Hey guys! I'm gonna warn you, there is some language in this one as well as some self-harm, but I hope you like it anyway! I really tried on this one, so I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Pretty Little Liars, but I don't… if I did, I would make Ezria and Soby be HAPPY! :)
I let the tears slide down my face. Being at home was different then being at home. Toby was my home… my comfort. Ever since 'A' took the picture of him off my keys, I've thought a lot. Though that's not different from the usual, I was thinking about Toby. But every time I thought about how I was going to break up with him, I started to cry. Stupid feelings. Stop this… tears are weakness! Hastings and weakness don't belong in the same sentence! I looked out the window in my room, and I saw none other then Toby himself. Crap. Racing to the bathroom, I patted on a little makeup, making sure my eyes weren't too red. Looking in the mirror, I saw someone that I didn't recognize. A broken girl looked back at me. My eyes were sleepless and glossy from the ears that had snuck their way out of my eyes. Blinking several times and practicing my smile in the mirror, the girl that I knew slowly started returning. Again I looked out the window to see a rock hit it. I plastered on a fake smile when I saw Toby looking up at me. Slowly I walked down stairs, trying to think of something I could say.
"Hey Spence!" He said, obliviously excited to see me. I smiled and walked over. He planted a small kiss on my lips, but I moved away quickly.
"Hey." I stated simply, focusing more on trying to keep my voice from cracking. "How are you?" I cleared my throat. Small talk is so awkward.
"I'm great now that I'm looking at my beautiful girlfriend." He said, casting me a casual wink. Usually, this comment would have made me blush. Not today. All I could think about was how much I was going to miss those little compliments that he would give me.
"Cool." I stated doing everything I could to keep the tears from falling. I started to giggle, trying to keep from sobbing.
"Okay…" He was obviously on to me. "What's wrong?" He was looking worried, and I couldn't do anything.
"Nothing."
"You're lying." He knows me to well.
"It's really nothing. I have to go" Damn… what's something I love to do, "study." I said, backing into the doorway… away from him.
"Okay…" He said, obviously concerned. "Well, I love-" I shut the door before he could even finish. I couldn't hear him say it. Not when I was constantly putting him in danger by seeing him. I really did love him, I swear. That's why I was pushing him away. My phone chimed, and I reached for my back pocket. I had my head pressed against the wall, and I let the tears fall. Slowly pulling my hand up that held the phone, I quietly read the text.
What's wrong? You shut the door in my face. Not to mention that it's Friday night, and we had plans to go out. Either you forgot, or you just flat out didn't want to go. If you didn't want to go, you don't have to… I'm not going to push you because I love you. You didn't get me a chance to say it, but I do. And I'll tell the whole city if you want me to. I LOVE SPENCER HASTINGS! Have fun studying babe. Love, Toby.
I couldn't control my sobs anymore, and I turned so my back was to the wall, and I slowly slid down. My makeup was everywhere, but I didn't care. All I wanted was to reply. I wanted to tell him about everything. All the threats and deaths. The investigations and the pain. I wanted him to know that I do love him, but that I can't be with him, and I want him to understand that. But Toby's stubborn. If he gave up on us so easily, I wouldn't have known who he was. Toby, my baby, doesn't give up. That's why he beat me in scrabble the fist time I stayed with him. I would love to say that he never beat me, but we both know that's not true. He beat me fair and square. I looked back down at the text and quickly pressed delete. As soon as I had, another text popped up.
I know you have your phone, Spencer. What's it that you're not telling me?!
He was getting aggravated now. Let him be angry with me. That's fine. But I needed an excuse to break up with him, an excuse to break both our hearts. I knew exactly what I could do, and I quickly picked up the phone to text him.
It was a couple hours later and Toby and I were meeting at the park. As I was approaching, I noticed Toby and Hannah talking. I knew Hannah and Caleb weren't really on the best of terms, but she had no right to be talking to Toby. He was against the wall, and she was leaning into him. He looked uncomfortable, but she obviously didn't give a damn. Right when I was about to walk over, I noticed just how close Hannah and Toby where getting. Now, her face was merely inches away and I could barely watch as she closed the distance, crashing their lips together. I stormed over before Toby could even react.
"WHAT THE HELL?!" I was walking while I said it, and I stopped right in front of Hannah, a hurt expression on her face. My heart was racing as I focused on anything but her talking. All I was seeing was red… it was everywhere. I wanted to kill someone.
"Spence… it-it's not what it looks like!" she exclaimed. That was my time.
"Oh really? So you weren't just kissing MY boyfriend?! You weren't just trying to shove your desperate tongue down his throat?" I said, just above a whisper. My voice was eerily calm.
"I-" But I cut her off, the back of my right hand smacking against her face. I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt someone so much. I had tears in my eyes, and when Hannah looked up, she had a giant red mark on her cheek. I started to raise my fist, and I swung it forward, hoping to implant it on her nose. She was gonna need more than one nose job when I was done with her. But my hand hit something else, and I looked up to see Toby standing there.
