Chapter Two: Every Day Living

"Well… I guess this day could have been worse," I sighed as I gave Bard the ok to put down the bazooka.

"Yeah, but the day still isn't over yet," Meirin pointed out.

I let out an exasperated sigh as I realized that she was right. The kids might be leaving in about a half an hour, but the day still wouldn't be over after that! And not only that, but where there's a hobo, there's another ruckus maker somewhere nearby.


About a half an hour later, I was waving a cheerful goodbye to the demonic children who had piled into their noisy buses. Though, I'll say it again, the day still wasn't over, it was nice to see at least one nuisance leave my sights. And for a few minutes, just as the buses had left, there was a nice, shred of silence… just pure silence-

BOOM!

Silence. Broken.

I felt the ground shake a bit and waited for it to stop before dashing straight for Miharu and Yoite's Asian restaurant. The minute I got there, the first thing I saw was the source of the problem; the center stove which was, along with the surrounding area, sparked with little tufts of flames. When I turned to see who was cooking up this disaster, I saw Yoite with a charred apron tied on and an ash covered spatula in his left hand. His face might have looked emotionless… if I could see it through the thick layer of coal-like substance all over his face!

At the other end of the room, I saw Miharu with a look of fright melded with the face of a person that was about to cough up a brick. Mimi had a thin layer of ash on his face and clothing and struggled to keep his balance after witnessing such a horrifying event. He shakily clung the nearest stove, looking like he could strangle a kitten at any second.

As I approached Yoite, a thin, lingering puff of ash in the air caused me to start a coughing fit. I cleared away the smoke with my hand before saying in the tone of a stern house wife, "Well… what in the name if mike happened here?"

Yoite was silent for a short while before he held up a small spice container that literally was labeled, "Random Spice". He continued to hold it up as he said in his usual emo monotone voice that was almost a whisper, "I think I used too much of," he paused to take another look at the label, "this stuff."

"Is this seriously supposed to be a spice?" I questioned as I took the container from his hand.

"Yoitaaaaaaaay!" Miharu snarled out. "I told you not to use that spice! Only I can use it because I'm the only person who knows how much of it to put in ANYTHING! If you put in too much, your dish will explode! Understand?"

Looking down at the grey, ashy floor, Yoite said with an apologetic and disappointed look in his vibrantly blue eyes, "I… I'm sorry, Miharu. I didn't know…"

"Well you would have known if you had listened to me the last time I listed off the spices," Miharu scolded in a calmer tone as he scratched the back of his head. He let out a heavy sigh and said in his normal apathetic voice, "Well, just try to listen next time, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Well, now that we've gotten past THAT argument, I shall proceed to start another. Who the hell is gonna clean this mess up?" I yelled at them, breaking up their gay little moment. (as cute as it was, it had to be broken up sooner or later)

Miharu slowly raised his hand and said, "I guess I'll have to do it."

"Well, good. Just remember to close up shop while you do that. I don't want people coming in here to be served charcoal curry," I ordered before leaving them to their work.

Not even two seconds after I had left the restaurant, I heard a loud crash, Mimi screaming, and some loud snuffing noises.

"Jeevas Chrysler, what now?" I screamed as I stormed right back into the restaurant. I bashed open the doors, looked about, and witnessed one of the strangest happenings of my life up till now. My eyes widened and I could feel myself gaping as I saw the horror that was laying before me.

… it was her…

Sunni the hobo was crawling on the ground like a centipede with rabies while sucking up the ash on the floor like a freaking vacuum cleaner! Even though everywhere she crawled, there wasn't a speck of dirt to be seen and she was leaving the place spotless, she was bad for business. I wasn't about to let her chase away my customers with her loud sucking, so I decided to chase her out.

Like a scene from a Tom and Jerry cartoon, I grabbed the nearest broom I could find and proceeded to chase the hobo around the room while whacking the broom on the ground every three seconds. Sadly, before I could catch her, she slid her way through the air duct. Knowing I was playing the antagonist cartoon character in this situation, I decided to play the part by shaking my fist at the air duct while shouting like an old geezer, "You rotten kids! Stay off my lanwn!"

