Chapter 6: Unexpected Inspection
"Thanks man! Have a good one!" called back one of my newest customers.
"Yeah, you too!" I cheerfully replied, a gleeful smile on my face as I waved farewell. Vigilantly, I watched the boy trot back to his car which contained his teenage girl friend. He stepped into the driver's seat of his silver Subaru, gave his girlfriend a flirty peck on the cheek, slammed the car door and made his merry way out of the parking lot. Only after the car was out of sight did I allow myself to begin my hissy fit.
"Aaaaaaaaah! Damn it!" I screamed after slamming my face into one of the throw pillows in the lounge of my office. "I'm back for a week and my employees are already screwing up!" I angrily wailed.
Since our little fiasco in mini-Hollywood with Chuck Florris and Egypt's carpet, we had already been home for about a good week, give or take a day or two. Since then, even with Sunni the Hobo bringing back the status quo, we had started having a lot of restocking issues. See, in a popular mall, such as this, there can be many items which we have found to be customer favorites. Due to the popularity of these items, we are forced to restock at least once a week. It's not anything that's too difficult to figure out, and yet, my employees had already thrown my system out of wack. As simple as this problem was to fix, it completely infuriated me to no end.
"Why," you may be asking is the reason for this? Let me break it down for yah; today, being a Sunday, had started out pretty mellow and uneventful. With most people at their religious masses or at home watching Sunday football, business is usually expected to be pretty slow. Because of that, we all plan accordingly to anticipate utter boredom. A lot of us will bring a good book or a magazine to read. Others will bring along a hand-held game system to play around with. Everybody has their thing that they stow away and save for Sunday. Today, however, was especially slow with two or three people pulling in every half an hour or so. Most of these people, being regulars, knew exactly what they wanted and would be out the door in a few minutes. Just how I like things to be: completely normal.
Getting to the point, surprisingly, we actually got two new customers: a young, high school junior, supposedly named Sam, and his same class, beautiful girlfriend, Gwen. Sure she was the cutest thing in the world to him and all, but there was one thing that really seemed to get to me; she was 8 months pregnant. To be honest, I've always found it pathetic to see a couple of dumb ass teens who have gotten way over their heads all because they couldn't keep their pants on. A bad choice on their part, but still funny to scoff at all the same.
Anyways, today, the two were out shopping for some oddly specific things: a baby's sized teddy bear, a popular children's book, a thanksgiving wreath, an autumn scented candle, and a big box of "sorry we fucked" chocolates for Sam's mother. Again, very specific, but, fortunately, these were all popular things that were fully expected to be in stock. This is exactly where things started to go wrong.
They first stopped at the Undertaker's place to get the bear. None seemed to be in stock. Putting aside this minor setback, the two migrated to Barns and Noble to get the book; Leon was fresh out. Frustrated as they were, they still moved on. The wreath was the next to find. Morty had sadly regretted that they weren't on the shelf. If I were them, I would have left that joint right then and there. But nope, they moved on to the candle and the chocolates. And what a surprise they got: neither of the items were in stock.
At this point, Sam had gotten pretty peeved off. Being the kid that he was, he told his girlfriend to stay in the car while he went to go complain to the head honcho herself, AKA, me. Within minutes, I had gotten the ten all of the things he needed and let him go on his merry way home.
Now, as easy as this problem was to solve, it would have been easier to avoid. Knowing this to be a fact, this little situation had just found a way to completely ruin my good day.
"This shouldn't have happened at all. What is everybody's deal? That stuff should have been restocked yesterday after closing…" I mumbled under the floral throw pillow.
"What should have been restocked?" asked a new, familiar yet discouraging voice from behind me. I looked up to find the owner of the Banana Republic and Old Navy shops, Light Yagami. When he first became an employee here, I had pulled a joke on him by saying that he would work in the life insurance industry. I laughed, he laughed, and then my fund was over.
"Um," I stammered as I sat up from the sofa. "Have you heard about the restocking problems yet?" I asked him, assuming that the word had already gotten around.
"Heard about it?" he rhetorically asked, an eyebrow raised and his left hand placed on his hip. "I'm having those exact problems down at Old Navy! You know those popular new skinny jeans that I keep running out of every three days or so?"
"Yeah…" I trailed, knowing what he was getting at.
"Gone! I never got the restock yesterday! It's so bizarre," he elaborated.
"Dayum! What the hell is going on here?"
"I have no clue. You could try asking Izaya, Mori, or the gang at the storage unit, but all I know is that none of us got restocks after closing."
"Wait, why ask Mori?" I questioned.
"What, you haven't noticed? On his breaks he lingers around the parking lot. If any sort of random information were to be said around that time, he would have heard it."
"Huh… I never knew that," I marveled. "Thanks for the tip!"
"No problem. I just have to ask that we get this solved before tomorrow. We're pretty lucky that this happened on a slow day."
"You got it! I'll have this fixed by the end of the day," I promised him as he started to walk out.
"Fantastic. Thanks for the help," he said as he walked towards the door.
