One Heck Of A Vacation

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, all I own is my own mind.

Summary: The team is on vacation at Dave's beach house, when an unfortunate incident occurs. Who will step up to the plate?

A/N: Yes this is one that I posted before that was inspired by Friends. I had to clean it up for errors and decided to post it in the "Vacation" series. Enjoy again.

Thanks for reading, and once again remember to leave a review.


"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." Dalai Lama


Hotch stepped out of Dave's spacious beach house, and wandered over to his friends parked out under the safe beach umbrella soaking in the warm summer day.

"Hey Hotch" JJ greeted "Finally ready to soak up some sun?"

Hotch looked down at the blonde in the beach chair and shook his head, smirking when Garcia passed the suntan lotion to her.

"No" Hotch said throwing on his sunglasses "I was more interested in finding Emily and Reid."

"Really?" Morgan said removing his ear buds "Any particular reason?"

Hotch glared at the man "They went out looking for some seashells that they promised to bring Jack for his show and tell day at summer school."

"Oh" Garcia said deflated "I think they said they were going to search over by the pier."

Hotch looked up and saw Dave, over the grill starting in on the food, motion with his spatula to the left.

Hotch gave a small nod and left the lounging team.

Walking down the beach, Hotch had to admit that it was nice to get out of the office and relax.

The feel of the warm sand under his running shoes were the only thing that bothered him. He didn't mind that instead of his usual suit, he was in tan khaki shorts and white shirt.

Hotch paused when he saw Emily and Reid splashing water at each other, the image made him smile. Seeing the two so relaxed and carefree made him happy.

He saw Emily bend over about to splash water on Reid, when a loud "OW" caused him to look at the brunette doubled over in pain.

"Emily?" Reid called out rushing to her side.

Hotch raced over to her "What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Damn it!" Emily said hunched over looking at her foot "I got stung by something..."

"What?" Hotch said "What stung you?"

Both dark haired agents looked over at Reid "Statistically in the Virginia Beach area..."

Emily huffed out an annoying sigh and gasped as she felt the shooting pain of heat.

Hotch and Reid walked closer to her and Reid said, "Must be a jellyfish sting."

"Jellyfish sting?" Emily asked, panic racing through her fear driven mind.

"Best and safest method, is to get medical attention" Reid said looking over at Hotch "Are you allergic to jellyfish?"

"No" Emily said "But then I've never been stung before."

The two men move near her "Well then will need to get you immersed your sting in hot water."

"But we're too far away from Dave's" Emily whined, "And this hurts, really bad."

Reid sighed "Well that means that the venom..."

"Reid!" Hotch said cutting the younger man off "Anything else that might help us until we can get her back to Dave's?"

Reid looked down and his cheeks went pink with embarrassment "Well there is one thing..."

"What is it?" Emily said supporting her weight on Hotch, since Reid backed up away, seemingly at a distance.

"Urine" Reid muttered out "One of us will have to pee on it."

"What?" Emily asked shocked "No!"

Hotch looked at Reid "Seriously?"

Reid nodded his head not looking either of them in the eye.

"Well..." Hotch said looking from Emily to Reid "Who do you want to do it?"

"No!" Emily said protesting "I'm not letting either of you pee on me."

"Emily" Hotch groaned, frustrated "It's either this or pain."

"Gross" Emily muttered wincing at the pain in her foot.

"He's right" Reid said "There's no other option."

Emily grumbled then sighed "Fine, alright. Who's going to do it?"

Reid and Hotch exchanged looks, then looked back at her.

"Who's going to pee on me?" Emily asked then muttered "That just sounded so wrong."

Reid looked at Emily, "I can't."

"What?" Emily asked "Are you embarrassed to whip out the mini genius?"

A smirk grew across Hotch's face at her inappropriate wording but cleared his throat going back into serious mode.

Reid's eyes widened at that "I like you too much to pee on you."

Emily sighed, "Well thanks for that... I guess."

Hotch looked over at Emily,"Well, looks like I'm the lucky winner."

"Not me. God, this is so wrong" looking over at Hotch, "No, you know what? I'm totally fine. Doesn't even hurt that much..."

