A/N. Thank you for reading this far. I hope this last part does not disappoint. I would love to receive any views you may have. Regards CC.

Chapter three

Buffy and Faith approached the library. "You don't have to be there, if you don't want to," Buffy offered.

"Of course I do. I want to be there to defend you when they scold and deride you, which they're going to, you realise don't you?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

A few nights after she had revealed the newly-resurrected Angel to Faith, Buffy had decided to tell the others. The two slayers entered the library. Xander, Willow, Cordelia and Oz were seated round the large table by the book stacks. Giles stood by the entrance to his office.

"Something tells me we're too late," Faith suggested.

"Uh huh, and I thought I'd got the timing right," Buffy added remembering the scene laid out before her. She walked boldly to within a couple of feet of the table and stood before her peers. "I have a confession to make."

"No kidding!" Xander was first to comment. It's always Xander, Buffy thought. "I saw you last night making out with our old friend Angelus."

Faith looked at Buffy impressed. She returned an exasperated look, which only made the new slayer smile. "Ever the active imagination, Xander," Buffy responded.

"Buffy, we're concerned," Willow spoke up. "I know this looks like we're here to judge you…"

"Well I certainly wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition."

"No one expects the Spanish…..sorry, wrong mood for the occasion," Oz went quiet.

"You should have told us, warned us in case he turned out to be dangerous," Xander preached. He had stood up, the only one of the group, Giles excepting, to do so.

"I judged the situation to be safe."

"And you are a good judge."

"Yes, it's in my job description," Buffy replied, her voice becoming heated.

"You should've told someone!" Xander persisted.

"She told me," Faith added, standing alongside the accused. "So, that makes two girls looking out for your safety."

Buffy stifled a smile. She was really getting to like this version of Faith. "If I thought the situation was dangerous, I'd have dealt with it accordingly."

"You'd have slain him." Xander continued. "Tell me, would that have been before or after having sex with the devil."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't propose marriage to one, that's for sure!" The comment was for another time and therefore had no impact.

"I think enough has been said," Giles ended the argument. "Every one can go home whilst Buffy and I speak alone."

Faith sat down at the table as the others walked round her and exited the library. Buffy followed Giles into his office. She knew what she had said originally but held off this time. Giles, however repeated his words oblivious. "You have no respect for me or the job I perform," he said with venom.

Buffy was immune to the tirade this time and her anger had been stoked by Xander. "Yea, and the Council have this really cool pension scheme going for me. Tell me, just how many slayers are there in the sidelines waiting for me to die?"

"Don't be so melodramatic, girl."

"Girl! That's great, my day is never complete without being patronised by a Watcher. I've sacrificed love, a career, a family of my own…..my life, and had Heaven torn from my grasp…." She realised she was attacking the wrong Giles and part of her felt guilty for it. "Well that was cathartic, if a bit pointless," she added. "I'm sorry, Giles. I do need you," she offered him; safe in the knowledge it was true, then and in reality. "I should have told you about Angel."

"Yes you should," Giles agreed. "Buffy, I can't guide you or help you if I'm kept in the dark. I trust your judgement …. always, but we are team, you and I. Willow and Xander play their part, but they have their own lives and will eventually want to go live them away from demons and monsters. My life, however, is yours."

Buffy offered her Watcher a smile and made an excuse to leave. Faith trailed her from the library. "You were quiet," she said to her.

"It's impolite for the audience to disturb the cast," Faith replied. "I'm impressed, though. You showed great restraint."

"I did?"

"I'd have hit someone."

"Oh, I should have told them sooner," Buffy conceded. "I thought my keeping secrets from my friends was a recent development, but it seems it's been a habit as far back as now….which I realise makes very little sense."

"Sure it does, if you're a future Buffy reliving past events." Buffy gave her a blank look. "I got bored one night and watched X-Files on cable."

"Oh," Buffy felt relieved. "Did you find it bit tame?"

"Do you mean demons and aliens? Yea, nothing like reality."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"You're quiet tonight," Faith observed.

