Chapter 1: The before time

I do not own the songs sung, the characters in AHS but I do own Carolyn, Jason, Yvonne and Jack Lockwood.

"Shh Jason it's okay, it's over, I'm here." I told Jason as I wiped his tears from his face. It hurt me to see him cry, he was just a child after all, why was our dad such a dick head ?Just because he can't find a lousy job he takes it out on Jason.

"Carol, why can't we leave, just you and me?" Jason asked as he sniffled, he hated it here as much as I did. If I could I would leave with Jason but I had other responsibilities that tied me here.

"Jay, I want to leave too, and when we get the chance we will, just hang in there we'll make it." I said as I teared up a little. I hated seeing him like this. He didn't deserve this.

"Why does he do this, I'm sick and tired of this bullshit!" Jason said as he showed me his new bruise on his arm. I was stunned it was the first time I had ever heard Jason swear, he was just an eleven year old and frankly I wasn't about to let him use it again.

"Hey no swearing in front of me Jay, I know you're frustrated but there's no need to use those words." I said as I pulled him back.

"I'm sorry Carol, I know you hate it when I swear but I just, ugh!." Jason sighed as he sat on the bed beside me.

"I know, I'm just as mad as you are but we gotta learn to handle it positively. I mean look at dad, he's mad all the time and look what it causes." I said as I reminded him of his gigantic bruise.

"How can you call him that? He's just Jack to me, he certainly isn't part of my life anymore." Jason said as he furrowed his eyebrows. He was such a cute kid, whenever he did that I couldn't help but smile because it was so funny seeing Jason mad. Seeing his little pout made it even better. During these times I just remember that I had Jason and he had me. That was all that mattered.

"What's so funny?" He asked as his face lightened up a bit.

"Nothing, you just look really funny when you're mad." I said as I stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed a bit and said:

"That's what I love about you Carol, you can make the worst situation into something better without even trying. I-" He was cut off by the sound of a rock being thrown at our window.

"Hold that thought." I said as I went to peer out the window to see what hit it. I saw Tate pointing to the window telling me to unlock it. I smiled and did as I was directed.

"What was it?" Jason said as he stood up.

"Tate, he's coming up." I said as I looked back and gave Jay a smile. His neutral face turned into a grin when he heard Tate was coming. Jason always thought of Tate like a big brother and that made me happy. I mean I couldn't always help Jay with everything he needed a guy along the way at some point.

"Hey there." Tate said as he finished climbing the ladder we had just outside the window.

"Hey Tate." I said as I helped him into the room.

"What's going on? Why are the lights off?" He asked.

"Jack's asleep, when he sleeps we all sleep. New policy." Jason answered before I did.

Tate walked over and sat next to Jay. He pulled him into a hug and noticed that Jay was sore all over.

"What did he do this time?" Tate asked as he looked at Jay with concerned eyes. I loved the fact that Tate was over protective of Jay, just to know someone else was looking out for him.

"He beat me for asking him a question while he was watching Tv." Jason said as he looked down. Tate looked back at me and said;

"That's all? I bet it's all that goddamn alcohol that's getting to him." He stood up and walked over to me and said:

"He didn't hurt you right? Because I swear Carol, he lays one finger on you and-" I cut him off.

"No Tate he didn't, I'm fine, I'm just worried about Jay." I said. Tate sat back down and looked at Jason's bruise.

"Damn what he hit you with, a wreaking ball?" Tate asked.

"No just his fists, I'm lucky he didn't use his belt this time." Jason said as he let out a tear and looked down again.

"Jason listen to me, as long as you have Carol and me, you'll make it through all of this. Don't you dare think, even for a second, that any of this is your fault." Tate said as he carefully wrapped Jason in for a hug.

"Got it Tate, thanks." Jason replied.

"Your turn Care-Bear." Tate said as he patted a seat for me on the bed. I went over and sat down next Jason.

"Come on, you're hiding something, I want to help." Tate said as he smiled warmly. Another one of Tate's characteristics is that he was able to make me melt whenever he flashed that smile.

"Nothing really happened today I guess." I said as scratched the back of my neck.

"Haven't you figured out that I can tell when you're lying Carol?" He said with a little smirk. I looked at him with a quick little grin.

"Jack called her stupid for wasting her time in high school instead of getting a job. He also told her she'd probably make a better living as a prostitute than whatever she wanted to be." Jason replied to Tate. Just remembering what Jack said made me shed a couple of tears.

"Hey now." Tate said. "No tears, I'm here now and I don't wanna see a pretty face crying. That goes for both of you."

Jason and I both smiled as I wiped off my tears. I felt another hand wipe off the last tear on my face when I looked back up it was Tate's warm hand wiping it away.

"I'm pretty sure you got school tomorrow Jay, you should be getting to sleep." Tate said as he looked at Jay.

"You're not gonna leave are you?" He asked Tate. Tate looked at him with a smile and said:

"I'll be here when you wake up Jay."

"Promise?" Jay asked as he held up his pinky. Jason always felt more secure with pinky promises, I never got why but as long as his mind was at peace, I'll continue using pinky promises for the rest of my life if I have to.

"Promise." Tate said as he grabbed Jay's pinky with his own. Jason smiled and got up to get a pair of pjs and went to the bathroom to change.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Tate asked. I knew Tate was being protective and cared for me but I wasn't about to let this whole meeting be about me.

