As far as the Soldier can say, the world is just as it always was. He wasn't asked to evaluate the situation or report so he lets the idea fly. He must concentrate on his task and nothing can disturb him. The helicarriers are floating without any obvious activity while down on the Earth everything is just fine.
Winter Soldier marches to and fro over the deck of the vehicle; keeping an eye on the central panel as well as the edges of the construction should somebody attempt to get on board from the lower parts of the helicarrier. The Soldier is not entirely sure how that would be possible since he is several thousand feet above the ground, but he wasn't taught to rely on logic, he was told to be thorough.
Few minutes pass and all the helicarriers are still intact. The Soldier feels nervous because that might mean few things and most of them wouldn't have a pleasing outcome for him. The first idea that strikes his mind is that HYDRA left him to die because he was no longer of use – they did say something about this being his last mission. Maybe it was false and this was the mission after the ultimate task. Then he realised there were easier ways to get rid of him than to arrange a military operation. Maybe the enemy has already incapacitated the helicarrier and the Soldier hasn't noticed it. He wasn't told what exactly the enemy might want to do to the vehicle, so maybe it would appear to be functioning properly while it would be powerless. Or maybe HYDRA placed him onto the wrong hovercraft; what if their intelligence was wrong. The Soldier does not recall any failure of HYDRA's information service but there's a first time to everything, as some of his handlers assured him so many years ago.
He decides it is pointless to dwell on such thoughts so he increases his pace and stretches his muscles. The sun is blinding him when he faces it so he decides to remain standing looking in that direction. He suspects the enemy would attempt to gain as much advantage over him as possible to ensure success; he would have approached himself from the side where the sun is. He glances around occasionally and makes a few steps to make sure he is still alone, but mostly he stares in the south-western direction.
While his eyes are alert but without any stimulus to react to, he concentrates on what he hears. Sounds are important, sometimes they tell you the whole story before it even takes place. He immediately rules out the usual noises – wind whistling in his ears, his dark hair hitting his face and shoulders or the steady hum of the engine below his feet, and apart from that he hears nothing else. He focuses on what he sees, checks the deck for any signs of intruders and listens again. He repeats the procedure several times when he hears a barely audible clicking and whizzing sound that is closely followed by some shouting and rumble of a small machine. He kneels and looks beneath the vehicle but he can't see anything.
The Soldier rises up to his feet again, suddenly alert by rush of adrenaline. He decides not to use his gun because loading it always makes noise and he doesn't want to lose the moment of surprise. Instead he creeps towards the other side of the vessel and searches for other unusual noises. Soon, he is rewarded with a loud thud, sound of chattering metal and conversation. He can't make out the first line, but he hears the reply.
"I had a big breakfast."
The voice is familiar and Winter's mind immediately connects it with the face of the mysterious blond man. He stops dead in his track for a few seconds which gives the couple of marauders opportunity to make few more steps.
The Soldier catches a glimpse of blue behind a pile of something and realises he has only a few seconds to react. In a blink of an eye, there's a man walking from behind the material but the Soldier is ready. He kicks forward and sends the man flying in the direction of the kick, towards the edge of the helicarrier. The man's companion, considerably more slender but muscular as well, rushes to aid him. The Soldier notices a pair of metal wings attached to the man's back. He does not recall any person having such anatomic anomaly, but he decides to use it as an advantage.
Reaching his left arm forward, he grabs one of the wings and pulls. It is almost too easy to throw the man behind himself to smash him against the ground. In the moment when he lets go of the wing though, the device kicks in and holds the man in the air. That enables the winged man to grab a gun into each of his hands and fire in the Soldier's direction.
Winter Soldier stops thinking and relies on his instincts and training completely when he performs a few somersaults to get into safety. He hides behind another cubicle and waits for the shooting to stop. The man will either try to leave using his wings, help his companion or disable the helicarrier – that was the mission, right? And now when the soldier thinks about it, he recognizes the man from the photographs he was given earlier. A target.
The Soldier is supporting his elbow on his knee as he shoots a thin rope with a spike on the other side in the winged man's direction. He is successful and soon enough the man is trapped as a wild animal. The Soldier does not recognise the situation as an act of hunt though, he's never seen a real hunt before.
