Thank you for the comments. I love you, readers! Here's a Kira-centric chapter, which I hope you will appreciate. 3

Eleven – SOLACE

Kira recovered kind of quickly. In spite of his delicate appearances, his shape was still good, therefore he started to attend all classes pretty soon. He had had to fight with his uncles, though, to obtain that result: his aunt Shuzu, above all, cried and shouted about changing school immediately. From a certain point of view, Kira wasn't keen on saying she was completely wrong. But from another one... well, something, in the depths of his heart, prevented him from running away like a rabbit. Staying looked more... what was the word? Coherent. More coherent with what he was before, or with what he wanted to be. With that Kira his friends seemed to appreciate in spite of all his bad features. When he thought about "friends" he thought about Byakuya, Renji, Hitsugaya, his old middle school classmates, with whom he shared a deep bond, but he above all thought about Ichigo. That weird guy who came at the Seireitei High just a couple months before, with his always grumpy face and his perpetual frown. In the end, for some odd twist of destiny, it was just Ichigo the one who managed to empathise more with. He even told him some of the secrets which still felt so heavy on his heart... and he replied with his kindness and his gentle understanding. It was as simple as that. Their relationship, their friendship was so intense it almost seemed like love.

It still wasn't easy, though, getting back to normal. Normal, sure... could things really be like before, after all that happened? Physically, Ichigo and him looked good: his plastered arm was a little troublesome, but it was okay. He quickly learnt to wrap the sleeves around it, to make it less uncomfortable. He had new meds to take, and he still had to pay attention to his diet, but it wasn't that bad. Ichigo was in good shape too, since his kidnapping ended with a little dehydration and a big fright, nothing that couldn't be healed in a little rest and a couple visits from his funny family.

So, physically he was alright. But his soul wasn't in such a great shape.

That day in particular, it looked like nothing was fine. When he woke up, that morning, before getting up he turned towards Ichigo's bed, to look for his asleep shadow: he had no real reasons to do that, it was just nice looking at his friend when he was sleeping, since his face was so nice without all those lines of worry. It made him feel good. But that day, it earned him something like a stab in the middle of his chest.

Ichigo's bed was empty.

Kira's first reaction was of pure fear. Irrational terror. Ichigo wasn't there! What happened to him? Something terrible again, no doubt. Then, when he threw himself on the floor, he landed on Hitsugaya's prone body.

«Ouch!» the boy complained angrily. «The fuck are you doing?»

«I'm so sorry... Hitsugaya-kun, I didn't mean to...» Kira stuttered, tiptoeing not to step on the child again. He padded on the gelid floor, shivering.

Hitsugaya raised on an elbow, yawning. «What time is it?»

Kira looked around disoriented, blinking. It was so early that from the shutter filtered just the light of the lampposts outside. It was still night. All of a sudden he felt sick, or worse, he felt crazy. Completely crazy, and he even felt a little dizzy. «What's wrong, Kira?» Hitsugaya asked, trying his best to be niche and not to yell at him again in spite of the abrupt awakening. «Do you need something?»

Kira looked at the child for a moment, feeling lost. «No. No, erm… I was wondering if... er… did you see where did Ichigo go, by chance?»

Hitsugaya studied him for a while, frowning, then he turned to look gloomily at the empty bed on the left. «No» he grumbled, lying on the futon again and slipping under the comforter: it was pink and with a flower pattern, auntie Matsumoto sent it to him for his fourteenth birthday. «I guess the damn bastard spent the night with his boyfriend. Ew. So gross.»

Kira closed his eyes. Yeah, thinking of it again, it could be just like that. Aizen, Kaname and Ichimaru had been sent away, in prison or in a foster home. The possibilities he was kidnapped again were very small. And sure Hisagi-kun and him were very close, now.

He went to the bathroom to wash his face before returning to bed, and he watched his reflection in the mirror.

Why did his face look so sad?

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the malevolent thoughts that formed in his mind. Then, seeing that that method wasn't working, shoved his head right under the running tap, getting soaked in water. Cold didn't improve the effect of the uneasiness he felt, though.

He was jealous. Or better.

He felt a childish sense of possess. As a kindergarten kid who hates the fact that someone could play with his favourite little friend. When he understood that, the hatred Kira felt for himself became stronger.

He silently padded to his bed, slipping under the covers and curling up like a small animal.

Silly, he told to himself, you have to be happy that Ichigo was safe and in love. Happy.

He went on repeating that chorus to himself until he fell asleep, exhausted.

Actually, Hitsugaya wasn't wrong: Ichigo really spent the night with Shuuhei, but not exactly in the terms that the younger one imagined.

Upon his sleepy eyes there was a deep blue sky, where stars shone like gems. He saw them lighting up one by one, at first pale and confused, then more and more vivid, trembling like small, cold flames in the night.

