Natsu kept an eye on Gray over the next few months, but things seemed to be steadily improving. He wasn't naïve enough to think that everything was suddenly okay, but Gray hadn't had another meltdown and was acting much more normally.

Things were good, but there was one thing that nagged at Natsu. Gray's birthday was coming up, and he had said that he often had a hard time on his birthdays for reasons Natsu didn't like to think about. Of course, Natsu couldn't say for sure what he should be expecting when Gray's birthday rolled around. Gray had only mentioned his birthday issues in the context of his nightmares, but Natsu could still vividly recall what a mess he had been after Galuna and didn't want to see that happen again. He wouldn't let that happen again. He'd stay up all night with Gray again if he had to.

Natsu had known Gray for years and never noticed anything off around his birthday. It always seemed like a normal celebration, and Gray partied along with everyone else. So either Natsu was overexaggerating the severity of the issue, or it was worse than Gray was letting on and he was going to great lengths to hide any sign that something was wrong.

Natsu decided to take the better-safe-than-sorry approach and watched Gray carefully when his birthday finally dawned, but it passed much the same as any other. The guild threw a big party—Fairy Tail was always looking for any reason to party, and birthdays were great excuses—and everyone was having a good time. There were games and gifts and good-natured teasing, and Gray laughed along. He didn't seem as overexcited as everyone else, but then again, that was pretty typical. In fact, everything seemed so normal that Natsu began doubting himself.

And then he began noticing more subtle cues. Gray was going through the motions, but occasionally his eyes would glaze over for a half-second or something would flash over his face too quickly to decipher. Towards the evening, he began glancing at the clock surreptitiously every few minutes.

These things were so subtle as to be barely there at all, and Natsu only caught them by chance. He realized that these signs had probably been present all day, but he hadn't noticed them even though he had been watching Gray the whole time. If he hadn't been specifically looking for them, he never would have noticed at all. It was a rather disturbing thought, actually, because it meant that he didn't usually pick up on when Gray was unhappy. It made him wonder what else he had missed over the years.

It was a little before seven o'clock when Gray finally seemed to decide that he had stayed long enough.

"Alright, I think I'm going to head out," he announced when the conversation hit another lull.

"Already?" Cana asked, voice slurred. "It's so early! Come have a drink with me before you go!"

Gray laughed easily and threw her an indulgent smile. "Not today, Cana. Maybe next time."

"What next time?" she grumbled, taking another swig of her drink. "You never drink with me."

"Oh, give him a break," Mira said cheerfully. "You know that he doesn't drink."

"Yeah, but it's his birthday. He should lighten up and celebrate some."

If Natsu hadn't been watching Gray, he would have missed the suddenly strained look in his eyes and the way his hands clenched involuntarily. The out-of-place emotions disappeared as quickly as they had come, but Natsu was sure that he hadn't imagined it.

"What, haven't I already celebrated plenty?" Gray asked, a teasing note entering his voice.

"Hmph," Cana grumbled. "Obviously not enough. It's still too early for you to be leaving."

"But remember that he always has 'important things' to take care of on his birthday," Mira said, smiling over at Gray. "He usually leaves early."

Gray smiled back ruefully, acknowledging the good-natured jibe. Now that Natsu thought about it, Mira was right. Gray usually did leave earlier than usual on his birthday. He had always been intentionally vague on why, exactly, but he had mentioned having 'important things' and traditions that he did outside of the guild. Natsu had never thought much of it—Gray was allowed to have a life outside of the guild, after all—but now he found it suspicious.

"Alright, alright," Cana conceded with a sigh. "'Night, Gray. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Cana." His smile softened. "I had a lot of fun today. Thanks for that."

She looked a little mollified, and Gray moved on to say goodnight to everyone before disappearing out the door. Natsu stared after him with narrowed eyes.

"Happy," he said, "I've got important things to do tonight."

"You too?" Happy asked with a laugh. Natsu smiled back, but it didn't reach his eyes. Happy noticed and sobered. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Maybe nothing, but I need to go check on something. I don't know if I'll come back to the house tonight or not."

"You might not come back?" Happy asked sharply. "What's going on? Do you want me to come with you?"

Natsu's smile was a little more genuine this time as he sought to reassure his friend. "I'm fine, but it would be better if I did this alone."

Happy nodded reluctantly, still looking worried. "Are you sure–?"

"Yep. 'Night, Happy. I'll see you later."

Natsu made his excuses for leaving so early and headed out into the fading light. He followed Gray's scent and caught up to him a couple of blocks away from his apartment. It was the time of year when days were short and darkness fell early, and he had to squint in the dim dusk light to make out Gray's expression. Gray walked slowly, hands jammed into his pockets as he stared vacantly at the ground. He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when Natsu fell into place beside him.

They were already walking up to the apartment when Gray broke free of his musings to fish his key out of his pocket, and that was when he noticed Natsu. His impressive double take would have been amusing under normal circumstances, but Natsu wasn't inclined to smile at the moment.

"What are you doing?" Gray asked, coming to an abrupt stop.

Natsu shrugged. "You left your party early again. Can't I check up on a friend?"

"You? Yeah right. The last time you 'checked up' on me was…" Gray's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he began putting the pieces together. "After Galuna. Don't tell me that's what you're worried about."

"You told me some very disturbing things about your birthday."

Gray chuckled, his eyes suddenly alight with bitter amusement at a joke only he understood.

"'Disturbing things', huh?" He shook his head. "Look, I was a mess after Galuna, but I'm doing better now. You don't have to worry so much. Go home, flame brain. I'm doing fine."

Natsu stared him down. "You sure don't look fine to me. I'm not going anywhere yet."

"Natsu, go–"

"No."