"Anytime."
I waited a few seconds for Light to get back to his stores before leaving myself to go find out what the dealio was with this little slip up. I stopped first at Izaya's place to consult with him. Obviously, he was still pissed off at the Monopoly money that I had given him the last time I got his info. Instead of offering the same deal as the last time, he simply told me to get out. I saw this as a respectable thing for him to have done. Politely, I let myself out without questioning his reasoning.
Stubborn as I am, I refused to go directly to the countries to ask them. Instead, I went to go ask Mori who, at an uncanny moment, was outside on his break. I first commended his impeccable timing. He looked down at me and responded with the twitch of the corner of his mouth. I figured this was his attempt at a half grin. After that, I asked him if he had heard anything about this on his last break yesterday.
"Hm…" he contemplated with his deep voice. He was silent for quite a long time before saying, "I didn't hear much. But I did hear something about… something like a world conference. A few countries were talking about it the other day." I began to gape in amazement as that last statement buzzed through my head. I almost couldn't believe it.
Sure enough, when I arrived at the warehouse, the first thing I noticed was a discarded slip of paper on the pavement. I picked it up and read, "Gone world conferencing! Be back whenever!" I could instantly tell who wrote this simply by looking at the tiny American flag that had been carefully sketched in the bottom right corner of the paper.
"Oh, for the love of God!" I snarled. "They must not be here today either! As, now I'll never get the restocking done in time for tomorrow!"
"'Ey! Whachoo bitchen about?" asked a slurred, Hispanic voice from behind me. I turned around to find Spain lazily trotting towards me in his fancy world conference outfit.
I gaped and angrily grabbed him tight by the shoulders. "Where the hell were you all yesterday? We've got restocking issues out the wazoo!" I screamed as I throttled him.
"Wha… so Greece didn't take care of that?" he asked once I had stopped violently shaking him.
"Wait, wait? You put Greece in charge?" I roared at him.
"Oh, yeah, we did… I guess that wasn't the best idea," he admitted as he started to break out of his drunkenness.
"Why the hell would you do that?"
"Well, he never participates in the conferences, and I don't think he ever wants to be there anyway. We needed somebody to watch the place so we put him in a box and wen without him… is there something wrong with that?"
"Like hell, there is! If you put somebody in charge then they have to do their work, not sleep on the job!"
"Um, so I guess that means you aren't going to accept my apology churros?"
I slapped my palm to my forehead. "No, I don't want your damn churros!" I paused for a moment and sighed. "Do you know where you put him?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Why do you ask?"
I sighed again as I pulled out my cell phone. "Well we gotta get him outta there. Can't have the world missing a country, now can we?" I paused for a moment as I pulled up a familiar number on my speed dial. "Yo, Joey… Ayup… How fast can you get here? … Awesome, we'll be at the back of the warehouse… Kay, kay."
"Who was that?" Spain asked as he followed my lead and leaned back on the wall of the warehouse.
"An old friend of mine. He should be able to help out."
"How?"
"Hmm… let's just say he's good with a bow."
"Okay, let her rip!" I hollered.
On my mark, Joey let go his grip on the arrow nocked on his bow, sending it soaring towards the box which Spain had directed us to. As soon as the shooting range arrow made contact with the wooden crate, the frame shattered, sending Greece, and Captain Cat, tumbling to the concrete floor.
Although Captain Cat had woken up upon the shattering of the box, Greece was still sound asleep when he hit the floor. Pathetic as it seems, if found his sleeping habits had officially escalated to a talent.
"Thanks, Jo'," I thanked him as he lowered his bow.
"Anytime. Oh, before I forget, I just got that new order placed for you. The shipping company said it's a slow month so they should get your stuff shipped to me by tomorrow."
"Awesome! I'll send the guys to pick up the shipment tomorrow after closing."
"Sounds like a plan, Stan! Lates'!" he said as he trotted out the door, bow and arrow in hand.
"Later!" I called back.
"Say, who was he?" Spain asked.
"Oh, he's an old friend of mine. He works at the gas station across the street and places my shipments for me."
"Why does he do that for you?"
"Duh! I'm under 18. And I haven't finished high school. If I placed an order with my birth date on the form, the shipping company would rat me out to the police, or worse, the school system. Joey's 22, so the shipping company doesn't care what he orders. It's as simple as that."
"Whoa… joo're under 18?" he exclaimed.
I gave him a nasty glare. "I have nothing to say to that."
"Say to what?" Greece mumbled as he sat up from the floor.
"Ah, you're awake, mi amigo!" Spain greeted him as if they were old drinking buddies bumping into each other at a grocery store.
"Mmmmm… yeah. I was having this great dream that I was watching the Olympics with my mother… only the Olympians were all cats…"
"Oh, seriously?"
"Mhmm."
"Oh, seriously?"
"Mhmm."
"Oh, seriously?"
"Mhmm."
"Oh, seriously?"
"Yes! Seriously, Spain!" I rudely interrupted.
