A/N: I decided to make it a twoshot instead, though I am open to doing more chapters if you readers so desire. Now, you have to read this as if you are Miku, which will give you an insight to how I am feeling now… I feel kind of mean putting Miku into my situation.

Hope you all will enjoy this, and thank you all for the support!

To Haruka, Hey! We have the same name! :D Haha. About the ending, maybe I'll make one depending on how my own situation turns out? But that'll take time.

To Truna, I'm sorry that the sentences are a little long, but my thoughts come in long chains. No one's suggestion is useless, and I am glad you took the time to give me one though I may not be able to heed it.

To the anonymous Christian reviewer, I am glad you think that we should be able to love who we want to love. I know too many Christians more than willing to use God's name to shame the lesbians, gays and bisexuals. I wish there were more people like you, my friend.

To coldkidd87, no need to be sorry, hopefully this experience will make me a little stronger.

Haruka

You do not know why you were so attracted to her, you just were. She was beautiful and adorable; you melted when you saw her smile or heard her laugh. When she called you cute and you protested in embarrassment, you had felt a happiness you never felt before when all the other kids in school called you cute. You were well-liked by everyone, but you did not care at all about their opinions of you, only hers mattered.

The day you first put your arms around her, teasing her like an old friend or lover though you only knew her by name, you became intoxicated with her scent. You became addicted to her adorable reactions, her embarrassment; you could not get enough of her. Before you knew it, you were helplessly in love with her. You found her every action absolutely endearing and you could get hypnotized by the sway of her hair or the sparkle in her eyes.

Megurine Luka was not perfect, you knew that well. You loved her so-called 'imperfections' and 'flaws' because they made her even more endearing in your eyes, She was sweet as sugar, a little too shy for her own good, way too easy to embarrass and had a laugh that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. She was your drug; the more you got, the more you wanted.

It was a strange friendship you two shared, it was a physical one full of hugging, teasing and playful hair tugging, laughing and pouting and giggling, you two barely talked. You did not mind, you loved being by her side and you were happy just having her company. She loved to poke your sides after she found out you were extremely ticklish and you found a playful side to her you never knew existed. It intoxicated you; you loved seeing that glint in her beautiful blue eyes when she chased after you to tease you in revenge.

However, your love for her grew and burned so high you could no longer ignore it. It began to dig a chasm between you and her, you feared being too clingy and exposing your feelings for her and ended up nearly avoiding her altogether. Being without her made you feel empty, you wanted to be able to go back to her side without having to be too self-conscious about your feelings. Hence, you decided to confess to her, fully knowing you would be rejected.

"Luka, I love you." You just said it like that; you knew you did not need to do anything special because she was only going to reject you. "I'm sorry, I only see you as a friend…" her response was exactly what you had expected, but it hurt. Though you prepared yourself for the pain, it still shattered you, tearing through your heart and bringing tears to your eyes. It crippled you, it hurt, and that night, you cried yourself to sleep.

In the morning, you went to school with your usual smile; you still teased her and hugged her as if nothing had happened the previous night. Awkwardness had crept up between you two, but you pretended to be too dense to notice it. For Valentine's Day, you bought her a gift that she promptly rejected. Smiling and pretending it was really nothing, you hid the crippling pain in your heart and giggled it off. Your already wounded heart took a terrible beating; you could barely raise your head in the mornings to face each day.

"To: Megurine Luka

Help me please…"

Broken and hurt, you begged for help that night. She was the only one you dared to go to, she was the only one whom you trusted would not laugh at how broken you truly were. She did not reply you, you wondered if she had failed to receive the message or if she was purposely avoiding your messages. It did not matter to you; you desperately needed help then, and had no one to go to. Like a wounded dog, you ran to her in your moments of weakness, begging for help.

She never replied.

That night was the first night you gave in to the blade. In your loneliness, the knife offered solace, and in your desperation you took it. It made you feel nothing at all, it was relief from your pain, and you were so desperate you did not give a damn about the consequences. You needed what the blade could give you, so you took it.

Through Facebook, you knew that she received your pleas for help and had read them. It hurt you deeply to know she was ignoring you, but you maintained your airheaded exterior regardless. You continued to hug her and tease her, pretending not to be able to sense the tension in her shoulders when you put your arms around her. People thought you two looked 'cute' together; you giggled and pretended not to notice that she had stiffened considerably. However, it wounded you badly; your colorful world became monochrome, pointless.