"I'm fine Tate, hey is that a new bracelet?" I said as I pulled up all of his bracelets to see a new scar across his wrist. It hurt me to know that all of us couldn't be happy, even when Tate, Jason and I were together we could never really escape the reality that was just outside the bedroom door. I looked at Tate and hoped he would tell me his reason.

"I know, I'm really trying Carol but it's so hard. I feel like I'm slipping away from everything slowly. The only thing keep me here is you and Jay, you're the last string I can hold on to." He looked down and I saw tears run down his face.

"Hey now," I said as I lifted Tate's head back up. "You said you didn't wanna see any pretty faces cry, I don't either." I smiled as did he. All of a sudden I was being pulled into Tate's arms. I felt so safe, like nothing could ever hurt me or him, like we were in our own little world.

"We're the last people we have in this world, no one else gives a damn. We can't just let it all slip away. Jason and I will be strong for you Tate, just hang on for a bit." I said as I began to tear up. Tate tilted my head up while he kept me in his arms. He wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead. I could feel my heart beating faster and the butterflies flying in my tummy and all the other cliché things that happen in love stories.

"Hey Carol, we're out of toothpaste." Jason said as he walked in on our hug session.

"We are?" I said as I broke from our hug and went to see. Jason was right, we were out of toothpaste. That meant I was going to have to get some from our parent's bathroom. Just for today I'd go for the groceries tomorrow and pick some up.

"I'll just go get some from the other bathroom. Tate keep an eye on Jay." I said as I left the room. I didn't like going into our parents bedroom, not because of Jack he was already passed out on the couch but because of our mother. She would just sit in her rocking chair day after day looking out the window never saying a word. How could she just leave us like this? Jason and I had to fight for our lives and sanity daily while she just let the world go by. Sure she had had a traumatizing experience, but that was was what? 5 years ago? It made me wonder where Jason and I had gotten our courage from, certainly not Jack. He was just a coward, taking it out on us, his children. I remember mom before she was like this. She was full of life and loved to sing to herself. I remember when she began to teach me piano, she made it so easy. It was like I wasn't learning but just going with the music. Letting me drift into a new world, similar to the one I felt with Tate.

"Mom?" Everyday I would come in and see if my mother would ever react. She never did. "I'm just gonna grab some toothpaste okay?" Still nothing. I sighed, grabbed the toothpaste and left. Before I closed the door to see if maybe she would turn her head, give me a sign there was still life in her. I have to start realizing there isn't.

I walked back quietly and walked back into the room to see Jason and Tate looking at a book on birds. Jason loved Animals, whenever he told me new things he found out about them, his face would lighten up. It was one of the strings Jason held onto.

"Okay Jason here you go." I said as I handed him the toothpaste.

"Thanks Carol." Jason took the toothpaste and ran along to brush his teeth.

"Any luck with mommy dearest today?" Tate asked. Tate was the only one who knew I tried to get my mom back into her life everyday. I never told Jason about it because I didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"Nope, I'm starting to lose faith. I've seen her everyday for five years just sitting in that chair only moving when she eats or does her business and nothing. Not even a glance." I don't want to believe my mom won't come back but I guess I have to.

"Don't lose hope, you never know what can happen. Maybe she'll snap back one of these days." Tate said as he stood up and took my hand in his.

"I don't want to but, ugh." I sighed and at that moment Jason came in and laid down.

"Hey, uhm Carol?" Jason asked before he got under the covers.

"Yeah Jay?" I said as I went to sit next to him.

"Can I ask for a favor?" He asked with a small smile.

"Yeah sure, what do you need."

"Can you sing me a lullaby? I know it sounds cheesy for an 11 year old but-" I cut Jason off.

"I'd love to Jay, don't worry about it."

Jason smiled wider and quickly got under the covers. I went to lay next to him as Tate took a seat close to our bed. I thought of the song and started:

"When all the world is spinning around

Like a red balloon way up in the clouds

And my feet will not stay on the ground

You anchor me back down

I am nearly world renowned

As a restless soul who always skips town

But I look for you to come around

And anchor me back down

There are those who think that I'm strange

They would box me up and tell me to change

But you hold me close and softly say

That you wouldn't have me any other way

When people pin me as a clown

You behave as though I'm wearing a crown

When I'm lost I feel so very found

When you anchor me back down

When all the world is spinning around

Like a red balloon way up in the clouds

And my feet will not stay on the ground

You anchor me back down."

I finished up and noticed that Jason was fast asleep.

"You're really good." I heard a voice whisper next to my ear. It was obviously Tate.

"You think so?" I turned to see Tate's face very close to mine. He was smiling, even in the darkness I could tell.

"I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it." He said with a smirk. "Now you go to sleep you and I both have school tomorrow."

"Will do Langdon." I said with a sarcastic tone. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and I lied back down. I thought about how I was lucky to have Tate and Jason. I probably wouldn't be here without them. They're the reason I keep going everyday. If they ever left me who knows what I'd be reduced to. With the tune still playing in my head and the warmth of the kiss on my forehead I fell fast asleep.

Song: Anchor by Mindy Gledhill

Thank you for reading. I'm really into this story and I'm really excited for it. I hope you liked the first chapter. My finals will be over soon so I'll be posting frequently. (:

Maybe one day we'll find the place where our dreams and reality collide