"That was weird…" Chris said
"What was?" Dan asked
"Elise just asked to be dropped off in the desert"
"Some people are desert people"
"Elise is not desert people" Chris responded. Dan proceeded to poke Chris in the cheek, inside of his mouth, and in his eye. "Ow!"
"Okay, from this angle it's gonna be difficult to keep your eyes open, so instead, every three minutes, I'm gonna punch you in the stomach."
"There's gotta be a more effect – OOF" Dan punched Chris "That was not even close to three minutes!
"Safety first!" Dan punched Chris again.
Elise was wearing a ninja costume and crept through the desert until she reached a fenced area. She took out her binoculars
"I'm starving. Shouldn't there be a rest stop or something? State hates me." Dan complained
"I'm hungry too" Chris added
"Ugh, it's always about you, isn't it! Well you're not getting any of my peanut brittle." Dan looked for his peanut brittle
"Dan, there's something I should tell you"
"Where is it?"
"Uhhh…. I ate your peanut brittle" Chris sang
"And at first I only wanted a nibble
But I ate a little
And I needed more, just a bit…tle.
I was hungry
And I'm sorry
You weren't looking"
"You now owe me a Ferrari!
That's unforgivable
And unpredictable
When'd you have time for that?" Dan responded in song
"When you were looking at the cat"
"For like a moment"
"It was chasing a rodent"
"I will mangle you!" Dan began to strangle Chris. A roadrunner ran out into the street and Chris, losing control of the car, ran over it.
"Oh no, I hope it's not another cyclist" Chris looked in the mirror. Dan and Chris got out and they looked at who they had run over
"I think you killed a celebrity" Dan sang
"How many roadrunners are in movies?" Chris sang back
"I think it's THE roadrunner"
"The one that makes the coyote suffer?
It doesn't even look like he"
"They use a LOT of makeup on TV"
"Whatever, I doubt I killed a cartoon
Though I may still be in trouble soon
It is New Mexico's state bird"
"It's good that this occurred
We solved two problems
The Over-populated Roadrunner kingdoms
And what we're gonna eat."
Cut to later that night where Dan and Chris are enjoying their cooked roadrunner
"You know, you never finished that song" Chris said
"What do you mean?" Dan asked
"The last line, you know 'And what we're gonna eat', never rhymed with anything"
"…shut up"
"Mmm… this is pretty good"
"Yep, we're just like Native Americans, living off the land"
"I don't think the Native Americans ran things over with their cars"
"Sure they did. Pass the ketchup"
"I don't have any ketchup" Chris said
"…USELESS!" Dan yelled and kicked the rest of the roadrunner away.
Back in the car the next morning, there was awkward silence.
"So… how are we going to –" Chris began
"Hy-dro-ge-eeeen!" Dan sang.
"Hydrogen?" Chris asked
"Shut up."
Later on, Dan and Chris ate at a diner.
"I can't believe they don't serve roadrunner. I thought you said it was the state bird" Dan said
"There really isn't much meat on those things" Chris answered
"But what's there is very tasty!"
"So anyway, how are we gonna get the hydrogen?"
"Any second now a hydrogen truck is gonna pull up to refuel."
"Ah, it's really pretty out there"
"Who's side are you on, anyway? You got a crush on New Mexico?" A hydrogen truck then pulled up to refuel. Dan got up and told Chris to pay.
"Excuse me good sir, might we borrow a tiny spot of your high-quality hydrogen?" Dan asked
"I got one rule about givin' out my hydrogen. Ya gotta wrassle me fer it." The hydrogen truck driver explained.
"We have no problem with that. Chris, ATTACK!" Dan yelled. He and Chris beat up the truck driver and stole his truck full of hydrogen. Chris honked the horn.
"Good work back there, for once in your miserable life you didn't let me down." Dan said
/
Elise was in the dark of the desert dressed like a ninja. She hopped over the fence to Area 52.
/
Dan and Chris pulled up into the balloon holding lot.
"…why isn't anyone here?" Chris asked
"They're all at the pre-balloon launch bacchanalia." Dan answered
"Nuh-uh"
"Ya-huh"
"I read it in the book. It happens every year the night before the launch. Every fifth year they sacrifice a maiden to their pagan gods."
"You're making that up"
"Believe what you want"
"…you're not making that up?"
"Nope"
"We're in the middle of the desert, where would they even hold a bacchanalia?"
/
"Noo-lab, noo-lab, noo-lab, noo-lab" the balloonist cult chanted in unison. They were all crowded around a table on which there was a maiden tied up, ready to be sacrificed.
/
"Sick freaks!" Chris yelled
"What do you expect from hot air balloonists? They're just bad people." Dan responded, filling balloons with hydrogen.
