I want to say thank you to those that reviewed, favored and alerted the story. and to those that sent me messages on tumblr. its greatly appreciated.
If you guys didn't already know, this story is pretty AU as will be most of my stories. somethings will remain the same but for the most part I've changed a lot of things.
From now on, the chapters will start with a flashbacks (which are in italic) of Sam and Mercedes life, ranging from the day they met to the they got married to the day Annabelle went missing. and they aren't in order.
I want to thank my darling beta rose - love you much girl
disclaimer: I own nothing except Annabelle and a few random people and places.
now on to the story
Chapter 2
Silence filled the small Midwestern home as the snow fell softly outside. Christmas was upon them, the stockings were filled to the brim and the Christmas tree was adorned with beautiful little lights and homemade ornaments. The Christmas gifts were neatly wrapped except for one that was clearly wrapped by an over excited father. The tranquil setting was abruptly interrupted when an overly excited two year old burst into her parent's room, expecting them to be up and buzzing with excitement like her but all she found were two still sleeping forms.
"MAMA! DADDY! WAKE UP! IT'S CHWISMAS! WAKE UP!" Annabelle couldn't believe her parents were still sleeping. How could they still be sleeping when Santa Clause had brought them presents!
Jumping up, they stared at Annabelle like she had grown two heads. They knew she would be excited for this day but her waking them up at 5 o'clock in the morning was unexpected. They had only slept for a bit since they spent most of the night experimenting with the left over chocolate frosting so saying they were exhausted was an understatement.
"Bellabear... its 5 o'clock in the morning and mama and daddy are really tired. If you come back in a little bit, we promise that we'll be up and ready to open the presents." Sam hated to say no to her, but he was bone tired and he knew Mercedes wasn't in the mood to get up so early.
"But daddy…Santa brought you puwesents… don't you wanna see what he got you?" She asked with a pout. Sam took a look at her and melted, she looked so much like Mercedes it scared him and he knew that when she got older he would have to get his shot gun ready because no one was dating his little girl. He smiled at her and with a sigh he said, "Alright bellabear. Give us a few minutes and we'll come downstairs. But after we opened the presents we are going back to bed ok sweetie?"
"Yes daddy!" Annabelle ran from her parent's room with haste. She was more than ready to get the day started and there was no way she was going back to bed when she had new toys to play with.
"You are such a sucker." Mercedes chuckled.
"Shut up Mercy." He said in a playful tone.
He began to leave little kisses around her neck when he heard his daughter yell out:
"MAMA! DADDY! IM NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER!"
Sam was jolted awake by the shrill sound of his alarm clock. He didn't want to wake up; he wanted to stay in bed and continue to dream of his little girl. His every thought was consumed with images of her big smile and her wide green eyes. He looked over at Mercedes and smiled to himself. She truly was the love of his life and he knew that she still blamed herself for Annabelle's disappearance and he told her every day in vain that she didn't do anything wrong but it didn't matter. He's sure she replayed that day in her head every single day. He vividly remembered the day Mercedes called him and he knew they would never be the same.
Sam had been hard at work, trying to fix Mr. Emerson's transmission when his phone rang in his pocket. He wasn't supposed to answer it so he ignored it but it rang again and again and again until he finally gave up and chucked it out of his pocket. He noticed that it was Mercedes and it worried him because she never called him that constant, the last time she called like that she was in labor with Annabelle and as far as he knew Mercedes wasn't pregnant. Furrowing his eyebrows he answered in a tentative voice.
"Hey baby I'm at –"
"SAM! SAM! SHE'S GONE! SHE'S GONE! SHE'S GONE!" Mercedes yelled from her side of the line. Sam's faced drained of color and he immediately began to feel light headed. No. this couldn't be happening. Not Annabelle. No.
"What do you mean she's gone? What happened? MERCEDES! Talk to me!"
"She's gone Sam! She's gone!"