«So?» Shuuhei whispered, directly in his ear. «How do you like it?»

Ichigo smiled. He stretched out, snuggling closer the other boy. He would have never imagined that such a place could be found in that school he loathed. The evening before, Shuuhei suddenly grabbed him by his wrist, dragging him in a corner to steal a quick kiss. «Tonight I'm taking you to a special place» he told him, his eyes shining.

«Are you stupid or what?» Ichigo replied, acid. «They'll never allow us to go out, after all that happened.»

«And who talked about going out?»

Then, Shuuhei showed him a staircase he never noticed before, and he led upstairs, following narrow and semi-dark corridors, and Ichigo almost started to worry until they opened a small door and they stepped on the roof.

And here, after a couple minutes of silence, they lied on the warm tiles, with their eyes staring at the sky. Shuuhei's arms wrapped around Ichigo, and he finally relaxed against his body, observing the moon and the stars glowing faintly in the night as dark as black velvet.

And he completely lost track of time.

«I love you, Ichigo» Shuuhei whispered, after a while. Ichigo smiled instinctively, at those words, snuggling to hide his face in the other's collarbone. Sleep was about to submerge him, and he didn't feel like fighting. He reached out to kiss Shuuhei, then he hugged him tightly.

How weird, though. A boy like him, just a few days before, would have never dreamt to be able to be in a relationship like that, and to be able to actually enjoy a romantic interlude like that.

But it was like that. Love was made of moments like those too.

When the sky began to light up at east, Shuuhei shook him gently by a shoulder. «It's time to go. We need to sleep in our beds for the remaining hours, or we won't be able to attend class.»

Yawning, Ichigo followed him down the stairs. «We'll see each other later at breakfast» Shuuhei whispered, kissing his cheek before returning in his room.

Ichigo smiled, opening the door of his room. He really couldn't imagine anything sweeter and nicer of what he just did with Shuuhei...

«Where have you been?!» Kira attacked him, out of his mind, as soon as he stepped in. Ichigo looked at him with bewildered eyes.

The expression on his friend's face made him worry even before he could fully focus on the answer.

«With... uh, with Shuuhei.»

«It's half past five in the morning» Hitsugaya made him notice, irritated, sitting cross-leggedly on his futon, his eyes tired and the furious expression of one who didn't get a single hour of sleep.

«Don't...» Ichigo almost laughed. «Don't tell me you stayed up all night waiting for me!»

«Don't joke around!» Kira shouted, and for a moment his voice became high-pitched, almost deafening. Ichigo stared back, surprised. It was rare, for Kira, to get so hysterical. Actually, it was the very first time he saw him in a state like that. «You went away without saying anything... you left me here by myself, while you went-» Kira chewed on his lip, closing his eyes. Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow.

«Actually I'm here too, in case you didn't notice...»

«You're such an egoist, Ichigo» Kira suddenly growled, his voice low and angry. «You might think high of yourself, but you're nothing but a bluff. You just care about yourself, that's it.»

Ichigo was speechless. He just looked at his friend, unable to speak.

«Now, now, Kira» Hitsugaya said, stepping between them. «You woke up in the middle of the night, you didn't see him in his bed and you got scared. I still have some difficulties understanding all this concern, but now it's alright. Apologize to Ichigo. He did nothing bad.»

«Shut up!» Kira yelled, pushing him away with unexpected force. «You're all against me!» he cried, his voice cracking. «Why don't you say it aloud? Why don't you tell clearly? Say it» he went on, grabbing Ichigo's shirt with his fists, «say that you hate me!»

Ichigo's hand moved before the ginger-haired boy could realize, smacking Kira's face hard.

The blond boy shrieked, more in surprise than in pain, backing up quickly. Holding his cheek with a hand, Kira remained still, panting. Ichigo looked at his blue eyes, so accusing and at the same time so filled with pain, until Kira turned his back and ran to lock himself into the bathroom.

Hitsugaya sighed. «Damn it, Kurosaki-kun. Good job with that slap. Shit» he commented, scratching the back of his head. «It's not working. He's becoming more and more hysterical.»

Ichigo didn't reply. A painful knot formed in his throat, blocking his voice.

Kira called him an egoist.

Hitsugaya shot him an irritated look, before shaking his head. «Stop making that face. You know it too, right? After what happened to him, a couple crisis and some unexplained jealousy is the least we could expect.» He paused, staring at Ichigo. «However, is it true?»

«What?»

«Is it true you spent the night with Hisagi-kun?» Hitsugaya unwillingly explained.

Ichigo lowered his gaze, feeling, for some untold reason, guilty. «Yeah.»

«Go figure» Hitsugaya sighed, crossing his arms on his small chest. «Can I give you and advice?»

