Disclaimer: Mass Effect doesn't belong to me, nor do I intend to profit from this work of fiction.
Being on the Citadel always made Kaidan uncomfortable; and Shepard's friend, Captain Bailey, had given him several scrutinizing looks. He had a feeling if he wasn't part of Shepard's squad, he'd have been arrested and hauled in for questioning. He was glad he was with Shepard. He frowned, well; he supposed he was mostly happy to be with Shepard. Despite their situation, she was still taking him on missions.
His ears pricked up when he heard the name Fade. "I've heard that name before," he murmured to Shepard, "Never worked with him myself, but I knew a guy." Kaidan chuckled under his breath as they headed to catch a shuttle to the factory district, "He said he was an ass."
"He'll be a dead ass of he doesn't tell us what we need to know," Garrus growled from behind. Garrus caught his eyes, and looked away awkwardly, the entire crew had been doing that for a few weeks now. Ever since he'd moved back into the crew quarters two weeks ago. It was grating on his nerves, but he'd decided that the only way to bring her back to him was to make her miss him. Unfortunately, he missed her also, almost more than he could say.
He firmed his jaw, and stared over her shoulder as she turned to face him, not trusting his ability to hold her gaze. "We'll find Fade and take him out if necessary. Let's go," she said firmly as they boarded the shuttle. She tried to ignore the way Kaidan's thigh brushed against hers, feeling the heat of his skin through the layers of their gear, knowing it was a trick of her mind. She missed him. More than she ever thought she would. When even Miranda made a comment about the state of her mental health, and that sexual release was a good way to relieve stress, she knew she had it bad.
She bit her bottom lip as he pushed past her, jarring her shoulder, nearly knocking her off balance at the unexpected contact.
It was more of the same through out the mission, a concentrated effort to keep the other on their toes, resulting in a frustrated turian, and two pissed off human biotics. When they finally cornered Fade, also know as Harkin, a former C-Sec officer, it had taken a restraining hand from Kaidan to prevent Garrus from outright killing the human.
He grit his teeth when Garrus told them the plan to take Sidonis out, and he and Shepard shared a significant look between them, despite their current differences. He followed the turian at a jerk of her head, intent on talking Garrus down.
He laid a palm over the barrel of the sniper rifle, aware of the conversation happening down below him between Shepard and Sidonis. "You don't want to go down this road, Garrus," Kaidan assured him in his gravelly tones.
His mandibles flared, "What do you know about it?" he replied angrily, pushing at Kaidan's hand so he could see through his scope.
Kaidan grinned, "More than you think. Believe me, it won't make you feel better."
Garrus grunted at him, still trying to sight in on the other turian.
"You know Shepard took me back to Earth to make peace with my dad. But you don't know why we fought in the first place. I lost control, like you are very much in danger of doing, and I killed my instructor. I was seventeen, and I felt guilty. My dad made the mistake of trying to lecture me, and we argued. I didn't see him again for 18 years." He shifted, blocking the shot bodily, "Now, maybe you wont regret taking that shot today, or tomorrow, or even next year; but you will regret it eventually. Let it go, Garrus."
"Dammit, Alenko," Garrus frowned, and looked down to see Shepard also blocking his shot, and knew his teammates were trying to save him from himself. "Shepard, tell him… Tell him to get the hell out of here."
He turned to face Kaidan, "I hope you're right, Alenko."
"C'mon, I'll buy you a drink at the bar," he said, clapping a hand on Garrus' shoulder, determinedly avoiding Shepard's eyes.
In the bar, the whole crew had assembled, and Shepard could barely keep her eyes of Kaidan as he talked to Chambers and Jacob across the room. She looked up as Joker flopped down into a chair next to her.
"So, things are a little cramped in the crew quarters again," Joker observed.
"Really? I hadn't noticed," she replied, her cheeks flushing red.
Joker snorted, "Please, Commander, I'm not an idiot. The entire crew noticed when Alenko went missing from the bunkroom, and after a couple weeks he just shows back up? Did you have a falling out? Not that I care or anything." Of course Joker cared, he was dying to find out the truth.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she hedged, her cheeks still furiously pink.
"Shepard, everyone knows you and Alenko were doing the horizontal tango," Joker said smugly.