Taking a deep breath, he didn't even realize he had been crying. "Oh Annabelle … What I would give to see you again…" Sam said in a whisper. Mercedes began to stir. Wrapping her arms around her husband, she buried her nose in his neck, inhaling his scent. It was moments like this that she wished she wasn't living in the nightmare that was her life. She wished she could have some sort of normalcy but that was stretch. With Annabelle gone and working double shifts since her coworker Maria went on maternity leave, she was stressed out to the max. She just needed some sort of release and being in bed with her sexy loving husband was going to have to do for the moment. Moving her hand from his waist; she began to rub is washboard abs. She loved that after all this time; he still maintained a great physique.
"Babe, we gotta get up and get ready for the day." Sam said to his wife but she shook her head. She wanted this feeling to last forever.
"No." she whined at him.
"Mercy, we don't have time, I gotta be at the shop today and you're still filling in for Maria aren't you?"
"Yeah but I don't wanna get up. Can't I just stay here with my husband and relax? I think we deserve it after everything that has happened."
"Baby I would love to spend the entire day in bed with you but we have bills to pay and you know how much you love your tots so who's to buy them for you if we both get fired?" He asked chuckling.
"Noooo." She pulled away and wrapped the blanket around her, covering her body from head to toe. Why didn't he understand that she needed to just have a day for herself?
"Mercedes if you don't get up I'll have to tickle you, and let's not forget that you just woke up so you know your bladder is filled to the max."
"OK! I'll get up. But I won't like It." She replied with a pout.
After showering and getting dressed, she went downstairs to prepare their breakfast when she reached into the cupboard and accidentally pulled out Annabelle's Sippy cup. Mercedes stared at it like her hand was on fire, where had this come from? After Annabelle went missing, she had Sam take all of her cups and plates into her room. Mercedes couldn't look at all her things and not want to cry her eyes out and now it had reappeared as if it was a sign from god. "Stop it Mercedes. It's just a Sippy cup. It's just a Sippy cup that Kurt bought her. It's just a cup she drank from the day she went missing. It's nothing. It's just a fucking cup. Calm down. Calm down Mercedes. It's just a fucking cup." she chanted to herself over and over. She didn't notice Sam was standing in the door way staring at her with a pained look on his face. He wished that he could take her pain away. It hurt him so much to see her that way; she truly was a shadow of her former self. She didn't smile, she didn't laugh. Some days he would come home and find her sitting in the living room in the dark. It worried him and he knew that if they didn't get professional help soon, it would be the end for them.
Reaching out he put one hand on her shoulder and went to grab the Sippy cup but she jerked away, surprising him. She turned and gave him an angry look.
"What is this Sam?"
"It's Annabelle's Sippy cup babe."
"What is it doing down here? What did we agree on Sam? Huh? What did we talk about regarding her things?"
"We agreed that anything that belonged to Annabelle would be put in her room. I must have missed one. I'm sorry. Give it to me I'll put it back."
"NO! I asked you to do one simple thing and you failed! I can't trust you with anything." Mercedes knew she was overreacting but she had specifically asked him to make sure all of her things were in her room. She didn't want to have this fight but she didn't want to see anything that reminded her of Annabelle but where ever she turned she saw little pieces of her. It reminded her of the failure that she was as a mother and as a woman. No matter how hard she tried or cried or prayed, Annabelle was everywhere.
"Mercedes, whoa ok? Relax. It's just a damn Sippy cup. I missed one, it's no big deal; just give it to me and I'll put it with the rest of her things." He said in an exasperated tone. He couldn't believe they were fighting over a damn Sippy cup. Is this what had become of their marriage? He knew she was hurting but damn it. A Sippy cup? Mercedes was cracking right in front of him and it took all of him not yell in frustration. He wanted to comfort her but when she lost it over little things like this; he knew he didn't have much time. What scared him was that this wasn't the first time Mercedes overreacted over something as miniscule as a Sippy cup. A week after Annabelle went missing; Mercedes found her tiny little mermaid light up sneakers by the back yard and it took Sam having to call her parents and having them come in to get her to not jump off the roof.
