After the initial shock of the news, Mary and Rhoda decided to go back to Mary's apartment to talk it over. After all, Mary was her best friend and wanted to know every little detail about Rhoda's supposed 'secret life'. Rhoda hadn't told her that she'd slept with someone recently, the doctor did say she was only 4 weeks along, and Mary wanted to know how she could keep it from her. They told each other everything. Always.
"So…" Mary said presumptuously, in that way she had. "Are you going to tell me who the hell the father is? Who, by the way, you never spoke of to me, Mary, your BEST FRIEND."
Rhoda said nothing, just kind of stared down at the floor for a little bit. Mary just stood there, looking at her, and waiting for a reasonable enough answer that she presumed wasn't going to come anyways. After giving Rhoda a little time, she finally spoke up, "Rhoda? Hello?"
Rhoda finally looked up, "Hmmm?" She mumbled quietly as if she didn't want to be heard.
"Did you hear me?"
"Oh, sorry Mair. I don't know, I- I just don't know." Rhoda thought she was doing everything right, she thought her life was going pretty good lately. Her job was doing well, well just about as 'well' as window-dressing could be, but still, it was what she did and there was nothing wrong at work, for the time being. Rhoda never thought anything like this could happen to her, she was always just so careful when it came to intimate stuff. She could hear her mother now, "Dear, sweet little Rhoda, men are bad. They just want one thing, and if you're smart, you won't give them what they want. But sometimes, things happen, so please be careful and always stay protected." Ida's shrilling little voice rang through her ears, she never quite listened to her mother, but she had always thought she had listened extra close to this one thing that her mom said. But maybe not, obviously she let it slip her mind for too long, just long enough.
She was too old to have a baby, 'a friken baby' Rhoda screamed in her head, 'how could I be this dumb? Especially at this age. I'm an old maid, okay only the whopping age of thirty-three, but still. I have no idea how to raise a baby, especially without a husband.' Rhoda thought vigorously as Mary was trying to get her attention, but she didn't care. She just needed time to think about what she was going to do. She finally came to her senses and started tuning into Mary and her one-sided conversation.
"Rhoda? Helloooo, Rhooooddaaaaa?"
"Oh goodness, Mair! Sorry, I must not have been paying much attention."
"Rhoda." Mary said sternly, sounding a lot like Rhoda's mother was speaking to her, instead of her best friend, "Do you even know who the father is?"
"Robert Redford." Rhoda said without missing a beat, trying to lighten the mood and put a smile on her distraught friend's cute little face.
"Very funny." Mary said with a light little smirk, Mary thought what Rhoda said was funny, like always, but this conversation was important, so she was trying very hard not to laugh. "Rhoda."
Rhoda knew what that tone of voice meant, she'd heard it a million times over the course of the past few years. "You're right, Kid. Sorry." It seemed like she had been saying sorry an awful lot these past couple days. "The truth is, there are a couple of people to choose from." Mary knew exactly what that meant…
"Oh, Rhoda." She truly felt sorry and sad for her friend, she loved her dearly and never wanted anyone, especially her to be in a position like this. Then Mary started to think of what they were talking about this morning when she went upstairs to check on her friend: "I haven't felt this way in a long time…" Rhoda had managed to say before Mary happily called the doctor and set up the appointment.
"Rhoda?"
"Uh-huh?"
"Remember when you told me this morning that you hadn't felt the way you did in a really long time?"
"Uh, yeah, I think so…" Rhoda said with this worried look on her face. Oh no, she thought. Mary was about to figure it out. She was about to find out her friend was a big loser who has been through this before, but with different circumstances.
Oh, no. Please, don't. What are you doing?
Oh, trust me baby, you'll love it. You'll LOVE me.
No, stop it. STOP. Get off of me! Now!
She could still recall her harrowing screams. It just kept running through her head, her dark past, that she never told anyone about, not even her best friend, who she would have to confess to pretty soon. She couldn't do it or take telling and rehashing her whole life history. She couldn't take all the bad memories that suddenly came rushing back into her head.
"Mary, I just don't want to talk about it. The past is the past." Rhoda finally said as her eyes started to water and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Come on, sweetie," Mary began to say as she laid both her hands on Rhoda's shoulders, squeezing gently, "I'm your best friend, you can tell me everything. I just want to help you because I love you very much and hate seeing you hurt like this." Mary was so sweet to her, she began to wonder how she came to deserve a friend like that. One who would do anything for you and be there for you every step of the way.
"Okay, Mair. If it really means that much to you, but keep in mind that it's in the past and I might get a little emotional."
"Alright." Mary started to think that maybe she wasn't ready to hear such a story, but she had to be ready and be there for her friend.
