Ari is fifteen and living with her two dads, Will and Sonny.
Will's POV
"Arianna Grace, you are grounded for a week and you have to hand in your phone for a week."
Arianna just brought home a rapport card and it does not look good. We already knew she was easily distracted by friends, shopping and boys, but this rapport card tells us loud and clear we need to put our foot down. Sonny's brown eyes are darker than usual and his voice carries the held in frustration, while Arianna pretends not to care about anything. He continues sharply:
"And you better be studying young lady, because we know you can do better than this."
He waves the rapport card in the air while he speaks, and I see how Ari slowly lifts her blue eyes to him. People already warned us that teenage children suddenly change from sweet angels into people who drive you to your wits end, and right know I understand what they tried to explain. Her eyes remind me of my mother's and I cannot explain to anyone how scary that is to me. While she stares daggers at Sonny she shouts loud and clear before storming off to her room and locking the door:
"You are not my father, I don't have to listen to you..."
The air in the room is thick and heavy, while I see the rapid changes taking a hold of the man standing a few feet away from me, the person who makes me complete and happy every single minute of every day. I see how the initial frustration when he was speaking to Ari changes into utter defeat and sadness, while her words seems to numb him completely. I am not sure what to do as his body radiates a hurt that I cannot even fully understand. As if a fear he hid for all these years, suddenly became reality. A fear that I don't have, because I am her dad and she will always be my daughter. But despite their amazing relationship over the years, and Sonny adopting Ari when she was just a young girl, he is not her biological father and for the first time ever she used that against him.
"Sonny..."
I reach out and grab his shoulder to squeeze it, hoping it would show him I am here for him. And for the first time in our relationship he shakes his shoulders in a way that tells me not to touch him. I let go, unsure of what to do. But before I can do anything he walks past me, but before I hear the door fall shut behind him I hear his voice deep with sadness:
"I'm sorry..."
I look at the two closed doors, the outside door through which Sonny just left and the closed door of Ari's bedroom. I wish there was a handbook which would give me five steps in how to make this better, but unfortunately I have to figure this out on my own. I walk over to the kitchen and fill a plate with chocolate chip cookies and then I knock on Ari's door. It remains quiet so I knock again while talking to the closed door:
"Ari, I think we need to talk... open the door honey..."
When I knock for a third time I hear the door unlock. I push it open and see how Ari just falls back on her bed, hugging her pillow while tears have wet her pretty little face.
"Sit up Ari..."
She sits up against the headboard and I find myself a place at the end of her bed, placing the plate with cookies between us. She sniffs heavily, and when I look at her teary blue eyes I realise she is more sad and hurt than anything else. So I push the cookies aside, sit down next to her and pull her close to my chest. While I stroke her dark hair, I let her cry for a while. When she calms down I ask:
"What happened honey...?"
She shrugs her shoulders and I shake my head:
"No Ari, I came here because we need to talk... about the rapport card, and about what you just said before you walked away from us...So... let's start with the rapport card..."
She sighs and chews on her bottom lip for a while before she says softly:
"I just... all my friends just like shopping, and going to the movies... you know. And I want to go along, but then I don't have time to study enough... some of my friends just get good grades and they don't do anything for it... but I do have to study if I want good grades... but I also want to spent time with my friends..."
Her sniffing makes is hard for me not to just squeeze her against me and tell her everything will be alright. Instead I decide to go for some real advice:
"Honey... I am sure there is a way you can do both... find a balance, you know? Go out in the weekends, but study during the week, in the evenings... or something... we think it is important that you do well in school... and you are such a smart girl..."
She smiles a very small quivery smile and nods her head:
"OK dad."
"OK honey... now the rest... why did you say that to Sonny..."
This time I have to wait much longer for an answer because she immediately starts to cry again. Eventually I lift her chin and say:
"Talk to me sweetie, why did you say that to him..."
She whispers, with a voice thick of emotion:
"I don't even know... he looked so disappointed and angry... and I felt horrible...and I just said what came into my mind... I don't want him to look at me like that daddy... I want him... and you... to be proud of me. But... but you are my dad and nothing will change that. No matter how bad my rapport card is or whatever... but he adopted me... you know..."
