A/N: Sorry for the extremely slow update - for some reason I'm finding this very difficult to write at the moment. I'm not very happy with this chapter; it seems choppy and a bit haphazard, but I need to get a few things down before I can move the story on.
Anyway, sorry again for the wait, and I hope some of you are still with me!
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The café was quiet at this time of the morning, and Lily found it a nice change to be in Diagon Alley when it wasn't packed with Hogwarts students trying to find their school supplies. She turned the page in the Daily Prophet and sipped at her coffee, trying to ignore the rustling of parchment coming from the seat opposite hers.
'What about this one?'
A piece of paper was flapped under Lily's nose, and she pushed it to one side and frowned at Sirius who was looking at her eagerly from across the table. She put her coffee cup down with a sigh and reached for the proffered parchment.
She scanned through the listed details of the house in Surrey with no particular interest and handed it back to Sirius with a shrug of her shoulders.
'It's fine.'
He sighed loudly, and in her opinion rather obnoxiously. 'Lils, you've said that about the last four ones you've looked at.'
Lily eyed him calmly, picking up her cup and returning her eyes to the newspaper. 'Because they were all fine.'
Sirius gave the house listing one more lookover then discarded it onto the seat of the empty chair next to him; there was a rather teetering stack of paper there already, and he still had a modest pile on the table to look through.
James appeared from over Lily's shoulder and slid into the empty seat next to her, placing a plate of Danish pastries into the centre of the table. He shrugged a shoulder at Lily. 'No croissants sorry love. Had to improvise.'
The corners of her lips twitched upwards. 'I didn't ask for a croissant James.'
'I know.' He grinned at her as he leaned over to press his lips to her hairline. 'But if there'd been one there, I would have bought it for you.'
'So what you're saying is, you bought Danish pastries to make up for the fact that you were unable to buy Lily a croissant that she didn't ask for and possibly didn't even want?' Marlene's voice cut in from behind them as she returned from the bathroom; she glowered at Sirius and began to move the stack of parchment he'd piled on her empty seat so that she could sit down.
'Yes.' James answered, then immediately frowned. 'It made more sense than that in my head.'
Marlene looked over at Lily and shook her head. 'Good luck with that one; his wits are a little addled these days. Don't let him pick the baby names; Merlin only knows what your kids will be called.'
Lily spoke loftily. 'You can't expect him to make sense all the time when he has to spend so much time around Sirius; that kind of idiocy rubs off.'
'Hey!' Sirius protested, but didn't look up from his mountains of paperwork. Lily continued with a wave of her hand. 'Besides, I'm sure his mind was just focused on weightier matters.'
'Yeah, like how long it'll be till he can sneak off with you and get you out of that dress.' Sirius flipped two more sheets of parchment onto his now teetering "no" pile and reached for the last few possibilities. Lily snatched the sheaf of paper from him and swatted him across the head with it.
'Half past nine and already being whacked by an irritated woman. That might be a record even for you Padfoot.' Remus' words made Lily jump; she hadn't even heard the door open, let alone noticed the footsteps making their way over to the table.
She smiled up at the tallest of the Marauders towering over her and James' seats. 'Hey Remus. Your mate is a git.'
'You noticed.' He gave her an easy smile as he slid into the seat next to her and she took a minute to look at him properly; with only three days before the full moon, he was already looking tired and drawn. She pushed the plate of pastries towards him and he accepted one gratefully. She wished she could do more than try and feed him up, but she knew there was nothing. She felt James' hand slide across under the table to grip hers and squeeze tightly, and she knew that her concern for Remus, while subtle enough to have been overlooked by almost everyone else, hadn't escaped his notice.
'I thought Pete would be coming with you mate.' Sirius looked up at Remus, and Lily noticed that his eyes narrowed slightly as he too tried to surreptitiously assess his friend's health. She suppressed the urge to smile and squeezed James' hand a little tighter.
'Spoke to him yesterday.' Replied Remus. 'He had to go by his aunt's place on the way here, and she never lets him leave without telling him her everything that's happened to her in that last few weeks in full detail, so he said he'd be a bit late. Should be any minute now though.'
'Well, I've looked through all these bloody particulars and narrowed it down to those.' He indicated a small stack of paper on the table, and used his wand to quickly incinerate all the others, ignoring the slightly horrified look on the face of the café owner as she went past. 'Have a look, and feel free to venture an opinion, as long as you don't just say that you think any of them would be fine.' He aimed a mock scowl at Lily who rolled her eyes and picked up a pastry daintily.
