I Feel Something So Right Doing The Wrong Thing
Alec threw himself into demon hunting after the encounter with Magnus at that party. He had been so stupid, screwed everything up so royally. The demon hunting helped keep his anger and self-hate in check and by the time he was done at night he was to exhausted to think. He dreamed though. Every night he'd wake up in a cold sweat two or three times. The dreams were the worst part of everything. He'd dream of their fight, the initial break up, the fights during their relationship. Then they started to change. Suddenly it was Magnus dying, Magnus aging while he stayed young, Magnus walking in on him with another man in their bed, Magnus, Magnus, Magnus. At least that was consistent, it was always about Magnus.
It was never Magnus as he prefered to think about him though. Never smiling, loving laughing Magnus, not even when the dream started out where that would make sense. It was the Magnus from the party. The Magnus whose eyes were imprinted on the back of his eyelids. Pain, heartbreak, anger and love all mixed into horrible, beautiful cat eyes that looked at him, blamed him. The love was the worst part. No matter how upset or hurt Magnus had been with him at that party Alec had been able to see his love for him there. It was something he had never really noticed before, but now realized was always there. It was this painful, eternal, no matter what you do to me, no matter how much you hurt me, I will love you with my whole soul for the rest of forever type of love. He couldn't handle it. His only salvation was waking up and pushing himself until he dropped and the cycle repeated.
Even Jace, who had been enthusiastic about Alec's new found love for hunting started to tire of the endless fight. Soon he, Izzy, Clary, and even Simon were trading off days of hunting with him, just so they could rest. Part of him felt guilty, but it wasn't a large part. They didn't have to join him.
"Alec enough!" Isabelle finally yelled one morning as Alec discussed with Jace his hunting plans for the day. "This is insane. It has been two months of nonstop blood, bruises, and Demons. We are all exhausted."
"You don't have to go with me, none of you do. I'm a legal member of the Clave now, I can go out alone."
Jace slammed his fist down on the table in frustration. He'd been in a bad mood to start with that morning, and now he could sense the fight brewing between the siblings. "You know we can't do that Alec. The way you are going you'll get yourself killed on your own. Izzy is right, that's enough. Take a break Alec."
"Well that's not happening." Alec said, going back to the map he'd been looking over, and pushing his eggs around his plate, as was now his morning ritual.
"Alec please." Izzy pleaded, rubbing her temples. He was stressing her out, he knew, but he didn't much care. "I don't know what happened between you and-" She cut off seeing his face. His looked dared her to say that name, to give him a reason to go off on her. "I don't know what happened at that party, but this has got to stop. You aren't eating, you hardly sleep, you don't sit still for more than two minutes before you have to get moving. You're killing yourself, do you really think this is anyway to move on from Magnus?"
It was Alec's turn to slam a fist down on the table. He glared at her. What did she know? Maybe he was pushing himself harder than he probably should, but his mind needed it. "I'm just doing my job," He said through gritted teeth, "this has nothing to do with him." She rolled her eyes at him, and returned his glare. You are driving them away. Good. After what he had done to Magnus he didn't really feel he deserved any kind of kindness from them. That's why he hadn't told Izzy what had happened the night of the party. She would take his side, tell him how it wasn't his fault, how it was just Magnus being stupid. She'd done that once he'd finally explained the reason for their break up in the first place. He wasn't willing to sit through that again, especially when she was wrong. This was his fault, and he would spend as long as he wanted hating himself for it.
Jace's cell phone went off, pulling them out of their glare fest. It probably wasn't Clary. It was early and unless she was training or out hunting with Alec she liked to sleep in. The only other people who called Jace were Clave members, which meant there was a good chance they might actually have a real job, instead of one Alec had come up with off the top of his meant Isabelle would have to shut up and just go with it. Jace took the call in the other room and Izzy went back to her breakfast, stabbing at her pancake a little more violently than was needed. Alec frowned as he watched her and felt a twinge of guilt. This wasn't her fault, and he'd been taking it out on all of them. Before he could open his mouth to apologize though Jace came back into the room.
"Alright Alec, looks like you win," he sighed. "That was Maryse, we've got a tip that there's some Vampire involvement with that nest you wanted to look into today." Alec felt a slightly smug smile come to his face as Izzy groaned. She threw her fork down on the table and pushed herself up. "That's just wonderful." She hissed "Whatever, this is the last time though. Next time Alec can just go by himself. What the fuck do I care." With that she stormed from the room to change into her gear.
