Title: How We Came to Be
By: Xmarksthespot
Disclaimer: I don't own YJ or How I Met Your Mother
Notes: Thank you to the lovely independentwriter-137 for editing this chapter for me. And thank you for all the kind reviews. :)


Italics — Future!Dick

Normal Font — Past!Dick


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Kids, you have no idea how happy I was on the days you two were born. The moment I got to hold you in my arms, see your tiny eyes open and wander at the life in front of you, the look on your mother's face as she half smiled, half cried at the beautiful baby in her arms…

And I know that sometimes our lives get the best of us, and we miss an important date or two, sometimes even our own child's birthday in extreme situations, but that doesn't mean we don't care or love you.

In fact, no parent in the history of mankind will ever forget the day their son or daughter was brought into this world.

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PARENT-TEACHER NIGHT

The words are attached on the board like Wally on food. And I sigh. And I groan. And I look over to see Artemis doing the same thing but obviously for an entirely different reason.

I mean, I understand why she wouldn't want Paula here. Gotham Academy kids are harsh and not to mention nosy. One search and her mother's history with the GCPD will be out in the open. But she should be fine; if I recall, Bruce should have hidden those files when Artemis joined the team.

Brucie on the other hand, will be the most epic embarrassment of mankind. He will trump Brucie of 2009, and be crowned king of all parent-teacher interviews of 2010. He will make that wine bottle opener that exploded and hit our teacher in the eye look like a mere paper cut compared to this year.

Oh God, he's going to tell everyone my Superman-phase again.

Ugh. Time to wallow in self-loathe and pity.

At least until the week is over.

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Kids, while I was contemplating how to get Bruce out of my Parent-Teacher interview, little did I know, my friends were going through the exact same thing.

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Keystone:

"—especially you, Mr. West. I expect your parents to be here that night."

"Yes, sir," Wally says, internally groaning as his teacher handpicks him amongst the two dozen kids in his class.

"And don't you think you can run away from this. You're not as fast as you think you are—trust me, I've seen your grades for gym."

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Happy Harbour:

'I wonder if Uncle J'onn can make it for the night…'

While Megan's thoughts are bleeding again, Conner can't help but let his head fall down to his desk. Who to ask? There's always Batman, but he's probably with Robin. Then there's Black Canary, or his newfound father, Lex Luthor—okay, crossing that out.

And then there's him.

Superman.

Conner frowns.

"Mr. Carr, what if my parents can't make it that night?" He asks.

"Then we'll just reschedule the appointment," his teacher answers.

Conner's frown deepens.

Maybe Martian Manhunter could morph into his parent too.

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Atlantis:

"I am…sorry?" Kaldur questions, looking up from his kneeled position.

"I wish to speak with your parents, Kaldur'ahm."

He gulps. "May I ask—"

His majesty shakes his head. "No," he says simply. "Just go tell your parents I will schedule a banquet by the end of this week, and I wish for their attendance."

Kaldur bows once more, though more nervously. "Of course."

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Kids, you'd think that being Bruce Wayne and Batman at the same time would leave your grandfather with very little time to check up on us, but on that particular afternoon, after we discussed about having your aunt M'gann shape shift into our parental figure for each individual parent-teacher meeting, he responded with a loud, blaring horn on the speakers, followed by a lecture through the mountain's 60 inch TV.

So our plans never really went through. All we had left to do was wait for the inevitable.

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"This sucks."

Artemis snorts and tosses the tennis ball in my direction in her finally-free-from-the-wretched-cast-arm. I catch it without glancing up from my computer. I throw it to Conner who catches it with ease, and I think he passes it to Kaldur, but after hearing silence, it's M'gann who has it in the air.

"What's wrong with your interview, Baywatch?"

"Ugh, my parents don't know about my grades."

I raise an eyebrow. I haven't had time to take a peek at his school records recently—with his permission, of course, considering how curious my right-hand man really is—so I don't really know what's slipping. I give him a look and he sighs.

"Gym," he answers, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. And it kind of is. I'm allowed to excel in every class because no-freaking-duh, I'm Bruce Wayne's kid, and I'm kind of awesome at gym class only because everyone knows my circus roots, so long as I don't show off too much.

Wally, on the other hand, can't even lower himself by a teensy fraction when it comes to gym class. He can only be grade A fantastic, or a fail. Clearly, he's chosen to be the kid who gets picked last in gym.

