Crazy,Stupid, Beautiful Love- Ch.4- Heartbeat and Heartache

Heartbeat

Greenlee's favorite time of day was in the evening.

After she and Kendall got home from work, made dinner and played with Spike.

When they finished bathing him the three of them would just lie on the bed and relax.

Kendall would put soft music on and they'd hold hands over the baby's heart.

Greenlee liked to put her head down on the baby and listen to his heartbeat.

She'd loved doing that since the first time they were able to hear it, back when Kendall was pregnant.

Now, when she'd lean down and lightly touch the baby's chest Kendall would smile and play with Greenlee's hair.

It didn't matter what kind of day they'd had. It could've been busy or crazy.

When they were all together like this Greenlee thought it was absolute perfection.

Heartache-

It was one of those days.

Kendall knew it as soon as Greenlee came to the breakfast table, her eyes red rimmed as though she'd been crying.

"Hey, babe," Kendall walked over and kissed her good morning.

Greenlee unenthusiastically returned the kiss and muttered "good morning".

"Wow, that's not exactly the greeting I expected!" Kendall tried teasing, hoping that would get Greenlee out of her bad mood.

"I'm up and out of bed. This is the best you'll get from me today," Greenlee said.

"Come on! I made your favorite breakfast and we have the coffee you like! Best of all, we have the whole day off! And we're free to do whatever we want because Spike's with his father."

Greenlee sighed and took a sip of her coffee.

"Ok, you want to tell me what's got you so down?" Kendall sat down across from Greenlee and lightly caressed her face.

"I just- you know. Madison is pregnant, Angie had a baby. Everybody's having a baby except me."

"Greenlee-"Kendall began but Greenlee cut her off.

"No, Kendall. I know what you're going to say. And I know you're right. We have Spike and we have each other, and that's more than a lot of people get," she closed her eyes to try and keep the tears from falling.

"But sometimes, it's just not enough?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah." Greenlee looked down to her coffee cup as though it contained some secret that she needed to know. "I just don't understand why I can't have a child, too." She held up her hand as Kendall was going to interrupt. "I know. Spike is my biological child. But you had to be the one to carry him. I couldn't do it. And I want to. I want to feel what it's like to have a baby growing inside me. I want to know what it's like to feel the baby's heartbeat from the inside. What it's like when you feel the baby move, or kick or stretch! I know-it's stupid and it shouldn't matter. But it does! "

Kendall wrapped her arms around Greenlee and just let her cry. Not being able to carry a baby to term had been a source of heartache for Greenlee, but she'd thought-or hoped, anyway that having Spike had changed that.

Unfortunately it hadn't. Kendall didn't understand why. She knew it had more to do with wanting the physical experience of being pregnant.

"Greenlee? Are those really the only reasons?" she asked.

Greenlee mumbled "no" into Kendall's breasts.

"Well then, can you tell me what else is hurting you so much?"

Greenlee pulled back and looked into Kendall's eyes.

"I want to do the same thing for you that you did for me. I know that after what's happened with your heart it might be a long time until you can carry a baby to term. I want to be able to be your surrogate. I want us to have another baby together and I want it to be yours."

Kendall burst into tears.

"Hey, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to feel depressed!"

Kendall shook her head. "No, I'm not crying because I can't have another baby for a while-maybe ever. I'm crying because you want to give me this gift. I know what it meant when I did it for you. It just makes me feel how much you love me to hear that you want to do the same for me."

Greenlee blushed and looked down. She wasn't one that liked to have her generous and loving gestures pointed out to her. "Don't –"

"Don't you dare say not to make a big thing out of it! It's a big thing! It's a wonderful thing!" Kendall wiped away her tears. "But you don't need to worry. I'm perfectly happy with our one baby. If I can have another someday that would be wonderful. If I can't that's also fine. If we want another we can always adopt or we can have someone else be our surrogate. I love you, and knowing you love me-that's more than enough."

Greenlee searched Kendall's face to make sure she wasn't lying.

She smiled and repeated: "More than enough."