Author's Note: Here's the second chapter! I hope you like it! I tried making it a little longer, but I don't know if I was successful. I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes as I had to type it all up on my phone because I didn't have access to a computer! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed! :)
*Triggers for: self-harm*
Kurt's POV:
For once, I wake up in the morning, nightmare free. Blaine is already up, and I smile at the sight of his unruly hair. He glances over and sees me awake and smiles. "Good morning, Kurt. Ready for your first day of classes?"
Oh, God, classes! I forgot. I scramble up from bed and into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. God, I'm hideous.
Karofsky made sure I knew that everyday. I'm barely even a guy, and I have the looks to prove that. My nose is too thin, my lips are too feminine, my eyes are too far apart, my hair is girly, my hips are too wide, my stomach too thin but my thighs are too fat. I can't win.
I look at myself in the mirror again and realize my sunken in eyes, how tired I look, how sad I look. I pull some foundation out of my bag and wipe some under my eyes, making sure it looks like I'm a healthy, happy, normal teenage boy. Next, I look at my hair and sigh. I hadn't bothered putting product in it yesterday, and now I'm regretting it. My hair looks limp and lifeless. I check the time and see I only have a half hour left before classes. I decide to go understated, but still done enough that I can be seen in public.
This is the one part of myself that Karofsky didn't take when he... Did it. Although I've lost my knack for talking and singing and even Broadway, my love for fashion stays. I'm grateful for that, as it's one of the only things that makes me feel like myself anymore.
I finish up with my hair, only having slightly less of a coif than I usually do. I walk out of the bathroom with ten minutes to spare. I take my Dalton uniform and quickly put it on in the bathroom, carefully so I don't mess up my hair. I walk out of the bathroom, feeling kind of prepared for the day ahead of me.
I look at Blaine and he smiles. "You're a senior, right?" He asks me, and I nod. "Me too. Let me see your schedule; maybe we have some classes together."
I hand him my schedule and he compares our classes. "Well, we only have two periods together, English and Music Composition. I didn't know you were into music."
I nod. At McKinley, I wouldn't be caught dead in a music class. If I was, I might as well be dead, but my dad had pushed for me to take a music class here at Dalton, and I didn't want to be even worse of a son so I took it. Music composition is the only music class offered that I won't have to sing for, so I took that.
"Well, English is our first period, so I can show you the way. I'll get one of my friends in your second period to show you they way there, okay?"
I'm not very fond of the idea of meeting new people that could easily judge me and hate me, but I don't want to argue with Blaine on my second day as his roommate.
I nod, grabbing my bag and my whiteboard. Blaine leads me to the English section and walks into our English classroom. Mrs. Cameron is a grating woman in her fifties. She seems kind of like the kind of teacher that could either be incredibly sweet or could bite your head off with one wrong answer. I walk in and stop in the doorway as Blaine takes a seat.
A wave of anxiety hits me as I see a room of boys I've never seen in my life. I've never had a problem with not talking to people, but right now I'm getting nervous thinking about it. I'm never going to talk to these people, but all of them are probably going to hate me. I'm a freak and all of them know that.
Mrs. Cameron looks at me expectantly and I pull out my whiteboard, about to write something, when Blaine stands up. "Mrs, Cameron, this is Kurt. He, uh, he doesn't talk."
"Ah, yes, Kurt." Her voice is like sandpaper, grating on me until I'm nothing but a speck of dust. "I've been notified of his... Circumstances. Class," She addresses the class like a queen, gaining their attention easily. That would never happen at McKinley. A teacher would have to raise her voice far above what any teacher at Dalton would find acceptable at McKinley. "This is Kurt. He's a new student, transferred from..." She looks over to me. I quickly write on my board, 'McKinley.' "McKinley," She finishes. I get a few weird looks from students, but none that make me feel more uncomfortable than I already am. "You make take your seat next to Blaine, Mr. Hummel." She says with a quick look to her class roster.
I quickly sit down, Blaine on my right and an unknown on my left. "Hi, I'm Trent," The boy—Trent—says, holding out a hand for me to shake. 'I'm Kurt,' I write, even though I don't have to.
"I'm in the Warblers with Blaine," Trent says, motioning to Blaine. I give both of them a questioning glance.
"Oh, the Warblers are our singing group. We go to competitions and stuff. We might even make it to Nationals this year." Blaine explains, and my face falls.
I remember when I was in the glee club at McKinley, back when I was just a freshman. I didn't get a lot of solos, but at least I knew I was appreciated there. I haven't felt appreciated in a long time. I feel tears prick the edges of my eyes by I quickly blink them away, checking to see if anyone noticed. Blaine was too busy talking to Trent. He takes my schedule and gives it to Trent to compare with his. "We have all of our classes together, except music comp," He says, smiling at me. I nod, and give him a small smile back. He starts explaining what the different teachers at Dalton are like, but Mrs. Cameron snaps at him and we go to listen to the lesson.
•
The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, but the looks and stares have grated on me. Everywhere I went, people gave me weird looks, as I'm not only the new kid, I'm the freaky new kid that doesn't talk. Right now, all I want to do is lock myself in the bathroom and cut. But Blaine is sitting on the bed across from me and I don't want to bring any attention to myself.