"NO! Forget it; clearly you can't seem to follow simple fucking instructions. I can't expect you to do anything around here without me holding your hand. I'm going to work Sam, try not to let any cars fall on your head." Slamming the Sippy cup down on the table she grabbed her bag and left the kitchen. Left stunned, Sam couldn't do anything but watch her walk out the kitchen, he heard her slam the front door, get in her car and drive off.
What the fuck just happened?
Instead of going to work, Mercedes drove around aimlessly, crying her eyes out. Did she really just blow up at Sam over a Sippy cup? Is this what had become of her life. Her emotions were getting the best of her and she knew she needed help. Pulling over on the side of the road, she fished out her phone she called her mother. Sheila Jones along with Sam had been her rock. She knew she could count on her for anything.
"Hey baby"
"Mama …" Mercedes tried to speak but her sobs over took her and she broke down in her car.
"Mercedes honey what's wrong? Did something happen to Sam? Are you ok? Do you need me to come and get you?" Sheila tried to be there for her daughter and her husband, she even moved in with them for a short period time, to try and ease the burden of Annabelle's disappearance.
"Mama … I can't do this anymore. I've lost myself mama. Today I flipped out about a damn Sippy cup! A Sippy cup mama! My life is a mess, I can't take it, and everything reminds me of her. No matter where I turn she's there. I'm at my wits end mama!"
"Oh Honey. I wish I could take this away. What can I do sweetie?"
"Bring me back Annabelle mom. Can you do that? Can you give me back my child?" She asked in a pleading tone and it broke Sheila's heart to hear the desperation in her daughters voice. She would never be able to fully understand what Sam and Mercedes had gone through. But she wanted to try and at least help.
"Oh baby … you know that if I could I would. I would give my life if it meant giving you back Annabelle". Mercedes let out a heart wrenching wail and collapsed on her steering wheel.
"Mercedes honey. Maybe you two need to go and get some therapy. You need someone to talk to and I know you have us and your friends but you need professional help honey. This isn't good, keeping your emotions bottled up is a hazard. I know that all this time without her had been tough, believe me it's been tough on all of us; but we can't let this defeat us Mercedes. We need to be strong for Annabelle; she wouldn't want you like this. Please promise me that you will talk to Sam and get some professional help? Please? If not for Annabelle at least for your sense of sanity"
"Yes mama. I'll talk to Sam, I need to go home and apologize to him. Can you please let daddy know I won't be coming in today."
"Sweetie, take the rest of the week off. Your father will understand. I love you Mercedes, remember that ok? I'm always going to be here for you."
For the first time Mercedes smiled, she thanked the lord above that she had such an amazing support system. Thanking her mother and promising to visit her soon, she pulled off and headed home. She prayed that agreeing to counseling would give her some sort of clarity.
Sam hadn't gone to the shop today. He spent the majority of the morning trying to find a therapist that would help them because he couldn't have a morning like they had. Her reaction to the Sippy cup scared him to his core and he couldn't do it anymore; they were going to get help even if it killed them.
He was so into his search, he didn't hear the front door open and close or her foot steps on the hardwood floors of their home.
"Sam?"
"Mercy, what are you doing home? Why aren't you at work?" He got up from the couch in the living room and advanced to her, with a scared look on his face.
"I need help … we … we need help Sam! This morning with the Sippy cup was scary. I'm willing to go to therapy if you still are? Just please don't leave me Sam. I've already lost Annabelle, I can't lose you too." Mercedes sobbed while holding tight to Sam's work uniform. The thought of Sam not being around scared her to her core and she knew that without him she would be as good as dead.
Grabbing the sides of her face, Sam gave his wife a passionate kiss, full of desperation and agony. He couldn't bear the thought of living without her and he planned to be there for every step of their recovery no matter the outcome.
"Baby – I would never leave you. EVER. So get that thought of your head. We are going to get through this. I promise you. We will get through this, or I will die trying." He said to Mercedes with tears in his eyes.
