Just a quick warning: slightly disturbing sex scene in this. Angst galore. Enjoy. As always, I don't have a beta.

THREE – SMOKE

«And... spin!» Renji yelled, making the bottle twirl frantically. Please don't pont to me, Ichigo desperately begged. Please don't…

«Oh» someone murmured, rather slyly. «Lucky me.»

Ichigo opened his eyes, finding out, disappointed, that he closed them out of fear. When did he become such a coward?

The one who spoke was Ichimaru-senpai, who was comfortably sitting next to Kira. The blonde boy was observing him with glassy eyes, his lips stretched out in a silly smile.

«Let's see who will you be paired with» Renji grinned, various red strands plastered on his forehead. The bottle span again, quickly, and Ichigo's heart sunk at the thought he would have had to kiss a complete stranger. Why, why, WHY didn't he just stay in bed, that morning?

«Renji-kun» Ichimaru purred, smiling broadly to the redhead. «Looks like you're my date.»

Ichigo breathed more easily. He was safe, at least for this time. What would Renji-kun's reaction be? Ichimaru-senpai was tall and slender, rather attractive, even if there was something, in him, that Ichigo still found disturbing. That sly smile of him almost scared him, he suddenly realised, feeling a lump in his throat.

Renji didn't waste too much time. It looked like he was just being playful, or at least Ichigo hoped so. He kept wiping away sweat from his face, red because of the alcohol he had gulped down. «Uh... okay then» he murmured, a little embarrassed. Then, with a quick and wild move, he leaned forward sensually towards Ichimaru, who was sitting cross-leggedly in front of him. «I won't back off, senpai.»

Ichigo stared, transfixed, at Renji's rosy tongue peeking from his wet, parted lips and reaching Ichimaru's lower lip, caressing it. Then Renji's lips covered Ichimaru's, dragging him into a passionate kiss. Behind his back, Ichigo felt someone fidgeting. He turned, and he saw Byakuya Kuchiki. The elegant boy was staring at the two who were kissing with an undoubtedly disgusted expression, his grey eyes overflowing with despise. His delicate features were so contorted they made him almost unrecognisable.

«I've had enough» he snarled, standing to storm out of the room. «I'm off.»

Renji parted from Ichimaru, his face flushed, looking confusedly at Byakuya. «Eh? But why, we aren't doing anything ba-»

«Don't provoke me, Abarai» Byakuya warned him, grabbing the burgundy-coloured jacket of the uniform. «I'm going on the balcony. Call me when this pathetic party will be over.»

«Uh... okay» Renji replied, meekly, while the other went away, slamming the door closed. Ichigo looked at him, and for a moment he thought he looked like a completely different person from the lively boy he believed he knew. He suddenly remembered something Kira said previously, something like Renji, in the end, was a really good guy. In that moment, in fact, in spite of his dyed hair, his tattoos and his shaggy clothes, he fully believed those words were true.

Renji's almond-shaped eyes were full of sadness. «Kami-sama» he whispered, shaking his head miserably.

Ichimaru coughed discreetly, just to gather attention again. Renji turned to face him, looking surprised, as if he completely forgot about his presence. «Er...» he started, embarrassed, «it's about time to end it here, I guess. Looks like we overdid a little.»

«It's late, anyways» Kaname added, with his sweet voice, putting a hand on his shoulder.

«Yeah, right» Renji said, relieved. «It's so late, and we are all rather wasted, aren't we?»

«You are wasted, Renji-kun» Shuuhei pointed out, calmly. Ichigo looked at him while he stood. He was dressed in total black, black tee, black jeans, and his white socks (his black Doc Marten's were neatly aligned next to the door) seemed out of place.

Shuuhei approached Renji, who was biting his lip in distress. «Calm down» he said, patting on his back. «When we are gone, Byakuya will come back soon. He'll get over everything in no time, he would never hold a grudge for something like this.»

Ichigo shivered a little. His voice was so quiet, so serene. But why? Where did he take that confidence from? He didn't know. He was dead tired, he drank too much and the continuous tension of that day was going to overcome him.