"… seriously?"
"Uhg! Whatever, I have to go finish the restocks. Spain, go find the other countries and tell them to do the restocks NOW. World conference or not, we have angry customers not finding what they need, and that is never a good thing."
"Okay, just remember to cool down a bit, chica. When you're not happy, nobody else can be happy."
I let out some steam with a sigh. "Yeah, I'll remember that. Thanks Spain," I said as I started to walk out the door.
"Anytime, chica."
After walking out the door, I scowled softly under my breath, "He may have a good point… but damn it, I'm no "small girl!" And I ain't Spanish either!"
"Oh, thank you sooo much! I thought this would never get done!" I graciously thanked B, who I had put in charge of the countries to make sure they got their job done.
"It was nothing. True, those guys are like a large mass of mad 8 year olds, but they're easy to control once you know, ahem, what makes them tick," he innocently said, his red-eyed gaze directed to his feet.
"Pardon?" I fearfully questioned.
"We just finished with the last store," Russia announced as he walked up to us.
"Good work. Dagas says that she's quite happy with your fast pace today," B said with a suspicious grin.
"Wonderful. So, that means…"
"Yes, I'll keep my word. A promise is a promise. You can go tell the others that you're all done for the day."
"Oh, many thanks! Good day, Mr. B!" he said in Russian as he left.
"As to you, Russia," B replied in Russia's native tongue, a perfect use of the language and accent sliding past his pale lips with every word he spoke.
"What the hell was that?" I angrily questioned, hands on my hips and a menacing glare burning into the very core of B's skull.
"I don't see why you're asking this when I've already explained myself; they're easy to control once you know what makes them tick."
"Yeah, and what exactly is that supposed to mean?"
He sighed. "I just gave you a perfectly blunt answer to what you asked. There is no need for you to have not gotten what I meant." He paused to scratch the back of his head in an irritated manor. "Judging by what they all truly fear, I told them that I would inflict their own fears on them if they didn't get the job done within a specific time frame."
"And by inflicting their fears on them, you mean…?"
He heavily sighed again. "Well, in America's case, I told him I would buy the freakiest horror movie on the market and make him watch it with his eyes taped open."
"Oh my God! That's horrible!" I gasped.
"Eh, I've seen worse. Russia's threat was far greater than that."
I could feel a chill crawl up my spine. "What did you threaten him with?" I warily asked.
"I told him I would tell Belarus where he was."
"You're despicable!" I screamed before smacking him on his fore arm.
"I suppose you're right on that note. Keep in mind, however, that my methods are rarely flawed," he pointed out with a proud grin.
"Oh… damn it! Why do you have to always be right?" I snarled.
"Maybe you would know if you had listened in school," he scoffed.
"Fuck you! I listened in school! I got straight A's, you smart ass! And, besides, I'm part Polish! The Polish are slow. If you're so smart then you should have known that," I stubbornly corrected him with my arms tightly crossed.
He shrugged. "I apologize for not knowing one's nationalities just by looking at them once," he said in a cocky monotone. "Being Polish isn't exactly a legitimate excuse for not continuing an education."
I was about to throw out a cocky response, and then I realized, "Hold on, I never said anything about not finishing school! How'd you know that?"
"It's not too difficult to figure out your age. Either your fifteen or an abnormally sized 18 year old. Besides, it's quite impossible for you to handle the job you have now and academics at the same time."
I paused for a moment. "Alright, now I want the real answer."
He allowed his shoulders to slump down and meld in with his hunched posture. "I hacked into your permanent records on my first day here. I wanted to make sure you wouldn't pose as a threat to me…" he looked down at my short stature. "Clearly I had nothing to fear."
"You snarky son of a bitch!" I shouted before slapping his arm again.
He snickered a bit behind his confident grin. "You know, maybe I could take you more seriously if you at least had a high school diploma."
"Seriously? Why does this keep coming up all day? Screw school! I've got people skills!" I argued as I stomped off. By now, I was completely fed up with the mere mention of school and I didn't want to hear another word of it.
"You'll get nowhere without it!" he tauntingly called out.
"School's boring! Life is too short for boredom, B! I'm merely a mocked innovator!" I ended up walking away from him having the last word.
By the time B had finished looking over the restocking it was just about 8:00 PM, about time for us to close on Sundays. Due to that, I immediately had to have everybody close up shop for the night. Since it was a Sunday, I felt no need to ruin everybody else's day so I calmly patrolled around the parking lot until I saw all of the stores' lights turned off.
Before going to bed, I found most of the employees were quite relieved to not have me explode at them for once. As upsetting as it was to see how others thought of my management, it did give me a huge reality check.
"Huh, maybe I should start calming down a bit…" was my last thought before shutting off my office lights and heading up to bed.
The rest of the time I had before 10:00, I lay in my bed wracking my mind about what to do about this new problem. Throughout my thought process, I continued to return to what Spain had said earlier in the day. "When you're not happy, nobody else can be happy." I started to upset myself the more I thought it through. I loved being the manager of such a unique place, but it completely tore me to pieces to come across as an evil dictator with a bad temper.
