Lost on the Road of Life


Kakashi is full of shit.

Really.

He always is, and always has been. All of Team 7 knows this, yet Sakura continues to invite the old man over for meals whenever she can "because he's lonely, Sasuke-kun." Kakashi, for his part, has the audacity to accept whenever he knows Lee will be around to entertain Gai, which amounts to pretty much every day. By Sasuke's calculations, Kakashi's constant presence is:

- 10% due to loneliness (which is fair, since most of the people he's ever loved are dead)

- 10% due to his love for Sakura and Sarada (he's clearly trying to steal their love and affection, and it's absolutely unacceptable)

- 30% due to his love for pissing off Sasuke (which is definitely petty revenge for when Sasuke ditched him for Orochimaru)

And that's only the half he has determined to be true.

The rest is still speculation, but Sasuke suspects the remaining 50% is because Kakashi thinks that if he keeps showing up, eventually Naruto will, too, and then Sasuke will get really, seriously pissed off.

And Kakashi is right.

Within a week, Naruto catches wind of their arrangement and gets jealous, and pretty soon the entire Uzumaki brood is showing up at their door on a regular basis, infecting the tranquil Uchiha compound with smiles and stupidity. Sarada begins to grow increasingly irritable then, forced to share her beloved Kakashi-oji-chan's inattention with young Boruto, who has achieved the impossible and become even more of an attention-starved, trouble-making pest than his hare-brained father ever was. Secretly, Sasuke revels in this, watching Naruto attempt to discipline his hellspawn and fail. Unlike Boruto, Sarada is capable of higher brain function.

"Ne, Sarada-chan?" says Boruto, spraying rice across Uchiha Mikoto's antique mahogany table. "I—"

"Quit talking with your mouth full," his Pride and Joy hisses. "It's disgusting."

Boruto glances fearfully at his mother in the next room but seems annoyed to find that not only is her byakugan is deactivated, but that her eyes are fixed on little Himawari. He swallows. "Ne, do you ever feel like nobody really cares what you do?"

Sarada is clearly affronted, as is Sasuke. "No."

"Or like you're invisible?"

"No."

"Unloved?"

"NO. SHANNARO!"

"Yeah? How do you know?" he presses. "I mean, your mom works at the hospital all the time and your dad always goes away and leaves you guys alone. That doesn't sound like true love to me. Come on, don't you ever wonder?"

Sasuke is tempted to shut the little idiot up—permanently—but his brain overrides his instincts because Sarada's response is suddenly very important.

"Tch." She tosses her head. "You are projecting, and Mama says that projecting is an immature psychological defense against undesirable emotions which, in your case, are feelings of abandonment by your busy parents."

His child is a freaking genius.

"Huh?"

She pushes up her glasses, which have a tendency to slip down her little nose (Sakura's nose), and rolls her eyes. "Never mind. Anyway, you're probably just imagining things because you're insecure."

"I wonder," Kakashi cuts in, materializing behind Boruto. Somehow, he is never late when the opportunity to be a complete and total troll presents itself. "What if Boruto's parents actually don't love him? It's really starting to look that way."

Boruto looks horrified.

"I hope that's not the case though," Kakashi continues, positively gleeful. "Haven't you heard? Sometimes unloved kids get forgotten at the ninja academy, and then get lost when they try to go home on their own and end up wandering the streets—"

"Liar!"

"—forever."

Kakashi is still full of shit, but for once, Sasuke is in no hurry to put an end to it.


A/N: Papasuke is still pretty vengeful, isn't he?

In other news, I started a tumblr (and put the link in my profile)! Mainly because I had a nightmare the other day where I got banned and my fics got taken down and my hard drive got destroyed and then everything was lost. Forever.

It'll just be another repository for the same fics I have here, but I also may float ideas for multi-chapter fics there that I am too afraid to post here until I am sure I can finish them. Unlike here, I'll also be able to post images and videos of things that have inspired my writing.

Cheers!