Renji nodded slightly, a little moved by Shuuhei's gentle words, but he tried his best not to show too much. «Er, I was thinking that, maybe, I should go looking for him...»

«Please, don't» Shuuhei suggested. «You know him. When he gets angry, it's better to let him calm on his own. Now all you need to do is going to bed and sleep, okay? Just focus on your own needs, for once.»

Renji smiled. «You're right, Shuuhei. I think I'll follow your suggestion.»

Shuuhei smiled too, merely curling up his mouth. «Good. Let's go, Kaname.»

«Seriously?» the other boy blurted out, crossing his arms. «I thought you had other plans.»

Ichigo frowned. What were those two talking about? He stared at Shuuhei taking Kaname by an elbow and dragging him in a corner, talking to him with a serious expression. A weird idea formed in his mind, while what looked like at a lovers' bickering was happening under his eyes. Those two had to be lovers, he thought. It couldn't be otherwise.

«I don't feel like going to bed just to be shook awake by your damn cigarettes' smell, or even by your guitar» Kaname grumbled, polemical.

«It's not my fault, if I can't sleep well, lately» Shuuhei coldly retorted.

«You know what, Shuuhei? Sleep somewhere else, tonight. Maybe you like acting like a bad boy, but I don't. I'm not like you.»

Kaname disdainfully pushed Shuuhei away, walking away. «Is the door this way?» he asked loudly, touching the wooden surface while looking for the knob.

«Er, yeah» Ichigo replied, a little embarrassed because he had been caught eavesdropping.

Anyway, Kaname didn't scold or tell anything to him. He just turned the doorknob and went out in the corridor. «Kaname!» Shuuhei called, angry.

«I don't need your help, Shuuhei» the other snarled, without even bother turning. «I might be blind, but I'm not stupid.»

Then he walked away slowly but rather steadily along the corridor. Shuuhei stared at him for a while, frowning. «Stubborn like a donkey» he grumbled, shaking his head.

As soon as the dark-haired boy came in again, Ichigo looked elsewhere. He hadn't meant to park his nose in someone else's business, before. As well as he shouldn't look while Ichimaru was grabbing Kira's slender waist to pull him in a hug, kissing him passionately and the smaller blond responded... fuck!

He turned abruptly. But that way he had to face Shuuhei, who was looking at him strangely. Then, desperate, Ichigo went to help Renji, who was gathering in a garbage bag all the bottles and glasses that were scattered around. «Can I lend you a hand, Renji-kun?»

«Yeah» Renji immediately replied, grateful. He was so happy for his help that his whole face softened, almost expressing sweetness. As a long-time friend would do. Nevertheless he had known that guy for such a short time... how could a bond form in a mere day?

While he helped Renji tidy up and putting in a hidden closet what could be used again, Ichigo brooded about what he left back in Karakura. His friends, for instance. Tatsuki, the tomboy, his best karate and videogames buddy since forever, Keigo, the loud and honest one, Mizuiro, the smart womanizer midget and last but not least Chad, the gentle giant who didn't waste any word. And then there was Orihime Inoue, the only girl he once believed he could feel something deeper than friendship for. Sadly, though, she had to leave for Europe for a scholarship. Then, his family. His father, his little sisters. He missed them all.

Terribly.

Giggling, Ichimaru and Kira greeted Renji and went out. Ichigo managed to see Ichimaru dragging Kira in the opposite direction of their room. Apparently, Kira wouldn't spend the night in his bed, that night, and the thought made him bitter, somehow.

Shuuhei left shortly after, fidgeting with his lighter, obviously wishing to go smoking.

«Thank you, Kurosaki-kun» Renji said, smiling. «Now go to bed too. And sorry, if the party wasn't that good.»

«It wasn't your fault, Renji-kun» Ichigo murmured, forcing himself to smile. «Goodnight.»

While he headed for his room, he met Byakuya Kuchiki. The boy didn't even look at him, walking elegantly towards room number 20.

«You are a bastard» Ichigo whispered, so lowly the other couldn't hear. He didn't hear, anyways, or if he did, he just ignored him, judging him unworthy of his regal interest.

