Hey guys, i know i'm stringing this out a bit, but its just the way my brain works, so hopefully you can stick with it.
Thanks so much for all the reviews, they were unexpected but very much appreciated :)
Jen frantically searched round her room trying to find her mobile, creating mess and destruction everywhere she looked. It usually resided on her bedside table; she kept it close to her when she slept in case Tilly contacted her. It never ceased to put a smile on her face, and awaken those live in butterflies she had inhabiting her stomach when the screen of her phone lit up to reveal Tilly's name. But it wasn't there. She panicked. Her first cognitive thought since trying to pull herself together had been to try and contact Tilly, she knew it was a long shot, foreseeing the likelihood of Tilly answering her calls being slim to nothing but it was a shot nonetheless. She searched her desk; papers, books, jewellery all sliding to the floor as she desperately sought her phone, the loud clatter as things hit the deck reminding Jen of the headache she had caused herself, that wasn't letting up. Still nothing. Her chair which 90% of the time was covered in clothes was next in line to be ruthlessly inspected. She lifted the pile of garments and let it collapse to the floor, listening intensely for the loud thud of the mobile. The clothes seemed to fall in slow motion, as if they were biding their time before they hit the floor, purposely keeping Jen in a state of animated suspense. Nothing. Just a mess, all around her. She was getting frustrated, she felt flustered and hot. Where the hell was it? Usually she wouldn't let something so trivial bother her, but the importance of finding it today was beyond imperative. As she collapsed onto the recently stripped chair, she felt defeated and the grip of reality seemed to let go of her. She vaguely thought about how she would need to get a hold of herself if she was going to try and contact Tilly, but the pull of the parallel universe was strong, enticing her in with memories of the pair that were cemented in Jens brain like handprints in concrete. She ached to be back in that world, to be back in the shack where they often met. The shack where for hours they could escape reality and be themselves. Not afraid to touch, not afraid to laugh and mess around, not afraid to share intimate moments together. It was their safe place; there were no judgements and no rules. Jen could almost feel Tilly closing the gap between them, every step closer reinforcing the love between them. She could almost feel Tilly's eyes looking into hers, finding solace there, finding the other half of her soul she'd been desperately seeking. She could almost feel her warm breath on her neck as she gently kissed down towards her collar bone causing her eyes to close as she felt her love for Tilly course through her body and take over. And Tilly's touch, she could almost feel her fingers gently graze a path along Jens arm, a path which only Tilly knew, a path which no one else would trespass down. Just as she was about to let herself be engulfed by the cravings of past moments, she leant forward in the chair as if the movement would close the vortex dragging her in and release its gravitational pull on her.
She brought her hands to her face, brushing her unusually messy hair back from her eyes. She felt her cheeks, they were warm. She felt a sting in her left cheek, the remains of an angry, passion filled slap Tilly had left her with yesterday before she had exited the college. Jen remembered watching Tilly from the classroom, tears fell as the realisation of what had just happened sunk in. The sting as they crept down the swollen left side of her face mirrored the sting she felt now. She watched as Tilly stood by the bin in the car park and emptied the entire contents of her art folder.
Jen could barely see through her tears as she witnessed Tilly indignantly tear through her art work, piece by piece. She knew that she was the reason for this, yes the events of the day certainly fuelled the act, but there was an underlying meaning to Tilly's actions. She was showing her what she had done to her, to them. She had torn apart Tilly's heart and everything that they were, the months they'd spent together, the love that had been growing constantly between them, the prospect of a future together.
Jen sat back again for a moment; she pressed her left hand harder to her cheek. She winced at the pain, but didn't release the pressure. She wanted to feel the tenderness, she needed to feel it. She wanted Tilly back, she was prepared to fight for her, whatever it took, but did Tilly want her back? The pain in her cheek emboldened her as she realised Tilly cared; she wouldn't have come and found Jen after the events in Keeler's office if she didn't. Yes she was hurt, hurt more than she thought was ever possible, but to Jen, Tilly showing up and revealing such raw emotion towards her, gave her hope. She knew it was a completely backwards way of thinking but she knew sometimes things worked better in reverse. She let her thought process wander for a while, trying to figure out her next move. Ironically she envisioned the ending of their relationship as a plane crash. But this didn't have to be the end. A fatal series of events had led them to this outcome, each needing to be addressed before any forward movement could be made. But this didn't need to be their final outcome. She couldn't let it end like this. Jen had constantly put up boundaries, lines that couldn't be crossed if they were to be together. But Jen knew she needed to make a decision, boundaries fenced you in. She didn't want to waste her life drawing lines, she wanted to live life, and that meant crossing them. She wanted to be with Tilly, she needed to be with Tilly. The prospect of life without her was unimaginable. They needed to go back, back to the beginning, back where it all started. Jen needed to get Tilly to Crosby Beach.