As the Soldier yanks his arm, the man slams into the deck. The impact deprives the man of the right wing but he rises to his feet as fast as he can. Winter does not wait for anything and scoots towards the man before he can regain balance. Simple rules of physics work as the Soldier's boot hits the winged man's chest and pushes him off the vehicle. The Soldier stares down to see the man battle against wind and gravity, lose the remaining wing and open a parachute at last. He glances down for the last time; no time for distraction. The man is no longer a threat and therefore does not require any attention from the Soldier, whereas the other assailant walked free.
There is only one place where somebody who would wish to subvert the helicarrier would head. The whole vehicle was a huge mass of metal, engine and weapons and it was sure as hell protected against manual corruption. It had to be attacked from the inside and there is one place where this could be done. The Soldier deduces all this while he runs towards the bridge.
And he is not mistaken. He hears feet hitting the floors of the helicarrier as somebody runs through the corridors. The Soldier stands in front of the core of the vessel and waits for his opponent to turn up. He is made aware of his arrival when the bridge he stands on creaks and swings a little.
"People are gonna die, Buck," the blond man says. As if it matters to the Winter Soldier or to anybody else. Yes, people are going to die but they are going to die for the greater good. A few millions die to let billions live; a fair trade as his handlers explained it to him. He was told that people would not get it, would not understand. To be honest, the Soldier doesn't understand it either, but he knows better than to object. But somewhere inside, there's something that questions what his handlers told him, something that wishes to rebel and it was only woken up by this man calling him a name that does not belong to him. Nothing belongs to Winter Soldier because he is a property himself.
"I can't let that happen," the man keeps on talking as if he thinks his words could break Winter's obedience. As if kind words could pierce through decades of abuse, torture, pain and fear. When the Soldier's inspects his adversary's face, he sees genuine, pure pain and hesitation in his eyes. It confuses the Soldier but not enough to make him doubt his mission and defy his orders. And the order is to not get distracted. But still... the man acts as if he believes Winter Soldier would be compassionate and walk away. Why is he doing it?
"Please, don't make me do this," he pleads and looks into the Soldier's eyes with despair. Winter doesn't know what to think of it. Why should he leave the man alone? Why does he assume the Soldier would just walk away? He does not beg like Winter's previous targets did; Please, don't kill me. Please, I have a family. Please, I'll take everything back Please, I'll give you everything you want. He is used to that and even though he thinks it would sound strange coming from this man's lips, it would be normal and understandable. But this man asks him to stay away so that he would not have to harm the Soldier. This man believes he can beat the asset, the fist of HYDRA, the best weapon ever created but does not wish for it to perish.
The Soldier's answer is silence. He narrows his eyes and shifts a little, preparing for fight that is inevitable. The desperation diminishes from the other man's eyes and is replaced by determination. Winter Soldier mimics the expression and clenches his fists just a little. In a single second there's understanding between the two before Captain America throws his shield in Winter Soldier's direction.
From now on, it's just instincts. The Soldier covers himself, returns the latter's blows and occasionally gets to fire a gun but misses every time. He makes a mistake and he pays for it – the shield hits him hard in the side and he crashes onto the floor. For a while he lies curled into a ball and deals with his pain before he casts it away and stands up while he gets hold of a knife and attacks his opponent. They disappear into a mess of limbs, weapons, pants, groans and rasp of metal scraping metal. Adrenaline is rushing through Winter's veins so fast he doesn't feel pain when their bodies collide; he doesn't stumble when he is interrupted in his dance. And among the instincts and orders, there is enjoyment, zeal and delight. His range of emotions is limited but if he could, he would say he is happy to meet an old friend. But he doesn't have old friends. Just orders.
Suddenly his adversary gains a momentary advantage over him and pushes him to the ground. In the few seconds it takes the Soldier to get up he taps on a small panel by the core of the helicarrier. Winter attacks him from behind, trying to get between the core and the other man but failing. Instead he is sent away again and the intruder manages to remove one of the small tablets that rest in the core.
Winter Soldier attacks again, frightened that he might actually fail. He has never met a man as strong as he is, somebody who would be able to resist his attack. He punches the man, pushes him against a railing that lines the bridge and with determination, he throws himself down, taking the other man with him. They hit the construction below and the tablet that was originally in the other man's hand slips away while the shield falls down. The Soldier stands up to meet his opponent again. A well-aimed blow flings the blond man into the air but it only serves him as he falls right beside the tablet. The Soldier throws himself on the man and they fight again, balancing on the edge of the construction.