The corridor was empty and silent, immerged in semi-darkness, since some ugly lamps casted a dim, melancholy light. Feeling depressed, Ichigo let himself fall on the floor, taking a sitting position. He was tired and sleepy, but he wasn't keen on the idea to return in his room, not alone with Hitsugaya. He leaned his forehead on his knees, tugging his legs to his chest.

He was sad, he couldn't deny it. Why did his dad insist to send him to that horrible school? It was awful, nothing but an awful place. Teachers were cruel, demanding, his mates so weird he couldn't distinguish friends from enemies. And everything was so different from what he was used to... Suddenly, he remembered about the stuffed animal that Yuzu, his younger sister, gave him before he left. A weird doll, actually, looking more like a lion than a teddy, with a funny mane around his head.

The truth was that Ichigo had always liked that stuffed animal, since his mother gave it to him on his fourth b-day. She made it, sewing old pieces of fabric, earning various needle's punctures on her fingers. Ichigo remembered her hands covered in bandages and her sweet smile. The doll's name was Kon, and he had chosen it himself. One way or another, sitting silent and watchful on his bed, or being held in his arms during the saddest moments, Kon had always stayed by his side, remembering that day and his mom's smile. When Orihime left for London, he slept hugging Kon...

«Are you alright?»

Taken by surprise, Ichigo raised his head. He hated being caught in a moment of weakness.

Hisagi Shuuhei shot him a calm glance, blowing in the air a spiral of smoke.

"No, no" Ichigo thought, "please, not you. Go away. I can't take it. Please, please…"

«I know it's hard, in the beginning, but don't worry, you'll get used to everything.»

Ichigo realized in horror that his chin was starting to tremble, unmistakable sign of an imminent emotional breakdown. No! He couldn't, not right in front of that enigmatic and gentle guy, not in front of him, in front of genius, perfect Hisagi Shuuhei.

Slowly, as if he didn't want to startle a wild beast, Shuuhei sat down next to him, leaning his head on the cool wall. The smell of his still lit cigarette was strong and sharp, but also sweet and mysterious. Ichigo breathed in the smoke, blinking his tears back.

«Seems like today wasn't a nice day» Shuuhei whispered. «Nor for me, nor for you. I hope tomorrow will be better.»

Ichigo felt his insides clench. "Stop talking to me like that" he thought, intolerant. "It's your fault, if I've had a terrible day." «Hisagi-kun» he began, shaking his head, «I-»

«Shuuhei» the other calmly corrected him, quenching his cigarette on his shoe's sole.

«Okay, Shuuhei» Ichigo started anew, about to lose his patience. «Why aren't you with Kaname-kun?»

«He made rather clear that he doesn't want me around, at this moment» the other replied, frowning.

«Yeah, but... er...» Ichigo stuttered, embarrassed. He wasn't good, at that kind of matters, he never was. «He's your... you know...»

«My what?» the other asked, surprised. Then, suddenly, he laughed out loud. A sudden, unexpected laughter, and Ichigo's eyes widened. When Shuuhei laughed, his face became... different. He became more handsome. Even more handsome than what he already was.

«Y-your» he went on, blushing, «your boyfriend, this is what I meant.»

Shuuhei stopped laughing, shaking his head. He wasn't mocking him, though, and Ichigo sighed in relief. «No, no Ichigo. You are wrong. We are not in a relationship.»

«Are you kidding me?» Ichigo retorted, bitter. «You are always glued on each other. Wherever you are, he's there too. And he's so good-looking, so bright. You can't expect me to buy that there's nothing between y-»

Damp warmth. A heated breath against his skin. And then, Shuuhei's lips were on his.

A kiss?

Ichigo opened his eyes. In front of him, the nearest he could think of, he saw Hisagi Shuuhei's tanned and tatted face, his black eyes, thin and almond-shaped, which were staring directly into his. «I'm not in love with Kaname, Ichigo.»