"I feel guilty leaving Willow behind," explained Buffy.

They had left her in her bedroom. She had prepared a pouch of herbs and magic ingredients to ward of demons, but Buffy had told her she couldn't come; it was too dangerous. She would have taken the time to explain it more, but tonight was important.

"I'm dying to use this crossbow," Faith said with enthusiasm, completely ignoring Buffy's

predicament.

"I can't believe you went back for that."

Buffy found herself reacting to a script written years before. She had agreed to let Faith talk her into robbing a shop the night before, had gotten arrested and escaped, all on cue.

The following night found them both walking down a familiar alley, so familiar Buffy felt she had it etched on her consciousness. They were heading towards a warehouse where the demon, Balthazar resided. A vampire suddenly leapt in front of them from above. Buffy laid into it with high kicks and punches.

While Buffy was making violence Faith attempted to load her bow. "Screw this," she said eventually and discarded the weapon. Seeing Buffy on the ground, she grabbed hold of the vampire and threw him against the wall, wasting no time to stake him with one of the crossbow bolts.

"There's more coming," Buffy shouted. They both set a brisk pace. "We're never going to make it to the warehouse at this rate.

"If they keep coming one at a time we've got a shot."

Their pathway narrowed and another vampire jumped out in front of the two slayers. Faith shoved him face first into a wall and pulled him back to the other side. Buffy staked him.

They rounded a bend and a third figure appeared. Buffy was ready. She had rehearsed this moment a hundred times. She pushed Faith aside and pushed the suspect backwards. She then made a show of staking him.

"Buffy, no!" Faith shouted from behind.

Buffy stopped short and stood back. The deputy mayor, clad in his nondescript grey suit sat on the ground scared, but alive. Buffy knelt on the ground but looked to the sky. "I actually did it," she whispered to herself, relieved she had changed history by preventing Faith from killing the innocent human.

"I'm sorry, B but I had to stop you," Faith tried to explain, misinterpreting Buffy's response as shock.

Buffy stood up. "While we have him we might as well question why he's here. It can't be just a coincidence."

"I agree."

The city official sprung to his feet and attempted to escape. Buffy grabbed him by the shoulder, and all went blank.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Buffy staggered with the suddenness of the changeover. Faith stood barely inches from her, a look of shock on her face; her eyes wide open. Buffy looked down and found her right hand gripping the hilt of a large blade. It's metal was embedded in the brunette's stomach. Buffy released her hold of the dagger and stood back, her hands held over her mouth to stifle sound from escaping.

"You did it," Faith said through gritted teeth. "You killed me," she smiled, as though she was the one who had triumphed.

"No!" Buffy eventually screamed. She grabbed her friend before she could fall backwards off the terrace. "No! Not this time." She pulled Faith into a hug and took her weight when her legs gave way. She dragged the girl to the wall and lowered herself to the floor, Faith's still form cradled across her lap. "Please, this can't happen. Not this time. This time is different."

"Regrets already, Buffy?" Faith managed to say when she regained consciousness. "Why? You did good; defeated the bad seed. Don't spoil it by feeling guilt."

"But, we're sisters! We're a team." Buffy persisted.

"We were never sisters!" Faith spat. She summoned the strength to pull herself off Buffy and to sit unaided against the same wall. "Everyone thinks you're the good girl, the one who never misuses her gift, who does her duty. But I know the real you. We're mirror images. When I look at you I just see me; same desires, same love for violence, but with a better ability to mask it."

Buffy realised all the changes she had made over the preceding weeks meant nothing to the near-dead girl slumped before her. All her efforts had ceased to exist in the instant she had been transformed to this point. Faith didn't remember the new-found trust they had built together because to her it had never happened. "It was supposed to be different this time," she whispered.

"We're not different," Faith, responded having miss heard her. "Look at yourself in the mirror two years from now, if you survive that long, and you'll see me staring back at you. You'll hate yourself as much as I hate you now. But I have to admit, it's been quite a ride…..." She wasn't able to finish; her back arched up in a spasm of brief pain before she slumped forward.

