After hours of meditation Ilum's gift of a single Force-attuned crystal had been transformed into what it had waited to be since it had formed in the cavern thousands of years ago.

A lightsaber.

It had better balance than her first, Ahsoka decided as she ran through the basic stances of Shii-Cho. It's emerald blade felt quicker, it moved more naturally in her hands. It was more than a weapon, it was just like Anakin had always said.

This weapon is your life.

Ahsoka hadn't realized until that moment just how incomplete she had felt ever since her first lightsaber disappeared into the depths of Coruscant. Even if she hadn't lost it and her shoto, the Jedi wouldn't have let her keep it when she left the Order. Between Barriss, the Council, and Anakin she'd been too busy sorting out the tangled mess in her mind to really notice it's absence. Now, for the first time in months she was beginning to feel like herself again.

Who cared if she wasn't a Jedi anymore. It's not like there's a law keeping everyone else from owning one of these. She gave it a flourish and sent the deadly, beautiful beam of light back inside the hilt. Mace Windu, eat your heart out.

She took a good look at the hilt itself for the first time. She hadn't designed it, Jedi never do: the lightsaber design just sort of… emerges as you build it in communion with the Force.

The sound of many pieces of metal clattering to the ground followed by loud, colourful cursing interrupted her inspection. Or sometimes it doesn't. She looked up to see Asajj Ventress gathering up her materials from the icy floor, giving her a glare that said: Say something and I'll rip you in half. Ahsoka looked away before Ventress noticed the rapidly growing smirk on her face. She'd been surprised to learn that Asajj had never actually built a lightsaber before. Her first had been a spare built by her Master Ky Narec; the pair lost to the Jedi had been a gift from Dooku, built by his old fallen apprentice Komari Vosa. Figures that even his apprentices would fall, Ahsoka thought. Then she remembered that Qui-Gon Jinn had been Dooku's student too, making her his… great-great grand Padawan? Was that even a thing? An inner voice whispered, it doesn't really matter anymore, does it Ahsoka?

She ignored it and went back to looking at her new lightsaber. It was similar to her first, but it's beveled emitter shroud slanted to one side, rather closely resembling Anakin's. I guess I'll always have this to remember you by, right Master? She smiled at the thought, but it dimmed slightly when she recalled the disturbing vision of Anakin in the cave.

Best not think about that.

Below the emitter shroud the lightsaber was a straight silver cylinder, marred by a few control knobs and readout lights, along with a series of black stripes at the top and bottom ends. Instead of the studded ball that formed the pommel of her first saber - which Master Kenobi had always said reminded him of the lightsaber he'd carried as a Padawan - her new weapon tapered slightly at the end, reminding her of someone elses lightsaber, but she couldn't place where…

No.

Kriffing hell, is Barriss going to haunt me for the rest of my life?!

As if in an answer, Asajj's frustrated scream echoed throughout the temple chamber again as her construction attempt failed once more. This time Ahsoka couldn't help but speak up.

"Having problems, Ventress?"

Her companion shot her a look that could melt cortosis. "What do you think?!"

Ahsoka raised her hands up in defense. "Hey, I can give you some pointers, but if you're going to be like that…" she grinned mischievously.

Asajj did not look amused. "Have you been sneaking off with Skywalker when I haven't been looking? You've got his smug face showing." She laid the parts out in front of her and went to try again.

"You don't use the Force to do it Asajj," said Ahsoka. Ventress looked at her skeptically.

"That's what you did."

Ahsoka shook her head. "No, I let the Force use me."

Asajj sighed exasperatedly. "Is there a karking difference?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "All the difference in the galaxy. Clear your mind and let the Force guide your hands, and find what design connects with you. It will just come together on its own." I hope Huyang doesn't mind me ripping him off, she thought.

"You know I might actually prefer you channeling Skywalker to you channeling Kenobi," Asajj grumbled, but to Ahsoka's surprise she actually seemed to follow the advice, closing her pale blue eyes and slowing her breathing before letting the pieces rise into the air and begin to take shape.

A few minutes later, and the pieces snapped together. Asajj opened her eyes to see the lightsaber floating in front of her. Ahsoka had to bite down a laugh, Asajj's wide-eyed stare of wonderment seemed so out-of-place on her face. She didn't want to interrupt the moment.

Asajj took the black-and-silver hilt and ignited it. Ahsoka was shocked at the color, a yellow that shone almost golden.

"I thought Ilum only had blue and green crystals," she thought aloud. Nothing here ever makes sense. Asajj didn't seem to notice her, she was too busy running through her own basic stances. It was so strange seeing her with only one lightsaber, a straight one at that. She would have to alter her whole technique.