«As you like» Ichigo replied, sad.

«Don't let what Kira told affect you. I know him well and believe me, he loves you more than what he would ever admit. He's scared of losing your friendship. Still, he can't go on like this. It's up to us, making him return who he was before Ichimaru and Aizen. And I don't think it will be possible just with sweet words.»

«I see» Ichigo murmured, shaking his head.

Decidedly, many things were about to change.

Kira chewed on his lip, smoothing his blond hair back. He gulped down, his hands balling up into fists, trying to breathe normally and to calm down. A faint gurgling coming from his stomach forced him to cross his arms around his torso to stop he hunger's bites. It often happened, lately, for him to forget about eating, realizing that he skipped a meal just when he was about fainting because of weakness. That morning, after his jealousy outburst towards Ichigo, he locked himself in the bathroom until his roommates didn't get out, knocking on Renji and Byakuya's door to use their toilet. He stayed motionless, his back against the door, until their voices faded away. Then he got out, going to sit on his bed, completely losing track of the passing minutes, then he ran not to miss class. He sat as usual next to Ichigo, ignoring him for the whole morning. His thick blond hair, in that moment, really helped him doing that. But the confusion reigning inside of him didn't even let him understand what he needed to do to make everything better. He was objective enough to see that it wasn't Ichigo's fault, but then? What the heck did he need, to get back to normal? To feel good again, to how things were before... before that day? And that there was that feeling.

How did psychiatrists call it? Stockholm's syndrome? Yeah, something like that. The condition of those who, even if they're perfectly aware of being the victims of a violence, still feel drawn to their torturer, as if following the only way to be redeemed for their guilt… or, more easily, as if they simply loved being abused.

"Maybe it's not my fault either" he thought, trying to think rational and pushing away that dreadful feeling. "Yeah, it has to be like that. It must be some sort of disease. I'm doomed. I'm cursed. Something like that. It's because I'm born like this, I can't do anything about it. I can't change anymore."

Strangely enough, with that chorus making a carousel in his head, he found himself wandering along the corridors, during break. Wandering, maybe not entirely by chance, among the classrooms of the senior year's senpais. Then, a couple troublesome-looking guys cornered him against a wall.

«Hello» one of them started, a tall guy who belonged to judo club. «I guess you're Kira-chan. You became quite a celebrity, lately, didn't you?»

«Yeah» the other added, grinning. «We heard somewhere you are an expert in a certain... field.»

Kira didn't reply to the teasing, keeping his eyes low and trying to dominate the deafening beating of his heart. Still, he didn't understand why he was so scared. Because of his fucked up mind, he should have liked the attentions those two were giving him...

«Ichimaru-kun had really good taste» the first boy noticed, bending down to catch Kira's chin among his fingers. The blonde bit on his tongue trying to avoid the iron grip, and he tasted blood on his tongue. «You really are as cute as a girl» the boy said, a fierce expression spreading on his face. «I wonder how-»

Kira wiggled helplessly, finding no way to run since his shoulders were pressed firmly against the wall, his casted arm painfully struck right in the corner. Two big tears began to form in the corner of his blue eyes, while his breath became ragged.

Being doomed... did it feel like that?

«Hey!» a harsh voice yelled. «What are you doing?»

Kira blinked, disoriented, until he focused on the back of someone stepping between him and his torturers. He recognized the blond curls immediately.

«Hands off» Otoribashi growled, «or I will report you.»

«Oh, really?» the bigger guy replied, teasingly. «How scary.»

Otoribashi wasn't paying attention, though, since he already bent down to help Kira on his feet. «It's okay, now» he said, «I already called for your friends. They're coming here along with Kyoraku-sensei.»

Hearing the name of the teacher, the two seniors ran away quickly. Otoribashi stayed with Kira, ignoring the bewildered looks of the boys gathering around them, until the freshmen and the teacher made their appearance.

«Kira, are you alright?» Ichigo asked, kneeling next to his friend.

«I saw them going over there» Shuuhei told Renji, and they both started running.

«Those damn fags sons of a bitch» Hitsugaya was hissing, so terribly similar to an angry kitten to be almost funny, «I'll crush them!»

«They must be punished, sensei» Byakuya was telling, livid of rage. «This is a very despicable thing.»

Amidst all that, Kira was sobbing. He couldn't think, he couldn't talk. But above all he couldn't understand. Why did Otoribashi-senpai help him? Someone like him wasn't worth being protected. A horrible human being of his caliber…

He gritted his teeth, trying to gulp down the sobs, but then he collapsed against Ichigo and his senpai.

In the end, Renji and Otoribashi carried him into his room.

«Please, please, stay here» Kira pleaded, when the two of them gently put him on his bed, «I don't want to be alone.»