For the longest amount of time, I had no idea how I could solve this mind numbing problem. I went to sleep without a clue of what I should do, but when I awoke the next morning, I found myself with an idea that could change it all.
"I'm sorry, what happened?" I stressfully asked Suzaku. He was standing in front of my desk, a fearful look burning in his vividly green eyes.
"I just got a customer wanting to buy one of my leather recliners. The second he took a seat, POOF!" –he motioned an explosion with his hands- "Scraps of newspaper came flying out from the cushions!"
"Rolo…" I snarled through my gritting teeth. "I'm gonna ki-" before I could finish my sentence, I reached down to my left wrist, pulled back the aqua shaded rubber band that I had placed, and let it snap right back, leaving a stinging pink mark wrapping around the top of my wrist.
"Um, why'd you do that?" Suzaku finally asked after looking at me with a funky stare for a second or two.
I groaned, "I've been trying to control my temper so that I don't bitch out at all of you guys. So to help with that, I'm leaving this rubber band on my wrist for the next two weeks so that when I get mad, I can just whip myself with the band."
"Huh, well that sounds like a good idea! But… doesn't it hurt?"
"Very much so."
"Ah… So, um, what should I do about the paper?"
"Just get Lelouch to sweep it up and keep the store running. I'll find Rolo for you."
"Okay, thanks Dagas."
"No problem."
Immediately after Suzaku had walked out, I made sure to snap the rubber band again. Keeping calmness in mind, I left my office moments later to go find the paper-ripping menace. While on my search, and in between one of my sessions of driving the rubber band into my wrist, I was suddenly greeted by another of my unwanted guests.
"What're you doin'?" asked a familiar voice.
"Oh my God," I grumbled under my breath. "Gee, Pants, what're you doing here?" I asked before snapping the band back for, like, the hundredth time today. Naturally, I didn't expect a good answer from him.
"Nu-uh, I asked you first! What're you doing?" he stubbornly asked.
I reluctantly said, "Trying to find Rolo… Have you seen him anywhere?"
"Um… I think I saw him talking to that creepy albino kid a couple minutes ago."
"OMG! Thank you sooooo much!" I squealed.
"Yeah, don't mention it… And, uh, what's with the-"
"Rubber band? I don't have explain myself to you. Now go find your stupid brother and get the hell out of my mall," I demanded. Frankly, I felt no need to hold my anger back from such a bother as Pants.
"Jeeze, no need to be so mean," he grumbled as he stomped off.
Quietly, I couldn't help but whisper, "Damn, that felt good!"
Within minutes, I made it to the Undertaker's toy store. Unfortunately, I didn't see Near or Rolo anywhere in sight.
"Damn. The Undertaker must have thrown them both out," I grumbled. Knowing how predictable my mall can be, I immediately made my way to the back of the toy store. Sure enough, right behind the store sat the two children. Near was playing with a new toy robot and Rolo was rolling around in a pile of his own newspaper shavings, giggling like a homicidal maniac.
"Having fun there?" I asked them, hands placed on my hips.
"Most certainly, thank you for asking," Near said with Rolo continuing to squirm around in his paper.
"You two!" I said as I pointed a finger out at the both of them. "Out! Now! You've caused me enough trouble already! And Rolo!" I directed to him. "Pick up that damned paper and get the hell out of here, NOW!"
"Gyah! Okay, okay! I'll leave!" He squeeped.
"Good!" I snarled before snapping the band again and leaving them to fix their shit.
I walked away feeling accomplished, like I had actually handled something smoothly today, but my troubles still had yet to end. It was still early in the morning and the worst of the day was still to come right about, oh, say… now.
"Dagas! Oh my god! You have to come here right now!" Harry screamed at me, his legs going as fast as they could take him and his arms flailing as if he was about to take flight.
"Oh come on!" I snapped. "What is it, Harry?"
"Th-there… there's a man… at the… shop," he stuttered between breaths.
"So? Is he asking to buy something that you don't have?"
"N-no… he's pretentious… and snooty… and he has a strange clip board and pen… he's not saying anything, he's… just looking around with an irritated look…"
"Shit…"
"What? Do you have the fanciest idea of who he is? I can't tell…"
"A snooty man with a clipboard can only be one guy… it's the health inspector!"
And indeed it was. True, the man didn't have any badge that specified which health department he was with, but who's to say he couldn't report us in and shut us down with the flick of a wrist.
Curious to whom this man really was, I asked Harry to lead me to where he last saw the man. Soon, Harry and I had zipped our way to Office Max and, once inside, quietly crawled behind a huge shelf of tutorial books for dummies. A few aisles away, the stuffy man was tapping a silver pen to his lower lip while looking intently at a shelf of spiral notebooks. Standing close by, Cedric stood next to him with a nervous look struck on to his face.
"That him?" I quietly asked.
"Yes, that's him. Came in about 15 minutes ago," Harry replied.