James reached for the top piece of parchment and scanned over it, eyebrows rising with every line he read. 'Seven bedroom mansion in Kent, swimming pool and servants quarters? I reckon you shouldn't have told that estate agent what the budget was Padfoot. He's just given you particulars for everything we can afford I think. And that's quite a lot.'
Sirius shrugged. 'I didn't think it would matter; as soon as he heard the names Potter and Black together he would have known what sort of money he was dealing with. Why try and be circumspect?'
'Bloody hell, it's not even ten in the morning and he using three-syllable words. You must be having an effect Lily.' Remus leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms out above his head, wincing when Sirius' foot connected with his shin below the table; he kicked back and caught Sirius in the kneecap, leading to a string of profanities from the dark-haired boy.
'Bloody hell Moony, that was uncalled for!'
'Why do I get the impression that I missed something?' Peter's voice cut through the stream of muttered oaths coming from Sirius. 'Isn't it a bit early for that kind of language? You'd put a sailor to shame mate.' He dropped into the final empty seat at the table and looked around at the others who were all trying to suppress laughter with varying degrees of success. 'So are we house hunting or what?'
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'I'm long past caring.' Lily grumbled as she followed James into the garden of yet another property, the sixth they'd visited that day. It may have been a charming house set in a nice garden that bordered onto a forest at the back, but all she could see was another bloody house that was very similar to every other bloody house they'd looked at. None of them really spoke to her in any way, but she really wouldn't have minded living in any of them; they were just buildings, bare shells waiting for occupants.
James smiled down at her and took her hand in his larger one, squeezing gently as his thumb rubbed gentle strokes over the back of her hand. 'I know you aren't really bothered by all this Lil, I'm not either, but indulge Padfoot for me. He's more excited than he's letting on.'
Lily kicked at the doorstep moodily as they followed the others in, the overly chirpy voice of the estate agent floating back to them. 'I don't see why. We're just renting a house; we're not even buying it.'
'I know love, but…' He trailed off with a quick glance at the others, then tugged her hand to slow her pace down, putting a little distance between them and the rest of the group. 'Think about it like this: this is going to be his first real home.'
Lily opened her mouth to speak, but James silenced her with a quick wave of his hand. 'I know what you're going to say love, and yes he had a home at Hogwarts, and with my family, but they weren't his see? No matter how welcome he was, he always felt…' James paused, groping for a word.
'Like an intruder?' Lily finished for him, her voice low and sad.
'Yeah.' James brushed his free hand over her cheekbone. 'Yeah, I think he did. My parents loved him, and he'll always have a home there if he wants it, but it's not the same as having your own place and just belonging.'
Lily raised a hand up to touch his face. 'You can be ridiculously, adorably sensitive of people's emotions sometimes, you know that? It never ceases to surprise me that James Potter is capable of so much empathy and understanding when he tries.'
James shrugged, a little self-conscious at the turn the conversation had taken. 'I just know some people well enough to spot what's going on with them. Padfoot happens to be one of them.'
Lily took in his expression, caught adorably somewhere between embarrassed and concerned, and her heart felt like it was going to smash its way out through her ribcage and land right at his feet. Acting entirely on impulse and she rose on her tiptoes to press her lips to his in a brief kiss.
Or at least, that was her intention. But as her lips brushed across his, James let go of her hand and his arms came around her and caught her in that familiar grip, one hand resting on her waist and the other planted firmly between her shoulder blades to pull her tighter to his chest, and she could smell the warmth of his skin under the faint hint of his aftershave and the blood rushed in her ears and she forgot about houses, and full moons and unstable relatives as she kissed him, and he kissed her back harder.
Her hands reached up and tangled in his hair, and his grip on her tightened until she was crushed flat up against him without an inch of space between them, his hand sliding up from her back to cup the back of her head and hold her lips to his. She could taste the coffee on his tongue and could feel the racing of his heart pressed against hers, and she was just considering undoing a button or two on his shirt so she could press the heel of her palm over it when a cough made them both freeze.
James slackened his grip and Lily dropped back down from her tiptoes and they both opened their eyes to see Sirius watching them from a few feet away; amusement was glinting in his eyes but he managed to restrain himself from actually laughing at them.