Then, gently, those soft, cigarette-flavoured lips caressed again his sensitive lips. Ichigo shut his eyes, dazed. It was wonderful, he couldn't think of anything. Wonderful… the soft caress of the tongue, following the lip's contour, as to demand permission to entry, pressing gently against the barrier of the teeth, which Ichigo instinctively closed. Gradually, slowly, he opened his mouth, and when Shuuhei's tongue touched his one he moaned softly, a sharp and strangled sound. He threw his arms at him, inhaling his smell, his scent. Again, his mind couldn't think straight. Wonderful, that wall all he could say.

They parted after a while, and Ichigo was panting heavily. His cheeks were on fire, his head felt strangely light. «Shuuhei» he murmured, but the other interrupted him with a quick kiss.

«We don't have to stay here» he said, his hot breath against Ichigo's neck, who felt the hair lift on his nape. «I know a better place. Come.»

Ichigo stared, mesmerised, at the hand extending in front of him, and then he took it, letting Shuuhei help him on his feet and start to drag him towards a corridor he didn't know. «Here there are a couple of empty rooms» Shuuhei explained, taking a key from one of his pockets, turning it inside of a lock, «they are used like storerooms. Once I managed to steal a key from a janitor, and I always come here, when I need to think and be on my own.»

He opened the door and took Ichigo inside, then he carefully closed it behind his back, locking it again. He pushed a button, and the neon lamp casted his violent light on a narrow room, full of boxes and items all piled up in the weirdest places. Someone placed a futon on the floor, and Ichigo spotted some books scattered around, with an empty Asahi beer bottle and an old ramen container.

«Are you alright?» Shuuhei asked, looking at Ichigo slightly worriedly. «You don't look good.»

Ichigo blinked furiously, praying Kami that his lids would stop trembling. «I'm perfectly fine» he slurred, not really convincing. Shuuhei smiled his weird and melancholy grin, curling up just a corner of his mouth.

«Was it your first kiss?» he asked, lazy. Ichigo swallowed. He couldn't stop stare at that half-undone bed. What did that mean? That Shuuhei and him were supposed to... no, no, that was impossible. He was sure he was wrong. Everything was just too crazy. Come on, he didn't even know that dude! He just met him that damn morning. A guy like Shuuhei would have never dated a loser like him...

Sweetly, moving slowly, Shuuhei hugged Ichigo's waist from behind, leaning his chin on the curve formed by the shoulder and the collarbone. «If you don't want, you can say no.»

«If I d-don't want what?» Ichigo stuttered. Shuuhei placed a wet kiss on his nape, licking gently the coppery, sparse hair that covered the skin.

«You know» he stated, drawing a path of kisses until he reached his ear, which he brushed with the tip of his tongue.

Ichigo quivered, feeling a sudden rush of... of what? Need, lust... he couldn't even define the way he felt. The sensation gathering into his stomach, though, was pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. Could it be... desire?

He turned abruptly, offering his lips to Shuuhei, grabbing his hard, strong body like a man who was about to drown. He was tired to resist, to run away, to avoid dangers. He just wanted to let it go, even because he didn't feel strong enough to go on fighting anymore. He dragged Shuuhei in another heated kiss, and when the other boy pressed on his sternum, making him bend his knees, Ichigo passively obeyed, founding himself lying on the futon, which had the same smell of Shuuhei.

«Shuuhei-kun» he moaned, when the brunette's lips abandoned his mouth and descended along the jaw, the neck and lingered on his throat. His hands fidgeted with the hem of his tee before pulling eagerly the fabric over his head, undressing him. Quickly, Shuuhei discarded his old black shirt too, remaining bare-chested.

His body was exactly as Ichigo expected, strong and muscular, every line at the right place. "I'm about to have sex" Ichigo thought, between dazed and terrified, "I'm about to have sex with a wonderful man I don't even know..."

Shuuhei's warm mouth kissed a path from Ichigo's thin bicep to his navel, passing for his nipples. Ichigo's mouth fell open, when Shuuhei's tongue brushed against that sensitive spot, but no sound came from it. A silent cry. His eyelids were still heavy with tiredness, but his senses were all on alert. Shuuhei pressed his lips on the faint line that ideally divided his abs in two identical halves. «You are so skinny» he whispered, nuzzling on his navel. «In my opinion you don't eat enough.»