"Hmm… he sure looks odd," I said, making an observation. The man had a nice pair of thin glasses balancing on the bridge of his nose and perfectly combed brunet hair with a fancy swirl sticking out of his part. He wore a clean, slate grey business suit with perfectly polished black buttons on the cuffs and middle seam and bore a strange, snow-white ascot that completely compromised the business-man look.
After a few more minutes of observation from my view on the dusty floor, I whispered, "Well, we might as well suck up to him before he decides to shut us down." I then stood up and quietly made my way to the notebooks. Harry desperately tried to stop me, but there was no changing my mind. I was determined to kiss up to this nicely dressed hell-bringer if it was the last thing I would do in this establishment.
"Excuse me, sir," I said as I tapped the man on the shoulder. After feeling my finger touch his jacket, I had to hold myself back from jumping back at the touch of such a fancy, foreign substance.
"Hmm? Yes? Is there something I can help you with?" the man asked in a nasally, possibly Austrian accent.
As he turned around to properly look me in the eye, I couldn't help but be drawn to his face. As clean and proper as his face was, there was one thing that lessened my high hopes for him; he had a mole. It's not like it was a big, cancerous, hairy mole, but the fact that is that it was the only thing wrong with his face. It was just there, and frankly, it was extremely distracting. I seriously was tempted to take some duct tape and stick it on his face to cover it up, but my determination to make a good impression on him held me back.
"Good morning and welcome to the world's truly one and only fantasy outlet mall. I'm head management, Dagas, and it's a pleasure to have you here," I said as I held out my hand with a cheesy grin plastered on my face. Before doing anything else, the man quizzically looked at my face, down to my outstretched hand and wrote something down on his clip board. Nervously, I held out my hand until he set down his pen and took up the greeting with a clean, perfect hand.
"How do you do? It's nice to finally meet the owner of this large establishment. It's hard to believe that just one person of your stature can own such a large place."
"Is he saying I'm short?" I thought as I considered what he had just said. "Um, it's not easy, but I do have a lot of help from the employees. They're the best people I could ask for to get the job done," I honestly complimented. My flattery towards my employees suddenly caused Harry's ears to turn pink.
"Hmm…" the man hummed before taking up the pen and writing something else down on the board. "Good to know," he said. "Now, is you don't mind, I'll be taking a look at this mall of yours for the day. No need to take notice of my presence, I'll just be looking around throughout the day." He gave me a quick, discouraging smile and said, "You won't even know I'm here."
"O-okay…" I stuttered. "I hope you find everything to be ship-shape, sir," I nervously choked out.
With the man's last discouraging words still floating in my head, I watched as he tucked his pen atop his ear and left the Office Max, his eyes locked on the notes he had already taken.
"What are we to do?" Cedric wailed once the front door closed.
"He'll have our heads if his finds anything amiss in the mall!" Harry added.
"As true as that is, the best thing for us to do is take his word for it and pretend like he's not there. The calmer we all seem, the better of a grade he'll give us. Now, let's all just calm down and…"
"Holy heavenly biscuits! Did you see that? There's a health inspector here! We're all as good as homeless!" Masaomi wailed at the top of his lungs after bursting through the front doors.
I glared at him for a little bit before turning back to Harry and Cedric and saying, "Here's a tip, don't act like him."
The rest of the day, not just in my case, but in everybody's, every move we made was the most nerve-wracking thing we've done. With a stuffy health inspector floating about all of the stores, none of us could even wipe off a table without finding the need to clean it a second time. As far as the custodians and I knew, there was no need for the mall to be condemned due to health concerns. True as that was, each store owner was responcible3 for the cleanliness of their own work space. Though the grand majority of my employees are pretty tidy, the thought still didn't ease my nervous nature.
All throughout the day, while everybody was trying to ignore the Austrian snoop, I was struggling to be a step ahead of him. While he would be investigating some other location, I would be hopping store to store to check that everything was clean as a whistle. It wasn't much since, since all of the stores had been cleaned early in the morning already, but it didn't hurt to check.
"Dagas; do you read? Over," Bard called to me over the walkie-talkies.
"Yeah, I read you, over."
"Health inspector just left Gormagon. He's making his way towards the Video Cave, over."
"Roger that. Thanks for letting me know, over." I clipped my walkie-talkie back on to my pants, feeling good about the inspector's pace. Once he stepped through the door of the Video Cave, he would have gone through 1/4th of the mall in one hour. If he kept at that pace, he would be out of my hair within the next 3 hours. With that thought in mind, I felt I could rest easy knowing the man shouldn't be here long enough to see anything go wrong.
The rest of the day would be simple; we'd just go about our daily routines, and by the time the health inspector left, we wouldn't even notice him leave. Everything would work out just fine.
"He's just left the Old Navy/Banana Republic, over," Bard reported a few hours later.
"Great! Thanks, over," I joyfully said to him. There was no need for him to have reported that, however. I had already been cautiously watching Light's shop before Bard had ever noticed the inspector inside.