Emily tried to walk but was caught by Reid and she muttered "Son of a bitch."

"Don't try and argue with me, Prentiss" Hotch said "Get over here, close your eyes, so I can fix that problem."

"Jeeze" Emily sarcastically replied, trying to tempt off her scream "Try not to get all bossy on me."

Hotch gave Reid a look not to move, "Keep an eye out for people, specially cops. Last thing any of us need is to get arrested for lewd conduct and indecent exposure."

"That would be you" Emily muttered going over to Hotch.

"Now's not the time to get mouthy, considering the favor I'm doing" Hotch muttered.

"Some favor" Emily huffed out throwing Hotch a look.

Reid watched Hotch grabbed Emily's elbow leading them behind the pier beam, "Keep those eyes close."

"Like I'm interested in seeing little Hotch" Emily threw back at him.

Reid turned around trying to hum to tune out the two dark haired agents.

"Any time now" Reid said "Any time preferably soon."

"That was so gross" Emily muttered supporting herself on Hotch lightly "Reid get over here."

Reid walked over as Emily draped her arm over both men "Now, let's get back to Dave's and take this with us to the grave."

"Fine by me" Both men answered in unison.

"Oh look, here come the three musketeers" Garcia said turning her attention to the three profilers.

"What happened to you, Princess?" Morgan asked removing his head phones.

"Don't want to talk about it" Emily said glaring at the two men who helped her.

"What happened?" JJ asked looking in "You three look... flustered."

"They do look flustered" Garcia smirked at them "You three didn't go out and have a menage a trois, did you?"

"WHAT?" Hotch, Emily and Reid asked in horror.

"Never mind" Garcia muttered seeing the horror cross their face "My bad."

Dave walked over seeing the three returning agents and noticed a seriously pissed off Emily.

Looking down at her foot, Dave's eyes widened at the red sight.

"Jesus, Emily" Dave said concerned "What the hell happen to your foot?"

"Jellyfish sting" Reid said and clammed up when he saw the double glare of Emily and Hotch.

"OMG, gumdrop" Garcia said "You need to get treated."

"She'll be fine, as soon as she soaks that foot in hot water" Reid said "A lot of hot water."

"Shut up" Emily whispered to him.

"Does it hurt?" JJ asked "I heard those stings hurt like hell."

"Not so much anymore" Emily said "It got taken care of."

"Taken care of?" Morgan asked confused "The only other way other than a hospital or that scalding hot water thing, is..."

Dave's eyes widened at the knowledge, as did JJ's and Morgan's.

"What?" Garcia asked "What else works?"

"Urine" JJ whispered looking at Emily "You peed on it?"

"No" Emily protested, "I couldn't... bend that way."

"You couldn't bend..." JJ repeated than looked from Hotch to Reid "So who did?"

Dave tried to hide the smirk on his face, while Morgan seemed speechless and Garcia looked eager at the knowledge.

"So, who gave you the golden..." Garcia started but three sets of eyes gave her a warning look "I'll watch my wording..."

"Who gave you a... uh helping hand?" JJ asked.

Reid's eyes went to Hotch while Emily just closed her eyes.

"All right" Hotch said "I'll tell."

"No" Emily said "You promised."

"I really don't want to be here for this" Reid said quietly.

"We just need to get this out" Hotch said "So she got stung, and she couldn't walk, she could barely stand."

"I was in a lot of pain" Emily added emphatically.

"So..." Hotch said "We knew one of us would have to help out..."

"So who did it?" Morgan asked.

"I couldn't do it..." Reid said quietly.

Morgan, Dave, JJ and Garcia all looked over at Hotch in shock.

"You..." Garcia said.

"That's right, I did it" Hotch said unapologetic "And this will be the end of this discussion about this incident, got it?"

The team look over at Hotch who gives one of his infamous glares and everyone readily agrees.

Emily limps towards the house, slightly in pain but mostly to get away.

"Where you going, gumdrop?" Garcia asked "You alright?"

"I just really need a shower" Emily muttered "And I am far from all right."