The short journey to the demon's nest was tense and awkward. Izzy refused to talk to anyone but Clary and she spent the whole time shooting Alec dirty looks. I deserve this. He reminded himself after a particularly nasty look that had Jace snickering next to him, Alec elbowed him in the ribs and he did his best to stifle it.
The nest was an apartment building in a part of the city known to hide Downworlders who were heavily into the black market. The building was run down, and stunk of demonic energy. Even Alec wasn't crazy about the idea of going in. Once inside however the rush of the fight filled them and they were a mostly functional team again. It took them most of the day to clear the nest. By the end of it they were exhausted and covered in blood and ichor. They had managed to pull the identity of the vampire involved from one of the smarter demons. They even knew where to find her.
"Maureen is dangerous Alec. We need to involve the Conclave."
Alec rolled hie eyes. This was the third time they'd gone over this. It was nearing dusk and a few of the street lights had started to pop on. They were sitting on the curb now, letting their healing runes take effect. "If we wait now she'll find out about it and we'll miss any chance we had of stopping her."
"Do I need to remind you that she killed Camille? An extremely old, extremely powerful Vampire?"
"Only because she got there before I did." Alec muttered.
"Alec!"
"By the Angel that's enough!" Jace said cutting in between Alec and Isabelle, who were now standing. Isabelle looked ready to hit something and Alec stood with his arms at his sides clenching and unclenching his fists. It wouldn't have been the first fist fight Jace had broken up between the two of them, but he wasn't even slightly in the mood to deal with it. "Listen Alec, as much as I agree with you that Maureen needs to have her little Vampire ass handed to her, Izzy is right."
Clary, who'd mostly been staying out of things, picked up her head. "Whats this? Jace, Shadowhunter extraordinaire, wants to give up?" She teased. He rolled his eyes at her and she smiled at him, shrugging it off.
"I do actually. We're exhausted. We've been going nonstop for days. She's clearly not going to be easy to take down, and we have no idea how much help she will have. Let's face it, she killed Camille by herself." Alec opened his mouth and Jace cut him off, "Yes I'm sure you could have handled her in your post break-up, brokenhearted rage, but the rest of us are not running on a strong dose of I fucked up and my flaming bisexual, sparkling warlock hates me, so we're going to call the conclave and get backup."
Alec's already clenched fist found Jace's nose with a resounding crack that caught them all off guard. Jace stumbled a little and brought his hand up to his now bleeding face, Clary and Isabelle both reached for Jace but he waved them off.
"No, I deserved that." He said, pulling out his stele to draw and iratze on his arm. "Plus it's the first sign of actual emotion Alec has shown in a long time."
Alec clenched his fist down at his side again and closed his eyes trying to concentrate on calming himself. He hadn't meant to hit Jace. The asshat deserved it though. Well yes, but it wasn't exactly uncommon for Jace, he had a knack for ticking people off. After a moment Alec sighed, this wasn't helping. "I need a walk," he said finally. "I'll meet you back at the institute." With that he turned and walked away not bothering to look back.
"Alec," Izzy said moving to follow him. Jace caught her wrist. "No Iz, let him go. He needs his space."
Alec walked for a few hours, letting the night fall around him. What was wrong with him? He hadn't been himself since Camille had shown up in his life. She'd fucked everything up. No you did that. Well she had certainly helped start it. Camille with her stupid Vampire immortality. It didn't help that she was beautiful. He was gay and even he could tell that as far as women went she was stunning. Then there had been her knowing more about Magnus than he did. She didn't though. Oh? She didn't know him like you.I fail to see that. You know everyday Magnus. You know his coffee order, how he likes his eggs. What music he listens to. You've seen him dance around the room with the cat when he thinks you aren't looking. Those soft, sensitive little spots all over his body that drive him insane. How he drools on the pillow when he sleeps. You know he does that cute little thing where he sticks his tongue out when he puts on eyeliner. You know Magnus Bane the person, not Magnus Bane the immortal Warlock. I bet you she's never payed enough attention to know that Magnus. Alec groaned. He'd known Magnus in all the ways that were important. He'd been so stupid.
He stopped walking in front of another apartment building. It wasn't run down like the nest had been. This was an elegant high rise, complete with door man. Alec was glamoured of course so the doorman took no note of him. This is where Maureen is supposed to be. Very observant of you. Why are you here? Why do you think? This is a very bad idea. I'm full of those lately.
Alec dismissed his apprehension and walked towards the building. Maybe Jace was right but Alec didn't care. If he couldn't kill Camille he could at least get rid of the bitch who'd taken the chance from him.
