I'm so sorry, guys, I don't know what to say about how long I've taken to upload this other than I've been so worried about being suspended from college, and that I've been sucked into some convoluted romantic web that I'm TRYING to make sense of. Thank you to all of my faithful reviewers, you deserve far more updates than this.
Also, the song lyrics are my own this time—I made them up on the spot because I couldn't find a good song to represent this chapter, lol. Sorry :P I actually only wrote the stanza off the top of my head, all I have is the segment, not a full song :P So it's actually a poem…that you sing… :/
Anyway, props to anyone who can find the meaning of the lyrics, or the topic or theme or whatever :P
oOOOo
Love Me Least
Four: Where Are You?
oOOOo
"Make up your mind—who are you?
You promised to catch me when I fell—where are you?
And you're right here beside me,
But I can't find you."
-Me :P
Chikaru felt almost as though she'd been in a sort of bubble since the week before—she registered when people spoke to her, but not really comprehending much more than was needed to form a proper answer, and going through her day in a complete haze.
She had never pretended to understand everything when it came to matters of the heart—sure, she was more perceptive than most, but it wasn't as if there were a map to the heart.
But for the first time, Tomori Shion had her completely and utterly disarmed.
And it wasn't as though the Spican were a particularly mysterious or elusive person—that was part of her charm, Chikaru had always thought. She was just so blunt, so honest, and whatever hurt came from her words was okay, because at least she knew nobody would ever be hurt by the things that Shion didn't say.
It was, after all, the things left unsaid that often hurt the most. Chikaru was reminded of this every time she happened to glance Tamao's way while the gaze of the girl in question was focused on a certain naïve, plucky redhead. And then there was Momomi, and the scars that she liked to pretend were only skin-deep, the ones she was trying to heal with revenge and bitterness.
Chikaru sighed as she watched the honey-blonde Spican saunter towards the Miator building. She could only hope that whatever this arrangement with Tamao was would be good for her—the two were as opposite as people really came.
However, Momomi soon disappeared around the corner, and Chikaru was left to her own thoughts and problems once more. She sighed internally, shifting her gaze to the leaves skipping over the concrete at her feet. It was so much easier to concentrate on the problems of others—she'd thrown herself into the practice after Shion had begun to pull away from her back in their first year, and somehow, it had ended up defining her.
Let's go to Chikaru, she has all the answers.
Let's go to Chikaru, she'll know what to do.
But Chikaru didn't know what to do, not even a little bit.
She sat there for she didn't know how long, right up until a throat was cleared pointedly off to her left. She lifted her head slowly, bracing herself for the sight that she knew would greet her. Was it really so pathetic, that she'd memorized every sound, every gesture?
"I haven't seen you in a while, Shion-chan," she mused with a small smile, once she was finally able to bring herself to look into the conflicted violet eyes that were boring into her own. "Although I suppose I needn't have worried—you would never miss a council meeting, would you, kaichou?"
Shion averted her eyes, staring down at the ground. "Chikaru, about last week…"
"How thick do you think my skin is, Shion-chan?" Chikaru asked suddenly, her voice cutting through the silent surroundings like a knife, though it was just barely more than a shaky whisper. "How much of this do you think I can take?"
The Spican looked pained for a moment, as if Chikaru had slapped her. She took in a deep breath, steeling herself. "How much of what, Chikaru?"
Chikaru smiled sadly. "I know you're not as clueless as you seem, Shion-chan," she said. "I think you forget how long I've known you."
Shion cleared her throat, glancing around her before she took a seat on the bench, though she remained a safe distance away from Chikaru. "I don't know what to do, Chikaru," she said gruffly, rubbing the back of her neck before tilting her head back and gazing up at the sky. "I don't know what to say to you—you've always been the smartest girl I know. You have to have known what was going to happen."
"Mmm," Chikaru hummed. "I suppose I should have thought ahead, yes." She paused, staring out at the sprawling campus. "But sometimes we act with our hearts before we think with our minds. It's a dangerous thing, but at some point or another, everyone falls victim to their own hearts."
"But not me, right?" Shion asked after a moment.
Chikaru smiled sadly. "No, not you, Shion-chan," she replied. "Never you."
Shion cleared her throat nervously at Chikaru's tone, shifting her gaze to the cement. "You…you made it sound like it was a bad thing."
"Perhaps," Chikaru agreed, "but it's also a human thing. If we think only with our minds, we'll be successful, but for the wrong reasons. If we take the chance to listen to our hearts…we may not end up where we thought we would, but at least we know we'll be happy, wherever we are."