It's Artemis's turn with the ball again and she aims for the invisible target three feet above me. Naturally, I do a double back flip and catch it before passing it to Kaldur. She nods it off, but I can see the glint in her eyes that indicates she's trying to get me off of my game.

Che, I'd like to see you try, Arty.

"Look, I'm just worried for my mom's sake. She has no idea how horrible the kids are at my school."

Although I don't say it, I disagree. Even in a wheelchair, I'm pretty sure Artemis's mom can kick their butts. I mean, she was Huntress. The Huntress. I'm kind of anticipating a showdown between the former villainess that still makes goonies cry, and the measly CEOs of Gotham City.

I turn to Kaldur. Boy, is he upset. More upset than what Wally and I made him do the first night he came to Gotham—okay, don't laugh. Don't laugh.

Hah. That memory still makes me laugh.

"What could my King want? Have I done something wrong?" He mutters to himself, and we all ignore him. Earlier when we asked, he just blubbered something in Atlantean and went back to his self-loathing mode.

It's funny how we all have that.

We eventually shoo M'gann off into the kitchen to bake something for us. She's completely ecstatic about her very first parent-teacher interview, and she's already roped J'onn into it. Clearly, none of us want to hear how wonderful it will be and how eager she is for her review as a high school student.

Conner on the other hand…

Well, Mama and Papa Kent will be hearing about this if it doesn't go well, and I'll personally go tell them myself. Er, if Bruce ungrounds me first.

I still have thirteen days left before I can go on patrol too, and I would be at home right now if it weren't for this Zatanna girl that he wants me to meet so badly. Hi, I'm Robin, hi, I'm Zatanna, blah, blah, blah, we become teammates, and we become friends, etcetera. Big whoop.

I'm glad he actually let me outside of the house during my punishment, but to distract me from Selina with this girl? Pfft, Bruce, I'm thirteen. I saw the photo. Sure, she's cute, but there is no way this girl is anything close to speci—

Zatanna Zatara: A-0-3—Authorization: Zatara: 1-1

She walks to us. Dark hair. Catholic, school girl uniform. Blue-green eyes. How can someone look so much like their photo and yet so different? She's not the girl I saw in Bruce's files last night. She's…She's something else.

M'gann steps forward first.

"Hi, I'm—"

"Robin!" I say, interrupting any sort of introduction the rest of my teammates are planning.

Annnnnnd there goes the rest of my dignity. Hey, at least she seems to appreciate my charm.

We kidnap her for the day, venture out into the open without our mentors' permission. I forget about Bruce and Selina. Conner and the others forget about parent-teacher night. And when the day ends, I forget that I was ever disinterested in this girl.

In fact, all I want to do is remember her. Think about her when she's away and talk to her when she's here. I mean, she makes a nonchalant guy like me be…well, chalant.

But, like all good things in life, our day comes to an end.

"You are grounded for life!" Zatara tells his daughter, and we wince at his voice. And then his face softens, and he puts his hand on her shoulder. He talks to Zatanna in a quieter, more nurturing voice that we can only hear bits of from afar.

I glance at Conner who's visibly upset. We all know what he's thinking.

Suddenly, I hear an alarm coming from my gauntlet, and I know it's time to go home. I excuse myself and wave to Zatanna goodbye, giving her my playful grin and despite her father's dismay, I invite her to the cave again.

"Sure, maybe you can show me those moves of yours next time," she replies and I can see Zatara's face grow purple.

Yeah…She's pretty special.

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So I went back to Gotham that night, locked myself in my room and continued my two week sentence without any electronics as per Bruce's demands. But kids, I didn't need my electronics that night.

That night, everyone on the team but your Uncle Conner had the same thing in mind: if Superman wasn't going to own up and talk to his son, we were going to make him do it ourselves.

Turns out, we didn't have to.

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M'gann sends me a text. Unlike Gotham Academy, Happy Harbour High School does their interviews one on one, with the guardian or parent coming in with their kid at a scheduled time. Apparently hers went well, and J'onn is pleased with her school life.

Here at Gotham Academy though…It's all grown up talk. Suits and ties and pencil skirts galore. I don't even understand most of it. All the adults just show up at once and go "Har, har, har, I made twenty million this month. How much did you make?"

They hire servers who bring out the champagne, and teachers try to impress the parents and boast about how well each kid is doing even though they're really not.

"Hey, Dick."

I turn around and it's Barbara. If anyone can cheer me up from this social disaster, it's her.

