Chapter 4
Elsa didn't hear another word from her family until valentines day. Preparations for the end of year student production were well under way, and as the lead, Elsa was busier than ever. She dance nearly fifteen hours a day, and slept for only six. She had rehearsals ever afternoon, classes every morning, and school work in between.
She barely ate.
She had no time for herself.
Slowly, she was withering away to nothing.
On the fourteenth of february, rehearals were let out early, and Elsa wanted nothing more than to take a long hot bath, and to crawl into her bed.
That didn't happen.
Before she even unlocked the door to her dormitory, she knew something was different. There were an extra pair of shoes outside, and the lights were on, even though she had turned them off when she left that morning at before the sun rose.
As soon she smelled hot cocoa, she knew it was in an instant.
"Anna? What are you doing here?"
Her tiny bathroom in on gigantic leap, a smile plastered across her face. "Surpise!"
Elsa took a step back. This could not be happening.
"Mum said I could come visit you, stay for a week! I've missed you so much, Elsa. I've barely seen you since, well, since you got your letter I guess." Without another word, Anna knocked older sister over in a hug. "So what do you wanna do? I really want to see your school! Is it as amazing as mum says it is? I can't wait till my audition, so I can come and live with you, and we can be together forever. Or maybe we could go and build a snowman, there's still some snow left outside. Or maybe we could just watch a movie, I made cocoa and-"
"Anna. I'm really tired from rehearsal, I kind of just want to go to bed." Her younger sisters face fell visibly, sinking from her bold smile into a hesistant scowl.
"Okay, I guess that's cool. Maybe in the morning."
"Yeah, maybe."
She woke before the sun, and slipped out of the dormitory before Anna noticed that she was awake, scribbling a quick note on the back of a napkin and leaving it on the bedside table.
The studio was empty when she arrived. Techinically, she didn't have class for another three hours, but she worked better alone, and too keep her parents happy- and Anna's life stress free- she had a lot of work to do.
By afternoon rehearsals her feet were bleeding and her back ached. She hadn't slept the night before, and hadn't eaten since the previous morning. But she kept going anyway. For Anna.
The rest of the week past in much of the same fashion, and truth be told, she spent little to no time with her younger sister. On friday night Thursday morning she woke to fine Anna already up, but gave little thought to it.
That morning the studio wasn't empty. Anna was there, dressed in head to toe in dance gear.
"Hey Elsa, I thought, since you were so busy with dance, that I could dance with you!" Elsa frowned.
"I don't think so Anna."
"Please? I have to go home on saturday, and we've barely spent any time together. Just one morning?"
She should have said yes. She could have said yes. One lousy morning wasn't going to change anything. But she didn't.
Turns out her sister coming to visit her was the perfect way to change her mind about ballet.
"Don't you get it, Anna? I don't want this for you! I don't want any of it. You shouldn't either. It's hard and I'm scared for you! I don't want you to break!"
Anna smiled softly.
"I know you're scared for me, Elsa, but I'm not a little girl anymore! You have protected me my whole life, but I can make decisions for myself now, and this is what I want. Your whole life has been turned upside down. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't want this! It doesn't mean that I shouldn't want this. I'm not you, Elsa! You've wanted to be a dancer your whole life, and so have I. Just because things have been a little tough lately doesn't mean you should give up. You should never give up. Not ever."
Elsa almost faltered in her stance. Because her sister was right. She had wanted this her whole life. And Anna did have the right to make her own decisions.
She almost smiled. She almost cried. She almost embraced her sister with an open heart.
"I didn't want to come to this, Anna. But I guess I should tell you the truth. You're just not good enough. You are too clumsy, too unfocused. Even mum and dad think so. I heard them talking last year. I don't want you to be dissapointed when you don't get anything out of this!"
For a minute, the two of them stood, eye to eye, breathing heavily.
It was Anna who broke the silence.
"I hate you." The words choked Elsa, the air suffocating her, pushing her backwards, she saw Anna run, cheeks red, eyes filled with regret.
And then blackness.
When Elsa woke up, she was alone in a hospital bed, a drip feeding into her arm, and a screen monitor her heart beat hooked up to her finger. Immediately she panicked.
"Anna?" Her voice was hoarse, and her tone was tentative. "Anna, are you there?" Anna was always there. Always.
That was when it came flooding back.
The argument.
Elsa's harsh words.
Before she could lapse into a total break down two figures barged into the room, clip boards poised, stethescopes around their necks.
"It's okay, Elsa. You passed out at school yesterday. When was the last time you ate something honey?"
"I don't know.. maybe two days ago? Three? Where's Anna?"
"Your sister is with your parents honey. They had to fly to San Fran Cisco with the company this morning once they knew you were going to be okay."
"Oh. Of course. Right. Can I go home now?"
"Sorry honey. You need to stay right here, we need to run some more tests, make sure you get the help you need."
"No, I don't need any help. I need ballet, I need to keep my parents happy, I-" She sat up, dizzy and unsure, sliding out of bed and making for the door. "Please, I need to practice- I need to keep Anna..." the nurse slid the needle from her neck, wiping the remaining anaestatic on her apron.
"Maybe you should call the girls parents. She's really messed up, Doc."
They didn't call her parents. It took some convinving, but eventually she was released, with a full stomach and a heavy heart, on the condition that she visited the infirmary every day.
For two days, she slept. She cried into her pillow, and she ate next to nothing. She didn't care.
On the third day, she went to class. People stared at her, but she took her place at the barre, and she danced. She didn't smile, she didn't talk to anyone. All she did was work.
Dance was all she had left, anyway.
Three weeks after she passed out, word came that Anna and her parents intended to stay in San Fran Cisco for the rest of the school year. Not by phone call, or even email, but from the dance mistress, Madame Kovarian.
So what? She thought, who cares.
Being lonely never bothered her, anyway.
