A/N: Long time no post, I know but life has been far too crazy. I've worked about 55 hours each week the last couple weeks and volunteered about 12 hours. The pharmacy I work at was robbed. It's been crazy. I thought I was losing my steam for the story and just needed some time to get it back. Watching the midseason finale was enough to do just that. I HATE the way they left off and now I have to wait until December to know what happens.
The meeting wasn't much different than past ones except for Jackson. He was finally out of the hospital but I guess on his last free pass before they expected him to die. He was obsessed with being able to see his own funeral. I guess it kind of made sense but he really wanted his to be a party…a true celebration of life. It had me feeling kind of down as I started to head out the door to work.
Meg and Leo stopped me before I headed out the door to invite me on their adventure and I think part of me was still hoping I could put some distance between Leo and I so I declined. It was killing me not to just ask him right then if he had paid for my fertility treatment but it seemed like such an odd thing to say.
I was still pondering how I could approach him about it when I walked into my floor at the paper and saw everything covered in plastic. There were buckets catching water and the loud sound of power tools as I sat at my desk. I knew I wouldn't last long in the disaster zone but I attempted to do some writing. I only had four or five days left before my last day and I wanted to go out on a high note.
After half an hour I found myself needing to escape so I told Raquel I was taking a sick day and dialed Beth on the way out of the building. After planning to meet her I called Leo to see where he and Meg's grand adventure was taking them so we could meet up and have some fun. I didn't know what we'd be doing but I knew it'd be interesting and likely make me smile which was just what I needed.
I shouldn't have been surprised when he had us meet him at a strip joint and I almost balked when Beth and I arrived outside of it. I'd never been to a strip club and honestly had no intention of ever going in one but Meg seemed to be really into it so I figured I could take one for the team.
We found the table where he was sitting with another couple members from our support meetings and took our seats. He smiled across the table as we settled in.
"So what made you decide to come to a strip club in the middle of the afternoon?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm just here to enjoy the show. I think you may find that you'll enjoy it as well."
"And why would that be?"
"Because today you know one of the dancers."
Before I could have him clarify what he meant the announcer was introducing the next act. When I looked up at the stage and saw Meg strut out. I could tell she was a little nervous about it but I knew she had always thought it would be fun to try so we cheered her on.
Afterward they informed me that Leo had rented out a funeral parlor in order to make one of Jackson's last wishes come true. I guess he'd organized and entire memorial service for him. I thought it was odd but also very sweet. Beth went with me and held me through the service. I know he wasn't actually dead but it was just sad. Afterward she asked us out to eat but I decided to stay and help Leo clean up since he was doing it all by himself.
As we cleaned up the food tables I finally just said it.
"I know you were the one to pay for my treatment and I just wanted to say thank you. Not just for that but for everything you've done for me and all these people you've helped along the way."
He looked a little uncomfortable as he turned to me. We were much closer than I had anticipated and it was slightly difficult for me to focus on the words coming out of his mouth when all I could imagine was kissing him.
"Helping people like this it's the best thing that could have happened to me. It give me something…you know? A legacy. When I die, I won't just be Bruce Hendrie's dead, rich-kid son. I'll be Leo Hendrie, the guy that got to make people happy before their time ran out and the guy that helped people realize the most important things in life."
"To leave this world with no regrets," I said softly.
I saw it coming because he didn't rush it but when he grabbed my head and started to kiss me I was still surprised. I put both hand on his chest and pushed him away softly but it only took me a moment to realize that I wanted that kiss. I guess I surprised him when I grabbed his collar and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Before I knew it we were shredding off each other's clothing and making our way toward one of the couches.
I didn't think about what I was doing, I just knew that I had feelings for him and I wanted to be with him. I didn't even consider the repercussions of sleeping with him. He had a way of making me want to just live in the moment and it made me feel like I wasn't sick and I wasn't maybe going to die.
We were putting our clothing on afterward when I started to feel a little awkward.
"So, I have a questions," I asked. "Who's going to grant your last wish?"
"Who's to say it wasn't just you?" He replied with a smirk.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "You know, it's been really hard for me to accept people being so casual and direct about death. How do you…I mean…you're terminal."
"Wait…what?!" he said with an exaggerated expression.
"Aren't you scared?"
"If I let myself go to that place I…it's just not a place I like to go to."
"I haven't let myself go there until recently and now I just feel like death is everywhere. It's inescapable. It's like the cancer might kill me, or the bone marrow transplant might kill me. Everything just feels so risky."
"I totally get that. It's the reason why I'm not getting the surgery."
"Surgery?"
"Yeah, to try to remove the tumor."
"You can do that?" I asked incredulously.
"Well, it's not 100% effective. I mean there are some major risks involved."
"What could be more major than dying from it?"
"Well, umm, waking up a vegetable. Not being myself for the next 40 years. Lying in a coma forever."
I was angry. "So 'Mister You've-Got-To-Live' is just giving up?!"
"April, you know me by now. Do you really think that I would do well as a brain-dead hospital patient whose fate gets decided by doctors or my parents or some court? I'm sorry, I'm not going to let that happen. I'm going to die on my own terms. With dignity, and with this," he said tapping his temple "fully intact."
"What you're doing is quitting and I'm not going to quit. I'm going to fight!"
"Well, that's good for you," he said simply.
I stormed out on him. I couldn't believe how he was acting. The worst part was I understood how he felt but it was just so hard because of the feelings I had for him to justify it. I was falling in love with him and I couldn't do a thing to stop it even though I knew he was dying and that there was a huge chance that after my treatment was over with and I was out of the hospital…he may not still be alive. I was angry at the world for dropping such an amazing person in my lap just to tear him away from me. Life's a bitch.
