I Feel Something So Wrong Doing the Right Thing

Alec let Izzy drag him along with them to a downworlder party a few nights after he'd gotten home. He had neglected to tell her what he'd really been doing for three weeks so she'd assumed that he had almost no human contact in that time. She had also expressed her concern for him after he continued to call Magnus. The first few time no one had answered, the last few Magnus had answered and Alec had panicked and hung up the phone. Her response was better than Jace, who had taken it upon himself to smash Alec's phone saying "Guys don't let other guys keep calling other guys." or some such something. In the end it didn't matter. He would have to do something about Magnus at some point, but tonight he could maybe relax. Besides it was easier to let Izzy think she was right. So he'd let her dress him and lost a fight to eye liner "It's just a little Alec!" Then they were off with Simon, Clary, and Jace.

It was a good party, lots of booze, good music and Magnus. Wait, what was that last part? Magnus. He was in the corner of the room fruity drink in one hand and the well manicured hand of a blond slut in the other. Be nice. We don't know she is a slut.She's with Magnus, that's all I need to know about her. Ok, maybe just maybe she is a slut. You really have no room to talk.Oh really? You just played man whore for three weeks, do you really have the right to call anyone a slut? Alec pushed his thoughts of reason aside. It was easier to be jealous at that moment looking at the two of them laughing, watching Magnus use his flirty face. Maybe later he could be reasonable, but right now he was just jealous. Jealousy is ugly on you.Whatever. He glared at them until Izzy came by with a drink. "C'mon Alec, smile. This is an awesome party." She said handing it to him. She followed his gaze and her mouth formed a frown. "Alec I'm sorry I had no idea he'd be here. Look we can go-"

"No." Alec said cutting her off. "This is a great party Iz. Lets dance or something." He forced a smile then chugged back the drink she'd brought quickly. He would need more than that soon if he was going to make it through the night.

They found the others waiting for them on the dance floor. By the time they'd gotten there Alec had managed to down two more shots and was able to relax some, but not enough to really enjoy himself. Jace gave him a strange look as he threw back another shot and out of the corner of his eye he saw Izzy mouth "Watch him, Magnus is here." This irritated him, but he let it roll off his shoulders. He was going to dance, and get drunk, and he did. He let himself get lost in the music, dancing with anyone who offered, male or female, and downing more drinks.

Before he knew it he found himself on the floor in the corner of the room, no friends in sight, room spinning. He wasn't entirely sure how he had gotten there, but he knew it was probably for the best, he was starting to feel like crap. God I hope this isn't Magnus and Slut face's corner.Me too. I swear if I see her I'm going to give her a piece of my mind.I don't think that is going to happen. Why the hell not?I don't know if you have noticed but we're a little drunk. This kind of complicated just about everything. I don't even think we can walk. He tried to get up and instantly wished he hadn't. Maybe we can puke on slut face? Shut up. Alec put his head between his knees. Why was the music so loud? This was such a bad idea. Remind me to kill Izzy later.Definitely.

"Alec drink this. You'll feel better." said a voice smooth as silk, that was in close to his ear. The owner of the voice held out a drink to him. He stared at it for a moment before the other person sighed and pushed it into his hands. "Just trust me please." Alec sipped it reluctantly. It was horrible, but after the first few sips the room had stopped spinning.

"Thank you baby, I don't know what-" Alecs eyes snapped up and focused on the cat-eyed owner of the silky voice. "Magnus." He breathed, trying to get up. Magnus put his hands on Alec's shoulders.

"That probably is not the best idea considering I just walked you mostly unconscious from the dance floor."

"You didn't have to do that" He mumbled, blushing.

"Yes and letting every drunk pair of six inch heals out there trample you is a wonderful alternative."

"Iz or Jace would have come to get me."

"Isabelle is currently wrapped up in the Daylighter, and Jace and Clary disappeared nearly and hour ago."

Alec rolled his eyes. "What so you are keeping tabs on us now?"

"Alec if you think I have been able to keep my eyes off you since you walked in-"

"Ok sure, if I'm a tall curvy blonde maybe."

"Alexander," Magnus said, sounding hurt. "You are being extremely unfair."

"What do you care?" Alec said, suddenly angry. Shut up before you do something stupid."Look just leave me alone alright?" Oh my dear god Shut up!"Go find slut face and bug her or something." You are never allowed to drink ever again.

Anger was clear in Magnus's face when Alec looked up at him, but it was the pain in his eyes that made Alec hate himself. You really are good at fucking yourself.

"Magnus I'm sorry. I-"

"Shove off Lightwood." Magnus said standing up to walk away. Alec scrambled to his feet.

"Magnus wait."

Magnus whirled on him, his cheeks clearly wet. "For your information Alexander, Slut face is called Alice. She is a good, old friend whom I have known since I was your age. She is also happily married and has been for the like three hundred years While you have been slowly getting drunker and flirting with everything even slightly resembling a homosexual male here, I have been miserable and waiting for you to be alone for even a moment so that I could come speak to you."

Alec internally kicked himself. You fucked up. You think? Alec reached for Magnus's hand. "Magnus please-"

"No Alec, I am done."he said, pulling away. "I am done explaining myself to you, done tiptoeing around everything that might upset you or make you jealous. Do you have any idea what it has been like for me the past month? I've been on the verge of just giving up, of dying of depression. I got that scarf from you the other day and for the first time in weeks, I thought that maybe, just maybe I would be ok."

Alec winced. He had no idea how Magnus had taken things. Izzy refused to tell him when he'd asked.

"Do you ever think before you do things? I know how you have spent the last few weeks Alec, the Pandemonium is a popular place among us Downworlders. It's gotten around. I found out myself tonight, about an hour ago. I've been trying to convince myself that I can get over that, but I just can't. What right do you have to judge me, when my only thought since I left you has been you?"

Alec felt the blood leave his face. This wasn't happening. "Magnus," he said weakly. What could he say? How could he possibly say anything to fix this? You can't. Look at him. And Alec did look. The anger was gone now, it had been replaced by a horrible mix of pain, sadness, and desperation that Alec had never seen before. Magnus wanted him to say something, to fix it. But he had nothing. That beautiful face that he loved showed just how broken the Warlock was. I did that.

"I can't do this anymore," Magnus said, his voice almost a whisper. He turned and walked away, and Alec let him go.