I put the broom away before checking Miharu and Yoite for any seizures, aneurisms or heart attacks, and walked out of the restaurant when I was done. I clapped the filth off my hands and held my head high as I said, "You've done good, Dagas. You've done good."


Remainder of the day: as normal as we could get it. True, we have a completely different definition of "normal", but that doesn't mean that we don't do any business here.

Like I said, this is a fantasy outlet mall with fantasy store owners that each have their own store. As you can imagine, we do have A LOT of stores with some partnerships here and there. For instance; the furniture store. Suzaku Kururugi from Code Geass is the proud owner of that store. He's the happy-go-lucky salesman of the furniture. Honestly, when he first was hired, I was baffled that he had sold 20 furniture items in his first three days on the job. Suzy is VERY good at his job. Along with him, he is in a partnership with Lelouch Lamperouge, who is also good at his job… being that he's the lazy mascot. He sits on whatever chair or bed he likes with his foam finger raised high with pride(?) (not many people enjoy his company that much)

On the other hand, we also have one man owned stores around here like the toy store, Stiffs-R'-Us. Trust me, this has got to be the most ironic name that the store owner could have chosen since he just happens to be THE Undertaker. Sure, it looks like a perfectly normal toy store, and in a way, it is. There are many shelves that are packed to the last level with perfectly normal toys. You could consider it child safe… if you get rid of the fact that there's an undertaker's office in the back room. There's never been a kid that had wandered into that back room so we have yet to be sued for that little issue.

Putting those two stores aside, we have many other stores that have been made for merriment. We have the sports store, we have several restaurants, we have the pet store, Office Max, the arcade, Gormagon, and so on and so forth. And to think, throughout that list that you just wasted your time to read, I didn't even list off all of the stores!

Yes, our outlet mall is like a grand wonderland of goodies, fantasy, hobos and joy!
(wow, that sounded so gay!)

Well… moving on! Again, the rest of the day was basically normal aside from a few minor issues. Nothing TOO out of the ordinary. Since I had just survived the day's troubles and the hordes of children, I was about ready to hit the sack. Though, there was one problem with that; we still had to close.


"Alright you guys! It's 10:30! All of you need to start closing up shop!" I warned into my trusty bull-horn.

"Oh my god! Thanks again you guys! This Sailor Moon cosplay is gonna be perfect for the next con in New York! You don't know how grateful I am for this! Thanks!" called out a random fangirl as she skipped out of the cosplay store, waving cheerfully at Hikaru and Kaoru. As usual, the two waved back with beaming smiles, happy that they were able to serve another customer.

"Come again soon!" the twins called back in unison. I found pleasing that they always did so good with the customers, but that was on any other day. I tend to be one of those people who gets extremely bitchy at the end of a crazy day. Therefore, no matter how good their business was doing, they sold something 30 seconds after closing on a day like this, I would be pushed to the limit.

I checked my watch and saw that it was now 10:32. I then walked right up to the ginger-headed twins, put my bull-horn right up in their faces, and yelled at an ear-shattering volume, "IT'S CLOSING TIIIIIME!"

At the sound of my screech, I could almost feel the ground quake under me as if it was scared of me too. On the roof of the cosplay store, my mind conjured up a cartoon-timed mushroom cloud that towered high over the rest of the stores. Though it was metaphorical, it seemed completely real to me.

The second I put down the bull-horn, I realized that the force of my scream had blown back the hair on both the twins, but on top of that, I feared that I had just accidentally blasted their ears inside-out. The two both stared at me, eyes bugging out of their heads, for a while as I glared at them with the ultimate bitch glare.

"I think somebody needs to get back on her happy pills," Hikaru mocked as he twisted his pinky finger in his damaged ear.

"WHAT?" Kaoru yelled. At this point, he wasn't able to hear anything.

Though the two had basically just gone deaf for the time being, that didn't mean they had lost their sight. Being that as it may, they both began to shake with fear as a menacing shadow fell upon us.

"What are you two both staring at? I just said, it's closing ti-" I never did finish my sentence. Before I could, the twins both held up a shaky finger to point at what was now standing behind me.

