I'm back, bitches.
Cody.
"Wait...when did we...is...is that what we are now? Boyfriends?" I think Noah just managed to break my brain harder than ever before. This was exactly what I had wanted to talk about! Was he reading my mind, or maybe thinking the same?! Was this slip up intentional? I could tell by his eyes that it totally wasn't.
Am I really Noah's...boyfriend? Oh gosh already I just-KAJDJASHDJASHDJASHDKAJS.
Whoops. I forgot what words are. That was my brain spazzing.
I can tell I'm blushing and standing awkwardly and my heart is pounding so much and staring and yeah just what-BOYFRIEND?!
"Oh god...um...I really didn't mean to...wow this is awkward..." He looked really uncomfortable. Even moreso than I was.
"I uh...tickle fight's not gonna get me outta this awkward moment, is it?" Awkward and innocent. Two words that definitely describe me best.
"No, I don't think-wait was that what you were doing that time...? You caused more awkwardness between us trying to get rid of the original awkward...? God, that is such a Cody thing to do." He laughed a little. His normal smirk came back to his face. So much awkward just lifted. Am I overusing the word awkward? Do normal people talk to themselves in their heads this much?
For once, though. I want to confront this. I don't want to make it go away. I made sure to come today to get this addressed as soon as possible. "Noah, I think we should date!" I blurted out.
I had accidentally cut him off mid-sentence during one of his probably video game-related rambles. I hadn't really been paying attention for once. He took a second to have my words hit him. His face turned red and his eyes got kinda wide. I hope that's good.
"I...for real?" He's usually good with words, but I guess that wasn't really the case today.
"Yeah, like for real. Like couple-ish and stuff. I'd really like that." I got the words out the best that I could without making it weird.
He seemed to think it over. The unsure face he was making put a strain on my heart. I didn't like that. "I dunno about that, Cody...I mean, just because we're the only ones we know that 'swing that way' or whatever, doesn't mean we should feel forced into a relationship. I assume that's what you meant."
My heart sank.
"Is...that what you think this is?" That really hurt. I...wow. Did he really mean that?
He looked at me. "Hey, whoa, I didn't mean...well I kinda did...but...ugh I hate feelings." He hid his face in his hands. He was frustrated by this.
"So...you don't want me? Is that what you're saying? You didn't feel anything last night at all?" Is this mad or sad, or both?
"Dammit, Cody. You know I did I just feel like you're forcing this a bit. Shouldn't you give it time or something?" I can't understand this. I wanted this. I wanted him to be officially mine.
I wanted to be firm. "No, Noah. I don't want to give it time. I want this now. I don't want to pretend anything. What I'm feeling is real and I don't understand how you can't feel it. I don't want to have to wait to kiss you again."
"I get that bu-wait...you want to...do that more...?" His already red face turned even redder than his sweatervest this time.
"Of course I want that! I just didn't realize it until it happened! Ugh, I hate feelings too." I let myself drop back-first onto his bed facing him. "I want to, even right now. So badly."
Something in his face told me that he didn't understand how anyone could ever like him. But he's the most likeable person I know. At least, in my eyes. He's intelligent, sarcastic, and above all, I feel like he needs me.
We didn't make eye contact and the room was totally silent for what felt like forever.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "If you promise it won't get in the way of our friendship, which is kinda my biggest fear ever since I came out to you in the first place, I'd like to, too." That took a lot out of him.
I couldn't believe this. I sat up to make eye contact for once."You're being for real?"
He smiled. You heard me. Smiled. Not smirked. "For real."
I couldn't help but kiss him.
Soooooooo yeah. Back, bitches. With a special delivery of feels. I'm sorry it took so long. I had been in the hospital for some time and took a while to make sure everything was alright before writing again. But yeah, we're back to Cody being the main character. Him and all his feelings xD I missed writing for you guys and hopefully I won't be roadblocked any more for writing. I also hope most of my fans are still here xD As always, reviews are magic and I love you guys. Tell me your thoughts :) -Kaitlyn