"I've spent almost all morning looking for a psychiatrist and I think I found one. Her name is Ennid Ferguson and according to my research she's really good. She's willing to see us tomorrow morning if that's ok with you? I've called Burt and he said I can have the week off."
"Yeah my dad gave me the week off too, so tomorrow is actually perfect, the faster the better." Taking her in his arms again, he gave her another passionate kiss, this one full of yearn and want. It had been a while since they made love; with the stress of Annabelle's disappearance and work and paying bills, they forgot to take care of each other's personal needs. When they did do it, it felt strange to Sam, almost as if he was making love to a ghost instead of his wife. Moments like this were very rare and he planned to take full advantage of it. Bending over and picking her up, he carried Mercedes upstairs to their bedroom where he gently laid her down on their bed. Their clothes were quickly discarded and thrown askew around their bedroom. Bringing her into his lap, they connected as one as their bodies danced a frantic rhythm; and when Mercedes came, she held on to him for dear life. Crying out how much she loved him and needed, she sobbed into his shoulder while he rubbed her back soothingly. As she quieted down, he laid her down on the bed and wrapped the covers around them and as he snuggled her close he knew that somehow, someway, they would be ok.
"I can't believe today is the day hon! Aren't you excited?" Kurt asked Mercedes from the passenger side seat of her car. Today was the day she would be finding out whether she was having a boy or a girl and she couldn't be more nervous. Unfortunately Sam had to work and was extremely disappointed he couldn't be there but she assured him that he would be there in spirit. She didn't want to get her hopes up but she desperately wanted to have a girl, a little girl that had her nose and her lips and Sam's eyes and goofy personality. She couldn't wait for the day to hold her and finally take her home. Pulling up into the clinic with an over eager Kurt, her heart raced with doubt. What if something went wrong? What if the baby is sick? What if she isn't a good parent? Her mind leaped from one bad scenario to the next until she felt Kurt gently laid one hand on her shoulder and another on her protruding 5 month old pregnant belly. She looked up at him and she saw the look of worry he gave her.
"Mercy Me, what's going on in that head of yours?" he asked her
"Kurt – what if I can't do it? What if I mess up my baby's life? I know it's too late to say I'm not ready but I'm not. I don't know what I would do with myself if something were to go wrong…" Mercedes told her longtime friend with tears pooling in her eyes. Sam and Mercedes had been having this conversation since she had found out she was pregnant and Sam had tried in vain to express to her that she didn't need to worry, everything was going to be fine and they were going to have a beautiful baby; but that didn't stop Mercedes from worrying.
"Mercedes don't think that way ok? I know as a first time mother you are scared of the future but you are an amazing person and so unbelievably giving and caring. There aren't many people in the world like you and Sam, you two see the best in people and I know that in my heart you two are going to be the best parents because you two are the greatest people I know. So stop all the tears because you are far too beautiful for all of this. Now let's go because you know how my skin gets in this heat." He smiled while grabbing her hand and helping her out of the car and into the clinic. They were quickly attended to and before she knew it Mercedes was laying down on the bed while her doctor pressed her wand to her belly. With Kurt holding her hand, she heard the sounds of her baby heart.
"Oh my god, Mercy, look! It's your baby! Look at your baby!" Kurt exclaimed from his seat. Holding tightly to her hand he wiped his tears with the other.
"Would you like to know the sex of your baby Mercedes?"
"YES!" they both yelled out.
The doctor laughed and moved the wand around some more until she found what she was looking for.
"It's a girl, Mercedes. You are going to have a girl. Congratulations"
"Mrs. Evans?" Mercedes was snapped out of her daze when she heard the therapist call her name, she took in her surroundings and noticed that she wasn't at home curled up in bed but sitting with Sam at Dr. Ennid Ferguson's office.
"Mrs. Evan, are you alright?" Dr. Ferguson asked her and Mercedes finally got a good look at the doctor. She was a woman in her mid-forty's with a nice golden tan and black hair with bits of grey in them, she was dressed beautifully in a double breasted gray suit with a simple black skirt and wide rim glasses.