I heavily sighed. "What is it? Is there marker on my forehead again?"

"N-no… i-i-it's-" Before Kaoru could finish, we all heard the loud crack of someone's knuckles, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. I turned around and nearly though I would shit bricks when I saw Sebastian standing behind me, his eyes gleaming like in every other anime with that single yellow, gay little sparkle in each eye. Seeing this alerted me that Sebby REALLY meant business. I assumed the frightening look on his face was brought on by either my horrendous scream or the "Young Master". He continued to thoroughly crack each individual fingers with the gay little sparkle gleaming in his eyes as he sprouted his full on "I munna kill joo" grin that spelled disaster. He looked directly at me with that menacing look and said in one of the creepiest voices I had heard since I had met Belarus, "You have disturbed the young master's slumber. The young master is very displeased-"

Unfazed by what would be terrifying to any other human being, I looked Sebastian square into his demonic crimson eyes and rebutted with, "Oh, ho ho HO! I'll show you the definition of disturbance!"

Without a thing in the world to stop me, I gained a head start to the butler as I sprinted down the parking lot towards the pet store. He immediately got a good idea of what I was going to do and started to race after me. Despite the fact that he had super-demon speed, I was still just a bit faster than he was. Knowing that what I was about to do wouldn't be taken well by Sebastian and the "Young Master", I wanted to make a big deal out of it. The way I saw it, I would never be able to do something like this ever again for the duration of my immortal soul, so this had to be worth it.

To piss Sebastian off, I made sure to stomp up the stairs to Ciel's room in the loudest possible manor. With Sebby still chasing after me, I sped up the stairs in a quite noisy manor until I had finally reached the door to Ciel's room. In a way that would make anybody pissed, I bashed open Ciel's door and stomped right up to his bed. Magically, I pulled out a second bull-horn, placed one horn in front of the other and screamed right into the young boy's face as loud as I could at 10:38 at night, "WAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"

At the sound of my roaring scream, Ciel hurled up out of bed with a startled look in his eyes and a powerful revolver tightly griped in his hands. He suddenly realized that it was me standing in front of him and, with a record breaking sneer plastered onto his face, she stuffed the revolver back under his pillow, shoved himself back under the heavy covers and demanded of the furious demon that was now looming over me, "Sebastian! Get her the hell out of here!"

I swiveled around just in time to see him say in a grim tone, "Yes, my lord." The demon had been given a direct order and would carry it out without fail. Though, he was a male and I was of the opposite gender so I was granted the upper hand in a fight against death. He lunged upward, ready to give me a face full of foot, but never completed this action. Before he could even slightly touch me, I bunched up my hand into a tightly bound fist and slugged him in the stomach to keep him vulnerable for the final blow. Yes, with Gormagon brand heavy combat boots, I proceeded to furiously smash Sebastian's balls into oblivion.

It felt pretty damn good to execute such a beautiful move in my opinion, but not so much in Sebastian's. That'll raise your voice up about an octive!

With the prideful demon now quivering on the floor in agony, I pulled out my bull-horn once more, placed it right next to his ear and screamed, "I'M PISSED!"

Leaving Sebastian to wallow in his awful misery, I marched to the front door of the store, feeling a mixture of lingering anger and complete pride. As I walked to the door, I noticed Leon leaning against the nearest concrete pillar in front of the store, obviously waiting for me.

"Aw shit! What now?" I mentally complained, fearing whatever issue he would have with me. Though, as I got closer to the door, I began to notice that the look on his face wasn't his normal forewarning face or apathetic look. In fact, it almost looked like he had a look of impressment in his eyes.

The moment I got outside, I saw Leon raise casually raise his hand up. My first thought was that he was waving at me so I raised my hand back. Once I did, out of the blue, he high-fived me and said, "Nice job, Dagas." For once in the entire time that I had known him, he gave me an approving smile.

I smiled back and said, "Why, thank you. I have to say, I do feel like I accomplished something tonight."

"Yeah, I'll say."