"I won't be happy as anything less than my father expects me to be," Shion replied sharply. "Don't play these games with me, Chikaru. This…what we have…it isn't worth it. Not in the long run."
"What is worth it, then, Shion-chan?" Chikaru asked, turning to face the Spican for the first time, her eyes flashing with a level of emotion that made the blonde's stomach twist and flip in guilt. "When will anything be worth it, kaichou? How special does someone have to be to warrant your loyalty?"
"You'll always have my loyalty, Chikaru," Shion replied in a low voice, folding her arms tightly around her midsection, refusing to meet the brunette's eyes. "You know that."
Chikaru's lips twitched into a shadow of an affectionate smile, and before the Spican could dart away, she'd reached across the empty space of the bench and clasped Shion's hand in her own. "You're a better person than this, Shion-chan," she said, her voice slipping into a more emotional, desperate tone, eyes searching the blonde's for any sign of reassurance. "You still have your heart—you still feel just as much as you did all those years ago."
"And that's a weakness," Shion muttered, though she didn't shake Chikaru away. "After this year, I'm going to take over my father's company. I'm going to be one of the richest women in Japan, and I'm going to continue the Tomori legacy. That doesn't sound like too horrible of a life."
"It sounds incredibly lonely, though," Chikaru replied softly, daring to shift closer to Shion, pulling her hand out of the blonde's and running her fingers down the Spican's rigid back. "Don't leave Spica like this," she said as her eyes began to fill with tears. "Don't leave me like this."
Shion shook her head and stood abruptly. "It's time we head to bed, Minamoto-san," she stated, and Chikaru almost laughed at the Spican's pointless shift into formality. She paused for a moment, and then shrugged out of her jacket, thrusting it to Chikaru without really looking at her. The Le Rim president caught it, pressing it to her chest, more out of instinct than anything else. "You need to get to bed, but knowing you, you won't listen to me, so…at least wear that, so you don't get…sick, or whatever," the Spican grumbled, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
Chikaru smiled sadly and stood, wrapping her arms around the Shion's shoulders, pulling the blonde so close that their lips were only a hair's breath away. She hesitated there, eyes never leaving the confused violet gaze that was directed at her. Just as the Spican began to lean in, Chikaru shifted and pressed a lingering kiss to Shion's cheek before pulling out of her arms and patting her chest. "Goodnight, Shion-chan."
She turned and began to walk away, smiling despite herself as she heard Shion stutter out a reply just before she was out of earshot.
Some things, at least, would never change.
Sidling into the literature club, Momomi chose a chair right in front of a certain bluenette, instantly straddling it as she turned to face the girl behind her, taking a small, delicate hand in her own. Her lip twitched just slightly—the only sign that she took any sort of sadistic pleasure from watching Tamao squirm as she made a show of pressing her pearly lips to the poet's knuckles.
"Stop it," Tamao muttered under her breath, yanking her hand away far too quickly for subtlety, her face redder than Nagisa's hair. "Do you have to make such a show of this? It's only to get back at Kenjou-san, and this is the last place you'd find her."
Momomi smiled coquettishly, pulling away from Tamao and prodding the tip of the girl's nose with her pointer finger. "Silly little girl," she cooed. "Kana-chan is smarter than that. She's bound to ask around, so we need to make this as believable as possible."
Tamao rolled her eyes, and Momomi huffed.
"Aren't you supposed to be sweet or something," she asked, folding her arms over her chest. "You're always like a submissive little puppy around Aoi, but whenever I try to talk to you, you turn into this defiant little thorn in my side."
Tamao's eyes widened. She hadn't noticed her change in personality—to be honest, ever since she gave Nagisa to Shizuma, she simply seemed to lack the energy that it took to be her natural, kind-hearted self. She'd always been a firm believer in the idea that it took more muscles to frown than to smile, so how was it that these days, even the smallest smile seemed to sap the energy right out of her.
Momomi's eyes softened involuntarily as the emotions raced across the bluenette's face, the most prominent being hurt and confusion. Tamao didn't know how to steel herself against the pain, how to act like she was invincible when she was falling to pieces inside. "Come on, don't be so down about it," she added, ducking into the bluenette's line of vision, capturing Tamao's attention before she straightened, tossing her light hair carelessly over one shoulder. "You were always a total pushover before," she added, wearing something resembling a pout. "You were never even any fun to mess with. Not even Kana-chan could enjoy making you squirm. You just made it too easy."
Tamao blushed to the tips of her ears, her eyes darting to the side, and Momomi broke into a grin befitting of the Cheshire cat. Or Yaya. "I'm still the same person, you know," the bluenette mumbled, ironically feeling more like herself in this moment than she had since that fateful election. "That's more than a little bit insulting."
