost went into his hair, they raised so high. "O-kay. Um, Vampire Diaries? What's that?" Bree squealed before saying so rapidly that Stefan's vampire hearing almost didn't catch it "Okay, so they're these totally awesome books by L.J. Smith, about these two totally hot vampire brothers. Right? So, they go to this place in Virginia and fall in love with Elena Gilbert. Only in the books she's this bitchy Queen Bee kinda girl. And then 17 years later it's made into a TV series." Stefan froze in the act of drinking coffee. The mug slipped from his hand and shatters on the floor. "Can you say that again?" Stefan said, hoarsely.

Damon walked back to the Boardinghouse. All he could do was hope that Stefan got the truth from the girls.

"Okay. So, let me get this straight. The Vampire Diaries are a book series?" Bree nodded at Stefan before he continued "And then several years later it's made into a TV series?" "Yes!" Bree crowed, pumping a fist into the air. "Only in the book series Katherine wasn't a bitch, and you and Damon are from Renaissance Italy. So hot." Bree said excitedly. Stefan nodded. Letting all this information sink in.

"Damon." Elena called, jogging to catch up with him. "Hey." Damon nodded back. Elena put her hands on her hips "Okay, I'm going to pretend that you were not staring at my breasts when I was running to catch up with you, and you're going to tell me where Stefan is." Damon smirked "Well, I am a guy. Can you blame me?" as he said this Damon made cupping motions with his hands. "Either tell me were Stefan is, or you're on your own, Jackass." Elena said sweetly. Oh, hell. Damon thought.

Kay continued to stare at the ceiling and murmur until Damon walked in "The hell's her problem?" Stefan cleared his throat "Well, according to Bree, she's suffering from - what was it?" Stefan looked to Bree who said "Damon-withdrawals." Damon quirked an eyebrow "Say that again?" Bree giggled "You know, she needs a Damon-fix!" "And just how is she going to get that?" Damon asked, in a sarcastically sweet voice. "You wanna cuddle?" Bree asked solicitously. Damon made a derisive noise "Not happening." "Not even for your biggest fan?" Damon stopped in the doorway, his head swiveled to face her. "She hero-worships you, you know." Damon sighed, looking heavenward "Oh, f -"

Elena swept Stefan into her arms "Rough day at the office?" she asked teasingly. Stefan chuckled as she nuzzled around his neck. "You could say that." Elena pushed him down onto her bed "Well, let me make it all better."

"I had the most beautiful dream." Kay murmured into Damon's collarbone. "The Vampire Diaries was real. The beautiful Damon Salvatore was real." Damon almost grinned. This girl was unknowingly fluffing his ego. Suddenly, her eyes sprang open. A deep flush covered her cheeks. Then she closed her eyes breathing in his after-shave. "Mm. Is that Jovan?" Damon almost threw her. "Yes." he said, going from feeling exalted and desired to utterly disgusted within seconds. "Could ya stop sniffing me!" Damon snarled, now feeling exacerbated. "I'm sorry. You just smell so . . .yummy." Kay murmured from the curve of his neck. Shouldn't this be the other way around? Damon thought, hopelessly.

"So, what you're tell me is that Damon's biggest fans are here?" Elena asked, perplexed. "Yep." Stefan said, drawing it out. "So, I guess Damon's elated and bragging his ass off, isn't he?" Stefan shook his head, "Actually on the contrary he's annoyed." Elena laughed "Good one. Seriously, Damon has an ego the size of the Dallas Cowboys stadium." Stefan nodded "Well, I can't disagree with that."

Stefan walked into the library with Elena and gestured towards Damon, who now had both girls fawning over him. One of them was pratically hanging off Damon, who now looked relieved. "Stefan! A little help over here?"

Bonnie looked at her cell phone. "Stefan." She said answering it. "Hey, Bonnie. Do you mind coming over. We're having a bit of trouble and I have a feeling you're the only one who could help." Bonnie sighed, exasperatedly "Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Damon." Kay cooed to him, wrapping herself around the pissed-off vampire. "I love you. Do you love me?" She asked burying her face in his neck. "I'm pretty sure when people say they're 'necking' that this isn't what they meant!" Damon growled, aggravated. The girls giggled and continued to worship his body. "Ooh! I know what can make you feel better!" Bree cried, happily. "Your deaths?" Damon supplied, feigning hopefulness. Bree giggled "No! Silly. You can bite us!" Kay squealed in joy. Causing Damon to wince. "I know! I'll go first!" Bree said happily. Kay looked up from Damon's throat, where she'd been kissing and playfully biting him, to glower at the other girl. "Uh, no. You're not coming anywhere near my future husband. And you'd do well to keep your mitts off him!" Bree scoffed "It was my idea! And BTW he isn't yours! Has he chosen you? I don't think so!" Kay smirked "Well, I saw him first! Ha! Therefore the Rules state that I will go first!" Damon sighed, heavily and leaned back. Wincing he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh! my poor Baby!" Kay cried, snuggling into Damon. Then threw a searing look to her friend "Look what you did! You've exhausted him!" Kay snarled. Damon growled, like a big cat. Both girls giggled "Ooh! Isn't he just sexy when he does that?" Bree crooned.

Bonnie walked into the kitchen. "Hey guys. What's going on?" Elena sighed. "Where to begin?" She asked, irritated.

"So we're clear now, right? You bite me, then Bree." Kay said to Damon who was leaning back in the couch with his eyes shut. "No! Because I'm not going to bite you!" The girls pouted, but continued to caress him. Kay suddenly brightened. "I know!"

Bonnie was looking at Elena and Stefan guiltily "Yeah, about that?"

"No!" Damon said, forcefully. "But, why not?" Damon whirled on them snarling like an animal "Because I said so!"

"So you're saying, you did a spell to summon someone to 'take care' of Damon. To killhim?" Bonnie nodded. Elena snorted before saying sarcastically "Great job, Bon." "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Elena dragged her to the library.

Stefan walked into the library where Damon had already drunk all the liquor from one of the decanters. "Yello. Stef-man." Damon slurred, squinting at his brother. Stefan scoffed "Great. Just great. You're drunk." "Yep and yeppers!" Damon crowed. "Hey, Stef-man. You should really get these crazy-ass chicks out of here, before someone ends up dead!" Damon said, in a stage whisper. Stefan jerked away from his brother. "Don't say that! You're not going to kill those girls." Damon cackled almost spraying Stefan with his drink. "I wasn't talking about killing them." Damon slurred, swaying on his feet. He held up a finely whittled stake before shouting "I was talking about killing myself!" "No!" Bree and Kay shouted. They both tackled him, knocking him over the back end of the couch. Damon winced and pushed himself into a kneeling position. Then he realized he was spooned between both girls. "Threesome!" the girls squealed. "I totesget him first!" "Nuh-uh. You said he bites you first! So, I get him first!" Damon groaned and collapsed, from alcohol poisoning. Stefan groaned clutching his head. This is going to be a long weekend.