"I was sixteen years old," Rhoda began with a shaky voice. "I had met this guy, Paul, he was the most handsome thing I had ever seen, not Robert Redford good, but he was good. With beautiful, striking blue eyes, soft brown hair and a body that I could just sit and caress all day long. He was amazing, the first time I laid my eyes on him, I knew I was in love. As simple as that, in love. Paul was different from the other guys, yeah, he was attractive, but he really never paid attention to the small, preppy cheerleader types. You know the kind…," Rhoda paused and looked up at Mary. "You." He was the first guy who actually paid attention to me. Here's the thing though, he was about ten years older than me, which was a lot, especially for a young girl like I was. Anyways, he worked at a bank and I had my little summer job, so about every two weeks, I'd go to that bank and cash my paycheck, you know, like normal people. Every time I walked in, there he was, just looking at me, like he was in a trance. He'd look at me with those amazing eyes, like I actually meant something, you know? Like I was important, even though he didn't know me. After about the second or third time I went in there, he came up to me, we made small talk, you know, that kind of stuff. And when I was about to leave, Paul asked me if I wanted to grab a bite with him when his shift ended. I, of course, said yes. Who was gonna turn that down? You'd have to be pretty crazy not to say yes to him. And even if you wanted to turn him down, he'd probably just look at you and you'd change your mind in an instant. I was so young," She said with another tear rolling down her perfectly sculpted cheek, "I should have never gone, I was so stupid. I guess I didn't really know any better." Rhoda looked down as if she couldn't go on, but she did.
"I never told my mother that I had a date, she would have declined in a second, so I had to make up a lie, like I was at my friend, Susie's house. Susie was a good friend, but not good enough where my mother would call to check up on me, so I knew I was safe. Anyways, we went out to this really fancy restaurant, it was really expensive too, that high-end stuff that rich people always went to, you know the kind." Mary, sitting very patiently and quietly, nodded as Rhoda went on.
"We got back into the car, after dinner and we were having a great time together, I really liked him a lot, but I didn't think it would work because of the age thing. It just kind of scared me a little. After all, I sure did have the right to feel that way. Paul and I talked for a little bit in his car before we started to leave the restaurant. It was kind of far away from my house, but I grew up in the Bronx, I knew the place like the back of my hand, like an old freckle." Mary smirked a little, understanding Rhoda's analogy, she went on.
"After making a series of turns leading to my house, he made a left instead of the right he was supposed to have made. So I told him he made a mistake, but he told me we were taking a detour. After I had said that, I got this terrible feeling in my head, like someone had hit me in the head with a ball peen hammer. Then I started to feel really woozy, like I was drunk or something. I guess we got to his apartment before I woke up. But I did wake up in his apartment terrified because I didn't know where I was and I was so groggy from the medication." Rhoda looked up and explained to Mary what she was referring to, "Paul told me later that he had slipped some Ambien in my drink when I went to the lady's room."
"Ahhh." Mary said and then Rhoda continued.
"I had no idea what was going on until I saw him walking up to me. He put a gun against my head, and said that if I didn't do what he said, he was going to kill me and my family. I couldn't believe it, I kept thinking how this could ever happen to me, or how I let it happen. I sure as hell didn't want to be killed," Rhoda said tears now streaming down her face, ruining her makeup. "I had my whole life in front of me and even though I hated my mother and family sometimes, especially Brenda, I still loved them. I knew I had to do what he said, so I did. He made me take my pants off, and then my underwear. You can figure out the rest. I was violated and hurt, I was a virgin and he just didn't give a damn about anything. I had nowhere to turn after that. I couldn't tell anyone or they'd just think I deserved it, I'm a teenager, I was stupid for allowing that to happen, I was a little tramp. So I never told anyone, ever. I have just kept it bottled up all these years. It was killing me inside, but I just had to push it away, pretend like it never happened, so I could go on with my life."
"Wow, Rhoda," Mary said, choking out the words, as she was also sobbing with such disbelief and anger that she could barely speak. "I can't believe that, I'm so, I'm so sorry. But-," She hesitated. "What about the feelings you had before, like this morning? Where does that come in?"
"Well, about one month later, I was having the same symptoms as I did earlier and I just thought, you know, it was the flu or something like that. I pushed it off, not thinking anything of it, but it never turned into anything like a temperature, so after a couple more days without it getting any better, I went to the doctor by myself. I found out I was pregnant. I wouldn't have been able to raise a baby at that age, I was just a baby myself. I couldn't bare the fact that I'd have to tell my parents what happened and I would have the spawn of what took place that night. I'd have to take care of it and it would just remind me every time I looked down at my child, that it was the result of something so horrible, so I had an abortion. Back then, all the mail and doctor's bills would end up being mailed to my house, and I couldn't take a chance that ol' Marty and Ida would find out about this. So I got an abortion through the black market. It was the most painful thing I've ever done or had to do in my life. I could never, ever, do something like that again. But the past is the past and I moved forward with my life, forgetting about everything so I could live. I just hated myself after that. I was and am still so ashamed of myself."
"Oh, sweetie.. You're perfect and you were just a kid, like you said, you didn't know any better." Mary said as she moved to the couch where Rhoda was sitting, bawling her eyes out. Mary just embraced her, just held her for the longest time. Without saying a word, they sat there and cried with each other.
