Chapter 3
She didn't see Anna the day she went away to school. She didn't see anyone. It was in the same city, only ten blocks away, but she still felt lonely. Anna was healing, and it only took a few days for her to be back to her crazy, headstrong, beautiful self. But Elsa couldn't see that. All she could see was the cast on her ankle and a bandage around her head.
"Now girls, back in line." Elsa was tired, but she move quickly back to her spot, rolling her neck and adjusting the straps of her sweaty leotard. "You are not feeling the music, or the emotion. This dance is about hidden beauty, about realising one's true self. None of your performances were even close to professional." She paused, a sly smile sneaking onto her face. "Except maybe Elsa."
Elsa's shoulders dropped visibly. She knew what was coming.
"Why don't you perform it for the class, Elsa? Maybe they will learn something." Knowing better than to protest, Elsa took her spot in the centre of the floor, arms curved with absolute intention, spine straight, muscles tightened. She executed the solo with ease, slow and steady, every single step pregnant with sigficance. It was easy, because it was the dance Anna had always loved. The Ugly Duckling. It was the dance the two of them had shared forever, and it was the only thing that could make her forget.
Always a sharp needle of clarity, her mothers voice cleared her haze and pushed her back into reality.
"That was lovely, darling, but really, you need to work on your arms... and your legs. Oh your lines, they were kind of blurry." Sighing inwardly, Elsa resisted the urge to reply with a snarky retort, and instead embrace her mother firmly.
"Mother, what a surprise." Her voice was flat, totally void of the emotion that had, only seconds ago, been seeping from every inch of her body. But her mother didn't notice. She never did.
"Yes, well, I was thinking we could have dinner tonight. The company is back in town for a few days, and since I haven't seen you since you left for school nearly five months ago, I thought it would be a good chance to catch up."
"Um, sure, mother, but I kind of have class at the moment, but if your really in a hurry, i guess i could-" But before she could finish, her mother was talking again, eyes glued to her stomach.
"No, no, I can wait. By the looks of things, you need to work on your technique anyway, but tonight, eight'o'clock? By the palace? Great, see you then honey." Without even so much as good bye, her mother was gone, and Elsa was alone, again. Even there, in the studio, together with 13 other girls, a choreographer, a pianist, and an instructor, she was lonely.
Elsa was always lonely.
She didn't want to go. She knew exactly how the night was going to play out. But, she didn't want to give her parents any more reason dislike her, or anymore reason to take there frustrations out on Anna. So she went.
First she spent and hour agonizing over what to wear. The she spent thirty minutes pinning her hair into the tightest possible bun. The she spent another three quarters of an hour rubbing on makeup that she didn't know how to apply. The she spent another hour taking it all off, tugging on a new outfit, and brushing her hair back into a loose braid.
Her mother was a quarter of an hour late.
Dinner was a quiet affair. They barely talked at all, that was, until Eleanor took her daughter up to her hotel room, and sat her down on a barely used sofa.
"Anna got her cast off today," Unable to contain herself, Elsa smiled at this news.
"That's great!"
"Her doctor's think she should be able to dance again in a few months." Her smile faded.
"Dance? Again? Mum! She just broke her ankle! She cracked open her skull! She could have died!"
Her mother pushed off her concerns with a wave of her hand, "It can happen to any dancer, Elsa. It doesn't mean that we should stop dancing. I was actually thinking that she could come stay here in your dorm, attend the academy's junior program."
"Mum! She nearly died because she wanted to go on pointe! Because she wanted to be like me! You need to keep her away from me! You need to keep her safe!"
"Oh, Elsa. Don't be so dramatic. Anna did not die, nor did she come remotely close. And, just so you know, not everything is about you. Anna went on pointe because she is interested in dancing, unlike you. Just because she had one accident doesn't mean she should stay away forever!"
Elsa didn't want to argue, but she did anyway. Because this was Anna.
"Mum, I am here. I am giving away my life to dance, why isn't that enough for you? Why do you have to force her to be part of a world that she doesn't want!"
"Because she does, want it, Elsa." Her mothers voice was quiet and unforgiving. Elsa stood.
"Excuse me, mother. But I'm tired and I have class in the morning."
"Elsa, don't be such a drama queen! Come back here!"
But Elsa was already too far gone to hear it."
By the time she got back to the Academy, her anger had turned to rage. How could her mother think that Anna wanted this? That anyone wanted this? Who wanted to be broken and bleeding, lonely forever, with nothing but the stage to keep you company. Loved distantly by thousands, but personally by no one.
Maybe Anna did want to be a ballerina. But she shouldn't. And she wouldn't,
Elsa would protect her little sister, she would keep her safe, even if it meant breaking her heart.