Buffy sat looking at her for several minutes. She knew she should go to Angel to offer her own blood to save him. "He survives," she whispered to justify her inaction. She contemplated taking Faith to the hospital. "She returns," she whispered again. "No more." Buffy stood up. "I won't play any more!" She shouted to the sky. "Do your worse, but I wont fight it any more." She walked to the doorway to the apartment and pushed the door inwards, "Do your worse."

She found herself in her own living room. Her mother lay unconscious on the sofa.

Forgetting all her earlier resolve, she ran the short gap separating them, lifted her mother off the chair and lowered her to the floor. Sitting astride her she attempted CPR. A split second later she was astride Angel in his LA basement apartment. He was naked, his top half above the covers, and she was barely dressed herself. Buffy backed herself away from him, kicking with her feet to push herself to the foot of his bed, spilling what looked like chocolate ice cream over his chest. Her face was a mixture of silent horror and fascination.

"This never happened," she cried. She pulled her legs up close and hugged herself foetus-like.

"Buffy, what's the matter?" Angel asked concerned as he reached forward to pull her close.

"Don't touch me! This….never happened. I would remember…"

"There's nothing to fear. The Powers said I was human again. The curse has no effect now."

"Liar! I can't change anything. I've tried, but I still ended up stabbing…..she still died…" she stepped off the bed and backed away from Angel, "…and you're still the living dead…"

"But I'm still here. We made love and I am still here…"

"No! I'll not play their wish-fulfilment games any more. Don't come any closer!" She screamed at him. He ignored her and she didn't stop him as he wrapped his arms round her. "I don't remember this," Buffy cried into his chest. "I can't afford to make up new dreams…..I'm sorry, Angel."

She felt his hands on her shoulders as he gently went to hold her at arms length. She was then pushed violently backwards. She hit a wall hard and collapsed down it to a seated position. She opened her eyes, having closed them momentarily on impact, and saw Angelus looking down at her, a sword in his hand, and the demon, Acathla several feet behind. He lunged with the blade. Buffy only had time to instinctively flinch. The blade pierced her shoulder.

An instant of searing agony was followed by darkness. The blackness was so total she knew it could only be one place. She screamed and pushed upwards. Her palms felt velvet, which she ripped away, then the wood of her coffin. Her panic stopped when something pinned her arms back. Shadows slowly formed. A silhouette looked down at her. Buffy felt her whole body shake, making her arms go rigid with the violence of the spasms. She felt like screaming again, letting out every heartache she had endured. Every agony, shattered dream and false promise. Her eyes eventually adjusted and the silhouette took form.

"Xander?"

"I've been waiting for you to jump my bones," the demon possessed young man said triumphantly.

"Xander, please…please get off me."

"Is that what you really want? We both know what you really want. You want danger dontcha'. You like your men dangerous…..dangerous and mean like Angel…."

Buffy looked away, and closed her eyes. She opened them again, but kept looking to her side.

"Do you know how long I have waited," he stroked Buffy's face. She looked up at him, at his eyes. Her own betrayed shock and horror. She knew her friend was possessed; she remembered the behavioural change, "waited until you stopped pretending we aren't attracted," he continued.

Xander leant in closer until his face was barely an inch from hers. When she didn't struggle he sat up slightly and regarded her, a smile of conquest, of lust. He kissed her with a violent passion, releasing her arms in the process. Buffy still didn't move, keeping her arms stretched out allowing him to indulge his fantasy. Eventually she brought them round and embraced Xander. Rolling him over on to his back she returned his passion with her own craving to wipe out all other emotion and memory.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Buffy buttoned up her blouse and pushed back her hair. She stood by the door to the unused room, her back to Xander, who sat against a desk looking at her.

"That was good…..unexpectedly good, actually," the young man commented. "Violent too. You've done this sort of thing before." Buffy ignored him. "Keeping secrets isn't healthy, Buffy. Not between good friends like us. Tell me, who taught you…..wow, if looks could kill," he paused when Buffy turned to face him. She turned back and put her hand forward to grasp the door handle. "We must do this again some time…..say do you want to go to the Spring Fling?" He laughed. Buffy pulled open the door. "See you later."