This time, the Soldier is beaten. The tablet falls down and it lands on the big panels of glass that constitute the bottom of the helicarrier, followed closely by the Soldier who is thrown into the air as if he weighs nothing. He braces himself for the impact, expecting it to break the glass and send him straight to his death, regardless if he survives the fall or not because even if he does, HYDRA will kill him all the same. The glass must be stronger than it looks though because it doesn't shatter beneath him. He loses his breath for a while. When he regains it, he sees the man running, probably to retrieve the lost object. The Soldier intends to reach for his gun and shoot but something holds him back. He stares at his hands in bewilderment; he has never hesitated, never refused to pull the trigger. And yet everything in his mind is against firing a gun because he could not miss at this distance. As he fights an inner battle, he notices Captain America's shield lying beside him. He picks it up and throws it at its owner, hitting him straight in the back.
Force of the impact makes the man fall onto the glass. The Soldier catches up on the time he has lost, sends back his doubts and pulls a gun out of its case. Now, when his target is not unprotected and covers his face with the shield, Winter has no problems with aiming at him. He fires a few bullets before he'd have to load again which is exactly the time his adversary needs to send the shield at the Soldier. It hits Winter in the shoulder but doesn't impede him; soon enough he is fighting the other man again.
They struggle with a knife in the Soldier's hand until the other man smashes his forehead against Winter's for a couple of times. It makes the Soldier dizzy; his head is swimming, there's an unpleasant feeling in his stomach and he feels funny, but he ignores it and shoves the man away. The energy he has to give out to do that makes him trip and he falls down. Lying on the glass, he reaches for the tablet and gets hold of it only moments before the blond grabs him and raises him into the air. For a while, he is just hanging there, struggling against his oppressor and kicking around. Then his vision gets blurry and there are stars in front of his eyes. He barely notices it when he is slammed against the glass; he's short of breath long before it could be forced out of his lungs.
Then he gasps for air and all the pain comes back. He is forced on his knees, his head pushed aside and his right arm pulled away in uncomfortable angle.
"Drop it. Drop it!" the other man shouts and his voice is devoid of compassion or regret. This is a voice of a killer, murderer, soldier. Winter wonders how he could ever consider the man to feel sorry to kill him. It was just a trick. Nothing but a trick and he almost swallowed the bait.
The realisation pumps anger into him and allows him to fight back. He only manages to perform one feeble blow before the grip on his shoulder and face strengthens to the point when he hears an awful sound and feels a sharp, blinding agony in his arm and chest. He shouts as a wounded wild animal, his whole body burns but he doesn't let go of the tablet.
Then the man flips them over and embraces his arm around the Soldier's neck. The confusing sensation takes over again but this time, the blond doesn't intend to let go. The Soldier fights for air that doesn't come, kicks around and never loosens his grip on the tablet.
Being throttled is a strange sensation. At first, the Soldier is frightened because he's divested of his free will, he can't move, he can't breathe and soon enough he can't even think. He struggles for air but he only wastes valuable oxygen in the process. Then, when the air comes out of his lungs, he calms down, relaxes, gives up. He feels light as a feather and carefree and everything is simple. He stops fighting because it's pointless and soon enough he blacks out into blissful unconsciousness.
He is not given a long time to rest; he regains consciousness soon and it takes him a little while to notice that his opponent has fled and tries to reach the control centre again. The Soldier snatches his gun quickly, aims and fires.
He doesn't miss but it's not a clear shot either. Normally, he would have shot the man dead, it would be so easy to run a bullet through his heart or at least his lung but for some reason he aimed for the man's legs so that he would incapacitate him but not kill him. Why? The man has shown no mercy, no compassion with the Soldier and yet Winter hesitated to shoot him.
