Author stuff: For anyone who hasn't read the first chapter, I'm editing this entire thing. This was completed back in 2009 or 2010 — don't remember which — and after reading it several years later, I wanted to fix some things.

So, welcome old and new. The first chapter was already done a little over two weeks ago. In this one, not much has changed. I still kept the Random Fact Challenge — which is hella fun to play. There was mostly grammatical stuff in this chapter that bothered me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or any of the characters. They all belong to Atsushi Okubo, who is signed under Square Enix in Japan and Yen Press in North America. The anime is directed by Takuya Igarashi, and produced by Bones, Aniplex, Dentsu, Media Factory, TV Tokyo.

Claimer: I do own Café Evans and Maggie... I also own my friend's eternal soul. You see, I left my seal on his arm and if it didn't wipe off through the day, I'd own his soul forever (or at least until I released him). His girlfriend was kind of mad but I told her I could make him do things for her and she was content.


CAFÉ EVANS

by infidelityONcrank

Chapter 2

Tabletop Foxtrot

The uniform didn't look half bad on me — a plain white button-up shirt, a black neckerchief with the café's logo embroidered on it and a scarf ring to hold it in place, a black slightly-above-the-knee skirt that was made of some sort of soft material, white knee-high socks, and black loafers for my feet. It was all comfy and fit nicely.

I picked the uniform up the day before, after my Wednesday classes. I officially didn't start until that day and that made me as giddy as any kid going to Disneyland for the first time or anyone in a candy shop or my dad during Christmas.

I glanced at the clock and cursed. I had twenty minutes before my shift started.

I gathered my jacket, my purse, and my keys before heading out the door. I quickly scanned my apartment for anything else I needed. Finding nothing, I rushed down into the streets of Death City.


"Sorry I'm late," I said to Kid, who was serving a table of giggling high school girls. All of them were fairly pretty and scantily clad. Of course, this flew right over Kid's head. He was more interested in how all of them were the same height. He has a… thing with symmetry.

"It's fine," he said as he directed his attention to the giggly high school students. His charm, cocky smile made them uncomfortable. "Anything else for you lovely ladies?"

Through nervous laughter, he received a 'no.' He nodded and walked away.

"Oh, Miss Albarn," he said, wearily, "you know, you're lucky to have the night shift."

"How so?" I asked, clocking in and hanging my stuff up on a hanger in the back room where Maggie stored her working materials for the uniforms.

"You don't have any stalkers, like I do. A few weird folk, yeah, but stalkers? Never. Stalkers only come out in daylight nowadays. You know, 'stalkers' has eight letters, making it perfectly symmetrical..."

I tuned him out. I had gotten good at it over the years. He had the tendency to ramble on and on and on and on about things that no one ever desired to talk about, other than himself of course.

Twenty minutes later, I asked him, stopping him mid-sentence: "Hey, Kid?"

"Yeah?" he said.

"Who works nights with me?"

"Soul, mostly. Of course, he works whenever he wants to, because he's not paid like the rest of us. He works here, just so he can get someplace to live, eat and sleep. He prefers to work nights, though. Why?"

"I was just wondering is all," I said, shrugging. Great.

"Oh, okay. Well, goodbye! My shift is over."

"Bye! Good luck on the test!"

He cursed, clocked out and said something about last minute studying. It was so very like him, putting off studying to fix up his home to make it perfectly symmetrical.

"Having fun?" a voice said, sending chills down my spine. I yelped and jumped away from the person behind me, wielding a dark gray, plastic tray as a shield and sword. It was a pathetic weapon.

Soul grinned fiendishly at me, his smile was one a shark would have been green with envy of. He tugged the tray out of my grasp and set it on an empty table. I rolled my eyes and walked away to hide behind the counter — a pathetic attempt to distance myself from him. Although I had only spent four hours with him two days earlier, I felt as if I'd known him for years. He was that kind of person.

"So, you're my partner," he said, eyeing me in the uniform. He seemed satisfied. "I guess I could have someone else to work with who's a lot worse."

"Like who?" I said, raising a brow. I started rearranging the plastic cup into neat rows.

"Like Kid. God, that guy's crazy. I usually wait until he's gone before coming down."

"That's not very—"

"Oi, Lady," a customer said, "can we get some service over here?"

"You'd better go help him," Soul said, sweeping his hands in the direction of the customer. He opened the register to do something... Hopefully, he was not stealing anything. I had a feeling I would be blamed if he did.

"Yeah, yeah." I walked over to the table and smiled politely. "I'm sorry for making you wait."

"Uh-huh," he said, puffing his cheeks. "I'll have a Pepsi with a grilled ham sandwich. And my son'll have a chocolate milk and the mac and cheese. Think you can remember that?"

My smile grew brighter and more painful to my cheek muscles.

"Don't worry, sir. I'll have your order in a jiffy," I said. When I turned back to Soul, I mouthed "asshole" to him.

"That's normal," he said, whispering to me as I walked past him. Louder he said, "Did you know that a Neanderthal's brain is bigger than yours?"

I blinked as him as I added water to the microwave able macaroni and cheese.

"It's true," he said, smirking. He started grilling the ham sandwich on the George Foreman Grill. "A Neanderthal's brain is way bigger."

I got what he was trying to do, piss off the rude customer.

"Not smart, Soul," I said through clenched teeth, my back to the father and his son. I spoke as quietly as I could. "That man probably doesn't get to see his kid very often and this is the only place he can go that his ex-wife approves of."

"How can you tell?"