"Probably," she uttered.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Bright sunlight assaulted Buffy's eyes. The sudden heat buffeted her and she reeled backwards.

"Whoa, Buffy you OK?"

She started at the sound of Willow's voice, nearly stumbling again.

"I've been looking for you. Let's go sit under that tree over there."

Buffy looked along her friends' line of sight. She bridged her eyes with a hand to focus and discern where and when she was, to give herself advance warning of what to expect and prepare her response. The memory of a sword piercing her flesh flickered across her mind, followed by her driving the knife into Faith, followed by Xander's lust mixed with her own, followed by her mother dying in her arms. She then felt a rush of air all around her as she flew downwards, a wood and metal tower getting farther away. She didn't hit the ground, however, and eventually saw Willow and the tree again. Her friend led her to the shade.

"You're shaking, Buffy."

The Slayer flattened herself against the tree, her arms semi stretched out to brace herself. Dagger, sword, rushing air, Xander's hands on her body, Angel's passion, sword, dagger…..she eventually clutched at the lifebelt that was Willow's voice and let her guide her to the soft soil beneath the tree.

"I've seen some panic attacks in my life, mostly through a mirror, but that was scary. Deep thoughts?" Willow added in an attempt to illicit a response.

Buffy looked up at her. "Do you ever look at yourself….at a picture of when you were younger….innocent?" She asked cryptically, looking straight at her friend, ignoring her obvious discomfort. "Do you wonder how someone so young could ever do the things you do now?" Buffy looked away and spied upon other students laughing and enjoying the beautiful day. "If there is one thing I remember about the old Buffy, the 16 year old schoolgirl, it's her optimism; such a fun-loving enthusiastic person. I used to weigh more then as well. It's as though the joy of life has stripped itself from my body, leaving an emaciated victim."

"Buffy….."

"Go, Willow. Leave Sunnydale," she said coldly, remembering at last what this moment in time signified.

"What?" Willow was hurt and confused.

"I know you're going to offer to stay here instead of going to some better college in the East, but go."

"But, I want to stay," Willow almost pleaded and it broke Buffy's heart to hear it.

"And I want you to go."

"Why….why would you…..?"

"Because you can….and I can't. That knowledge…..that you can walk out at any time….I could end up hating you for it."

"I wouldn't let you."

"Willow, leave, start over, meet a girl and fall in love…"

"A girl?"

"What?"

"You said meet a girl and fall in…."

"I meant a guy." Buffy closed her eyes.

"Oz and I are very happy," Willow stated firmly.

"I know, and I really meant to say a guy, really I did. You know he's a werewolf, right?"

"Buffy….."

"Of course you do. You find out long before this moment. I remember." Willow reached out a hand. "It's getting so confusing." Buffy looked at her friend. "There's no order to it; one minute I'm stabbing Faith, the next I'm pushing the sword into Angel….."

"Stabbing Faith! When did you stab Faith?" Willow sat back from Buffy.

"Sorry. See, you don't even know I did that; the order is…..out of." Buffy stood up. "Excuse me, I must be going. Consider what I said."

"Where are you going?" Willow asked, but she did not get up to stop her friend.

"Which way is the wind blowing?" Buffy walked to the nearest entrance and re-entered the school. She was thrown backwards again.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The impact of being shoved against the corridor wall set off a host of stars, flickering like sparkles from a firework. She used her arms, spread flat out against the wall, to hold her steady.

"Enough!" She shouted into the air. Her voice echoed in the hall devoid of bodies to absorb the sound. All except one figure standing across from her.

"What's up, Slayer had enough already?" Spike taunted.

"I wasn't talking to you," she returned.

"Now, is that any way to speak to an adult?" He stepped closer to her. "This is parent teacher night, right?"

"It wouldn't surprise me."

"Well then, let me teach you something."

"Believe me…..Spike, we've..…I've probably already done it before."