Later that night (more like early morning) while I was, and had been in a deep sleep for about four hours, I suddenly woke up to the suspicious sound of my door creaking open. Startled and still too drowsy to see much more than a blur, I jumped out of bed to see who was there. When I took a good look around, I found nothing out of place and the door closed. "Heh… Must've dreamt it…" I murmured into the silence. I discarded the door situation from my mind and crawled back under my comfy covers to go back to sleep.

Half a minute later, I began to hear a pair of footsteps. They were soft, but I could still clearly hear them. They came closer and closer until finally, I blurted out, "Who are you and why the hell are you in my room?"

I turned around again only to adjust my eyes to an energetic Falkner. The only strange part about him being in my room was the fact that he was balancing a soccer ball on top of his head.

"Sorry to wake you, but the vending machine is all out of Mello Yello," Falkner said without bothering to look me in the eye.

"Nmf… what time is it?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes clear of the sleepy fog that I saw.

"3:26."

"Aaaaaand why is that my problem at three thirty in the freaking morning?"

"Cuz last week you took the keys to the machine away from Bard cuz he was putting Red Bull and beer in it."

"Ooooooh… right… Wait, how is it out already? I just refilled the machine this morning."

"Beats me. Maybe it's jammed. Could you check it out?"

"… Only if you tell me why you have that soccer ball on your head."

"Oh! I'm trying to break a record! Some kids on a soccer team bet ten bucks that I couldn't break it!"

"Oh, well in that case, your record breaker," I paused to swat the ball off his head. "is broken."

"Aw, dang! Now I can't get my ten bucks!"

"Deal with it," I mumbled as I shuffled my feet into my pair of fuzzy eskimo-like slippers.

"Oh, by the way, Dagas, nice outfit," Falkner teased as he looked at pink, baggy, kitty pajama pants and grey spaghetti strap.

"Oh, for the love of- why have I hired mostly guys to work here?"

"Actually, you have hired all guys."

"Greil doesn't count! I don't know what gender he could possibly be placed under and I don't wanna find out!"

"Oh, right."

We left my office and made our way to said vending machine that was sitting right outside the door to Falkner's part of the mall. I unlocked it and found that Falkner had been right on the spot; 4 full packs worth of Mello Yello were now missing.

"What the hell? I don't believe this! This is impossible! How could that much Mello Yello be gone in one day?"

"Exactly! That's what I thought… uh, Dagas."

"What?" I stressfully groaned.

"There's a squirrel on your head," he said, a single blue eye brow raised and a finger pointed right above me.

In disbelief, I slowly inched my hand up my head until I felt a furry creature clamber onto my palm. Its' fluffy tail brushed against my fingers as I lowered my hand down to my eye level to see if it really was a squirrel. It was. It was tiny, and furry and it was holding a single Mello Yello can in its' tiny paws.

"Aw!" I exclaimed as my eyes began to sparkle with wonder. "It's sooooo cute- why does it have a mini Hitler moustache?" Yes, it did indeed have a black tuft of Hitler fuzz on its' upper lip, and the sight of it was just about the creepiest thing I had ever seen. I found it so sad that the Squirrel would have looked so much cuter if it wasn't for the moustache!

Before I could utter another sound, the squirrel jumped off my hand and ran off with the Mello Yello can to the nearest pillar. Behind the pillar, I could hear the sound of the soda can being expertly cracked open. Immerging from behind the pillar, Sunni the hobo crawled into view with the four packs worth of soda stuffed into a huge burlap sack that she had slung over her shoulder. In her right hand, she held the squirrel's Mello Yello, a look of pride gleaming in her eyes. The hobo took a sip of her stolen Mello Yello, sending off a victorious glare towards me, before poofing away with her Hitler squirrel in a puff of hobo smoke.

Falkner gave me a confused look as he asked, "What exactly just happened?"

"I don't know. I'm just gonna pretend that this was a dream and go back to sleep. By the way, here's the ten bucks you're gonna owe those kids tomorrow. Good luck with that," I yawned out as I handed Falkner a 100 Grand candy bar and shuffled away.

"Uh, yeah… thanks?"