"Where's Bruce?"

I shrug. "Still at work. He's supposed to be here in half an hour, so I'm just mentally preparing myself."

She laughs. "Well good luck. I can't wait to hear what stories he has for us this year."

And then the big, scary moustached man approaches us. He calls Barbara away from me. Commissioner Gordon, you really know how to be impeccable with your timing, don't you?

I glance at the clock. Bruce should be here soon.

No, wait. Scratch that out.

Brucie.

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While I was waiting for Bruce to yet again make a fool out of himself for that year's parent-teacher interview, your Aunt Artemis was on the other side of the school, so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. But I did end up getting a few details of what happened between Paula Crock and the CEOs, and boy, was I right. Huntress did make an impression.

An everlasting one at that.

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One year later:

I watch from afar with both of my eyebrows rising so high, I'm scared they'll fall off my forehead.

There, in the middle of the ballroom, is Artemis wheeling her mother inside, down the red carpet, and every business man and woman, every inventor and celebrity steps aside, like she's freaking Moses and they're the sea.

"Paula, I hope you're doing well," one man says.

"Yes, it's very nice to see you again," another woman exclaims. "You'll have to tell me your skincare regimen. You look even younger than the last time I saw you!"

The others nod in agreement, and I can see some of them gulping in fear as she moves closer to them.

All Paula Crock does is smirk and waves a hand for Artemis to continue pushing her through the school.

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Like I said, we were all waiting for the inevitable, and while Kaldur explained later that Aquaman just wanted to celebrate his leadership of the team by inviting his parents, relieving him considerably, Conner was with Black Canary waiting for his meeting to start.

Thing is, at that very moment, it wasn't just her being there for him. There was someone else too…Or rather, some people.

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"Conner?"

Conner looks up to see Dinah standing in front of him. He has been standing in the hallways waiting for his and her turn to talk to the teachers—she is playing his aunt for the night.

"If it's okay with you, there's someone else who's willing to go to your interview with you."

He furrows his brows in question, but then cocks his head to the side. There, walking down the hallway is the most boring looking person he has ever had the privilege of seeing. Professor-like glasses, perfectly combed back hair, a flannel shirt beneath a cheap suit.

And he looks exactly like Conner does.

His mouth drops open and he glances at Dinah's amused face.

The man smiles. "Clark Kent. It's…nice to finally meet you, Conner." He holds out his hand to shake Conner's.

The clone gives one last look at Dinah before nodding his head.

"I'll leave you two alone," she says.

Conner gulps. "So you're…"

Clark laughs lightly. "Yeah. I-I…I actually wanted to apologize to you first for—"

"Well, well. Looks like I'm still early."

Both Kryptonians turn around and if Wally has taught Conner anything, then this would be the perfect opportunity to do a facepalm because not only is his so-called daddy in front of him (finally), but his other father is here too.

"Fan-freaking-tastic," Conner mutters, and he can distinctively see the frown on Clark's face, but it's Lex who speaks up.

"Mind your language, Conner."

"I didn't ask you to be here, Lex," he responds.

The bald man clicks his tongue. "Of course you didn't, but as your father, I had to be here for your parent-teacher interview." He turns to the other man. "Clark."

"Lex."

"I'm just going to cut to the chase," Clark says. "You don't have to be here, Lex. I'm sure you have some big corporate meeting you have to attend to—"

"Nonsense, Clark. This is Conner we're talking about. Who wouldn't make time for their own son?"

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Now it was funny that Lex had told Clark and Conner that, because at that very moment in Gotham, I received a text from your grandfather.

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After forty-five minutes of waiting for Bruce, Artemis walks up to me at the same time as my phone vibrates. I can see Paula interacting with the other grownups—I knew Huntress would kick butt today—but I still find it strange that Artemis Crock is willingly talking to me. Richard Grayson, mathlete and acrobat extraordinaire.

The only question running through my mind is: why hasn't she approached me sooner?

"Hey," she says weakly.

"Arty, looking good. I see you look just as stunning out of the school uniform as you do in it," I tell her, and somewhere in Keystone City, Wally's speedster senses are probably tingling in the midst of his horrendous parent-teacher interview.

She rolls her eyes, but I can see a faint blush on her cheeks. Hm, definitely should try that comment on Zatanna next time she comes by. Barbara would probably hit me.

