You sit in this vacant apartment, in your now vacant life. the cigarettes and the claret has little effect on your temperament. The only sounds filling the air is the television in the background with some asinine reality television show on it, and the sound of the fishing tank filtering itself. You despised times like these when you were alone with your thoughts. Because, they either went to Quinn or the kids. But, now it was going to the woman. questions still ran galloping through your mind. Like, Who is this woman?, How do my children know her?, Why does Quinn feel she's qualified to pick up our girls?How could Quinn move on so facilely?, Erase about your love?, And. the life you've built together?. You cannot blame Quinn though, in reality this was your fault after all. You let yourself fail her, you let yourself cheat you out of everything you've worked so hard to fabricate. That night is and will remain the biggest misjudgment of your life.
FLASHBACK... "Quinn, I really want you to be there, this is a big deal for me. This is really important. And, I think you need to be here for us." You had just got back to singing at local events since the girls, and this was your first big one. Lately, things among you and Quinn have been more than distant. Sometimes she came to bed but more often than not she crashed on the couch after not getting home from work till 11. "San, I'm sorry but it's just not gonna happen tonight, I've got to meet with clients. I'm sorry. Next time though. I gotta go." She hangs up the phone, she hangs it before you could even tell her you love her, or for her to say it back. It broke your heart knowing she couldn't tell how much this meant to you, that her career was more important than you. You went anyway deciding not to let her bring you down. The girls where with their babysitter, and Brittany decided to go with you to your show mainly because she was the one pushing you to get back out there. You preformed songs you sang so long ago in Glee club Valarie and Songbirds. Brining back the memories that went with those songs. Mostly they just brought back Brittany. After graduation she got accepted at Juilliard for dance and moved to New York. After you both decide to stay at the bar and have a little celebration. A little fun leads to being a completely drunken messes, shot after shot. You are dancing with Brittany, more like grinding. You are both sweaty, breath huffing. This is the closest you've been to someone in a long time. She leans in a whispers in your ear ticking it in the process. "Should I take you home?" You don't know if it the alcohol or the emptiness that leads to what you respond with "No. Take me to your place." She looks at you baffled, but eager. You both clutching together, holding one another up before waving a taxi down and heading to her place. She takes your hand leading you up the stairs, unlocking the door and throwing your body on the bed. She kisses you up and down, before pulling away to look at you "Are you sure?" she asks you once more. And the nod you give her, is the nod that pillaged everything you had going for she puts her arms around your waist and kisses your temple before saying "I love you Santana." Before nodding off you say "I love you too Quinn." In the morning your head is pounding, and the room is spinning fiercely. The spot besides you on the bed is frigid and barren. Brittany must have been up for a while already. S You hear your phone buzzing in the purse you discarded last night. There is a couple of messages from the babysitter saying things like "Where are you?" "You're two hours late." "I better being paid double for this." And one from Quinn "If this is about me not being able to make it to your show. I'm sorry S. I promise to make up to you. I don't want what we've being doing to continue. I love you too much to just be your roommate. Please forgive me." Little did she know you where the one who needed forgiveness. You cried so much in that moment just cradling you knees and rocking back in forth. You stop when you notice a sticky note on the end table. It was from Brittany "I won't tell her. You love her not me. You even said her name last night. You can't help I'm the fool in love with a fool that's still in love with someone else. Left for dance tour in Europe I'll be back in three months. Yours forever, Brittany." Now you realized you haven't just broken one heart but many Brittany's,Quinn's,Yours, and your little girls.
END OF FLASH BACK... That night plays over and over in your head like a bad pop song. That night is what got you here. That night was the night you die, because you couldn't live with yourself after what you did.