Luka told you she was scared of you, of how strong your emotions were. You apologized in tears, telling her you understood, and a deep loathing for yourself took root in your heart. You desired to stop loving her, to be able to kill off the sinful love that burned within you for her, but you could not. The more you tried, the more you loved her, and you quickly approached your mental and emotional limit. Plasters began to line your wrists every single day, your eyes became hollow and your smiles became fake, plastic. The world was suddenly cold, dark and unfriendly.

You mourned the loss of your friendship, you missed her scent and you saw her every night in your dreams. It was painful, it was lonely, you curled up in fetal position and cried yourself to sleep every night. You wanted her back, you wanted your old, easygoing friendship back, but Luka would not allow it. She could not forget that you loved her, and she would never feel at ease around you anymore. You longed to lie to her, to say that you had gotten over her, but you could not bring yourself to lie. Especially not to her, she meant so much to you that you wanted to only tell her the truth. So you left things as they were, hoping, desperately hoping that things would return to normal again though you knew it was a forlorn hope.

Then, she started avoiding you. When you walked by her in school, she looked away and sped up. When you put a hand on her shoulder or tried to approach her, she fled so obviously even a blind rat would know she was avoiding you. She took long, troublesome routes to avoid bumping into you, going as far as to descend to the third floor to go to the bathroom so she would not have to pass by your class. It hurt. You gave her pained, heartbroken looks that asked, "What did I do wrong now?", she walked away without a second glance every time. You would look after her, crestfallen, and make an appointment with your trusty blade that night to take the pain away. You did not care anymore if others saw your cuts; they could call you crazy for all you cared. Only what Luka thought of you mattered, and she was already scared of you. Nothing mattered anymore.

You watched her grow close to new friends, you got jealous and you felt abandoned and hurt, but you got the message. She did not want to see your face any more. She had Meiko and Lily now, two of the noisy badass girls Luka would never have talked to before if she were not so desperate to get away from you. Your posture began to change, your shoulders began to curve in, you held your arms close to your body, you looked down at the ground all the time, and you walked with heavy steps instead of your usual lighthearted skip.

You watched Lily and Meiko show her hot guys and ask her which one she liked; you saw her smile and blush. The message seemed clear enough to you, Megurine Luka was straight, you had no chance with her and you had probably disgusted her with your sexuality. It was a painful thought, but it was what your despair clouded mind came up with as you watched her with a pained, heartfelt longing.

Desperate, you wrote her a letter because you knew she would not read your messages any longer. On a piece of blue card, you poured out your heart.

"Dear Luka,

Have you been avoiding me recently? I have noticed that you have been going to lengths to get away from me, I wonder if I am reading too deep in to things or if you are really afraid of me. You do not even reply my messages any more, did I do something wrong?

I am sorry; I did not mean to fall in love with you. I destroyed a beautiful friendship, and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I want to stop loving you, but I cannot. Every little thing about you drives me crazy, the smell of your hair, the sweet sound of your laugh, your hypnotizing smile… I cannot stop thinking about you and every time I think about you I fall even deeper for you.

It must be really annoying to have someone love you so much, I'm sorry about that. It is all my fault, I should not have come into your life and ruined everything for you. I made things awkward between us by feeling too much, I hate that. I feel so empty without you, my chest is empty when you are not around as my heart is with you, and I cannot get rid of that feeling. I am trying, I am trying my best, but it will take time and I hope you will be able to give me that.

I miss you so much… Life is pointless without you in it. Please… just because I love you does not mean you have to be so awkward around me and try to flee from me the moment you see me. You do not need to treat me any different from any other friend of yours because of this; I am simply a friend who feels a little more than she should. I know you will never love me back and I am trying my best to move on, but I do not want to lose you as a friend because of this. You are important to me, our friendship is worth everything to me, and I am begging you not to throw me away because of my broken, sinful feelings.

Sometimes, I feel like ending everything. I wonder what it is I will be losing, because I have absolutely nothing left without you. A future without you in it is not a future that I wish to have. It should not matter to anyone if I die, hmm? Someone else will love you the way I love you, for all the little beautiful things about you, someone else will take my place as the top Literature student, heck, I even have someone competing with me in the amount of Mother Tongue homework owed.

