Kakashi dug his nails into the weathered wood grain of the pub table. He hated opening his regular Pandora's box of ancient dirty laundry and despair, but he knew this conversation was way past due.
Naruto stared his Sensei in the eye. Although he had never been known for his receptivity (and for good reason), the student knew Kakashi was gonna lay down something heavy. As Naruto might have feared, Kakashi started his spiel in his own vague, confusing way.
The unobservant pupil tried his best to make connections, and soon, Kakashi's topic became familiar.
The reason I didn't do it was simple, and not as ignoble as you might think. I am a man of my word for the most part, but I just said something to appease my teacher. Although I have decent foresight, I never saw Minato-Sensei dying. I never thought I'd be expected to actually follow through with his request. It was so hypothetical, he was being completely paranoid!
When Kushina became pregnant, Sensei took me aside and asked me to take care of Kushina and Naruto if anything ever happened to him. I laughed. Who wouldn't have?
Sensei's face hardened at my response. He continued his explanation.
"Jiraiya will be Naruto's godfather. Kushina and I selected him because he essentially raised me, though, we both know how responsible that guy is".
However hypothetical (and in my head at the time, utterly unlikely) the situation at hand was, I cringed at the thought of that pedophile raising a child.
"Yes, I understand, Sensei. If anything ever happens to you, I will take care of Naruto".
Except I didn't.
When Sensei died, I was completely crushed. You wouldn't need to be a child psychologist to understand my attachment to that man, especially after my dad committed suicide. I was emotionally unstable, and quite frankly, I didn't want to live. I joined the ANBU unit, essentially because I saw it as a more valiant suicide than my father's. When that didn't kill me, Lord Third required me to return to Konoha and train you, Sasuke, and Sakura.
That was the first time I'd ever met you. I was the man who promised your father I'd raise you, and I didn't even meet you until you were 12.
As he finished his speech, Kakashi's face sunk. He felt overcome with guilt for being such an undeniable coward, from running away from commitment, for letting his Sensei down.
Naruto sat quietly for a while, sipping his juice and pondering the situation. After brief consideration, he spoke.
Kakashi, I'm not mad at you. If I were, don't you think I would have brought it up before?
Kakashi raised his head. His eyes regained a flash of his more characteristic look of bemusement.
Before, you didn't know your dad asked me to watch you.
Naruto considered,
How old were you at the time?
I was 14.
Sensei, my dad expected too much of you. Hell, I think Asuma expected too much out of Shikamaru! It's pretty damn selfish to give a teenager the responsibility of raising a kid. Between the baby and Temari, Shika doesn't even have time to be lazy and smoke herbs.
Kakashi rolled his eyes again. Even though only one of them was visible, he believed it still illustrated how he felt toward the boy at most times.
Would you keep it down about the Nara family's herbs?
Oh, like anyone in all of Konoha doesn't know where to get good MJ.
(sigh) And I digress. Anyway, Naruto, I'm a terrible student and I disrespected my Sensei by not raising you. If you exhibited any semblance of normalcy, you would probably be disgusted right now and wish to fight me.
The cocky blonde dude scoffed.
Yeah, like that would even be a challenge. You'd be down in five minutes.
Kakashi, I don't feel like you owe me anything. As for my dad, well, as insensitive as it might sound, he's dead, so his opinions don't matter. I'm okay, you're okay, let's get some ramen. Since you're such a terrible person, you should probably pay for both of us.
The elder ninja felt slightly surprised by the 180 his emotions took after that comment. Naruto could be such a turd.
After he parted with Kakashi that night, all Naruto could think about was how different his life might have been if Kakashi were a part of it much earlier.
Would he be happier? Would he be smarter? Would he be stronger? Would he read porn in broad daylight?
It was an interesting hypothetical, but there was no benefit to dwelling on it. As being a ninja had taught him all too well, the past is said and done.
The next morning, Naruto stepped into the kitchen to grab some instant ramen before a day of training. To his horror, his spicy shrimp ramen was nowhere to be seen. Where it previously stood lay an orange bowl filled with vegetables.
If he were really a negligent guardian, he'd let me eat ramen every day, Naruto thought dully as he bit into a stalk of celery.