Momomi scoffed, leaning back carelessly against the best. "Grow a backbone, Suzumi," she replied. "You need to learn to stand up for yourself, or people are just going to start walking all over you again."
Tamao frowned. "What do you care?" she asked.
The Spican hesitated for a moment, caught off-guard. "Well," she began, thinking for a moment. "If you're going to be my girlfriend, real or otherwise, I won't have you skipping around the school like a walking doormat. It would be a blow to my reputation, and Kana-chan would never let me hear the end of it." She punctuated the statement with a huff.
Tamao rolled her eyes. "Fine, Momomi-sama," she replied, her walls rebuilding themselves just as quickly as they had fallen. "Could you leave now? Unless, of course, you want to hear about Honda-san's most recent heartbreak…" Her gaze flitted to the front of the room, where a petite girl with flamboyantly curly hair and puffy eyes was holding what looked like three sheets of paper. Momomi made a face, and Tamao couldn't hold back a giggle. The Spican glanced back at the younger girl and smirked, taking an unusual amount of pride in making the girl who was quickly becoming known simply as 'that sad poet girl' laugh.
"Alright, I'll leave for now," she replied, stretching luxuriously in her seat, reminiscent of a panther, her ample chest straining against her tight Spica jacket. Blushing, Tamao averted her eyes, thanking Maria that the cat-like girl hadn't caught her staring.
Momomi slid out of the seat and patted the bluenette's head in a thoroughly patronizing manner. "But don't think you've escaped me, ma cherie," she added in a flawless French accent. "I'll be looking for you tomorrow night—there's a mandatory council meeting, and Kana-chan won't have any distractions."
"You're still assuming this is going to work…"
"I know my…I mean, I know Kana-chan," Momomi said, tripping over her words and cursing herself for it. Was she really becoming so sloppy? Soon enough she was going to be no better than these stuttering little schoolgirls drooling after their 'one true love'. Disgusting. "She won't be able to bear seeing me with anyone else, even if only for the sake of her pride."
Tamao frowned slightly. "Is that really a good enough reason for you to take her back?" she asked, more to herself than anything, but Momomi overheard, and instantly adopted a defensive tone.
"What was that, Suzumi?"
Tamao sighed, wishing she hadn't spoken at all. "I mean, would you really want to be with her, knowing that she only wanted you so that she could claim you?" she explained.
"If you could have Aoi somehow, wouldn't you want her, no matter what it took?" Momomi snapped. "No matter how you had her?"
A beat passed.
"No," Tamao whispered. "No, I think I proved that when I gave her up to Shizuma, not only losing my first love, but also any chance of winning the Etoile election." She hesitated. "Rokujou-sama told me that Nagisa-chan and I would have won, if it weren't for Shizuma's poor timing."
Momomi stared down at the girl, seeing her for what she was—a shell, a shadow of the sweet, optimistic girl she used to be. Maybe Momomi was trying to piece her heart back together the wrong way, but at least she was trying. She refused to feel sorry for this sad, hollow girl, even though something in her chest was aching for her. "Well," she began, shouldering her small bookbag, "I guess you're not as smart as everyone thinks you are."
She turned on her heel and walked out the door, pretending she hadn't heard Tamao's muttered reply, which sounded suspiciously like, "Or maybe I'm just not as bitter as everyone knows you are."
So hey, quick question—would you guys prefer in KanaMomo got back together? I personally was planning to have the Momomi/Tamao thing evolve into real feelings, cuz that's kinda my favorite part of these arranged relationships :3 But I want to make sure people will still read!
xannaxmurderx: I'm glad you're liking it :3 Sorry it took so long to update, but I do plan to continue this story!
ChibiRox: Sorry it took so long, but I don't plan on abandoning this story :3 It's got too much potential, the way I see it.
Regretx993: Thanks! Yep, I like my stories with some good old gaynst :P I can't wait for Shion to stop being so stubborn, but I gotsta keep it in character :P
xMaskedDestroyerx: Well, Shion's still got a bit more hardheadedness in her, but she's getting there :3 Yaya and Tsubomi, I can't write a Stopani story without them :3 They're more of a side couple at this point, but I may expand on their story. Yeah, I kind of have a secret love for Momomi :3 She's hard to write (for me) though, so I hope I'm keeping her in character. Tamao's also hard for me to write, because she's like me, only more optimistic, only I don't think she retains a ton of that after the elections…I'm really trying not to make her so blah D:
awintersbreeze: Thanks :)
Remember to review, por favor! :3 I know I've been gone for a while, but I still like to know if everyone will continue to read!