'We noticed about halfway round the tour that you two were no longer with us, so I volunteered to come back to look for you. I think the estate agent would appreciate it if you two could restrain yourselves from christening the dining room, at least until we've actually rented the place; and the rest of us would prefer you waited until you're alone.'
Lily flushed just a little; familiarity with the Marauders teasing had made it much rarer for her to fully blush at innuendos, but Sirius still had a knack for bringing out the colour in her cheeks. James, on the other hand, looked completely unperturbed.
'I sincerely doubt we'll ever get an opportunity like that.'
Lily smacked him across the chest and glowered up; he beamed down at her, unrepentant, and swept one last kiss across her mouth before letting go of her and turning to face Sirius.
'What are we thinking Padfoot?'
Sirius grinned. 'We are thinking that we'll probably take it, assuming the approval of the lovely Miss Evans of course.'
'Oh, of course!' Lily muttered under her breath. 'I'm the one who's likely to make a fuss about which sodding house we rent.'
Sirius gave her an exasperated look. 'You're not being helpful here sweetheart. All I'm asking for is an opinion.'
'But why does it need to be mine?' Lily moaned, folding her arms across her body. 'I'm not trying to be difficult here, I just really don't mind which house you pick.'
Sirius looked at her sternly. 'Lils, you hold two votes on this issue because you have Prongs' balls in your pocket. Well, fifty per cent of the votes actually, since he's paying for half. Therefore, your opinion on this matters.'
Lily sighed, not particularly gracious in defeat. 'You like this one?'
He grinned at her, a full wide smile that lit up his face. 'I do. It has five bedrooms, two bathrooms and enough living space for us, plus the garden is big and the forest will be great for full moons. And the nearest neighbours are at the end of the lane, so no worries about that.'
Lily nodded as she thought through what Sirius had just said, but her focus was on the dining room she was standing in; it was bright and airy, if not overly large and she could see a decent sized kitchen through the open door that led off it. The window looked out into the garden, which was a nice size, and Sirius was right about the advantages of not having neighbours close by.
She bit her lip and looked over at him; he was watching her closely, looking for visible signs of approval or disapprobation. She held a finger up in the air as she spoke. 'James and I get the biggest room.'
'Done!' Sirius picked her up and spun her around once before dropping her back to her feet next to James and leaving the room at high speed. She stared after him, her face set in expression of sadness. James' arms snaked around her from behind and she sagged back a little into his embrace.
'Thanks Lil.' His whispered words were quiet in her ear. 'He needs something to focus on right now.'
She hesitated for only a moment before speaking. 'No news of Regulus?'
She asked the question quietly, knowing that the subject was veering perilously close to a topic that was uneasy for the both of them, and she felt James stiffen slightly, then relax a little as he answered, pressing his face down against the skin of her neck as he spoke.
'No. Nothing. As far as we know anyway, and I'm pretty confident Dad and Moody would tell us, regardless of Ministry secrecy. ' He sighed. 'I think that's the real problem you know; the not knowing. I mean, of course he'd be far more devastated than he'd ever admit if it turned out that something had happened to Reg, but at least he'd know. And he could work out how to deal with it; this…limbo is torture for him. He feels like he needs to be doing something, but there isn't anything he can do, so he just distracts himself with things like house-hunting and staring at those maps Moony made for hours on end.'
Lily tilted her head back a little so that it rested on the front of James' shoulder. 'What about…the others? Isn't there any news at all?'
She phrased the question carefully, being sure not to allow any hint of accusation to creep into her tone; she knew that James, being who he was and his parents being who they were, heard far more about the war than he passed on to her. She knew he didn't consider it lying to her to just not divulge things that he thought would upset her, but he was sorely misguided if he thought he was actually keeping her unaware of how bad things were; she was not a stupid girl, and she had no illusions about what was waiting for them in their future. Not to mention that they were both now members of the Order, which could only pull them further into the conflict.
'Nothing.' James' answer was quiet, his tone pensive. 'You can ask about him directly you know.'
Lily felt his arms begin to withdraw from around her shoulders and she quickly grasped them with her hands, stilling his movements. 'I'm not asking about him. I'm asking if there's any information that's indirectly related to Regulus. I'm not wasting tears on him James.'
'He was your friend for a long time Lily.' James' quiet voice continued. 'I may despise him, but I…I couldn't blame you for having concerns for someone you once cared about.'
She turned in his arms and reached up to frame his face in her hands. 'He chose his side, I chose mine. I don't regret the loss of the friendship anymore. I…miss the person he was, not the person he is now.'