After a few minutes of wallowing in my self pity I decide to screw it and walk into the bathroom. On my way there I glance and Blaine and see he looked up but didn't make anything of it.
I lock the door and pull out my blade hastily. I pull off my blazer and inspect my arms. My left arm is littered with the cuts from yesterday, so I take the blade in my left hand and cut my right wrist. Ten minutes later, my arm is littered with fresh cuts and relief is flowing through my body. All of my imperfections leave my body in the blood flowing out of my wrist.
I rinse out the cuts, noticing that some of them are deeper than usual but not deep enough for me to be worried about. I find an ace bandage in the stocked medicine cabinet and I hope that Blaine won't notice. He seems to be prepared for anything, the cabinet stocked with extra toiletries to an abundance of medical supplies. I take out a few band aids and cover the more shallow cuts with them and start to wrap the ace bandage around my arm when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze when I hear the warm voice of Blaine coming through from the other side. "Kurt? Are you okay?" I don't know what he expects as an answer but then he says "Knock once for yes, and two for no."
I quickly knock on the door once to let him know I'm fine. I hear his footsteps retreat from the door and sigh in relief. That was too close.
I finish wrapping up my arm quickly and leave the bathroom. I smile at Blaine as I walk past him and lay on my bed, not really thinking about anything.
"Hey, Kurt?" I look up at Blaine. "It's almost 6:30, so do you want to head down to dinner with me?"
I look up at him and nod, grabbing my whiteboard. He leads me to the dining hall and we go through the line, getting a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. I don't take much as spaghetti is messy and I lost my appetite throughout the day. He leads me to a table full of boys scarfing down their meals. Blaine pulls out two chairs for us to sit and introduces me to Wes, David, Nick, Jeff, Thad, and Sebastian. I wave as Blaine introduces me. "You're that kid that doesn't talk," One of them—Nick I think—says. I think he was just curious so I don't take offense. I nod as another one says "Why?" I think his name is Sebastian. I tense up and look between him and the other Warblers.
I take in a few sharp breaths and Blaine says "Sebastian, that was a little personal, don't you think?"
"No. If the freak doesn't wanna talk, he should at least give everyone an explanation, instead of just thinking we're all gonna accept it without thinking he's crazy." The table grows silent and they all look at me as Sebastian keeps talking. "He's obviously psycho, guys. I don't know why you're sympathizing with him." I feel tears start to form in my eyes, and Sebastian says, "Oh, the psychos gonna cry now. Boo hoo, just go back to your mommy and daddy. See how they enjoy your silence."
With that I stand and run out of the room; I don't know how I made it back to my dorm but I did. I slam the door shut and fall on my bed, wrapping the covers around me in the fetal position. I let my tears flow freely, sobbing loudly. The only time I make a sound, besides when I talk to my dad, I'm crying like this.
Sebastian was right. I'm a freak, crazy, psycho. I don't even have a mom to run to.
That was probably what hurt the most. My mother left me. It's not like it was her fault, but I don't have a mother. She died, leaving me and my dad to fend for ourselves. God screwed all of us over.
I cry harder thinking about my mother and don't realize that Blaine walked into the room until I hear him say "Oh, Kurt..." He walks over to me and sits on my bed, looking down at me in concern. For once, I don't feel like I have to put my barrier back up; for once, I feel like I can trust this person. As this wave of emotion comes over me, I feel the need to embrace someone. So that's what I do. I throw my arms around Blaine and cry into him, and after he gets over his initial shock, he hugs me back.
•
Blaine's POV:
"Jesus, Sebastian, what the hell was that for?!" I yell, standing up at my seat. I'm furious at the way Sebastian acted, talking to and about Kurt like that.
Kurt's an angel and all he needs is to be loved. He needs someone to care for him and take all of his demons away, and Sebastian screaming at him like that was not helping. God, he looked so helpless I just wanted to hide him away from the world.
"He's a freak, Blaine! What kind of person doesn't talk?!" Sebastian retorts, scowling at me.
"Did you ever stop to realize that there could be something that happened to him that made him this way?! People don't just stop talking for random reasons, and you were way out of line!" I yell, getting angrier by the minute. "Don't you ever talk to or about him like that again, Sebastian or you will pay for it."
I storm out of the cafeteria and straight to my dorm room, assuming that's where Kurt will be. I open up the door and see Kurt lying in the fetal position on his bed, heart wrenching sobs coming from his lips. "Oh, Kurt." I say, not wanting to startle him, but sitting on his bed. There's nothing I want more than to wrap my arms around him and comfort him, but I don't want to scare him away.
He looks up at me with tears streaming down his face. I can see he's thinking about something and then all of a sudden he throws himself on me, wrapping his arms around my waist, crying into my shoulder. I'm surprised at first but then I embrace him as well.
"Shh, Kurt, it's okay. I'm here. Shh," I whisper to him comforting words, hoping to make a difference to him.
This is the defining moment. I need to get this boy to open up to me. I need to help him. I want to help him. I don't want his life to be this living hell anymore.
I'm going to help him, whatever it takes, I will help Kurt.
