As Jen lay motionless, almost lifeless on her bed, she felt her mind become captured by an unknown yet powerful force and before she could stop herself she was dragged back into the subconscious world, the world where she could recapture moments she had shared with the woman she loved more than life itself. She was oblivious to her surrounding, the goings on of life around her. She felt safe in her thoughts. Tilly was there, she loved her, things weren't a mess, there was no heartache, no anger, and no sadness. She could get lost, lost in that world, lost in Tilly and never have to come up for air.

The realm Jen began to slip deeper into was made up of a collection of unforgettable moments between the two. She knew where her mind would go first. To the beginning. Their first meeting. It had been at the art exhibition at College Coffee where Jen's overly critical view of Tilly's painting had not scored her many points with the fiery redhead. From that very moment, Jen had felt an uncontrollable and forceful connection between them. It ran deeper than anything she had ever felt before. She felt herself completely drawn to Tilly, like a magnet. It was unstoppable, which should have scared her. But it didn't. Everything about Tilly had pulled Jen in. Yes she was beautiful, she had instantly caught Jen's eye. The way her fringe was so meticulously swept across her forehead, her makeup applied with intricate precision highlighting her strong blue eyes and high cheek bones, her perfect skin. But it wasn't just her appearance that had impressed Jen. She had been taken aback slightly by Tilly's confidence, although modest, she had approached Jen, and Jen couldn't help but try and impress her with her interpretations of the work on display. Despite failing at this after criticising Tilly's own work, Jen redeemed herself after a chance encounter in the village. Jen wasn't spontaneous. Yes she loved getting up at a ridiculous hour at the expense of her art, but to her that wasn't spontaneous; it was a need and felt so natural to her. But her invitation towards Tilly, to accompany her to Crosby Beach and visit Gormley's statues, was completely out of character. This excited her, that someone had this influence on her. The whole time at the beach Jen had felt so at ease in Tilly's company, yet there had been a constant stream of butterflies in her stomach fighting to be set free and a unrelenting nervous shake threatening to give away her excitement of being around Tilly. Both of which she found a major distraction whilst trying to concentrate on her sketching of the statues. She had managed to steady herself though, wanting so much to capture something to remind her endlessly of the unforgettable day they had shared together. And the kiss….It had not been planned, again it was spontaneous.

Jen felt herself relax more into her world away from reality as she reminisced over their first kiss. As Jen had helped Tilly to her feet, she felt her head scream at her to kiss the redhead. The moment had seemed perfect. She had hesitated momentarily, wondering whether it was what Tilly would have wanted, but as she glanced into her eyes she felt an unspoken bond between them and their lips met. It wasn't a passionate kiss; the moment didn't call for it. But it was heartfelt and strong and conveyed more than either could have hoped for. Jen can still feel the tingle on her lips where they encountered Tilly's for the first time, she can still feel the increase in her blood pressure, her stomach doing somersaults, her heart melting as she became consumed by the woman who stood before her. It was only a single kiss but it meant more to her than Tilly would ever know.

Jen stirred momentarily, wondering whether she should exit the simulated world she was currently engrossed in. Had she managed to not become imprisoned by her thoughts again, she would have almost certainly realised that there were potential repercussions brewing for her. Keeler had left college, Tilly had been expelled. Questions were going to be asked, it was inevitable. It would only be a matter of time before Diane found out the reasons for both. Yes Jen was the one who reported Tilly to Keeler and to anyone who didn't know their history, what they had been through, the obstacles they had overcome, the conventions they had defied, Jens actions would seem nothing more than professional. But to Diane, this would not be the case. She had already caught them together at the Folly, and she had been wary of the two since. But once she found out the reasons for Tilly's expulsion she was bound to put two and two together. Diane was a force to be reckoned with. There would be nothing Jen could say to try and deter Diane from the conclusion she would draw once she discovered the happenings of yesterday.