"Yea? In that case I'll just skip to the part where I kill you then. Now where's that axe…."

"Mom!" Buffy screamed.

Joyce struck from behind and the vampire keeled over. "What a nasty man."

Buffy approached her mother and looked down at the unconscious, pre-chipped vampire. "Oh, he's not that bad…once you get to know him." Buffy realised she would never find out about their affair. "Mom, what would you say if I… if I said I was seeing someone…..someone who is strictly not the most responsible person?"

"Does he make you happy?"

"And most of my friends…dislike him intensely."

"Does he make you happy?"

"He's irresponsible and dishonest, has a chequered past…."

Joyce made up the gap between them and placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Does he love you?"

"He says he does."

"Buffy, honey, if you trust him, I…. approve." She tidied her daughter's hair.

Buffy leant into her hand. "Thank you," she said simply and hugged her mother. "I've wanted to ask you for so long."

"You can ask me anything, dear. Any time."

"I know." Buffy broke away from her and turned back to the door. "That's enough, guys," she said into the space between her and the exit. "Flick your switch and end this." She walked through the door.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

She stood on a long walkway that stretched into darkness. Wind whipped at her ankles. The platform swayed gently. Buffy looked over the edge. She saw her friends fighting below. "Oh great, my finest hour, no less." She looked to the end of the ramp. "If that's what it's going to take…" Buffy took four strides and flung herself into the void beyond.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Buffy awoke in the hospital room. Monitors either side of her played a high-pitched melody, monotonous in their regularity. She lay there unmoving for several minutes waiting for something to happen. When nothing did, she carefully pulled out the variety of drips and electrodes attached to her and draped her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up. A wave of nausea flooded over her, causing her to stagger back to the bedside. Buffy briefly thought she was going to change her location again, but soon realised it was just the result of lying down for a long period. At that moment a nurse entered.

"Miss Summers…..you're awake," she stated the obvious in her surprise to find her charge out of bed. "You really shouldn't be up yet.

"How long have I been….unconscious?"

"You came in six days ago."

Buffy considered the reply. The weeks she had spent with Faith, the other experiences, all had occurred in only six days. Tomorrow I'll rest, she thought. "Where are my clothes?"

"You can't leave yet, not until the doctor…"

"My clothes." Buffy repeated dangerously. The nurse pointed to the locker on the far side of the room. "I'm leaving, OK? When I'm gone, phone…..phone my home and tell whoever is there I'll see them later."

"Where are you going?"

Buffy didn't reply. She was still buttoning up her blouse when she exited the room.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The back door came off its hinges quite easily. Buffy discarded it and stood looking in at three very shocked figures. "Well that's a relief. It would've been very embarrassing if I'd picked the wrong van." She climbed into the Trio's command centre. It was an impressive array of electronic equipment.

"Buffy…" Jonathan started.

She back slapped him across the face. "No talking!" She glared at him, daring the former school colleague to continue. She looked round at the screens, buttons and dials, feeling lost in a foreign country, and stood on the same spot for what seemed like several minutes.

"Are you going to kill us?" Jonathan asked. She looked at him horrified.

"She can't kill us," Warren sneered from the front of the van. He had squeezed himself into the far corner. "She's the hero here; Slayers don't kill humans."

He was right. Looking at the three rejects from society Buffy suddenly felt at a loss what to do; how to respond to the threat they posed. She could not even beat them to an inch of their lives for fear of over shooting. She rubbed her right shoulder, almost oblivious to the action and sat down on the nearest stool.

"Does it still hurt?" Jonathan spoke once more.

Buffy glared at him again as if she was angry at having her thoughts disturbed. She looked down at her shoulder and pulled her blouse down to see her skin underneath. She didn't know whether to expect a bullet wound or a sword point. "I'm so tired," she spoke quietly shutting her eyes. "I've been asleep for a week but I'm…" she looked up and caught the others quickly look away embarrassed. "Oh come on." She released her blouse to cover her shoulder again. "You've been watching me on wide-screen, surely you've seen more flesh."

"Well….no, actually," Jonathan offered. "We saw only what you saw…through your eyes."