Shepard stared at him in disbelief, thinking of the best way to wipe that smirk off his face. She smiled mischievously, "It wasn't always horizontal, Joker," she said silkily, biting back a laugh as he sputtered into his drink.
She stood and headed towards the bar, debating whether or not talking to Kaidan was a good idea. She missed him, all of him. Deciding to swallow her pride, she approached him.
Chambers and Jacob fled as Shepard turned her gaze his way. Mentally, he girded his loins for the inevitable confrontation, they were both pretty well lubricated with alcohol. "Kaidan? Can we talk?"
He grit his teeth, "I thought there was nothing to talk about?" he replied, getting miserable satisfaction from throwing her words back in her face.
She blinked at him, uncertain of how to proceed. "Can't we go back to the way thing were?" she nearly whined, her tone desperate.
He saw red for a moment, furious with her. Her hauled her up against him, his grip unrelenting, and dragged her through the nearest doorway, the men's restroom. "La façon dont les choses étaient? Tu veux just une liason d'une nuit, sans amour?" he snarled at her slamming one of the stall door open and dragging her in after him.
"You want me to fuck you and leave you, is that it?" his fingers tugged at the belt of her pants, shoving them roughly down her hips, spinning her around so her back was to him. "I can do that, chère, but this is the last fucking time," he growled, freeing himself from the confines of his pants, and roughly pushed against her tight entrance. "It's up to you, Shepard. Dit moi ce que tu veux," he rasped against her ear, his words almost a plea.
"I-, I-, I don't know!" she stuttered, whimpering as his smooth tip slid between her slick folds, and she panted, trying to focus on the situation she found herself in. "You ask for too much," she gasped out, and her breath left her lungs with a loud whoosh as he turned her around again and slammed her into the flimsy wall of the stall.
"You don't get to make that decision," he snarled. "I want all, Shepard, because I'm a selfish bastard, or nothing. If your answer is nothing, I'm leaving. I'll leave the Normandy, and you'll never see me again," his hand was fisted in her shirt, and his aura was flaring brightly around him, spiking dangerously. "Jesus, Shepard, I thought you had a pair. Instead, I see you running like a scare little girl," he growled at her, taunting her as he eyes blazed brightly, her own corona of blue flaring to life around her.
"You bastard."
"Yeah, I'm a real bastard for asking the woman that I fucking love to spend the rest of her life with me. The horror." It took some effort, but he released his grip on her shirt, and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know Shepard, I suppose I should thank you. I was rejected once before by a girl at brain camp, and it stung, and I carried around all this guilt for a while because I thought I did something wrong. I was heartbroken. And then in Vancouver, you reject me without even giving me a fucking reason! What the hell, Shepard!" he scowled at her.
"Why are you telling me this? I'm not your shrink," as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she instantly wished she could recall them.
"I don't need a fucking shrink!" he roared, and slammed a fist into the stall next to her head, dimly hearing the protest from the couple in the next stall. "I'm 35 years old, Shepard, you don't live the life I've had without coming to terms with yourself!" He growled at her, making a futile attempt to restore his iron control. "Maybe you're the one that needs a shrink, chère," with that parting shot, he slammed out of the stall, leaving her once again with her pants around her ankles.
She hurriedly snatched her pants up, and hurried after him, pulling him around to face her just outside the bathroom door. "We're not finished, yet," she said hoarsely.
"Yes, we are. Give me one good reason to stay," his tone was dangerously low, his biotics swirling and crackling around him.
She took several deep breaths to quell her rising panic. He wasn't bluffing; he really was about to walk out the door and leave. "I don't want you to mourn me if I die again. This is a suicide mission, and… I-"
His laugh cut her off, a terrible, humorless sound, "Not good enough. I already love you, damn it! I'm going to mourn the loss of you whether you die or you can't get passed your damnable pride and admit you need me!" he shouted at her, watching the color drain out of her face before he turned on his heel and stalked out of the bar.
Shepard stood there, her chest heaving as the other patrons of the bar stared at her. She exhaled loudly through her nose, and made her way back to the bar, ordering a shot of ryncol to drown her sorrows in.