"Er, where's Bruce Wayne?" She asks, and then fixes herself. "I-I mean, I wanted to thank him for the scholarship. I know this isn't the most appropriate of times, but still…"

I smile. Bruce would be glad to know she appreciates it. Speaking of that man, I look down at the text on my phone.

Tell Alfred not to make dinner for me. I'm out with Selina and we're stuck in traffic right now.

Bruce

I sigh. Figures he would forget about the interview tonight—and to go out with the Cat too. Ugh.

I look back up at Artemis and fake a smile. "Looks like he's not coming. I'll see you tomorrow in pre-calc, Artemis."

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And suddenly, as I left Gotham Academy alone, ignoring the looks on Barbara's and Artemis's faces, I realized something: I missed Bruce. I missed the embarrassment he brought whenever he showed up and discussed horrid stories of my childhood. I missed it when he and the other Gotham CEOs would make fools of themselves.

He wasn't my dad. There was already someone else taking that role in my life. But the truth is, I wanted him to be one. I wanted him to be the type of parent who didn't forget about their child for something as simple as a parent-teacher night at school.

And at the time, my only concern was to get rid of the source of the problem, but I'll tell you about that later.

Back at Happy Harbour, Conner was still waiting for his parent-teacher interview to start, and kids, over the years, your Uncle Conner has told me again and again that this, without a doubt, was the most immature conversation he had ever witnessed.

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Conner has, at that point, given up—not a good look on his resume as a superhero, really—convincing Lex to leave the premises. Yeah, the bald man is evil. Sure, he wants to take over the world and make Superman crawl at his feet, and by extension, Conner's team and newfound friends. But he just had no oppourtunity to tell the guy off.

Instead, Clark is doing that. Or at least, he's trying to.

"I'm telling you, Clark. It was an accident. I didn't deliberately shoot you with Kryptonite."

"So you're telling me I flew into your experimental laser beam filled with a tank of Kryptonite that rendered me powerless and on my deathbed for the next week?"

Lex rubs his temples. "Yes, I've been telling you for years."

Clark scoffs. "This is unbelievable. This is just like high school all over again."

Conner looks up from his seat, eyes wide. They knew each other back in high school?

There's an eye roll from the businessman. "Oh, you always bring that up, don't you?"

"Wait," Conner interrupts. "What happened?"

Clark brushes it off and addresses Lex instead. "You always know how to put the blame on others, and then you—"

Lucas Carr's head pokes out of his classroom. "Alrighty here, Mr. and Mrs. Kent?"

All three males turn to see the teacher, with Conner idly wondering if his genetic makeup can lead to him sweating, because he's seen Wally sweat buckets over the simplest things, and he feels like he could probably sweat an ocean for Kaldur to swim through.

He looks down at his palms.

Nope, no sweat yet.

Then he turns to the two adults; Clark looks distraught, and Lex is more than amused.

"Actually, he's Mr. Kent. I would be Mr. Luthor as well as Conner's guardian," Lex says with his hand held out.

"Uh…" comes from Mr. Carr who shakes Lex's hand, directing a skeptical look at the other two.

"Hey now, I was here first," Clark interjects.

"Just because you were here first, Clark, doesn't mean you're fit to take part in this interview. Now why don't you go stack a few hay bales while Conner and I talk with his teacher?"

Conner has the urge to slap his forehead again.

"Conner?"

Sighing, he addresses his teacher. He looks from side to side—from Clark to Lex. Sure, he's always wanted to bond with Superman, but Lex…at the moment didn't seem so bad either. Unsurely, he says, "They're…both my…guardians?"

"Okay then, why don't you both come into the classroom?"

So they step into the small room. Lex and Clark sat on the chairs opposite to Mr. Carr, with Conner wedged in the middle.

Carr gives a faint laugh. "I know I shouldn't ask, but you guys and I both know that I was once affiliated with the League."

Conner stares at his civics teacher dumbfounded. "What," he deadpans. He vaguely remembers Robin mentioning someone at this school that knows about the League, but he didn't think it was his homeroom teacher.

He waves a hand over towards Lex and Clark, blatantly ignoring Conner. "So what is going on?"

Clark sighs. "Do you really want to explain, Lex?"

Lex is silent.

"Well?"

Finally, a chuckle falls out. "Would it be too much for the press if I say that both Clark and I fathered Conner?"