"Modest as I am, that must have been frustrating."

"Oh I don't know," Warren stood up confidently. "I caught the odd mirror shot."

"I'm glad I could oblige." Buffy stood up and headed for the rear door.

"Where are you going?" Warren demanded.

"Home," she sighed. "Be good, guys."

"Fuck you!" He moved forward. "We're not school kids you can talk down to."

"Hey, man, be quiet," Andrew spoke for the first time.

"No! We deserve more respect. I deserve more respect! We're the Trio."

Buffy turned round. "Do you really think you merit special attention?" Buffy responded contemptuously. "Do you really think you're up there with the likes of Angelus and the others I've fought? You're nothing! You had to build yourself a robot girlfriend and Jonathan would have killed himself if I hadn't prevented it, and you….." she pointed to Andrew. "I don't even know you."

"My brother…."

"Oh right, you're someone's brother." She turned to leave but stopped short and turned back. "You know what? All three of you are typical products of the Xbox Age; human beings are just characters in a video game to you, not flesh and blood. You're the reason religious leaders have such a control over this country. An hour spent with you and I'd be burning Harry Potter books!" She allowed herself to take several deep breaths to calm down.

"If it's worth anything," Jonathan spoke up. He inched forward. "I'm sorry. I didn't know beforehand….."

"Didn't know what?" Buffy asked impatiently.

"About you dying."

"Which time?"

"Both."

"Well, now you do. Did you really have fun, using your remote control to flick me backwards and forwards?"

"Buffy…."

"Couldn't you at least have followed some order? I mean, do you read a book from the middle out?"

"Buffy, there was no remote." She stared at him, a feint realisation clawed at her consciousness. "How could we control your thoughts when we had no knowledge of what you had been through?"

"What R2D2 is trying to say," Warren butted in, a look of triumph on his face. "But far too gently, is you put yourself through it all. We were just the audience." Buffy lunged forward and grabbed him by the throat. "You must really love pain, slayer" he gasped. "Tell me, was it cathartic, reliving all your bad points or 'are the dreams in which you're dying the best you've ever had'?" He quoted cruelly. Buffy tightened her grip and Warren grabbed her arms in a futile attempt to break free.

"Buffy!" Jonathan shouted from behind. "Don't kill him. Don't add his death to your memories."

She relinquished her hold and shoved her nemesis to the back of the van. "You're right. I'm sure someone else will kill him one day."

"You should feel lucky; blessed that you get to live again," Warren added in a voice hoarse from the abuse that had been inflicted on it.

"Why?" Buffy asked, her tone expressing surprise at such a remark. "It just means I get to die again. The first time was from a bite to the neck. Nothing erotic; it hurt. The only saving grace was that it meant I was unconscious before drowning in a pool of water. The second time, I jumped from the mother of all towers into a flaming vortex…" She looked away. "Reincarnation isn't the chance for new life, it's just waiting to die again."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It was a sunny, dry day. Buffy stood by her mother's grave with her father alongside her. "I'm sorry," she said simply, staring down at the inscription on the head stone.

"What for, dear?"

"For being mean and angry. For not trying to reach you for months. For…"

"Don't be silly. I haven't been around when you needed me. I've…..I spoke with Xander and Willow. They put me in the picture; told me what has been happening the last few years."

Buffy looked up at him, trying to read his thoughts. Just how much had they revealed? She chose to ignore her fears. "That must have been a long night," she smiled.

"Made worse by the fact I needed a large part of it explained twice. I wish you had told me. I could have helped you all this time."

Buffy knelt down and placed a small bundle of wild flowers on the neatly cut turf. "It started when I was barely sixteen. If you'd known then you wouldn't have let me out of the house. Mom only found out by default after nearly two years."

There followed an awkward silence. Buffy didn't know what to say, whether to dredge up a memory at random and discuss it, or perhaps seek advice. Giles was her normal confidant, but he was too busy earning air miles, she thought bitterly.

"Buffy," Hank said eventually. "I….I've met someone….I know this is probably not the most appropriate time, but…."