James looked at her carefully. 'Do you…' He trailed off and sighed before he started again. 'If I hear anything about him…do you want to know? I mean, do you want me to tell you no matter what? Because he could be a Death Eater, he could be doing awful things to innocent people right now. Or he could be dead. Do you want to know, do you want to hear about your childhood friend, even if it's terrible news?'
Lily ran her thumb gently along his bottom lip as she looked up into his worried eyes. 'You said it yourself James. It's better to know. I can handle it. I have to; it's probably not even the worst thing coming.'
James pulled her in tight and she sank into his familiar warmth as they stood together in the sun-drenched dining room of a house that was now partly theirs.
'I wish I could tell you that you were wrong, wish I could say that everything was going to be okay, but I can't. It might not.'
He murmured the words into her hair, and she felt her breath hitch as she fully grasped the reality of it; they weren't just renting a house and leaving home, they were growing up, moving out into a world of dangers they could only barely comprehend.
'You could lie to me.' She answered just as quietly, and she felt his breath shudder as he almost laughed.
'I try not to do that Lils.'
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Alice flopped onto Lily's bed and watched her friend as she continued to calmly sort her clothes into piles on her bedroom floor.
'I have to admit to being a little jealous.' She looked down at her hands as they picked at non-existent fluff on Lily's pale yellow duvet cover.
Lily's head rose and she smiled over at Alice, her face puzzled as she looked at her friend's contemplative expression and slightly nervous movements. She pushed herself up from her seat on the floor, wincing slightly as she stretched out her muscles, and made her way over to the bed, where she flopped down next to her.
'What could you possibly have to be jealous of, Alice Fortesque, my beautiful, clever friend with a wonderful boyfriend who loves her?' Lily gently nudged Alice's elbow as she spoke, trying to draw a smile from her.
Alice looked up from her fidgeting hands and gave Lily an insincere half-smile. 'It's stupid really. It's just…you're leaving home Lil. You and Marly, you're moving into your own place, and I'm…not. I'm still living with my parents and they are still treating me like I'm eleven. I mean, I do love them, but they just don't seem to realise that I'm a long way from being their little girl anymore.'
Lily pushed a lock of Alice's brown curls back behind her ear. 'I'm sure it won't be long till you get your own place Ally. Once you've started work you can look for somewhere. I'm just lucky really, that the Spendthrift Twins have decided to waste their money on a rental house for us.' She frowned as a thought occurred. 'Didn't James ask you and Frank if you were interested? Because we could easily have looked for a bigger house to fit you in, we wouldn't have minded…'
'No, he did.' Alice interrupted. 'But at the time I thought I could easily stomach a few months at home until Frank and I could get somewhere together. And I can, it's not a problem, I just…feel a bit left behind. Like you're all growing up without me.'
Lily didn't really know what she could say to that so she just clasped Alice's hand in hers and they sat there for a few moments in silence, until Alice laughed weakly and pushed her hair back with a shaky hand. 'Merlin, look at me. All over-emotional and crying over nothing. You'd think I was pregnant.'
Lily laughed, then stopped when she realised that Alice had gone white and her hand had gone entirely limp in Lily's.
'Ally?' she squeezed her hand gently. 'Ally?'
'Oh hell, oh double bloody hell.' Alice lifted her free hand and quickly counted something off on her fingers. She turned her face to Lily's, her eyes wide with panic. 'I'm four days late.'
Lily faltered a little at that, but recovered her composure quickly enough. 'Well, four days isn't much. I'm often a couple of days early or late. It's normal.'
'I'm not! I'm never late! Oh Merlin. This is not happening. It's just not happening Lily, I am eighteen. Eighteen!' Alice was gripping Lily's hand for dear life now as she worked herself up into a panic. 'I'm too young for this. I can't, I just can't. What am I going to tell my parents? Oh bollocks, what am I going to tell his parents?'
'Ally. Ally!' Lily had to shout to get Alice's attention, but to her relief her friend's panic seemed to subside a little in the face of Lily's calm stare. 'You don't need to worry about any of this until we work out whether you are actually…you know, pregnant.' Alice looked stricken at the word, and Lily hurried to soothe her. 'There's no real reason to think you are; we'll just check, you know, for your peace of mind.'
Alice bit her lip and nodded, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. Lily held onto her hand as she reached for her wand, casting two quick patronuses asking the recipient to come to her house, before turning back to her and giving her a supportive smile. 'Just give it a minute.'