The inspector's day was just about over, and I was starting to get a little antsy about my mall's report. I was feeling confident, accomplished, and as I did most days, proud of the great work my employees had done.
"And thus, we're in the clear," I sighed as I watch the inspector step into Little Red.
"And what would lead you to believe that?" asked a sly voice from behind. I hopped around just in time to see Sunni the Hobo wave her fingers at me before poofing off to the unknown in her trade-mark puff of smoke.
I stared wide-eyed at the spot where she had stood, terrified for the world as I knew it. The inspector was at his last stop, and hell knows he'd notice how very wrong Greil's store was. That, along with what Sunni was now scheming, adding up could only lead to this mall becoming an empty lot in the blink of an eye.
"Shit! We're dead!"
"So, handsome: while you're snooping around my store, might I interest you in something in a beautiful, dark shade of red for your wardrobe?" Greil asked the inspector with a wide grin spread across his burning face. Though the man greatly reminded the reaper of his stuffy higher authority, William, the inspector had a way to him that seemed to act as a magnet for this creepy, cross-dressing ginger.
"No, I'm quite satisfied with my own attire, thank you," the inspector replied, referring to his royal blue robes he had left at home. He stated this without drawing his eyes away from what he was currently writing on his clip board.
"Oh, you're no fun," Greil pouted as he fixed his scarlet coat. "Well, pay no mind to me. I'll just be going about my business," he chimed as he slinked off to the back of the store. The inspector paid no mind to the comment and continued with his work.
"Ah, okay, now where are those heels?" Greil asked himself out loud as he looked around the back room. He looked around for a couple of seconds, observing every last item that sat on the numerous shelves, before he remembered where he placed the extra shoes. After finding the shoes, he pulled out the step stool leaning against the wall and yanked 6 shoe boxes off the shelf.
As he carefully stepped off the stool, he heard a squeak. It wasn't a loud or obvious squeak, but it was just loud enough for you to hear and think twice about where it had come from. Greil chose to ignore the sound and stepped over to the west end of the store where he stocked up the heels.
A few more minutes passed, and in that time the squeak continued to be periodically heard from all different parts of the store. None of the customers seemed to notice, though the inspector began to get increasingly suspicious the more the sound was heard. At one point, Greil was tempted to go find a pair of ear plugs so he could really ignore the sound. Though, they wouldn't go to as much use unless they were used by the inspector after what was about to happen.
While discussing with a customer about what kind of shades of lip stick would look good with her skin tone, Greil suddenly spotted something scuttle along out of the corner of his eye. At first he took it to be a large spider, but even then, spiders never got that big. The conversation he was having with his customer soon stopped when, padding its way between him and the woman, sat a big, terrifying squirrel. Mind you that this was no ordinary forest creature. No, for this was none other than the angry-looking, thieving, menacing Hitlar Squirrel.
There was a short moment of complete silence before the mustachioed rodent stepped forward and, with a devilish look in its beady eyes, tapped its paw to the tip of Greil's shoe.
Instantly, his pupils grew small, his smile turned to a horrified frown and his throat tightened before, much like the stereotypes of women perceive, Greil belted out in a horrible screech. He rapidly leaped atop the nearest shelf, grasping the hem of his long jacket as to not allow the rodent to touch it.
"Aaaaaaaaaah! It's a filthy rodent! Don't let it touch me!" he wailed at the top of his lungs.
With that one screech out in the air, the clothing store began to turn into a mass riot site covered with large mobs of screaming women scurrying from a single small squirrel. All over, women were clambering on top of shelves and chairs while others were bursting out of the front door. And as all of this chaos broke out, the inspector calmly looked around and jotted down some more notes on his precious clip board.
"Ahahaaaaah! Get it away!" a fearful woman squealed as she burst out the door.
"What's going on? What happened there?" I feverishly asked the woman.
"There is a furry rodent in that store!" she wailed looking like she was on the verge of tears.
"Oh no… no, no, no! I can't afford to have this happen!" I exclaimed. Without another though, I ran as fast as I could to Little Red with the worst possible outcome being what I expected. With a strike of pure fear spread across my face, I burst open the front doors only to find what I had expected: a store in shambles. Though the store wasn't physically damaged, the entire area was crawling with women (and Greil) standing atop shelves and chairs, holding up any skirts or long clothing as to not allow the forest creature to touch it. At the center of the store, the stuffy inspector stood calmly, jotting down little marks on the clip board while periodically looking up at the madness surrounding him.
"Sunni…" I snarled deep in my throat. "Wait a minute…" I thought as I looked down the rows of shelves at the inspector. "That nut doesn't seem to have really noticed! If I can catch that rodent in the nick of time, we might still have a small chance of survival!"
With a glint of hope in my heart, I pulled my hoodie off my arms and kicked down the stoppers on the front doors. Much like a matador, I crouched down right in front of the open doors and held open my hoodie, ready for a quick catch and release.