"It's OK Do you love her?"

"Yes and….she lives in Boston. I've arranged a posting there…..no more travelling."

Buffy knew where he was leading. She looked straight ahead. "I hear it's a nice city." She looked up at him. "Safe."

"I think so. It'll be a chance for Dawn to start over. A chance for a normal life."

Buffy didn't argue. She had tried to protect her mother from the shock-waves that rippled off her life, to no avail. Willow had suffered as well, changed perhaps irretrievably from the sweet and shy girl she had cherished. Dawn deserved to be spared.

Hank looked down at his daughter, seemingly reading her thoughts. A lock of hair fell across her eyes in the warm breeze. He gently pushed it back. Buffy put her arms round her father and quietly mourned for the years she could remember before she turned sixteen, for the unknown future and for the years in between.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Buffy stood in her bedroom, phone in her hand. The person on the other end had hung up minutes before, but she kept hold; both hands wrapped round the mouthpiece. She stared unblinking at the floor in front of her, breathing slowly. She raised her eye-level to the window and the darkness outside. Eventually she turned and walked onto the landing.

She stood in the doorway to Dawn's bedroom. It was bare of belongings, of everything that made it Dawn's and not just another spare room. Her sister had left with her father two days ago. She walked to the other empty room; formerly her mother's, but more recently Willow and Tara's. They were gone as well. She turned away and made for the stairs. Each step she took echoed as though the house was choosing to add insult to injury. She reached the bottom of the stairs and stood there for several minutes, struggling to think of something to do. Eventually she walked to the front door, picked up a stake from the coat rack and left the house. "Don't wait up," she said without turning round.

The streets were empty; shops closed and curtains pulled across house windows as Buffy put one foot forward and followed through with the next. She entered the largest of Sunnydale's many cemeteries and saw two figures approaching.

They were two seniors from a local school, members of the football team who had mysteriously disappeared several days ago. She stood in front of them allowing them to come to her. The largest and most impetuous charged. She stood her ground, only moving when he was at arms length. She grabbed him by the collar, one hand on the front, the other at the back of his neck. She yanked her arms down, pulling the demon's head hard onto the knee high stone of the closest grave. The force of the collision of cartilage and stone made a mess of its face. Buffy wasted no time in staking from behind.

His colleague backed away in terror and fled. Buffy gave chase. When he looked like he would get away, a branch thrown at his legs felled him. Momentarily stunned, he lay on his back and looked up at Buffy standing over him. He was about to say something when his words were snatched from him by a stinging kick to his head. Buffy grabbed him by the collar and belt and lifted him up. Walking only the required short distance, she tossed him forward like a sack of potatoes onto the picket fence that encircled the cemetery. The vampire's body was wide enough to take four wooden posts. It took only one, however, to turn him to dust. Buffy pushed through a nearby gate and headed home without bothering to observe the result of her action.

She was momentarily excited when she reached the front path leading to the house; the lights were on upstairs and down. It was short lived, however when she remembered she had purposely left them on. On entering her living room Buffy caught her reflection in the mirror on the far wall. The memory of Faith's words echoed. She saw only her own reflection: a petite blonde. A young woman many would consider attractive, some would consider desirable. She picked up a paperweight from a nearby side table and threw it at the image before her. The Glass shattered and her reflection splintered into a score of mini-slayers.

"But there can be only one, and I'm still alive."

She closed her eyes and counted several seconds before opening them again. It was then she caught another reflection. She swung round to look at a figure standing outside the still open front door. She blinked several times, tears stinging. It was the first person she had seen for two days, other than the walking dead she had despatched earlier. Buffy stared at the visitor, different emotions conflicting.

"Can I come in?" Spike asked finally.

"You don't have to ask…I haven't reset the seals."

"I know," he stepped across the threshold. "I was only being polite."

Buffy smiled, the first time for a while. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Spike?" He ignored her attempt at humour and stepped closer. "Dawn's gone, if you were calling to visit," she added.

"I know. She popped in on the way to say goodbye."