She hunched her shoulders as Thane sat next to her, his quiet presence soothing to her ravaged nerves. "You know, Shepard, sometimes a man will say things he doesn't strictly mean when his heart is breaking," Thane said quietly.
She swallowed, "I'm pretty sure he meant every word."
Thane smiled, "No doubt, however, those were the words of a man that is hurting and confused. Not many men appreciate having their emotions used as a plaything."
"I didn't use him!" she snapped defensively.
"Did you not?" he murmured, "You played with fire, Shepard, and you didn't expect to get burned? You love him, do you not?" he took the jerk of her head as an affirmation. "I assume he wants more than you are willing to give of yourself."
He waited patiently for many minutes before she replied, "He wants to marry me."
"I fail to see why that is as terrible as you make it out to be," he patiently waited as she hunched further over her drink. "Are you fundamentally against the institution of marriage?"
She sighed, "Not at all, my parents had a wonderful relationship up until the day my dad died."
"Then you do not wish to be joined to the mercenary," Thane nodded sagely.
"It's not that! I…I don't want to marry him and then leave him alone after this mission if the worst happens."
"That is incredibly selfish and foolish," Thane told her sternly, "You don't have to be wed before we go through the Omega-4 relay, you know."
She blinked at him in surprise, her words stuck in her throat.
"What would you regret most, if you were to die again, and had no chance of coming back?" he asked softly, watching as the clouds of confusion cleared from her eyes.
She swallowed, "Losing him."
"Then why are you still sitting here?"
Shepard stumbled off her barstool, and hit the door at a sprint, praying it wasn't too late, that she hadn't missed him. She hauled ass back to the ship, and crashing headlong into civilians that got in her way, jumping surprisingly nimbly over them in her half drunken state.
Her feet pounded against the floor, and her heart pounded in her chest as she nipped into the airlock and doubled over in an attempt to catch her breath. She greedily dragged in air and found Kaidan staring at her when she straightened, his expression miserable, jaw clenched. He held her gaze, waiting to see if she would speak.
"I'm sorry. I was an idiot," she said quietly. "I want you to know that I was scared, and I lashed out. I love you, you big idiot. I want to grow old with you, and argue with you for the rest of our natural or unnatural lives."
He stared at her for several long minutes, the silence deafening as she waited to hear what he would say. His arms wrapped around her torso and pulled her close, his lips fusing with hers. "J'étais inquiet," he murmured against her lips, "tu es pas mal entêté," his hands found her belt for the second time that night, his fingers gentle this time as he tugged her shirt from her pants.
"Laisse moi t'aimer," he whispered against her throat, and felt her shiver of anticipation as he dragged her shirt over her head. His hands instantly came up to cup her breasts, kneading the firm mounds as her back her up into the cockpit, away from the door.
"What are you-?" she gasped as his hands slid her pants down her hips, and sly smile playing across his lip.
"Déshabille moi, ma chère," he mumbled, and she quickly complied, pulling his shirt over his head to join hers. His abs rippled as her slim fingers brushed against the tones flesh, and his inhaled sharply as she dragged the zipper of his pants down, and pushed his pants from his hips. She bit her bottom lip as his full erection bounced freely, and with a wicked grin, she pushed him back into the pilot's seat, settling herself in his lap as soon as his bare ass hit the smooth leather.
"I love you," she murmured as she slowly sank down of his waiting shaft, groaning deeply as he filled her, her tight walls pressing down around him. With her knees on either side of his hips, she rode him, sliding slowly up and down his thick arousal, her sensitive breasts brushing against his chest with each smooth stroke. His hips jerked up to meet each downward stroke, and a moan rumbled from deep in his chest as her tight muscled squeezed relentlessly around him.
He slipped a hand between them, and rubbed his thumb against her sensitive nub, making her thighs quiver against him. She panted as an orgasm tore through her, her back bowing deeply at the sensation. His hands gripped her hips firmly as he pumped his hips into her, his own release fast approaching, ripping through him with a strangled shout, one Shepard swallowed as she crushed her lips against his.
She slumped against him, panting, as their heart pounded against their ribs in tune with each other. "Can we make this work?" she murmured.
"I'm going to fight like hell to keep you," he asserted.
"I think we broke the seat," she giggled as the chair refused to swivel anymore.
Kaidan just laughed.