From the far end of the store, I could hear several screams and a squeak or two. I squinted my eyes to try to look to the very end of the aisle. Seconds later, at the very end, I saw the hairy vermin appear. It stopped dead in its tracks the moment it sensed my glare.
Much like a cowboy battle scene, I began to ready my hoodie, the western music ringing in my head. I glared down at the squirrel, the squirrel glared down at me, and after an intense stare down, the creature began to charge down the aisle straight towards me. I readied myself, preparing to snatch it up before it left, although, much to my surprise, the rodent managed to outsmart me. I held out the jacket, but before I could make a move, the furry Nazi launched its self over me and out the opened doors. From behind, I could hear its tiny feet land on the concrete and scurry down the parking lot, but I wouldn't dare turn around to look: I wouldn't dare look back at what could be the worst mistake I had ever made.
I allowed my held up arms to drop down, leaving my hoodie set on the velvet carpet of the store. I looked up at the inspector and he looked down at me. With a straight face, he clicked his pen and placed it back atop his ear, concluding that he had seen enough.
I felt my eye give out a stressed twitch as the inspector brushed past me and out the door. Greil had stepped off his high post and had approached me to see if I was alright; I wasn't. I was dead on the inside, just like the rest of my precious business. I sadly looked up at Greil, a doomed look on my face, and simply said in a cracked tone, "Oh, hell no..."
It was now mid-afternoon and the chaos from before had died down. Thought it seemed like the inspector's work was over, he still took a look at the warehouse to complete his report. As he came back to the parking lot, I fearfully stood in the front of my office, waiting patiently to hear the dreadful word "condemned" slip past his lips. He calmly walked towards me, his clip board finally set still and his silver pen clipped on to the board with the rest of his notes.
The moment he had stopped to give me a report, I interrupted him to say, "Oh, just say it! This joint is as good as gone, isn't it? We're all out of jobs because of that stupid squirrel!"
He looked at my saddened face, a strange look crossing his own face. He looked at me for a while and said in a simple tone, "Child, I'm not closing you down. I don't care about that incident in the very least."
"Wait, WHAT?" I exclaimed as my mood changed from sad to utter astonishment.
"I don't care about the forest animal. Although you might want to call a health inspector about that if you are truly concerned about it."
"Whoa, whoa, wait… are you trying to tell me that you're NOT a health inspector?" I belted out at him.
"Of course not."
"Then what were you doing snooping around my mall?"
"I wanted to see why the other countries were talking about this place so much."
"Wha- we… well what kind of notes have you been taking all day? Explain that!"
"Oh, they weren't notes. I was working on some artwork that I started before I left home," he said as he held out the board so I could take a look. I began to feel a strong feeling of shame as I looked down at the regal self-portrait of himself sitting in front of a Grand Piano. I would have slugged him straight in the gut if he hadn't said before I could lift a fist, "Though I am no health inspector, I did notice something odd about you; you're supposed to be in high school."
"Yeah, what of it?" I questioned.
He pulled a pink notepad out of his pocket, placed it on the board and began to jot something down on it as he said, "Well, I am free to report you into the police for not getting an education."
"Ahah, hah, no you can't. Y-you can't do that!" I stuttered with a shaking finger poised at his emotionless face.
"I most certainly can. It's illegal for you to skip out of school at this age. If you expect to safely run this business then you have to finish your education: it's essential to getting far in life."
"Not for me! I don't need school! I-I'm running this business just fine without it! Besides, school is only an educational prison! They don't have anything useful to teach me anymore! I'll have no use of it!" I nervously stammered with feverish beads of sweat collecting on my brow.
"Your argument is completely invalid, you know," he cruelly pointed out.
"No! Seriously, you can't send me back! I'm a terrible student! I-I'll get all F's! I'll beat up other kids!"
"I highly doubt that."
"I'll throw pencils! I-I'll… destroy cars!" I continued to stammer. "I… I'll bite! Yeah, I'll bite teachers a-and… and I'll turn into a vampire! D-do you really want to send a potential vampire into a school system? I'll bite them all! I'll suck their bloods and eat their homework! Hisssssssssss!" I hissed with a pose like I was a vampire in a cheesy horror movie.
The man refused to heed my phony warnings and continued to write on the pink slip. "I'll call one of the other countries in two weeks to make sure you have been properly placed in an educational system. If you have not been placed by then, then I can, and will, report you to the police," he sternly stated. He then pulled the pink slip off the pad and stuck it to my forehead. "Have a nice evening, ma'am," he said before walking towards the exit of the parking lot.
As he passed by, Germany waved and said, "Oh, guten-tag, Austria."
"Guten-tag, Germany. Gut dich zu sehen," the phony inspector insincerely replied.
"Ja, you too… ah, Dagas, I see you've become acquainted with Austria," he said to me in a tone that suggested that he felt sorry for me.
My eye twitched. "Why am I not surprised…?"
"What is this ticket for?" Germany asked as he peeled the pink slip off my face.
"I've been sentenced to death…" I angrily said before snapping my band again.
"But it just says that you have to… go back to school?"
