A/N: Hope you all liked the prologue! A word of note about Kyon's name though. I looked through several Japanese first and surnames until I found a good choice. In a Haruhi novel, I'm not exactly sure which one, Sasaki tells that Kyon's name was "noble, and unsuited to him". Kiyoshi, the name which I have picked, literally translates into 'noble, victorious man'. However, his surname, Ono, translates into 'small field' allowing for irony, as such a noble first name is coupled with 'small field'. The KY in Kiyoshi and the ON in Ono make the letters Kyon, where I thought his nickname could come from. Thanks to superstarultra once more for the superb beta-ing! Apologies once more for the long A/N!


Chapter 1 – Punching Evil Overlords Is Not Strongly Advised


My mind seemed to have blanked out from the revelation. I don't exist anymore. What... But how? My confusion must have been obvious on my face, as the Bastard knelt down beside me and offered a soft smile.

"It isn't that bad, Kyon-kun. You didn't die. You just... never existed in the first place. No one remembers you because you were never alive."

For some reason, he seemed to think that would comfort me, and maybe it did, in a twisted way. But what was more pressing on my mind was the how.

"So how did this happen?"

He snorted a bit, and seemed to break out in gales of laughter. "How? We shifted the time stream. You see, time is like a river. One person trying to push against it won't do much, but if a whole group dedicated themselves to slowly diverting it, it could be changed. All we did was divert time around you, but as your Asahina-san would say, how we diverted time is classified information."

So you didn't remove me from time, you made time move around me? That's insane!

"No, not insane, Kyon-kun. Brilliant. We have changed the world completely, so that Suzumiya-san selects a new Chosen One! And select she has, because this one is perfect!"

Fine. But what about me? Do I just live in this dumpy box for the rest of my life? Or will you send me back to Earth?

"Silly Kyon-kun, this 'dumpy box' is my home, and why would we send you back to Earth when we took so much trouble to remove you from the time stream? No... we have a more permanent solution."

But what about Kuyou Suou? Couldn't she keep an eye on me? There's got to be a better way!

"Kuyou was a failed experiment. Well, more of a prototype, if you will. She was diligent, but she was more robotic that an IDTE representative! We need interfaces closer to human emotion. No, we'll delete her in a couple of months and start from scratch perhaps, so there isn't any point in keeping her around with you."

Something about the way he said the idea of killing Kuyou so nonchalantly pissed me off. So I enacted upon the most rational and methodical idea that I have ever had.

I leapt off of the ground and punched him square in the face.

My hand hit his nose with a crack, and I knew that my hand was broken as well. Shit! Is he made out of fiberglass or some high-tech plastic? The Bastard stood absolutely still, eyes wide open in shock, and blood quietly dripping down his face. Suddenly, he smiled, big, wide, and utterly fake.

"Noriko-chan~?" he said, looking up towards the ceiling. "Cancel the clothes. We'll drop our... impolite guest in the chamber now."

Chamber? What chamber? What the hell are you talking about, you sideshow?

"The incineration chamber, Kyon-kun! I told you we had a more permanent solution! Oh... and if you do escape, don't even try asking your Brigade for help. We have removed all traces of you from their minds, including that parallel world incident, the Endless Summer event, and all your other fun activities. Don't even try."

Shit! But how was I going to escape anyways? I don't even see any visible doors in this room I can run out of. And it's not like a hero out of some shounen anime would come and save me.

...Though I wouldn't doubt that it could happen, seeing as how all of me previous notions about aliens, time-travelers, and espers have been shattered.

"Alrighty then, Kyon-kun~!"

The Bastard easily picked me up by the collar of my pajamas, as if I were a sack of potatoes, and walked towards an opening in the dim box that hadn't even been there a second ago.

"Bye-bye then, Kyon-kun! Have a good afterlife!" He broke out into hysterical laughter and wheezed. "Oh... I'm so evil~. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

...I swear, that if I get out of this somehow, the first thing that I am going to do is beat you within an inch of your life, Mr. Righteous.

With one smooth, clean motion, he threw me into the opening. Oh, God, if you exist in any form other than a high school girl, please save me now! Dying isn't really one of the events on my bucket list!