Asajj didn't seem to mind. She shut off the lightsaber and studied its hilt the way Ahsoka had. It had a pommel slightly wider than the rest of the black-and-silver striped body, that narrowed again to a choke above the control panel before widening into the emitter shroud. It almost looked like…

"It kind of looks like Obi-Wan's," she blurted out.

Asajj snapped her head around to glare daggers at her. "It does not!"

Ahsoka chuckled. Before long she was laughing, and soon after that she had doubled over on the temple floor, sure that her noise was cracking the ice on the other side of Ilum. She laughed so long and so hard that even Ventress had to crack a smile. Ahsoka didn't even know why it was so funny.

She was just glad to find out she still knew how to laugh.

After what felt like an eternity, Ahsoka had calmed down enough to stand back up. "So, you want to test that thing out or what?" She ignited her own lightsaber, dialing the power down to the lowest level.

Asajj responded in kind, raising her blade in a Makashi salute. "Like you even had to ask."


Climbing back into the Y-Wing fighter - in the turret this time - Ahsoka let out a sharp yelp of pain as one of her fresh bruises bumped against the hard metal fuselage.

"What's the matter, did I hit you too hard?" Asajj mocked her from the cockpit.

"Just wait," Ahsoka began strapping herself in, "one of these days I'll beat you!" Asajj hadn't needed as much adjusting to her new weapon as Ahsoka thought. It had been even worse than her first few sparring sessions with Anakin. She had to smile at the memory of those bruises. Just watch me Skyguy! One of these days I'll beat you into the dirt, she remembered a younger, more innocent version of herself saying. One of these days...

"Sure," Asajj interrupted her nostalgic reminiscence. "And maybe one day the Jedi Council will realize that they're about as wise as a drunken baby Hutt." Asajj fired the ignition, and the engine responded weakly.

Ahsoka sealed the bubble turret and repressed a shudder. "Ugh, don't talk to me about baby hutts."

A burst of Asajj's laughter blared out of the comm, tinged with static. "Oh I'd almost forgot you had to drag that slug around! Well, if it's any consolation you've definitely improved since then." There was a lurch of acceleration as the craft lifted off. "A bit."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes, then stifled a yawn. As atmosphere around them rapidly turned from white to blue to black, her eyelids started to feel heavier than a Star Destroyer. She leaned her head back against the meager headrest and let them close just as the stars around them transformed into streaks of light.

I'll just close them for a minute...


I should have killed you on that transport…

Should have killed you…

Ahsoka I'm so sorry…

It's only a matter of time…

Hey, wake up…


"Hey, wake up. We're about to drop out of hyperspace," Asajj's voice was slightly muffled through the intraship comm. Ahsoka blinked, the disturbing images of her dreams already fading away. She raised her head up from the panel it had rested on, annoyed to notice that one of her lekku had gone numb. The turret of a Y-Wing was not the best place to catch a nap.

"Right," Ahsoka said, not knowing what else to say. Outside the dome splotches of blue and white shot past, echoes of stars and nebula seen through the dimension of hyperspace. Just before Asajj hit the decelerater, Ahsoka felt a subtle tremor, a warning through the Force. It screamed Danger! inside her head. From the way Asajj tensed up, Ahsoka knew she had felt the same. The blue vortex ahead turned into black space and a grey planet.

Along with half of a Separatist cruiser right in front of them.

Asajj swore, yanking back on the stick just in time. Their hull missed the wreck with millimeters to spare. The sight behind it took Ahsoka's breath away, even as her hands automatically activated the turret and began working the controls. The hulks of Republic and Separatist ships alike drifted in space, some beginning to descend through the atmosphere. A haze of smoke covered the sections of the planet where the wrecks had impacted.

Suddenly she was afraid.

Anakin is in this battle.

She knew it. Even if they were no longer Master and Apprentice, their bond through the Force still existed. Anakin's lived through hundreds of battles, she told herself. This one was no different. But it was. If Coruscant was attacked, then what had happened to the Jedi Temple? What if everyone's dead?

Why do you care, that doubting voice whispered. They weren't so worried about you. She banished the thought back to whatever dark corner of her mind it had emerged from. That doesn't mean I have to hate them!

"Did you freeze up on me Tano," Asajj asked. Only then did Ahsoka notice that she'd been trying to talk to her for a while now. She pressed the talk button.

"Sorry, Jedi thing. Is the battle still on?"

