It's nearly impossible not to feel sad when you're by yourself and it happens to be raining and no one has talked to you all day. It's dramatic and sort of pathetic. I'm sitting on the old beige carpet of my apartment and have my arms wrapped around my chest. I sighed and thought about how depressing this set up was and that this could possibly be the scene for a music video for a sad, sad song. Probably Adele. I suppose it was just the chemicals in my brain getting confused and convincing me that I was sad for no apparent reason. But who knows? I sure as hell didn't. It was at that time of evening where it was too early to sleep but there really wasn't much to do due to the fact that all of my friends were out. What a pathetic person I was. Here I was, at the supposed prime part of my life (26 to be exact) and I was watching raindrops race each other down the window pane in my dark apartment room. I couldn't even bother myself to eat anything and I didn't really feel the need to.
I reached over and slapped at my iPhone to check the time. It blared 8:24 at me in a seemingly taunting manner and I also couldn't help but notice that I had no texts or missed calls. I bit my lip and suppressed the tears that were starting to well up. I mean, I couldn't blame anyone, I had denied all of their invitations to go out. Why was I always like this? Too scared to get out there and make some memories? I suppose. I have been having these low points since about 4th grade where I would just seclude myself from friends and family and just feel completely sorry for myself for the duration of it. It made absolutely no sense but I did it anyway and loathed myself for it.
My roommate and her boyfriend were out on a date, something that I haven't been on in quite a while. Not that I haven't been asked out, I have had plenty of men hit on me, and tell me that I am beautiful. And I agree, to an extent. I am slender and I have long auburn hair that goes down to the middle of my back that I usually wore in light loose curls. I also had very light brown eyes and my left eye has an orange spot around my pupil. I was also rather tall, I stood about 5'8 but I didn't particularly like that part of myself. Anyway, many men have shown an interest in me, but I really wasn't that interested right now, which I probably should be.
I sighed again and sauntered over to the couch and collapsed on it, turning on the TV just to make the place seem less lonely. It wasn't long until I dozed off into an unexpected, dreamless sleep while the opening theme of Family Guy started.
I woke up to the feeling of having my legs lifted and someone sitting down on the couch next to me and then promptly putting my legs back down in their lap. I sleepily breathed in and rubbed my eyes to see who it was. A rather beautiful man sat before me and smiled as I stretched and woke up a bit more. He had a mess of brown hair that curled slightly and sideburns that ran down the side of his chiseled jawline. Everything about his face was masculine and handsome, except for his eyes that were a soft, all-knowing hazel that would make any normal and unprepared girl melt. His full lips were unfair and were stretched in a slight smile that showed off some perfectly straight and white teeth. His hand went up to scratch his chest that sported a green shirt that had the word TOBUSCUS printed across the front. Of course he was sporting his own merchandise. It was an odd sight when he wore a different style of shirt, and his shirt really suited him.
"Why hello, sleepyhead." the owner of all of this beauty said. I groaned in reply and sat up.
"Oh hi, Toby. What time is it?" I looked around for my phone.
"Around 1:30 I think." he patted his hands on my bare legs in a little drum beat.
I groaned and sat up all of the way.
"So why are you here? Shouldn't you be filming or partying or something? It's a Saturday night you know." I bit my lip at the hypocrisy that was coming out of my mouth, and sure enough, his eyebrows rose slightly.
"Shouldn't you be out enjoying yourself as well?" I rolled my eyes. "And anyway, I've already recorded both of today's and tomorrow's episodes. And the club really didn't seem all that appealing tonight."
I nodded in approval and got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, Toby following close behind.
"Coffee?" I asked him, already knowing the answer.
"Duh." He leaned against the counter top and watched as I made the coffee.
It's always been like this. Between us, I mean. We've became friends when we met at college back in Florida and we've been together ever since. He was a year ahead of me and when he moved to L.A. I went as well, but we went for different reasons. I was the assistant director of choirs at one of the many Middle Schools and he went to, of course, pursue his YouTube career along with his acting. Since we have been together for so long, these visits weren't uncommon at all. He's had the spare key to my apartment since we've lived here, I've gotten pretty used to him popping up at random times demanding food or forcing me to accompany him on his many endeavors.
I stared at the coffee maker as it began dripping the warm liquid down into the pot. I felt Toby's eyes on me which made me shift my weight and I turned around to glance at him.
"What are you looking at?" I said rather harshly. He just smiled.
"You know, you're kind of cute, Lyla."
I couldn't help but blush a little, but I looked away before he could see it.
"Oh shut up." I grabbed a coffee cup and filled it and added just a dash of sugar in it. I thought it was disgusting this way, but Toby loved it. I handed him the warm ceramic and got myself one that was loaded with cream and sugar.
"I don't see how you can add that much crap to it, it doesn't even taste like coffee anymore." He scrunched his nose and walked out of the kitchen.
"That may be the point." I followed him and we continued to go to my room, which was slightly messy and had a bra on the floor, which he of course on purpose kicked with his foot. I lightly smacked his back and he giggled a little bit.
We climbed in my bed and drank our coffee and just talked about nothing and everything, like normal. We were talking about colors right now, and I glanced at the clock, it blared 2:53.
"So that's why I think my red is slightly different from yours." He stated as he lifted his hands in the air and just stared at his fingers. "My redness may be the same as your darkness."
"Is this why we're best friends?" I said suddenly, staring at his face that soon turned to face me, his gorgeous eyes slipping up to meet mine, a questioning look emitting from them.
"I mean, like this." I gestured to the both of us which resulted in Toby smiling and raising his eye brows. "We sit and talk for hours. We point out shapes on the ceiling and the stars. We argue about what kind of Twilight movie is the worst. We always make time for each other. I don't feel like I have to look dolled up around you." I was mumbling by now and I chose to stare at my own fingers that rested in my lap and went silent.
I watched his hand come over and cover my own with a warm touch.
"What's the matter, Lyla?" His voice was low and almost a whisper, contrary to how loud and exciting it was just moments before, I'm surprised that my neighbors didn't come and complain.
I just shook my head and smiled a fake little smile but couldn't help but notice that I could feel the tears starting to creep up from out of nowhere. What the hell, body?!
"Hey, I know you're lying." He sat up and moved closer to me, looking at me in a demanding way. There isn't a thing that this man doesn't know about me. He knows every small detail about my life and past that he could write a word for word book about me.
"I don't even know. And if I did, it's probably stupid." I fought the tears again and sniffled and looked back down. I felt his hand come up to my chin and force me to look at him.
"It would never be stupid, and after all, I'll find out eventually. We did date, you know."
He smirked as a laugh escaped from my lips and a tear fell down my cheek which I quickly wiped away. He always knew what to say. And it is true, when we first met back in college, my freshman year, we dated for about a week before we broke up because we knew it wouldn't work.
"Hey now, c'mere." He pulled me into his arms and I laid my head on his chest. I could hear the steady beat of his heart and I felt instantly clam. I wrapped my arms around his waist and completely dissolved into this comfortable position.
"You're going to be okay, Lyla. No one expects you to be happy and fine all of the time." How did he know? He kissed my forehead which made me feel a pang of nervousness, a feeling which confused me, and then we slowly climbed under the covers. He wrapped his arm around me and I cuddled up to him.
"Thanks, Toby. You really are the best person in the World." I bet my voice was barely audible due to the fact that sleep was steadily taking over my whole being.
"I know, but you can tell me that again." I felt his chest move in a slight chuckle.
"You're the best in the world." I started to slip away in a much more comfortable sleep. The last thing that crossed my mind was how good it felt for him to just lightly rub my arm with his fingers like he was doing.