Jen felt herself crash back to reality, as if something had purposely pulled her. She felt shocked that her body would do this to her, it hurt so much being dragged from the perfect little world she had created, she had tried to fight it ,her body writhing against the pull. But it didn't work; it was never going to work. As she opened her eyes, unable to connect with her alternate universe any longer, the pain came flooding back. It engulfed her, like flames finding oxygen. There was no escaping it this time as a torrent of thoughts and images of the day before crashed into her creating a car wreck of emotions and pain.

You did this. You hurt her. You were the fool, the idiot, the coward. That word hurt the most. Coward. It was like a knife to the heart. A fresh round of tears began to fall. Jen sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest, she hugged them tightly as if doing so would suppress the thoughts barraging her brain, trying to decimate her defences, trying to capture her being and devastate her soul.

After what seemed like days Jen felt the tears begin the ease, she wiped her eyes and as she adjusted to the room around her she noticed the sketch of the Anthony Gormley statue she had pinned to her wall. That sketch to an untrained eye would seem flawless, a perfect interpretation of the sculpture she had seen. But to a lover of art, a fellow enthusiast, they would see excitement, passion, struggle and love. How Jen had managed to capture so much, she didn't know. She couldn't explain it, but her art was the one area of her life where she could fully express herself. Every piece she created was full to the brim with emotion, with what Jen felt, laced with the memory it evoked. She felt herself move towards the sketch, although only on the other side of the room, it felt a lifetime away. As she steadied herself in front of the piece, she raised her hand and let it trace the outline of the figure she'd drawn. She closed her eyes. One thing came to mind, well, one person. Tilly. Jen remembered why she had pinned this sketch to her wall. It was a symbol of promise, of things to come. After finding out Tilly wasn't a uni student but a student at Sixth Form College, Jen had been devastated. The fire at the college had brought their paths together again, but this time the emotions were different. They weren't of excitement; they were of worry, anguish, and disappointment. Seeing Tilly hurt like that, physically hurt was unbearable for Jen. That was the kind of pain that she knew she couldn't prevent, couldn't heal. She remembered looking at Tilly, unconsciously letting her hand stroke below the cut on her forehead, feeling once again the dance in her stomach, the over excited neurons in her brain, all the time wishing that she could comfort the redhead, take her in her arms. But it wasn't possible, they were forbidden to be together, and she let Tilly know this. But Tilly felt like a drug to her. Seeing her around college, around the village, she seeped into her veins and latched herself onto every blood cell in Jens body, every neuron firing up her senses, and Jen let it happen. She couldn't stop, she felt addicted to her, addicted to the way she made Jen feel, addicted to the stares that lingered for a moment too long, the gentle stolen touches, the secret kisses. But she also couldn't help but feel that this high, this rush she felt every time she saw, felt, imagined Tilly, would end. Because as with any drug, what gets you high, eventually stops feeling good and starts to hurt.

But it didn't take long for Jen to realise this wasn't the case. She loved Tilly. Tilly wasn't a drug; she wasn't something that was manufactured for Jen's pleasure. What Jen had been feeling, wasn't the synthetic high of a drug, it was the natural elation of being in love. This was why Jen had put the Gormley sketch on her wall. It symbolised their relationship, not only did the figure caught in sand represent their own struggle, to have to break free from conformity and be true to their feelings, but the sketch reminded Jen of how she felt for Tilly. She loved her, to the point of no return. There was no hiding from it, no escaping it, her heart belonged to Tilly and always would.

Again tears began to erupt as Jen berated herself for letting things cloud her judgement. She looked at the sketch as if seeing it with fresh eyes. The true meaning of it had gotten lost somewhere along the way, either she had chosen to ignore its symbolism or she had been so wrapped up in her worries that she ceased to acknowledge its importance anymore. This wasn't the case now though. Jen leant forward and rested her hands on her desk as she felt a surge of energy course through her. Her body felt overwhelmed, only moments ago she had been a contorted figure of anguish and heartache, yet a momentary realisation had reignited the flame inside her. She steadied herself as she tried to control her thoughts and process what she needed to do.