They sat there in silence for a few moments until an elegant silvery gazelle flew through the wall and landed in front of them. 'Be there in less than ten minutes.' Julia's calm voice sounded almost eerie when you heard it via patronus message.
Lily watched the gazelle dissolve and turned to look at Alice. 'Typical really. Julia's patronus just had to be something sweet and willowy and elegant didn't it? I swear, she makes every girl in the room feel uglier just by walking into it; I'd hate her if she wasn't so nice.'
Alice made a strange noise somewhere between a snort and laugh. 'Says the girl whose patronus is a doe, which is not only a graceful, imposing animal but is actually rather similar to a gazelle as it happens.'
Lily frowned at Alice. 'Is that really how you'd describe it?'
Alice opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by the arrival of a silver badger. 'On my way.' Mary's voice echoed in the room as her patronus disappeared.
'Now there's one that's always confused me. Why a badger? It just doesn't seem to suit Mary.'
Lily smiled at her. 'I'm not at all sure a doe suits me, especially now I know you think it's graceful and imposing.' She looked down at their joined hands as she continued slowly. 'Sometimes I worry that it's a doe because James' is a stag; like he's shaped who I am somehow? You know we learned to cast them right as I was starting to like him. It's a scary thought, the idea that he might have that much influence over me, that I might not be my own person anymore.'
Lily sniffed a little, still careful to keep her face turned away from Alice. Merlin, she was getting all worked up now; Julia and Mary wouldn't know what to think if they arrived to find the two of them in emotional disarray.
Alice rubbed her thumb on the back of Lily's hand. 'That's not true. A doe does suit you, and a stag suits James. You're both independent people, just compatible.'
Lily lifted her head to look at Alice's face, finding nothing but sincerity in her expression. 'You're sure about that?'
Alice frowned, her own worries momentarily forgotten in the face of Lily's uncharacteristic concerns.
'Of course I am. You're your own person Lil, you know your own mind, always have done. The fact that you and James have matching patronuses doesn't suggest in any way that one of you is dominant; you two…complement each other. Neither of you leads the other, you're a team. I mean, you're not as great a team as me and Frank, but then who is?'
The corner of Lily's lips lifted slightly at that. 'You are good together. You think me and James are too? You don't think we…damage each other?'
Alice bumped her gently with her shoulder. 'Of course I don't! Where would you come up with an idea like that?'
Lily's face fell again and Alice let out a low growl. 'Petunia. Might have known. Lily, your sister is a nutter. I say this with love; don't listen to a word she says.'
Lily lifted a hand to run it through her hair, and Alice refrained from commenting on how much James had rubbed off on her in some ways; in her current emotional state she probably wouldn't take it well.
'I know I shouldn't listen to her; she just knows exactly how to get under my skin. Always has. She just keeps making these little comments about how much I've changed, and how I can't do anything without checking with James and how I let him control my life, and…and it doesn't feel that way to me, but after a while you start to wonder if it's true and everyone else can see it but you're so wrapped up in it that you can't?'
'It's not true.' Alice assured her. 'James wouldn't try and dictate to you, and you wouldn't let him. Yes, you've made changes because of him but there is nothing wrong with that and it hasn't changed you fundamentally as a person; except maybe that you're happier now.'
Lily managed an actual smile this time, and surprisingly, so did Alice. 'Thanks Ally.' She reached up and wiped her eyes. 'Bloody hell, look at us. What a pair.'
Alice giggled, and then jumped as the door opened to admit Julia and Mary; the two girls froze at the sight of Lily and Alice sat together, holding hands and clearly upset, and they descended on them in a flurry of friendly concern.
'We're both okay, really.' Lily assured them. 'Just a little overwrought I think.'
'If you're sure.' Mary looked at them both, carefully taking note of the wobbly smiles and damp eyes.
'We would have been here a little quicker, but the apparition point James picked out is a bit further away than we thought.' Julia quickly stepped in to the awkward silence and Lily felt a surge of affection for the blonde.
'He's over-protective.' Lily responded. 'The anti-apparition jinx covers about four streets I think.'
'Bloody mental is what he is; when it comes to your safety anyway.' Mary joined Lily and Alice on the bed. 'What's the emergency anyway?'
Lily and Alice glanced quickly at each other, and Lily rushed to speak. 'Alice needs a pregnancy test, and since you are both planning on being healers, I was hoping you'd know what the options were.'