Maybe I should just disappear…

Well, I guess I have gotten everything I can think of at the moment out. Please tell me if you are willing to continue being my friend, or if you rather I disappear and leave you to your life.

Love,

Miku."

You snuck it in among her books when she went out for her Biology Science Practical Assessment (or SPA for short) and waited to see if she would respond to you. She never did, and that was it. You crumbled completely. Snap. There went your sanity. The blade kissed your skin again that night; you carved the letters "M L" into your wrist, her initials. You became desperate; you turned to the school counselor for help and told her a fraction of the things that you were feeling, hoping she could help. It was useless; you still cut even with her help as you found yourself unable to trust her.

Without Luka, your life was monochrome and stormy. The sky was full of clouds that always poured freezing rain over your small body, and the wind cut through you like a hot knife through butter. You hated it, you had not known that everything would end when it did; she had just cut and run even though you both had said it was alright. You did not notice when she took away all your problems just by being near to you, you only noticed when they all came back when you were without her. Without her, you simply could not function any longer. Life was too dark, too cold.

Cutting quickly became the cost for your smile. If you wanted to remain, outwardly, the same old Hatsune Miku, you had to cut yourself every night to combat the pain in your heart. To you, it was a small price to pay to hide how pathetic you truly were, so you did it. However, it took only a few more days before it happened again. Snap. You broke, and you broke really badly. In your arm you carved her name, "LUKA".

That was the day you decided you had had enough. It was much more than you could take, you hated your emotions, and you decided then you would kill them all off. After school that day, you went to the hairdresser's and told her, "Cut my hair to the base of my neck." The hairdresser looked horrified, repeatedly asking if you were serious, and you nodded. Determined to change, you told her firmly, "Cut it short."

Reluctantly, she did, and you felt a huge weight leave your shoulders along with the long turquoise tresses that everyone loved. Looking at your new haircut, a boy's haircut that was untidy and uneven, you decided that you liked it. You paid the hairdresser and went home to type up a final message to the girl you would force yourself to stop loving.

"To: Megurine Luka

Luka, I give up now. I'm tired of all this, I am completely exhausted by this act that I have been putting up and I no longer have the strength to continue it. I should never have fallen for you, I ruined a beautiful friendship and I will regret that even after my death. Because of this incident, I have learned a valuable lesson, that emotions mess everything up and I am better off without them completely. I am sorry for ruining your life by stepping into it; I hope you will someday be able to forgive me.

Tomorrow, I will be a changed Miku, and I will no longer try to contact you. I will be a loner, that is what a person like me deserves. Please do not think it as your fault; it is solely mine, for I was the one who fell in love with you. You never asked for this, you are the victim here and I am very sorry for it.

I love you, but I wonder how long more I will be capable of feeling."

The next day, no one at school could believe your sudden transformation. They asked you if you had donated your hair or was trying to look less loli by chopping off your twintails. They were joking, you knew that, and the old you would have given some kind of tsundere answer or something. However, the new you would do nothing of the sort. They were all surprised when you ignored them and walked by them as if they were not there. Everyone stared at you when they saw you stay awake in every single class, no longer draw in every class you could and catch up on your Mother Tongue homework. It was tough, but you wanted desperately to forget her so you buried yourself completely in your studies.

Surprisingly, you began to find subjects you loathed easier and more understandable, and you began to get near straight As when you used to have a big fat F for Mother Tongue, a C for Mathematics and a beautiful E for Physics. You did not care about the gossip that flowed about Luka and you, burying yourself completely into academics and becoming a robot. The teachers were worried, but they were more pleasantly surprised for you were finally excelling the way you should. Your emotional state was none of their business; they just wanted you to do well so you could assure yourself a good future.

Luka had approached you that day, you had almost laughed aloud. When you were seeking her, she avoided you, and now that you were avoiding her she was seeking you. How cruel could the world get?

You ignored her, giving her blank look that told her clearly you no longer wished to see her. There was nothing Luka could do for you any more, you had finally made your choice to stand on your own two feet and do something about the pointless emotions you felt for her.

You were deeply hurt, of course, you were desperate to talk to her, to listen to her and cry in her arms again, but you were too afraid of being hurt to do so. You wanted to make her disappear, it was hard enough for you to make such drastic changes to your personality and to ignore her, you did not want to have her chasing you at the same time.