Hotch watched as the brunette agent wandered into the beach house.

Dave wandered over to Hotch, and whispered "You know, I think given her current condition that it'll be ok to go and check on her."

"Dave..." Hotch said "She's just had the worst day of her life, I hardly think my presence will be any comfort considering what I had to do to help her."

"You helped a pretty brunette out who was in agonizing pain..." Dave said "I hardly think that warrants a death penalty."

"Dave" Hotch groaned out quietly "I had to pee on the subordinate I've had a crush on for more then five years."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Dave said "Go to her, talk to her."

Hotch got up and walked into the house, heading over to the bathroom door, he knocked.

"What?" Emily said annoyed.

"It's Hotch" Hotch answered "May I come in?"

"Why not?" Emily said.

Hotch opened the bathroom door, saw Emily sitting with her foot in the hot water while she sat at the edge of the sprawling king sized tub.

"How's the foot?" Hotch asked.

Looking into the water, Emily said "Not as bad as I thought it was. Guess that means I'll live."

Hotch walked over to the edge and sat down next to her "Sorry I had to... pee on you."

Emily burst out laughing, "Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one apologizing for acting like a total bitch."

Shaking his head, Hotch sighed "You weren't acting like one. You were in pain and the last thing you wanted was to have to be peed on."

Rubbing her head, Emily looked over at him, "Can we just not discuss that incident. Like maybe ever again?"

Hotch looked at her, and she added "It's not like I'm not grateful, it's just... Would you really want people to know that?"

"Well I'd rather not, at least not unless they knew the whole story." Hotch said "I know it's an embarrassing story and one that we'll have to live down for maybe like the next three years. But I don't regret it, you were in pain and I'm glad I could help out."

Emily smiled "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. But why did it have to be because you peed on me?"

Hotch laughed at the smirk she held "You got me there."

"It's good to see you smile every once in awhile" Emily said turning her attention to her foot "Well what do you say, doc? Is this foot going to live?"

Hotch chuckled "Ah, looks like it. Good thing too, because I would hate to have to lose an agent that I so invested my time and urine with."

Emily burst out laughing "Who knew you had a dirty mouth on you?"

"Me?" Hotch said in mock surprise "You're saying I have a dirty mouth? You are the queen of the dirty words."

Emily smiled "A title I proudly wear. You know it's always fun to shock someone with something unexpected. You got to every once in awhile, to liven things up."

"Really?" Hotch asked in thought "Has anyone ever done anything that shocked you?"

"Nope, it's usually me" Emily said "Of course that steady stream of pee on my foot was pretty shocking considering it came from you."

Hotch smirked at that "Well I got another shock for you."

Emily looked suspiciously "Really? What's that?"

Hotch pulled Emily into a deep kiss, placing his hand on her leg to keep the injure foot still in the hot water.

Pulling back Emily gasped, "Now that was a shocker."

"A good shock?" Hotch asked looking at her.

Emily bit her lip and nodded "Yeah, I think there's a new king in town."

Pulling her close to his chest, "The king wants to kiss the queen."

Emily chuckled at that, "Sure thing."

Hotch pulled Emily into another a deep kiss, both groaned when a knock interrupted them.

"What?" Emily groaned in frustration.

"Em?" JJ asked "You seen Hotch around?"

"I'm in here." Hotch said "What do you want?"

"Uh... never mind." JJ said.

"Whatcha doin' in there?" Garcia's voice said. "Ow, quit dragging me..."

"We'd like some alone time." Hotch said.

"JJ I want to listen..." Garcia said.

"Leave them alone..." JJ's voice said backing away from teh door "Sorry!"

"Now, where were we?" Hotch said placing his attention back on Emily "Oh yeah."

Emily pulled Hotch into a deeper kiss "Thanks for fixing my foot."

"Anytime." Hotch said pulling her close to him.


"Love is more than a noun - it's a verb; it is more than a feeling - it is caring, sharing, helping and sacrificing." William Arthur Ward


To Be Continue...

See that review button down there? You know who'd push it besides Garcia? JJ would too.