Ichigo didn't reply, too busy trying to breathe in the right way. Sometimes his lungs seemed to empty themselves, almost reaching total apnoea. If that was what people called "having sex"... well, it wasn't that bad, after all.

Abruptly, everything changed. Suddenly.

Gently, just like when he took away his shirt, Shuuhei's fingers unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. «It might hurt» he murmured, his face pressed on his chest, and Ichigo shivered, but he didn't really pay attention to those vaguely upsetting words. Shuuhei skilfully lowered his jeans, freeing his erect member, and Ichigo looked at him, rather innocently.

He had never looked at someone else's manhood, before, besides his own, from time to time, during puberty. He had always been a good boy. He rarely thought about sex, since, in spite of his rough appearances, he really believed in true love. Shuuhei's penis wasn't particularly strange or different from his own, so this calmed him.

That's why he didn't worry too much, when the tip of Shuuhei's erection pressed on his most hidden opening. But when the other pushed harder, penetrating him briskly, a powerful stab of pain almost paralysed him.

Ichigo's breath almost stopped. What on Earth was happening?

With a final push, Shuuhei entered him completely, deepening the pain. Again, Ichigo's mouth gaped, but no sounds escaped it. He didn't understand. His mind refused to work, to admit he made a mistake. Because he definitely made a mistake, this was sure. A terribly big mistake.

Shuuhei began a rhythmic, piston-like movement, plunging inside of him. Slowly, the harsh pain began to fade, changing into something similar to a passionless friction, an unpleasant contact. Shuuhei propped on his arms, panting, his face far from Ichigo's.

Ichigo wished he could kiss him again, that those tender caresses of before could be repeated, but the terrible, automatic act went on, almost pointlessly. When the pain disappeared completely, Ichigo didn't feel anything at all. His mind was empty, and in his heart there was nothing but an enormous, voracious nothing that threatened to engulf him completely.

He listened to the heavy, wet noises of their mating, and he found them horrifying. After some other minutes of that dreadful act, Shuuhei's movements stopped abruptly, and he extracted himself briskly from Ichigo's body, making him yelp. Then, a flow of warm, white fluid left the tip of his member, spotting the futon.

Ichigo looked at Shuuhei's face. He seemed tired. Deep circles appeared under his thin eyes, giving his handsome face a grim look. He was panting. «Are... are you alright?» he asked, a little unsteadily. Ichigo nodded without even thinking, and Shuuhei fell next to him, turning his back. «Good, then.»

Ichigo fought to get on a sitting position, incredulous. What the hell did just happen? He had sex. Or better, he lost his virginity. And it wasn't anything special... actually, it hurt him. He was still in pain, he found out, slowly getting on his feet. The lower part of his back, his abdominal muscles, his thighs were sore. And, naturally, the part of his body which had been violated.

With trembling hands, he grabbed his tee and he slowly, painfully put it on. He did the same with his trousers and shoes, without bothering cleaning up. He only wanted to sleep, at that point.

Shuuhei rose just to unlock the door for him. He lighted a cigarette, without even looking at him. «Goodnight» he said, before Ichigo started to walk away.

Ichigo limped to his room, walking piteously, feeling an unpleasant soreness at every move. Once inside, he saw a prone person sleep on a futon, on the floor.

Hitsugaya.

He prayed the Kami he didn't wake up. He silently went in the bathroom, washing himself quickly. He threw his clothes in a corner, making a mental note to send them to laundry as soon as possible. He could still smell Shuuhei on them, and the thought was enough to drive him insane.

He padded to his bed, putting on a clean pair of boxers and a tee. The last thing he grabbed from his closet was Kon, holding it tightly to his chest. He needed it desperately. Under the warm covers, with the stuffed animal his mom made, he felt like he was hugging a lost piece of himself. He felt like crying, but something prevent tears from falling. It was like being dead, Ichigo thought, shivering.

Just before a pitch-black slumber fell on him, he noticed that Kira's bed was intact and empty.


Aw, poor Ichigo. Dw, things will get better. See you soon! Comments make me happy.