I Feel The Love and I Feel It Burn
He'd really managed to do it this time. Three weeks he'd spent wandering. Three weeks he'd managed to avoid this place. Anywhere but Brooklyn. Anywhere but this building. It had him frozen now, the sight of it. SO familiar, yet if felt like he hadn't been here in a hundred years instead of three weeks. This was home, yet he wasn't allowed here. Magnus had told him to get his things and leave, and he had. This couldn't be his home anymore. Yet here he was. This was where his feet had taken him. This was where he wanted to be. His body knew it as well as his heart did.
He stood there for what must have been hours on the verge of leaving and losing his self control. He should leave. He shouldn't want to be where he wasn't wanted, but his heart was screaming at him what Matt had said. Fight for him Alec. No. He told me to stay away. Come on, do it anyway. Don't give up so easy.He hates me. No, he loves you. That's what he said isn't it? Aku cinta kamu. He also said that didn't change anything. SO? FIGHT FOR HIM! God you fucking idiot get up the damn steps knock his door in if you have to. You need him!I don't. You do or you wouldn't be here.
—
When Magnus first spotted him outside the window he'd been so sure he was making it up in his head. Alec was not out side. There was no way. But after ten minutes or so his figure was still there across the street, standing like some kind of statue just staring at the building. Magnus stood far enough back from the window that Alec couldn't see him if he looked up, but he was still close enough to make out details. Jeans, black shirt, grey zip up jacket, and his blue scarf. Tears threatened his eyes as he thought about that scarf. Stupid thing had started more than one fight. He should have known then that something was going on with Alec, but there had been so much going on. So much fate of the world bull shit that he hadn't been paying enough attention to the little things in their relationship.
He'd had plenty of time to think about it since then of course. More than once he'd stormed through the house knocking things over and ranting about it. Now though it just made him sad instead of angry. How many times had he wished for Alec to be standing right where he was now? It had gone so differently in his head. He'd see Alec and run to him. Fall into his arms and beg for him back. He'd promise to be open with him. Promise to tell him anything he wanted. Now though, now he stood where he was at the window, praying that Alec would walk away. He needed him, his heart needed him, but his mind and his experience told him that he needed space. There would be no fixing their problems this easily. No running to Alec, no begging forgiveness.
As he watched Alec slowly moved closer to the building, never looking up, but slowly walking towards it like he was fighting some inner battle. It went on that way for nearly an hour, and Magnus took that time to pull himself together. If Alec did come up, he would not be wearing holy sweats, especially not when Alec at least looked like he'd recently showered. Panic hit Magnus then and he raced to the bathroom shower and quickly cleaned up, using magic as a cheat to make it go faster. By the time he was presentable Alec was up the stairs and standing in front of his door.
Magnus cast a quick spell to see through the door instead of spying through the peep hole. A small noise somewhere between a groan and sob escaped him as Alec came into view. He was leaning his forehead against the door, both hands flat on the wood, sobbing. Dried blood covered one of his hands, and it looked as tho he'd hit something recently. Without thinking his hand lifted to touch Alec's hand and met with the door. He could feel the tears on his own face now as he leaned in closer to him. "Alec." He whispered softly, letting them come.