But the man is not easy to stop either; the Soldier begins to understand that as he watches the latter stand up and trudge farther on his way. Winter Soldier does not hesitate. Winter Soldier is the fist of HYDRA. And he will fire the gun. So he does and barely hits the target. The pain in his right shoulder is overwhelming and blinding but he keeps going, keeps aiming, keeps trying because that's the only thing left to him. And he shoots once again and this time he's sure he's done the job. He drops to his knees with relief when he sees the man fall to the floor above the Soldier's head, when he sees him gripping tight at his abdomen, watches the pained expression upon the man's face. He made it. He can hear it from the urgency in the voice that keeps giving orders and instructions to the other man. It's going to be over soon and then, the Soldier will finally be allowed to rest, to fall asleep and never wake up again. He will never be forced to fall asleep frozen; he won't live in a constant confusion and disorientation, asking himself who he is and where he belongs. There will be no more shooting, no more punishment, no more training, no more missions. Just peace, sleep and nothingness. The Soldier thinks that if he could wish for something, this would be it.
Consumed by his torment and wishful thinking, Winter does not see Captain America accomplish his task. He does not hear the argument between Steven Rogers and Maria Hill. The first thing he knows is that the world crumbles and falls into pieces without any obvious reason. He opens his eyes and holds them open with effort. He tries to stand up and flee, but what's the point? There's nowhere to go, nobody to shoot, nothing to defuse. As the Soldier sees it, the other helicarriers are shooting at the one carrying him while it returns the firing. It does not make any sense but it seems to the Soldier that they are trying to exterminate either him or the other man. Or maybe both, it would be convenient to do it while they're both on board and proclaim it an accident. He does not see any logic in such behaviour, but Winter Soldier knows better than to ask or question.
When a girder tumbles on top of him, crushing his chest and forcing the air out of his lungs again, he suddenly changes his opinion on dying. It's not what he wants and he begins to struggle against the cold, huge piece of metal, completely oblivious to the futility of his actions. He panics, wriggles, pleads, cries and nothing comes to help him. And he's suffocating and it hurts and he cries and his tears are salty, so salty, why is he tasting salty? He wants it to stop, he wants to go home, what is home, where is home? What is want? And he can't move and he can't even scream and he can't do anything but weep and hope to die soon. If he only knew what hope is, what is hope?
In the midst of his hysterical fit he notices movement by his side. With all his might and will he follows it with his eyes but it takes him some time to see what he's looking at. There's the man who tried to strangle him, the one who said he didn't wish to do this, the man whom the Soldier tried to kill, the man who caused the failure of the most important mission ever, the man who caused it all, the man whose fault it is that Winter is now stuck below the girder. The man who used to be helpless and scrawny, the man who used to run to him for comfort, the man who saved him, the man who swore –
The man who is obviously in pain and yet he falls to his knees a few feet from the Soldier, drops his shield aside and puts his arms under the girder that holds Winter pinned down. His face is distorted with effort, exhaustion and pain and there is a fleeting picture in the Soldier's mind, showing this face in times of peace – happy, content and smiling. It frightens Winter; is the other man playing with his mind? He would not be too surprised; he had never seen anybody who would be able to beat him in a physical fight so why wouldn't this man be a wizard able to toy with his thoughts?
Winter decides he doesn't trust the man. He's dangerous, he's a threat and he failed the mission and he is a mission and I must serve HYDRA. But he's not going to refuse help when it comes, whatever it might bring him afterwards. So he squirms with the last bits of strength he has and crawls from beneath the girder. He is leaning on his left forearm and shins, breathing heavily while he holds his dislocated limb close to his chest. He glances at his rescuer and for a while he thinks he sees the same regret he did before.
"You know me," the other man says resolutely and stares into the Soldier's eyes. Winter considers it, actually gives it a thought. What if the images in his mind weren't delusions, what if he actually knows the man? The blue eyes look familiar, he knows the smile, he knows the look, he knows – he is the mission. I must eliminate every target HYDRA issues me. I must not question the decisions of HYDRA. I must not hesitate. He is the mission. I must disable the mission.
"No I don't!" the Soldier shouts in response and throws his whole body, his whole being, at the man who may have known him but is a mere mission from now on. He throws a punch and sends the man down. It only lasts for a while and it leaves him very tired. They are both panting in pain as they look at each other again. The Soldier's vision is clouded by tears and strands of hair blocking his view but he can never escape the glaze of the other man's eyes that resemble bluestones. As if the Soldier knows bluestones, as if he cares about them, as if he's ever seen them-
"Bucky," the man insists, almost tenderly. Like a loving mother would talk to her ignorant child, "you've known me your whole life."