"The guy is balding and a large gut, which means he's had a stressful time and drinks alcohol to try and help himself. He also doesn't have a ring of his finger, yet he has a son. He has a tan line, though, of where one would be. A divorce. The son's probably ten years old and seems kind of down, which is often a sign that he thinks that his parents' divorce was his fault. So thus, this is one of the few places the mother would allow her child to go."

"You like to analyze people, don't you," he said, not questioning my observations. He added the sandwich to a plate as I added the Velveta cheese to the macaroni, which I had heated up for thirty seconds as the noodles cooled to a comfortable temperature.

"It's a hobby."

We quickly added the drinks and I carried the food over.

"Alright, one grilled ham sandwich with a Pepsi," I said, setting the food and drinks down on the table. "And one macaroni and cheese with a chocolate milk. Enjoy!"

I walked back over to Soul, who rolled his eyes.

"You're..." he said, trailing off.

"Lethologica," I said, leaning against the cupboards.

"Huh?"

"Lethologica — it's a state of mind when you can't remember the word you want."

"No, you're strange and you know strange stuff."

I laughed.

"Yep, that's me. Maka the Strange," I said, beaming.

We traded our weird knowledge back and forth for most of the night. At least, until some classmates of mine came in for a late-night snack. I froze looking at them and they silenced when they saw me.

"Well, hello there, Miss. Albarn," Ox Ford said, sneering. "I didn't know you worked here."

I clenched my fists. Dear Lord above, have mercy on me. I am about to deliver to you another helpless soul.

"Hello, Mr. Ford," I said, forcing a smile. I held a long-time rivalry with him. The others — Kim Diehl, Kilik Lunge, Harvar D. Éclair, and Jacqueline O. Lantern-Dupré — I had no problem with. But Ox, we'd been rivals for top of the class since Pre-K. Yeah, we even tried to top each other's finger-painting projects. Kim always won that, actually.

"Woah, Maka, when did you start working here?" Kim said, blinking her wide, green eyes up at me.

"Today's my official first day, but I was trained on Tuesday after my classes."

"No way, really? That's so cool! I wish I could work here."

"Unfortunately, we're not hiring anyone else for the time being," Soul said, rather annoyed. He started again. "Maka, American car horns beep in the tone of F."

"What...?" Jacqueline said, wondering at the fact.

I rolled my eyes, smirking internally.

"Dr. Seuss invented the word 'nerd' in his book If I Ran the Zoo," I said, leading the group to a table and handing them menus.

"Random fact challenge," Ox said, explaining to the others as they sat down at a table and flipped through the menu. "You try to see who knows the most random fact."

"Cats can hear ultrasound," Soul said.

"Children grow faster in springtime. What'll you guys have?" I said.

"We'll all take the pie of the month and some milk," Ox said.

"Clans of people who wanted to rid their land of unwanted people burned their houses down. Hence, 'to get fired'," Soul said, cutting up the pie. I filled the glasses.

"All pedestrians crossing highways in Kansas have to wear tail lights at night, according to the law."

"In Chicago, it is against the law to eat in a place that is on fire."

"Gone to Illinois, have we?" I said. "Okay, try this on for size. It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permit in the Windy City."

We brought the order over to the group, who listened intently to the game.

"Damn, we're not young enough! In Crete, Illinois, cars may not be driven through the town," Soul said.

"In Evanston, Illionis, bowling is forbidden."

"Aw, I like bowling! In Kenilworth, a rooster must step 300 feet from any residence if it wishes to crow."

"Oh, here's one, in Morton Grove, you are not allowed to own a handgun," I said, smiling.

"In Ottowa, Illinois, spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offence."

"In Kansas, if two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until one has passed."

"We're back in Kansas?" Soul said. He sighed, rolling his eyes. There was a playful glint in them. "In Topeka, no one may sing the alphabet at night."

"Still in Topeka — snowball fights are illegal."

"What? That's a downer. Okay, no one may scream in a haunted house."

"Still in Topeka?"

"Yep."

"Okay. The installation of bathtubs is prohibited," I said. "Move on to California."

"It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a vehicle, unless it is a whale. Where do they come up with these laws?"

"No idea, but they're funny. In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way, including in driveways."

"There are wild peacocks in California?"

"Apparently," I said, shrugging.

"Huh. In Blythe, you aren't allowed to wear cowboy boots unless you own two or more cows."

"In Downey, it is illegal to wash your car in the street. Okay, no more laws because it's kind of getting dull."

"Okay, Coco Cola was originally green," Soul said.

"Conception occurs in December more than any other month."

"Golf was once an acronym for Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden."

"It's a good thing I don't like golf then, huh? Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil."

"Suicides mostly occur on Mondays. You know, Mondays are very depressing days."

I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but smile. Soul and I spent the rest of my shift repeating random facts we thought were hilarious. Neither of us won.


Author stuff cont'd: Updating schedule, Mondays! I will be posting a new chapter every Monday. This gives me some leeway to procrastinate and edit at the last minute. And to write and update other things.

My main project right now is The Ugly Doll. It's a Guardians of Childhood fanfic that is based on The Nutcracker and the Mouse King by E. T. A. Hoffman. GoC is connected to Rise of the Guardians — the series takes place, supposedly, 200 years before the film. Good books, go read 'em.

All random facts can be found by a simple Google search. Whether or not these are true anymore, I have no idea. They were true back in '09, so… that's all that matters to me.

I won't be posting responses onto here, I'll be PMing people personally. So… make sure you have you can accept PMs. Because I love responding to you guys. I'll get to responding in a day or so, hopefully, if I'm not too busy doing last minute holiday shopping.