I listen quietly and suddenly I realise that the two people I love most in the world are sad right now because they feel they have to earn each others love.
"Honey... do you love Sonny... are you still happy he adopted you?"
"Yes..."
Her answer is without hesitation, and is said in such a deep heartfelt tone that I feel a thump in my heart. I hug her close and smile:
"Good."
We just sit there for a while and when her crying and sniffing has stopped and she finally reaches out to have a cookie, she suddenly starts to talk about her favourite memories with Sonny. And every word she says tells me how much he means to her. First she starts talking about the day he officially adopted her, while signing the adoption papers during his birthday breakfast in bed, after he came home from the hospital. But before she can move on to the second memory I pull my phone out of my pocket and say:
"I am going to text Sonny... he left after..."
"He did?"
He big blue eyes are all shades of guilty and I just nod my head:
"Yeah honey..."
"He must hate me now..."
"No sweetie, he loves you so much... that's the reason he left... those words... those words hurt him honey and I think you have to apologize to him when he comes home."
She sits there quietly and wordlessly nods her agreement, while she bites her bottom lip to not tear up again. I quickly write a text message and sent it, hoping he will respond soon:
'Come home honey... we miss you.'
Sonny's POV
"You are not my father. I don't have to listen to you..."
It feels as though someone is squeezing my throat and I am running out of oxygen. Everything suddenly seems to move in slow motion and I just stand there while she goes to her room. Will's voice sounds far away and when his hand touches me I shake him off, not able to let anything or anyone comfort me. This is my worst fear, the one fear I have never mentioned to Will. The one fear I wanted to push away, because the thought of it coming true would be too much to bear. And in this fear, I feel I stand alone because Will never has to worry for her to say it to him. Then I feel the concern radiating from my sweet partner and I suddenly want to leave before I do things I regret. Before I close the door behind me I have to let him know I am sorry. And then I am gone and I am just walking, not realising where I am going. The wind is cold, making my nose and my hands tingle. Slowly the oxygen seems to return to me, while I breath in the cold air. But my brain remains this tumbling machine, repeating the words over and over again: You are not my father, not my father, not my father...
"Hi Sonny..."
With a shock I look up, straight into the concerned eyes of Will's grandmother Marlena. She smiles and as always I see how her eyes shine with the same sweetness and kindness as Will's do. I can't really smile but repeat her greeting while focussing my eyes on her hands, hoping she won't notice I am a mess:
"Hi... Mrs Evans..."
We just stand there for a while and when I finally realise we have been quiet for a while my eyes find hers, and her knowing smile tells me I am an open book to her. She points to the building next to us:
"Care to come in for a cup of coffee?"
My eyes follow her pointing finger and I see we are standing right outside her house and I nod my agreement. Ten minutes later we are sitting in her living room with a cup of coffee and I look around, remembering how Will told me about the conversations he had in here with his grandmother. I take a deep breath and say softly:
"I'm sorry you see me like this..."
"Like what..."
"Like I'm a mess..."
Our eyes meet again and the calmness and kindness in hers makes me want to open up, so I do. I tell her about the rapport card, the fight and those stinging words that are still stabbing me, hurting me more and more every minute. When I am all talked out, she takes a deep breath:
"I see..."
I look at her expectantly, as if she can provide the explanation of Ari's outburst as well as the solution. But after a while she shakes her head:
"I am so sorry this happened Sonny... and I understand that this is hurting... and you have every right to be hurt... but I also think you have to go home and finish that conversation..."
I bow my head, knowing she is right. She continues while reaching out to hold my hand:
"And I know you are scared that, when you go home, what she said will be underlined instead of crossed out... that she won't take it back... but the only way to deal with it is to face it."
I nod while holding her hand in a tight grip. Then my phone rings to let me know I have a message:
'Come home honey... we miss you.'
I read it out loud to Marlena, who smiles and stands up:
"I think I am not the only one who thinks you have to continue the conversation."
I stand up and hug her close before I walk out to go home. While she gives me a sweet grandmotherly hug I whisper in her ear:
"I understand completely why Will loves you so much..."