That is obviously a lie. Because Winter Soldier is just a tool, object, item and things don't have life, they only have the time when they are functional and the time when they cease to exist because nobody needs them anymore because they're broken, useless and beyond repair. And the Soldier is sure that even if his time of functioning could be described as life, this man has not been a part of it. Winter has never seen him, never talked to him. How could he know somebody he's never met?
Winter feels like his head is going to explode. Why does this man keep playing these tricks on him? He's won right? He made Winter fail the mission, he averted HYDRA taking over the world which would bring peace to everyone. What else does he want? Is that some kind of a test? Then the Soldier is determined to do well. Is he trying to break Winter? Then he won't show any weakness. Or is it something else? What else might a man want from the Soldier? The only thing he was good for was to serve and now he has made the worst mistake ever. He has failed so bad nothing in the whole universe could repair it. Isn't he useless enough? There's only one thing he knows for sure and that's that he's completely and absolutely lost. Nobody would want him and he just broke all the orders because he failed. The only thing he knew was attack. So he attacks because he can't think of anything else he could do.
He punches the other man with a force of the desperate, like a drowning who's catching the last straw of grass before he breathes in water for the last time. The blow is strong and he stumbles and falls onto the girder. All the grace has disappeared from his movements and now he's just lumpish and exhausted. They both are. But neither of them can stay down if the other rises.
"Your name is James," the stranger, the intruder, the man who's trying to shatter him into pieces has difficulties with saying what he wants to say, "Buchanan," and he's really good at that struggle. Maybe the Soldier should believe him? "Barnes."
That does trigger something. There is something within his mind, something buried so deep he would never try to reach for it. But it is there, a glimmer of a recollection, a spark of a memory. And it's false. The man is so desperate he is playing tricks on Winter again. Why? What is so special about the useless, malfunctioning weapon that belongs to the junkyard that somebody wastes energy to lull him into a false feeling that he is a person?
"Shut up!" the Soldier shouts and smacks the man again. They both fall and the Soldier notices that the latter has taken of his mask. There's blond hair beneath it and it irks Winter a little that it's not neatly combed. That thought confuses the Soldier; since when does he care about his enemies' haircuts?
"I'm not gonna fight you," the man says flatly. Seconds later, he loosens his grip on the shield in his hand – his only weapon, as the Soldier realises – and lets it fall through the broken panel of glass. Winter thinks it's crazy. You don't just let go of your only weapon, that's what he was told about combat. The man is either nuts or has a back-up plan. The only possibility the Soldier does not acknowledge is the fact that the man might be telling the truth.
"You're my friend." The man says with a sad expression on his face. As if he was betting all his money on a horse with a limp. They stare at each other and there might be something truthful about the things the man said, and that scares the Soldier. He hasn't had life, he hasn't had any friends. He doesn't even have a name. It is not possible, no matter how alluring it sounds.
"You're my mission!" he growls in response and assaults the man, the liar who pretends to be a prophet, who pretends to know everything. He throws one punch after another, back and forth and he feels bitter tears in his eyes because it's all so painful. "You're!" Strike. "My!" Strike. "Mission!"
"Then finish it," the blond says weakly and looks at him, reconciled. The Soldier wants to. He thinks he actually feels wish to finish the mission, to kill this man, beat him into a pulp and throw him out of the helicarrier. But for some reason, he holds his fist up above the other man's face and waits for some sign of approval. "'Cause I'm with you till the end of the line."
"I can get by on my own."
"I know. The thing is... that you don't have to. Because I'm with you until the end of the line, pal."
The end of the line.
Is this the end?
What is end?
The Soldier lets go of the man and reaches up to get hold of something to help him stand up when the construction breaks and a part of the helicarrier collapses towards the ground. The Soldier stares down at the limp body that is taken away by wind and gravity; he stares at the huge white star on the blue undercoat and for some reason, he glimpses at his left shoulder. He had known the red star was there, it's been there longer than he can remember, but only now he understands what it means. That they belong together. Whatever a weapon can be to a person, he belongs to the man who is falling down towards his death.
And the Soldier can't let that happen.
Because I'm with you until the end of the line, pal.