Mary and Julia both looked a little surprised, but not shocked, and Lily was both pleased and amused when they both kicked straight into healer mode without a second of judgment.
'Well there are a few options, but their accuracy varies. When did your last period finish?' asked Julia in a professional sounding tone.
'About 24 days ago.' Alice's response was prompt and cool, after she'd counted off the days quickly, and Lily supressed a smile as she realised that Julia's all-business approach was very effective at calming people down; she'd be an excellent healer.
Julia frowned. 'So, how late is your period?'
'Four days.' Alice's fingers were twining nervously round each other.
'That's not really any cause for concern you know.' Mary's voice was gentle. 'Cycles can fluctuate a lot, even if you're usually regular, especially if you're stressed; or if you're using a lot of intensive magic.'
Alice bit her lip thoughtfully. 'I've been doing some practice for auror selection with Frank.'
Julia nodded understandingly. 'Lots of difficult spells done over and over, and you end up feeling really tired? And when you're not running yourself ragged physically, you're worrying about NEWT scores and Circe knows what else?'
Alice looked a little guilty, and nodded. Julia pulled her wand out of her pocket, and turned to Mary. 'If she is pregnant – don't panic Alice – then she's only a few weeks. That would make one of the more basic diagnostic spells our best bet I think.'
Mary nodded in agreement. 'All we need is a yes or no test, we don't need any specifics. Hang on, I have one of my books in here.' She began to root through her bag, searching for the book.
'Why are you carrying a medical textbook around?' asked Lily curiously as Mary pulled the book out and began to leaf quickly through; Julia moved to look over her shoulder.
'I was babysitting and I took it with me to read; getting an early start on the reading for the program at St Mungos. I'm hoping to get an advance placement.'
'That's great Mar.' Alice smiled. 'Really.'
Mary smiled back and waved her wand in an odd swirling pattern; a burst of white light wrapped itself around Alice's abdomen and turned green before slowly fading.
'What does that mean?' Alice's voice sounding like it was regaining a little of her earlier panic, and Julia put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
'It means you aren't pregnant.'
'Oh. Oh.' Alice squeezed her eyes shut tightly and took a few deep breaths. 'Oh, that was scary.'
Lily wrapped comforting arms around her, and it took only a moment for the other two girls to join them on her bed. They sat there for a few moments, all four of them, in feminine solidarity; then the door flew open and Rose Evans entered in a state of some confusion.
'Lily, I know you have visitors but your sister is sulking around downstairs with a face like thunder, what have you girls been squabbling about now?' She took in the four girls on the bed, noted the tear tracks on cheeks and the pale faces. 'On second thoughts, I'll speak to you later. I'll bring up some tea.'
She turned and left, closing the door quietly behind her.
'Your mum is fantastic.' Alice mumbled under her breath, and Lily's face lit up.
'I know.'
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'Arrroowwww!'
The howl echoed through the trees into the small clearing, and James rolled his eyes as he passed a bottle of firewhisky over to Remus. 'I'm going to assume that means that Padfoot has arrived.'
Sirius appeared through a gap in the trees and flung himself down alongside his three friends. 'Full moon. Nothing like it.'
'Oh, absolutely. It's the most fun ever.' Remus took another pull of firewhisky and somehow managed to roll his eyes at the same time.
'Come on Moony, it's not as bad as it could be.' Sirius gave him a bolstering slap on the back. 'You've got us, and we've got plenty of space to run around in.'
'And nobody for miles.' James added. 'I checked three times, the nearest people should be about four miles away.'
'And you have firewhisky.' Said Sirius cheerfully, reaching for the bottle.
'Yeah, and that does actually help.' Remus glared and snatched the bottle away from him, holding it up out of his reach. 'It numbs the transformation a little bit.'
Silence fell between them for a few moments; it was always difficult for the other three when Remus said things like that. They sympathised with him, but knew it was impossible to empathise. For them, full moon was a fun excursion; yes, it was the simple fact that they wanted to help their friend that had made them learn how to do it, but they enjoyed their jaunts through the woods and had the added benefit of being aware and in control of themselves. For Remus, it was a dreadful transformation, a complete loss of identity mixed with pain and terror, and none of them could hope to understand that.
'It's weird.' Sirius spoke up suddenly. 'This is our second full moon since we left school, and damn if I don't miss the forbidden forest. I thought we'd be having so much fun exploring new places that I wouldn't think about it, but I do.'