"Hannah, you need to leave… NOW." He said when she didn't respond.
"YOU CALL YOURSELF A BEST FRIEND? YOU SKANK!" I screamed after her, reaching for her, but Toby held me back. When I turned back to him, I smacked him as hard as I could. "HOW DARE YOU!" I screamed in his face, tears now spilling down my face.
"Spence-"
"NO. Just leave me alone." I whispered, sobs escaping my mouth. I couldn't believe he would do this to me.
"SPENCER!" He said as I was walking away.
"Toby! What don't you understand about leave me alone? I don't want to be anywhere near you right now!" I turned around to face him, but little did I know he was right behind me. I took a little half step back, and tried not to look at his face. But the anger inside got the best of me, and I looked him straight in the eyes, letting the anger reflect in my eyes.
"Spence." He said softly, tears brimming his beautiful blue eyes.
"I'll give you back all of your stuff. Bye Toby." I turned around and walked away. I could hear him sniffle behind me.
"I won't give up on us Spencer." He called after me.
"I never want to see you again Toby. You're a pathetic cheater!" I said, spinning around, continuing our fight, and not wanting to stop talking to him, even after he cheated.
"You know I would never do that to you!"
"OH REALLY?! YOU JUST DID!" I yelled. "HOW COULD YOU EVEN DO THAT WITH MY BEST FRIEND! It wouldn't hurt so bad if it wasn't Hannah… it would still kill me, but I wouldn't actually feel as dead as I feel right now." I screamed. I didn't understand.
"Would you just let me explain?!" He was begging. I couldn't resist his eyes looking at me like he was dying, and he knew that. But I was going to have to. This was too big a deal.
"No." I said, briskly running off, hearing his voice calling after me. I couldn't turn around and wrap my arms around him and beg him to stay with me. I'm a Hastings… that's just pathetic. But it didn't feel pathetic when I was in love with this man. I couldn't stand it, but before I could do anything, I got in my car. It was my safe place. This was a good thing. I couldn't hurt him anymore, even though my heart was dead. Honestly, I felt like I had no more life inside of me. I just wanted to die. But I would never be that selfish. That was the only thing that was stopping me from killing myself. The way my family behaved was selfish, but that was the one thing that made me different from the Hastings. I wasn't one to be selfish. My friends need me. They wouldn't be able to hold themselves together if I wasn't there. And I knew that. I fumbled with my keys, and immediately noticed the missing picture. That's when I really started to cry. I've never cried like this before. I was so hopeless and so broken. I got in my car, and took out something that I never thought I would see again. It was only used for when I thought I was in trouble, but I started using it on myself when Ali died and I didn't have any friends. I took the pocketknife out of the secret door in the glove compartment, and slowly lifted it to my left wrist. Now I wasn't just using it to stop the emotional pain, but I was using it to make sure that I wasn't sleeping.
I pressed the knife into my skin softly at first, not breaking any skin. I took a shaky breath, and started to slowly put more and more pressure on the tip of the knife. It was halfway up my upper arm, so I wouldn't cut any major arteries, but the skin was still sensitive. Blood started to trickle down my arm, and I quickly grabbed a napkin that I had kept in my car incase I spilled anything. I slowly dragged the knife for about two inches, and stopped. I lifted the knife, and the burn started to intensify as the blade was lifted. I let myself bleed for a little while, and then put the napkin over my skin. The napkin easily sucked up the steady flow of blood coming down my arm. I quickly started the car, eager to get home.
The blood flow hadn't decreased when I pulled into my driveway, and I was starting to feel a little dizzy. I barely noticed the familiar car in the driveway that wasn't supposed to be there. I stumbled into the unlocked house, and went straight to my room. After I shut the door, I heard the familiar voice that I couldn't quite place yet. I was really dizzy, and I couldn't even respond to the question that was asked. I don't think I even heard her. I stumbled into the bathroom that was connected to the room. I looked down at my arm, and mumbled something about needing a Band-Aid. I looked over at the girl that was sitting on my bed. She was rushing over to me, asking me what happened.
"Don't take me to the hospital… whatever you do." I said before blacking out.
About 30 minutes later I woke up feeling extremely disorientated.
"What happened?" I asked trying to sit up, but failing, becoming dizzy. Suddenly the dizziness took over and I threw up into a trashcan that someone was holding. Everything was coming back to me. I had cut to deep. Because of Toby. And Hannah. I looked over to the girl sitting next to me, holding my hair while I exploded into the trash. Gross. "You did great." I said sadly, looking at Hannah. "He believed every second." I said, starting to sob.
I hope you guys enjoyed! It was a little different, but it needed to be done. I'm sorry for Soby fans, but don't worry! There will be some good Soby coming up! The next chapter might be more of a filler chapter because I have to make them both miserable from not seeing each other, but the have really bad luck… always running into each other. Just a heads up ;)
With love,
~ladywolf101