Then I am on my way home, trying to straighten out my thoughts before I have to face the two most important people in my life. I try to come up with things I want to say, but I am not sure. I know my confidence is gone since the moment she said those words, and only she can give me my confidence back. When I softly open the front door I walk into an empty living room. Ari's bedroom door is slightly opened and I hear voices coming from her room. Just before I want to push the door open, I hear her soft voice say my name, and I wait for a moment to hear her talk to Will:
"I never told you this dad... but remember when you had you appendix taken out and you had to stay at the hospital for a night? I think it was about a year after he officially adopted me... and I was so worried about you. And I was crying all the time and he tried everything to cheer me up. But the only time I felt better was when he finally pulled me in his lap and held me close for a long time, telling me stories about you and about the both of you. I always feel so safe when he is with me, dad..."
"Me too honey... and he is very protective of the both of us..."
"Yeah, I know... daddy?"
"Hmmm."
"What can I say to him... after what I said earlier..."
"Just say what is in your heart sweetie... that is all he needs to hear."
I take a deep breath and push the door open. When I am standing in front of the bed I look at both of them shyly and I softly say:
"Hi..."
"Hi baby, I'm glad your home."
Will stands up from the bed and gives me a big hug and I whisper to him while my breath warms his ear:
"I'm sorry I pulled away earlier... I'm so sorry."
He pulls back and shakes his head:
"I love you."
I smile, realising how much I need to hear him say that. But I also know I need one more person to say it, so I turn to Ari while Will takes a step back to lean on Ari's desk. Before I can say anything she is up and her arms are clinging around my neck while she is crying uncontrollably against my chest. I hold her close and stroke her back, not realising I am chewing on my bottom lip. After a while I pull back and lift up her chin so she has to look at me. Her voice in unsteady but every word she says is perfect to me:
"I'm sorry daddy, I... I was wrong... you are my father and I love you so very very much..."
I kiss her forehead and smile:
"I love you too honey... so much it sometimes hurts a bit."
She nods and says:
"I know... me too..."
I gesture to Will to come over and join in the group hug and when he does he kisses Ari's cheek and then mine before he says:
"Me too."
(...)
After all the emotions of the day we just had our pizza's, and now we are spending the evening together watching some TV. Ari is really tired and almost asleep on the couch, so Will shakes her awake to say:
"I think you should go to bed..."
She yawns and slowly gets herself off the couch. She leans over to give Will a sweet hug and kiss:
"Goodnight daddy... and I promise I will get my grades up..."
Then she walks over to me and I get my hug and my kiss, and then she says:
"Goodnight daddy... I know you said all is forgiven but I want to say one more time that I am so sorry for what I said today..."
"I know honey... thank you."
While she walks to her bedroom I look at Will, who is slowly standing up from his chair. He walks over to me so he can pull me up from the couch. He leads me towards the music player and I smile when a sweet song plays softly through our living room. His arms slide around my neck, and mine curve around his waist. His pulls me flush against him and his lips softly brush my neck. I sigh contently, leaning my head a bit more to the side so he has more access. It is a slow song and we are barely moving, but the feeling of being in his arms while he is caressing my body makes this living room my personal heaven. My heart starts pounding when he softly sings along with the music:
"When I come home, I'm gonna be the man who's coming home to you."
His lips find my skin and suck a bruise before softly licking the sting away. His hands are in my hair and I feel the butterflies in my stomach when I feel how skilfully he makes a mess of it in a way only he knows I like it. While he sings along with the music again I have to use every strength I have to let him finish his sentence:
"And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream about the times when I'm with you."
And then I find his lips with mine, demanding entrance immediately, whimpering when the warmth of his mouth clouds my mind. When we let go we both try to make up from the oxygen we are missing and then his voice is deep and husky in my ear:
"Let's go to bed..."
I let him lead me to the bedroom where I let him undress me. And after he has quickly shed his clothes, we are completely entangled on our bed. His determination makes me weak and the way he shows his love tonight will make me lose myself entirely. And just before I do I hear him sing once more:
"And when I wake up, I'm gonna be the one who wakes up next to you..."
Song is by the proclaimers: I'm gonna be (500 miles). Hope you this second chapter! Please review and let me know!