"I have to be quite honest, I've had a lot of patience and I've heard a lot of stories but yours is definitely the first. First off I want to say I am extremely sorry about the disappearance of your daughter, as a mother of five myself, I can only image what you must be going through. What makes your case a little different is that not all hope is lost, do the police have any leads?"
Mercedes looked down in disgust as Sam answered for them "No they don't, but our parents have hired a private detective. We haven't heard anything in about 3 months but like you said all hope is not lost. I do believe we will get her back." Sam said with his head held high but with the way doctor Ferguson was looking at him, she knew he was just putting on a front for Mercedes.
"Sam do you always put on a front?"
"I'm sorry?"
"It just seems to me that you are putting up a front to make Mercedes feel better but how do you feel about all of this?"
"Uh – I'm not putting up anything; I have to be strong for my wife. I can't have the both of us in a crying mess."
"Let me ask you something. Do you feel any type of remorse for Annabelle's disappearance?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"I'm just trying to get a feel of your emotions because right now I'm not getting anything."
"You wanna know how I feel? Alright I'll tell you. I'm devastated! My child is gone! A child I helped make and watch grow in my wife's womb for 9 months. I spent 21 hours holding Mercedes hand while she was in labor to finally hold Annabelle and tell her that I would protect her no matter what! You wanna know how I feel? I feel like a failure because I couldn't protect my daughter! It should have been me not her! I'm Annabelle's father and I couldn't help her! You know I stay up some nights, sweating with worry that I might lose Mercy the way I lost Annabelle? Do you know how hard it is for me to live knowing Annabelle is out there somewhere? Alone? And scared? And you have the nerve to ask me do I feel remorse?"
"Sam, baby please calm down." Mercedes pleaded with her husband. It scared her to know Sam had been harboring all these feelings about Annabelle and now she was even more glad that they had agreed to counseling but looking at Sam's face and hearing his heartbreaking words made the tears that were pulling in her eyes slide down her cheeks.
"No! You wanted to know how I'm fucking feel? Well there you go!" picking up his jacket Sam walked out of the therapy session slamming the door in his haste, leaving Mercedes and Dr. Ferguson with shocked expressions.
The ride back to the house was filled with awkward silence and Mercedes tried to talk to her husband but he never bothered to respond. Arriving at their home, Sam practically ran out of Mercedes car and into the house. Walking into the house she called out his name but he didn't answer so she decided to look for him. When she checked his office, she found him huddled in a corner holding a picture, sobbing loudly.
"Annabelle baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry baby; I didn't mean for this to happen! I broke my promise bellabear. I didn't protect you! I'm a horrible father. Oh Annabelle." Sam's sobs wreaked havoc on his body and he shook from the tremors that kept passing through him. He felt Mercedes wrap her arms around him and rock him back and forth until his sobs calmed down.
"Mercy baby, I failed you too! I'm sorry baby! Please don't leave me! Please let me fix this!" He began to sob louder.
"It's ok Sammy! It's going to be ok! I promise you! It's gonna be ok baby. We will get through this ok Sammy? It's me and you against the world remember that? It's just me and you again the world"
Mercedes rocked Sam until his sobs had completely stopped and his breathing slowed down and he fell asleep in her arms. She helped him up and laid him down on the couch and pulled the blanket over him, preparing to leave; Mercedes felt Sam grab her wrist.
"Don't go baby, sleep in here with me. You know I can't sleep alone." He told his wife in a sleepy tone.
Without uttering a word, Mercedes removed her heels and climbed on top of her husband and he wrapped his big arms around her. Before falling into a deep sleep, Mercedes thanked the lord that Sam had finally expressed what he had been feeling since Annabelle went missing. She prayed that god would bless them with a miracle or at least an understanding on how to cope.
So yay or nay? let me know what you guys think. was there anything you guys liked? hated? Don't forget to review that way i know you guys are enjoyed it.
A/N: for those that are waiting for chapter 6 of in too deep its finished! i just need to send it to my beta and you guys should have it soon.