"I'm glad she did….Spike please," she pleaded when he reached out to her. She stepped back to avoid his touch. She turned her back on him, but caught both of their reflections again in the broken mirror. There followed a lengthy silence, which Spike felt was inappropriate for him to break. "I tried to reach Angel this evening," Buffy eventually revealed. She turned round to face him. Spike made no attempt to hide his feelings, which she noticed revealed more hurt than anger. "I wanted to ask him what his favourite ice cream flavour was," she attempted at humour. It didn't work. "Cordelia answered the phone. She said he was busy with his son."

"Say what?"

"It's a prophecy thing, apparently."

"I'm hesitant to ask…."

"Darla," Buffy interrupted.

"Holy shit, Batman!" Spike exclaimed. Buffy was momentarily taken aback. "It must be some prophecy if she was raised again. Mind you, it figures; he never could take his hands off her…I'm sorry, Buffy," he added.

"What right has he to a son?" Buffy raged, this time shocking Spike. "He's nothing but a monster. He butchered his way across Europe. He killed Jenny. He….."

"He left you," Spike interrupted. "Are you angry because he has a child, or that you aren't it's chosen mother?"

Buffy glared at him, defiant and determined to hold on to her anger. Spike looked at her, his expression blank, betraying neither anger of his own nor compassion. Buffy slapped him across the face to illicit a response. He raised his hand to return the gesture, but held off when, at the last millisecond he realised she wasn't going to flinch. Buffy looked distraught; how dare he treat her like a child, or worse; was she not worth the anger? She thought. She went to slap him again, but Spike grabbed her hand. She tried to pull it back but his grip was too strong. They stared at each other for several seconds before Spike released her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and Buffy allowed him pull her closer. She let him stroke her face. But, when he leant in to kiss her, she pulled back.

"Love me and despair, Spike." She walked round him and out of the house, stepping on to the veranda.

Spike let her go and didn't follow, instead observing a hundred slayers reflected in the broken mirror. He bent down and picked up several fallen shards of glass and placed them in a nearby basket. He then took down the mirror frame, carried it to the kitchen and laid it by the back door. He noticed the sink was full of unwashed dishes. He set about cleaning them. An hour later he walked out on to the veranda, carrying two glasses of brandy.

"You in the moonlight, could you ever love a man like me?" He asked simply.

Buffy turned round to face him. She put on a look of suspicion. "That's a Stevie Nicks lyric, isn't it?"

"It might be. So what yer doin'?" He ventured, sensing her anger had reduced.

She turned round and looked up at the sky. "I was looking at the stars. I thought I might wish upon one."

Spike went and stood beside her. He dared to put his arm round her. She didn't attempt to pull away. This almost overwhelmed him; it scared him how much she could affect him. He knew he was 'nothing but a monster', much more so than Angel, although not as bad as Darla, he rated.

"Knowing your luck," he commented. "You'll pick a satellite. Space hardware rarely grants wishes."

Buffy leant into him. "Spike."

"Yes, love."

"You missed some plates." She indicated a small pile of dishes on the ground by the door.

"I'll get them in the morning."

"In the morning? You're confident."

"I'm that good," he responded. Buffy returned her attention to looking at the stars. "I can't give you a child or a normal life," he stated. Buffy faced him again. "What you see is what you get."

"A child has never been an option. As for a normal life…I'm a slayer. I'm special, unique. I save the world and make it better place to live in."

"Live fast, love hard, leave a beautiful corpse," Spike added looking down at her.

Buffy laughed. "What a wonderful set of images," she smiled genuinely, nearly felling Spike with its honest intensity. She turned and re-entered the house. When she saw Spike hadn't followed she looked round. "Are you staying out all night? You could catch the death of cold that way."

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"I thought so."

end

'Don't you know when you're loving anybody, baby,

You're taking a gamble on a little sorrow,

But then who cares, baby,

'Cause we may not be here tomorrow, no.

And if anybody should come along,

He gonna give you any love and affection,

I'd say get it while you can, yeah!'

(Janis Joplin)