Mr. Carr's reaction isn't even comparable to the gagging noises coming out of Conner—Clark pats his back comfortingly, but gives Lex a glare. The boy looks up around the corners of his room, eyeing for any cameras that he knows Robin has put up and will probably laugh at later.

Mr. Carr clears his throat. "I didn't, uh, know that Kryptonian men could get pre—"

"NO!" Clark yells, flustered by Carr's speculation. "Test tube baby," he says, as if it explains everything.

"Yes well, I like to keep my life private," Lex continues, and Clark starts coughing into his hands, smuggling the word 'liar' mid cough.

The CEO continues though, talking over Clark's coughing. "And it would be much appreciated if you kept this a secret from the press. I'm sure Conner here would prefer moving on with his idyllic life."

The teacher nods. "Right, yeah. Well, I think that's enough questions from me. Why don't we start this interview?"

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The meeting between Lucas Carr, Lex Luthor, Clark Kent, and Conner Kent broke the record of any other high school parent-teacher interview at Happy Harbour, lasting a total of three hours and forty minutes, and cutting into six other students' interviews. Though according to your uncle, most of that time was spent with Carr and Conner watching Lex and Clark bicker like an old married couple.

But thankfully, the meeting did come to an end. Lex left for Metropolis, after inviting Conner and our team to his penthouse for the weekend, and Conner and Clark finally had a chance to talk.

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Conner doesn't mind that he and Clark have to walk back to the mountain, seeing as Clark's car is back in Metropolis and he technically flew to Happy Harbour. They manage to chat. The old, boring look is because he's a reporter. The ring on his finger? He's married—Conner is surprised to hear that. The flannel shirt? His favourite shirt from when he was living on the farm in Smallville.

Clark promises to take Conner to Smallville one day, and after all these months, Conner can say he's truly happy. Everything is finally working out, for once.

They stop in front of the mountain.

"Look, I know it was wrong of me to avoid you the past few months, but if you want, I'll be willing to…teach you how to control your powers,"

Conner could feel his eyes brighten up at the suggestion. "That would be great!"

He could already see them now, flying through the skies of Metropolis and taking down villains together like every other Dynamic Duo he has heard of up to this point.

"...It's just…"

Conner snaps out of his fantasies, and sees Clark fidget with his glasses.

"We have to set some boundaries, Conner," the man says with a gulp.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm willing to be your mentor, and I'm glad you've picked a name for yourself, but when it comes to family relations…I can't be your father."

And even if Conner can't sweat, he could definitely feel his heart drop.

"Then why'd you even bother coming to this thing in the first place? Why did you even bother fighting Lex if you didn't want me? Did Batman make you?!" He yells in a fit of rage.

"No, it's just…" Clark tries to explain, but his voice dies. He looks away in shame.

"Fine, you know what, Clark? I've been managing without a mentor all this time, so I'm declining your offer!"

"Wait, Conner—"

But Conner refuses to listen. Rather, he stomps back into the mountain without a second glance at the reporter.

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Kids, your Uncles Clark and Conner had some serious issues to sort out that year. And while the League, your grandfather, and my team tried to convince Clark to accept the fact that he had a son to take care of, there was one thing we didn't know.

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"Lois, I'm home!"

"I'm in the bathroom."

Clark frowns, knowing why his wife was there in the first place. Placing his coat onto the nearby rack, he makes his way to the bathroom just up ahead, opening the door slowly and peeking inside.

"Lois, you already checked yesterday."

"Can it, Smallville. I just need to be sure. You never know with these things," she says, but her confidence slips towards the end.

And so Clark stands by the doorway, watching his wife wave the item in her hands back and forth for several minutes and calming her down with his arms around her waist. He rests his head in the crook of her neck.

She eventually looks down, takes one look at the pregnancy test, and throws it into the trash. She removes his arms around her and walks back to their bedroom with red rimmed eyes.

"Lois…"

"It's negative."

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A/N: Lex's and Clark's relationship and past, as well as Lois's personality, are based off of Smallville. Speaking of Clark and Lois, this had been one of my theories about Clark's uneasiness towards Conner in season 1 and chose to have him introduce himself to Conner earlier than the show. I realize this chapter didn't have much humour, and that I kinda strayed to the drama side a lot more...But I'm working on my comedy skills...

Zatanna didn't have a big role in this chapter, but like I said before, I'm going to be writing around the actual episodes, rather than repeating them, and obviously, she was grounded for life after her first visit by Zatara. She'll come in again later, so no worries!

Please review! :)