Asajj sighed. "No, it looks like we just missed it." She sounded a bit disappointed. "Sounds like our friend the General tried to kidnap Palpatine and those two idiots-" Ahsoka knew exactly who she meant by that- "got him back. So Grievous did what he does best and ran for his-" she stopped suddenly, listening to a new transmission coming in. And then, for no apparent reason, she started laughing. Ahsoka had heard her laugh many times before, but never anything like this. This wasn't the deranged cackle from their duel on the Tranquility or her usual bitter, sarcastic chuckle. She sounded hysterical.

"Uhh...Ventress?" she said uncertainly. "Are you alright?" The ship jerked to the side, making her instinctively suck her breath in. "Ventress watch where you're going! What in the Force has gotten into you?"

"Am I alright?!" Ventress gasped out, forcing herself to calm down, correcting the battered fighter's course. "Oh yes, I've never been better."


Coruscant Underworld, The Midnight Bantha Cantina

Asajj Ventress rose a bottle of some dubious green liquid over her head and yelled a phrase into the crowded bar that Ahsoka would have sworn she'd never hear from the one-time Sith in a billion years.

"To Anakin Skywalker!"

The pro-Republic patrons of the bar repeated her in a dozen languages and knocked back their beverages of choice, Ahsoka the loudest of all though she was only drinking a cup of tarine tea. For years now she'd known that one day Count Dooku would meet his fate at the end of Anakin's blade. He was the chosen one, after all; destined to destroy the Sith. Any doubts about that were cleared up on Mortis. Just about the only thing that was clear on that blasted planet. Ahsoka swallowed the last of her tea. If it even was a planet.

And while Asajj claimed to have given up on revenge against her old Sith master months ago, she was sure going to take the opportunity to dance on his grave.
"What a damn fool," she was saying now, her normally pale cheeks flushed with color from whatever it was she was drinking. "Getting himself killed by Skywalker?! Ha! You know how many times I've lived through fights with him?" She directed the question to no one in particular, most of the other patrons having gone back to their own business.

Ahsoka stifled a grin. "About as many times as he's beaten the stuffing out of you?"

Asajj's customary glare was unaffected by her inebriation. "Funny." She turned back to her bottle that was already half empty. At this rate I'll have to carry her out of here.

The bar's holo-screens were attuned to some news network, showing the burning wreck that had once been the Separatist flagship while going on about the latest exploits of the Hero With No Fear, as the Holo-Net called him. The irony of it wasn't lost on her.

Anakin was afraid of so many things.

"I know he's supposed to be a great pilot," a familiar voice was saying next to her. "But how the heck did General Skywalker manage to land that thing?"

Ahsoka turned to see a clone trooper was sitting on the stool next to her. Something about him struck her as instantly familiar, she felt like she'd met this particular trooper before. "Well, the one thing Anakin is better at than flying is crashing," Ahsoka said, a slight laugh in her voice. Almost wish I was with him. If only that didn't mean being with everyone else.

The clone looked at her curiously. "How would you know the General then?" There was a flash of recognition on his face. "The voice is familiar..." he started.

Ahsoka finished for him. "The face even more so!" The clone cracked a grin. That joke between clones and Jedi was as old as the war itself, but both sides still got a kick out of it. His eyes flicked down to the lightsaber on her belt.

"Jedi, then? I swear that we've served together before."

"Well, I was," Ahsoka muttered glumly. It seemed to give him the last clue he needed. His face lit up and he smiled even as his cheeks reddened slightly.

"Commander Tano! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you at first, you look... different from the last time we met."

Ahsoka had to repress a cringe at the military title. "Just Ahsoka now. And don't worry about it, I still haven't placed you. I definitely remember you though." The name was just on the tip of her tongue, but embarrassingly she still couldn't recall it.

"CL-9521, Tango Company, 501st Legion. My friends call me Pulsar," he said, knocking back a drink. "Sorry for trying to kill you."

That's where she knew him from! Geonosis. Well, the part after Geonosis. "Sorry for almost doing the same."

She'd had nightmares about those blasted worms for weeks.

Pulsar shrugged. "Well you did give me a nasty case of hypothermia. Not complaining."

Ahsoka shivered at the memory."Hey, at least you were wearing armor. I wasn't the warmest dresser back in the day." Something he had said earlier registered in her mind. "Wait, CL? You got promoted?"

Pulsar grimaced and took another drink. "Yeah, after Trap was killed."

"Oh." She looked down at the bartop.

It always comes back to Barriss.