'We all miss it.' Remus answered sombrely. 'Hogwarts meant something to all of us.'
'Real life sucks.' Peter spoke suddenly, and each of the other three was surprised by the amount of rancour in his tone; he'd been unusually quite so far this evening.
The other three glanced at each other before James ventured to speak. 'Is everything all right Pete?'
He grunted and reached for his backpack, pulling a bag of Bertie Botts out. 'Peachy.'
Another long moment of silence hung between them before Peter sighed and spoke again. 'My uncle's dead. Mum's brother, Walter Wilton.'
'Walter Wilton?' James frowned as his brain tried to work out where it had heard the name before. It took only moments to make the connection. 'That was a suspected Death Eater thing right?'
Peter gave an angry snort and reached for one of the bottles of firewhisky. 'I've no idea. You think the DMLE would tell the relatives anything like that? You probably know more about it than I do.'
'Pete, mate.' Sirius reached over and rested a supportive hand on his shoulder. 'We're sorry. We didn't know.'
'If you need to go be with your mum, your family, then don't worry about me.' Remus spoke quietly. 'Go.'
Peter shook his head. 'Mum's with my gran and some of her other relatives; there's nothing I can do. I'd just as soon charge round the forest with you lot so I can forget about it all for a bit.'
'Fair enough.' James reached over for the pack of Bertie's and gave Peter a friendly nudge with his shoulder; Peter gave him a weak smile in gratitude for his attempt at normalcy.
The evening was drawing in, so Sirius twirled his wand to start a fire in the middle of the clearing and they all drew close to it, sitting around it to wait for the moon.
'Do you ever think we're on the wrong side of this war?' Peter's voice was quiet as it came from the semi-darkness.
'What?!' James shot bolt upright and stared across the flames. 'How can you ask that?'
Peter winced at the tone. 'I didn't mean like, ideologically. You know I don't care about blood purity crap. I just meant, do you ever think that maybe we're on the losing side? That we can't stop him in the end?'
'We'll stop him.' There wasn't even a hint of doubt in Sirius' tone. 'We have too many good witches and wizards with us to lose this. We've got Dumbledore for Agrippa's sake! Grindelwald never came to Britain because he was afraid of Dumbledore, and before this is over Voldemort will be wishing he'd steered well clear too.'
'Don't say the name.' Peter's voice was low, and there was a hint of fear in it that surprised them all.
'It's a name Pete.' Remus was calm and clear. 'You can't let yourself be afraid of it, no matter what.'
'People are going to die.'
'It's a war.' James' tone was cool. 'People always die in wars. But it'll be nothing compared to what will happen if we don't fight him. There's no neutrality in this; you're with him, or he tries to kill you. We will stop him because we have to; we can't let all those people die.'
'What if we can't stop him?'
'We can. There'll always be someone who thinks their opinion is superior, and that that gives them the right to impose it upon everyone else. Voldemort is no different; it might be hard, but we'll stop him, one way or another.' Remus' tone was assured, and faced with the certainty shared by his three friends, Peter lapsed into silence again, wishing he had the same confidence in the eventual outcome that they did.
'Pete. I know that this is going to be bad. I know it seems so much worse when it hits that close to home – Marlene's parents were my family too remember? – but we have to do this. He's going to come for us all, and the only chance we have is standing up to him and sticking together.' James kept his tone low and calm as he spoke, his eyes on his short friend as the firelight flickered between them.
'Sticking together is what we do.' Said Sirius in a low tone. 'It's seen us this far, and through some total crap.'
There didn't seem to be anything else to say after that. The moon rose less than ten minutes later, and with it came Remus' transformation. They watched over him, as they always did, the three of them silent observers of his clawing and biting at the ground as he tried in any way he could to express the pain and confusion the process brought. They were his only comfort through this, and they never faltered; they never had.
Four animals spent the rest of the night roaming the forest they'd chosen for the evening, continuing with a ritual they'd started years ago, fully convinced that nothing would ever stop them from spending their full moons like this.
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A/N: Reviews are always appreciated, and I love each and every one of you for reading.
I'll try and be quicker with the next chapter, though I will probably be updating New Year and Too Close before I finish off the next chapter of this.
Someone also suggested I write something for Jily Pirate Fest over on Tumblr, and if an idea strikes me I might well do that too.
What I'm saying here is; don't take my word for it when I promise quicker updates. I do try, but I suck.
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