Ichigo frowned, unable to detect whom Kira was actually talking to. Unwillingly, he glanced towards Otoribashi.

«I guess I'm taking my leave» the tall boy said, with a faint smile. «I'll leave you here with your classmates, Kira-kun. Please recover quickly, okay?»

Kira looked like he didn't hear a single thing. He kept sobbing softly, his gaze unfocused, and Ichigo sat next to him, hugging him tightly.

Otoribashi stared at the two of them, a weird mixture of distress and embarrassment on his face. None of the other boys seemed to feel like talking to him. «Well... see you» he greeted, before slipping out of the room.

«Shouldn't we thank him or something?» Renji asked, a little worried.

«We can do it tomorrow» Byakuya firmly shrugged it off. «Kira's wellbeing comes first.»

Shuuhei, who was standing near the door, exchanged a glance with Ichigo. «I think it's time to get out of here for us too» he said. «Kira, I'll be in my room along with Renji, Byakuya and Shiro-chan. If you need something just ask, okay?»

Renji and the raven-haired noble left behind him without protesting. Hitsugaya tried resisting, since he actually was in his room, but Shuuhei grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and dragged him outside. Ichigo and Kira remained alone, still sitting on the blonde's bed.

On Kira's forehead some sweat drops formed and began to roll down, pouring into his eyes and mingling to his tears. Ichigo looked around and took a couple Kleenexes from the box on the night table. Gently, he bent down to wipe Kira's face, a loving gesture, like an older brother. The other boy, who began to calm down when most of the people went out, smiled at him half-heartedly. «Thanks.»

Ichigo shrugged, and Kira snuggled closer, almost curling up against him. His ample forehead, smooth and pale like marble, leaned on Ichigo's collarbone. «I missed you» Kira murmured, feeling, with relief, that the worst of his crisis already passed. «I don't know why, but you have this weird power. You are able to make me feel good even when I feel like shit.»

He giggled a little, while saying that. It wasn't his habit, to tell bad words, and going against the rules had, as always, a nice effect on him. Ichigo observed that weak return of his friend's old energy, and he grinned, moved. «Then, why didn't you just came talking to me, instead of going crazy?» he asked. Kira closed his eyes, sighing, and Ichigo waited silently.

It wasn't anything easy to explain.

«You know» he whispered, his throat suddenly dry. He felt bad just thinking about the words he was going to tell, but it was necessary. For Kira, because maybe that would have helped him, but above all for himself, to get rid of a burden he kept carrying around. «It happened to me too.»

Kira backed a little, raising his gaze. His blue eyes became immense, and his lips moved faintly. Ichigo took in a deep breath.

«I've been raped too.»

Kira trembled in his arms. Maybe his friend, in another moment, would have hugged him and let him cry and feel finally free. But something told Ichigo that it wasn't the right thing to expect, in that moment. First, he didn't have to lose sight of his goal, to make Kira feel better. Then, everything between Shuuhei and him got sorted out, right? It was about time to lift that last curtain existing between them, to make it stop casting its nasty shadow on their growing love.

Ichigo deeply sighed, trying to put together the right words. «It's been Shuuhei.»

«What?!» Kira exclaimed, jumping. «But Ichigo, it's not possib-»

«Wait, wait» Ichigo pleaded, feeling his bravery beginning to fade, «it's not as you think. Please let me explain.»

Kira looked at him, dismayed, but he really did his best to keep still and listen. Ichigo hugged him tightly, while he began talking, telling his story, almost without realizing. He even closed his eyes, at a certain moment, desperately trying not to forget anything: his fear, the confusion in his feelings, the feeling of loneliness and helplessness. Then, Shuuhei's explanations, his sweetness, the love he suddenly poured on him and that moved, excited and cured him. He felt his eyes getting wet as he kept talking, feeling finally purified, clean.

When he shut up, Kira didn't say anything. He kept silent during the whole narration, and he was so curled up against Ichigo's chest that the ginger-haired couldn't see his face at all. Ichigo sighed, caressing Kira's back. «Do you despise me?» he asked, feeling his heart swell at the mere thought. It almost didn't make sense, since he had known Kira for such a short time and their friendship was too recent to elicit deep and violent feelings, but...

A small sob was his reply. Kira was trying his best not to burst into tears again. He recognized that question. It was the same he asked Ichigo when he told him about his love for Ichimaru and they ended up making love in the same bed, to get rid of their loneliness and their desperate need of comfort. «No» he whispered, his voice cracking. «I can't. How could I? You're my best friend…»

TBC

Next chapter's teaser: «Allow yourself being spoiled, just for once. Let's put it like this: this will be Kira's day. You can get all you want. Just ask, and I'll provide everything. How does it sound?»