She felt a wave of embarrassment roll off of Pulsar as he realized where he'd sent her thoughts to. "Hey, for what it's worth I never believed what they said about you Commander."

Ahsoka forced herself to smile. "Thanks Pulsar." She couldn't help but wonder if it was the truth, but she didn't detect any hint of falsehood from him. More importantly, she didn't want to know. "I just… keep getting reminded of her lately." Pulsar said something in response, but her mind had already flashed back to the cave on Ilum, Barriss' half frozen body in the ruins of the Jedi Temple…

Wait, what was that? "What'd you just say?" Ahsoka wasn't sure she'd heard him right.

"I said you probably won't anymore. You haven't heard?" He looked surprised.

"Heard what?" She had a bad feeling about this, like the pit of her stomach was sinking to the stained floor beneath her.

"Seps broke into the base that traitor was being held at during the battle and tried to rescue her. The Home Guard didn't let them. Kinda ironic, her execution was scheduled for today anyway."

It took a moment for Ahsoka to process what she was hearing. Barriss was dead. Executed. Killed. Dead. She should feel relieved, but for some reason she just wanted to vomit. Oh, Barriss. Why did you do it? She had wanted to visit her in her cell, demand answers. She'd gone over the hypothetical conversation a hundred times in her head. And now it was too late. She'd never get the chance, never see her again, never hear her voice.

"I swear, first Krell, now Offee, who's going to snap next?" He shook his head. "I heard she managed to kill Commander Fox and a dozen clones before she went down, and went toe-to-toe with General Unduli. And the bastards still got away with Tambor and Poggle. Still, good to know she won't be destroying anyone else."

Ahsoka hesitated. "I… yes." Why do I care? Pulsar's choice of words had been perfect. Barriss hadn't just killed dozens of people, she'd destroyed them along with her best friend. Completely. Ahsoka was only now putting the shattered pieces of her life back together. What could have driven her to it?

Why didn't she just talk to me?

Ahsoka pictured the Mirialan extremist being gunned down by a squad of clones. She didn't deserve that.

But everything she had done said that yes, she had deserved it. She'd fallen to the dark side, right?

Right?!

So why did Ahsoka feel so sorry for her?

She barely noticed Pulsar saying it was good to run into her and walking away to join a group of his brothers. Asajj had come back, with a new bottle of something equally dubious-looking.

"What are you so torn up about? This is a time for celebrating," she said. Great, now I've got a drunk ex-Sith assassin to deal with on top of this.

Ahsoka looked up wearily. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"Easy as the label of this bottle," Asajj said, glancing down at it. "Actually, I'm not sure what language this is in..." she muttered. "Is that Iridonian?"

"I just found out that Barriss Offee was killed," Ahsoka said, ignoring her. Saying it out loud felt strange.

Asajj looked up, surprised. "What, that schutta that stole my lightsabers?" Ahsoka figured Asajj would respond as such. If I told her how I feel about it she'd think I was insane. I guess that's a good sign? Asajj continued. "Like I said, time for celebrating. Here, try this." She poured some of the liquid in Ahsoka's empty cup.

Ahsoka was glad for the distraction, but she still looked at it suspiciously. "This is… it's green."

"Oh come on, you've been away from the Jedi scum for months now. You've got to take that stick out of your rear some time," Asajj laughed. Well, she's already drank a whole bottle of this stuff and she's still standing, it can't be too strong.

Oh, screw it. She downed the glass and immediately spat it out on the floor. It tasted like starship fuel and burned in her throat like the lava flows of Mustafar.
"How- how the-" Ahsoka nearly fell out of her chair as another violent coughing fit hit her. "How the Force do you drink this stuff?!"

Asajj slapped her on the back, something she would never do sober. "Tano, you've taken your first step into a larger world."

Ahsoka had to laugh at that, or at least as much as she could between coughs. Maybe she's right. There was a whole galaxy out there for her to discover who she was in. And with Dooku dead the war would be over in a matter of months. Barriss will have her peace after all. Ahsoka hoped that her friend had found peace in being one with the Force at least. If there's any part of you still out there, I forgive you for what you did to me. It isn't the Jedi way to hold a grudge.

Funny, now that she wasn't a Jedi she felt more like one than she ever had before.


And that's the end of this one. Thank you all for reading! Those who are wondering why I've killed off Barriss so anticlimactically, know that Pulsar's information isn't entirely accurate. What really happened there is shown in my story Death of a Jedi, which honestly could use some reworking. The further adventures of Ahsoka and Asajj - along with Barriss' fate - are continued in my ongoing story, Dusk.

- Kablob