You began to understand how she had felt when you chased her, it made you feel pity for her and guilty for your actions. She had wanted to forget, you should have let her. Now, you two had exchanged places, with her chasing and you giving the cold shoulder. You chuckled inwardly, bitterly, at the cruelty of this reality you lived in. The world would never let you escape from pain; it would always find ways to hurt you even if you changed as drastically as you did.

Luka approached you in your classroom at the end of the day, the class sensed something was up and evaporated away as quickly as they could. You gritted your teeth and packed your bag as you normally would, showing no signs that you noticed her standing opposite your table, looking sadly down at your hands. You longed to grab her by the collar and shout, "Why are you feeling sad? I finally gave you what you wanted; I'm leaving you alone now! What's wrong now?!" You refrained from it, quelling your emotions as quickly as you could.

This new robot Miku would not shout, this new Miku felt nothing at all. You had to be strong, to show her you really meant it. You would not run back into her arms like a weak dog, you had chosen to grow stronger and to get out of her life for good.

"Miku…" the way she said your name broke your heart all over again, but you stayed strong and stoic, "I love you! I'm sorry that I hurt you, I was just afraid of what everyone would think if I loved you back! I'm really sorry, Miku, please don't change!"

What bubbled in you first was shock, then bitterness, then pure rage. You exploded, letting out all your anger, "Are you freaking kidding me?! You've ignored me for months when I needed you most, and now you suddenly love me? What kind of sick joke are you trying to play? I finally find enough strength to try let you go and you come asking for me? How is that fair?!"

She tried to explain, you let her, but her reasons were all stupid in your ears. How did her fear justify her complete shattering of your entire being?! You responded to her coldly, "I'm sorry, Luka, but I'm scared too. I'm scared of being shattered by you again." You focused on that word on purpose, you wanted her to see how completely she had broken you, how terribly she had wounded you.

That look in her eyes twisted the knife still wedged in your heart, but you refused to let it show. The school would close soon, you used that as an excuse to grab your things and flee, leaving her staring after your back with a heartbroken look that cut into your very core. You two have not talked since then; to be accurate it should be she has talked to you plenty of times but you treated her like air. It hurt to do that, but you clung on to your fear of being hurt again and that got you through every single one of her advances without any reaction.

People were calling Luka names, names that you knew she did not deserve, but you did nothing to stop them. You could not; you would not allow yourself to protect she who shattered you so utterly. They were saying Luka was a terrible girl, to dump a girl and crush her and then go after her when she was ready to move on. They said she was doing it to you on purpose, she was toying with you, and they hated her for stealing away the ray of sunshine that was Hatsune Miku in the past. You said nothing to correct them; you said nothing to anyone unless you absolutely had to. You still cut, but not as often as before, people looked at you with eyes of sympathy, of empathy, of pity. You hated it, but you did not do anything either.

Now, when you walk by her both of your hearts shatter like glass, but you cannot avoid her. The Chemistry and Physics laboratories can only be accessed if you pass by her classroom, and she sits right next to the damned window. Sometimes, you feel as if God hates you, purposely making you run into her constantly. Heck, he probably hates you, you are sinning after all.

Now, it is your turn to avoid her, your turn to be deaf to her voice and blind to her messages and presence. When she passes by, you cast your eyes to the floor and cry inside, you want so desperately to forgive her and wrap your arms around her. You want to drown in her intoxicating scent that you have been deprived of for so long, you feel like a drug addict gone cold turkey for far too long. However, you know you have to be strong and resist her advances, it is the only way you can protect yourself from the pain.

She refuses to leave you be and you know that if this keeps up your strong front will crumble and you will throw your arms around her and cry like a baby, but you are determined to tough it out. You will not let her win this easily, you are doubtful of how true her feelings are for you. You still love her with all your heart, but you will not let her know it yet. You fear that she will toy with your feelings and pull away when you start chasing.

The rain continues to pour over the wasteland that is your heart, permeating the wound in your heart, making you weaken and hurt even more as the days pass. You wonder what you will do first, give in to Luka's advances, or commit suicide.

Both of them seem equally tempting at the moment…

Hope this made a good read and isn't just a copy-paste version of Luka's in your eyes.

Please leave a review telling me what you think about it!