"Yeah, that's what I meant," I groaned.
"Wait, if you have to go back to school, then-"
"Who's going to manage the mall?" Matt finished, popping in to the conversation with perfect timing.
"After what happened with my management choice last time, I think I'm just gonna ask Joey if he can do it," I said, rubbing the back of my head while wearing an anxious scowl pointed at the pavement.
"You aren't actually going to go to school, are you?" Matt fearfully asked. "You probably know more than those teachers ever will anyways. There's no point for you to go back."
"Well, it's not like I have a choice anymore. Apparently, according to Austria, either I go to school or I go to Juvie."
"Well, can't you-" Matt started.
"Nope. There's nothing I can do. The choices are school or jail. I'd rather go with neither, but at least with school I can still say I own the mall." I let out a big sigh. "I'm gonna go look up some local schools. I don't have the motivation to make an announcement, so can you two go spread the word?"
"Sure."
"Whatever you say."
"Thanks. And while you're doing that, I need a pair of fake parents, so could you find some volunteers?"
"Absolutely," Germany agreed, a concerned look fading onto his face.
"Thanks guys. You're the best," I commended with a weak smile before making my way to the back of my office, a heavy weight dropped onto my mind.
"Damn, they can't send her back to school. It's as close to a crime as it gets…" Matt sadly said.
"Ja… poor girl… So, why did she stop going to school in the first place?"
He thought for a moment. "… She says it's because of the mall. I've heard her say that it was too hard to handle both at the same time, I've heard her say that some us first generation employees dragged her out of it, but it's always a different story every time she tells it," he concluded. "I've known her for a long while, and knowing her personality, I can confidently conclude to why she really left." He paused and gave Germany a satisfied smirk. "One day, she got bored, so she left; that's all there is."
"…Really?"
"Really."
"If that's why she left, then that must make it exceedingly hard for her to go back."
"Oh, but there's more."
"Oh?"
"There's a reason why she got bored of it in the first place. The education, the teachers, all of it is useless to her. See, with the school system in this area, there's a major fact about it that's on a need-to-know basis: all of the students are as dumb as they come. As for the education; it mimics their IQ exactly… nothing they teach will be news to Dagas. If I'm correct, it'll probably merge in her ears like the buzzing of television static: noisy and tiresome."
The hours went by and before I knew it, the work day was over. By then, I was still in my office, sending an e-mail to the school I had settled for. Truthfully, none of the schools in the district really appealed to me at all, but I had to settle for one if I didn't want to go to jail. It was true that none of the schools were all that good, but there were a select few that could be dealt with.
I sent off the e-mail, leaned back, and prayed for a good response. I had no clue if they had any more openings in the class list, but, sadly, if I didn't get into that school then I would have to go to the school that was on the bottom of my list. If that school turned me down, then I would have to go out of the district. Earlier on, I got to a point where I figured an outside district could work out if I flew to school every day. I had to have a rain-check on that thought when I realized that the teachers would obviously find something wrong with me flying a Ho-Oh to class.
I sighed as I thought about what I would do if I was rejected out of the district. I calmed down a bit once I figured, "It's a high school, for Pete's sake! You don't get rejected from a high school!" With that in mind, I slowly drifted into one of those unexpected naps where you don't remember closing your eyes, but you fell asleep anyways.
I woke up a few hours later to find a new message from the school in my in-box. I sprang up out of my slumber and snapped my hand onto the mouse. I opened up the e-mail, only to find a very sad message that read:
'Dear child,
Needless to say, we already have enough smelly children at this school and we don't have room for any more. Have fun with your stinky life!
Sincerely,
School principal.'
I sadly looked at the e-mail for a bit before mumbling with a pouty face, "I'm not stinky… why does he think I'm stinky…?"
I pouted about the e-mail for a little while before I remembered the sad truth about what I really should be sad about; there was only one school left in the area that I could choose from, and with my bad luck, I would be accepted into the most idiotic school in the system. Sure enough, I was right.
I sent out another e-mail to the last school and within about an hour, they had responded with a confirmation. I had been accepted (despite my severe lack of papers) and I had been summoned to come to the school at 1:00 for a tour and time for my fake parents to fill out the papers.
"Damn it! I don't wanna go there!" I whined aloud as I flung back in my chair.
I had just been accepted into a school of morons, forced to spend the next three years or so in a place much worse than Juvie could ever be. No matter what I said, I would have to tough it out or it's bye-bye to my wacky home.
I sat in my chair, pathetically pouting for a good long while and trying to find a way to get out of this. Through my thinking and struggling to find a way out of it, I gained a new philosophy. It was now apparent to me that I could never get out of this, but if I were to be stuck with school, maybe I could find a way to flip the switch. Instead, why not make it so that school could be stuck with me?
I felt an evil grin spread across my face as my mind began to spur with dastardly thoughts of the deeds I would commit. That was it: if the school system wanted me, they could have me. They could have me and all of the abnormalities I brought with me.
"Yeah… this could work."