Gray seemed to curl into himself before Natsu's eyes, his shoulders hunching and his hand clenching so tightly around the key that his knuckles went white. He averted his gaze, but not before Natsu saw the suddenly broken look there.

"Please, Natsu. Please leave."

Natsu's heart twisted painfully, because Gray didn't beg. If he was so desperate for Natsu to leave, it was because he knew that he was moments away from breaking down and didn't want any witnesses. Natsu had hoped that Gray would be a little more open about his feelings after their post-Galuna bonding experience. And he had been, for a time, which made Natsu wonder how much worse this time must be.

"Gray, you can't really expect me to leave you alone right now. Let's go inside and talk."

"Natsu–"

"No. I'm not leaving."

Gray stood there uncertainly, looking small and lost—two words Natsu wouldn't normally associate with him. Then he let out a shuddering breath and turned away. Twisting the key in the lock, he pushed his way into his apartment and left the door standing open.

Natsu followed silently, stopping just inside the door to watch as Gray collapsed on the couch facing away from him. He briefly considered flicking on the light, but Gray had purposely ignored it.

He walked across the room and sat down beside Gray gingerly. Gray was staring absently at the carpet, his mouth twisted into a faint grimace, and he didn't look over as Natsu sat down. It was a long minute before he finally spoke.

"When you asked why my birthday was the worst for my nightmares, I wasn't completely honest with you."

"You lied to me?" Natsu asked in disbelief.

He had a hard time believing that. Everything Gray had said seemed genuinely honest and heartbroken. If he had wanted to lie about why he had problems with his birthday, he would have come up with something far less worrisome than saying that he thought he should be dead.

"No, that was all true. But there's another reason."

Natsu's worry only deepened. Everything Gray had already told him was bad enough. He didn't know what could possibly be worse.

"What?" he asked hoarsely, hardly daring to breathe.

Gray didn't answer immediately, and the silence dragged on for a long time before he finally stirred. He pulled one leg up onto the couch and bent it at the knee so that his foot could balance on the edge of the cushion. Hooking an arm around his leg, he rested his chin on his knee and stared ahead blankly.

"Today's the day that Deliora destroyed my home and killed my parents," he said, his voice dull.

Natsu stared at him, unable to believe his ears. There was no possible way that was true. That would mean that Gray had hidden this for years, that he had sat through the parties the guild always threw for him and then went home to grieve. It meant that they had always expected him to celebrate and make merry, not knowing that this day was anything but happy for him.

Natsu couldn't accept that. He couldn't accept that they had never noticed how unhappy Gray was, had always made him feel like he had to celebrate and laugh for their sake even though he was mourning. There was no way that they could have been that unknowingly cruel.

And yet, even though Natsu couldn't see Gray's face, he could tell that his friend was deadly serious.

"What?" he said, partly disbelieving and wholly horrified.

Gray laughed breathlessly, the sound brittle, almost a sob. "Yeah," he said, his lips quirking into a bitter half-smile. "Impressive coincidence, huh?"

"Coincidence," Natsu repeated stupidly, a nauseous feeling settling in his stomach.

Gray finally looked over, and Natsu saw why he'd been so insistent that he leave. There was so much raw grief and anguish in his face that it made Natsu depressed just seeing it. Everything about Gray seemed to be cracking, crumbling, breaking into a million shattered pieces.

Gray opened his mouth but no words came out, only a strangled choking sound. Tears filled his eyes, and he swiped them away.

"Your birthday…? Deliora…? What?"

"It's been so long that you'd think I'd be over it by now," Gray said, his voice cracking slightly. "But I just… I don't know. It had been such a great day and I'd had a lot of fun, but then that night the demon came and everything fell apart."

He paused and shook his head. "No, not fell. Everything was torn apart. The buildings, the people, Deliora tore them all to pieces. The buildings were crashing down around us, the city was crumbling, and so were the people. It threw them around like rag dolls and ripped them apart, and there was blood everywhere."

Gray's voice broke, but after a second he kept talking. His eyes glazed over as he remembered that night, and he was quickly spiraling into panicked rambling. Natsu thought he should probably stop him, but he couldn't make himself do anything besides stare in stunned horror.

"And then it was coming at us. My dad tried to distract it so we could get away, but it–it just ripped a hole in him and tossed him aside, and there was so much blood." Gray pulled his other leg up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around both knees as he rocked back and forth. His face twisted in a sickened expression. "It was all over me too. My mom was screaming. I probably was too…maybe? I don't remember, but I think I probably was. It would make sense, right?"

He looked straight through Natsu as he babbled. He had unwrapped his arms from around his legs and was twisting his hands together in that strange dry-washing motion he had been making that night down on the beach.

"It slammed into her and threw her, and her blood was everywhere too. Their blood was all over me, and I could feel it for months. I could feel it everywhere, and no matter how much I scrubbed at my skin, I could still feel it there, burning me."

He let out a shuddering sob and rubbed his hands together vigorously. It caught Natsu's attention once more, and his eyes widened. That gesture that had reminded him so much of handwashing… Was Gray trying to wash away the blood that was no longer there? That made Natsu feel sick. Gray wouldn't be able to wash that away, not ever. It wasn't so easy to wash away memories.

"I should've died then too, except a nearby building collapsed on me and I got trapped under the debris and the demon moved on. I was stuck there lying under the rubble, and I was covered in blood and getting crushed and couldn't breathe very well and everything hurt and I thought I was going to die. And God, I wanted to die."

Natsu stopped breathing and made a strangled sound in the back of his throat.

"I'm sorry," Gray moaned. "I'm so sorry. But everyone I loved was dead and I had nothing left and I had no reason to live, and I wanted to die. But then Ur and Lyon came out of nowhere, and they dug me out and took me in and gave me a second chance. And I loved them, in my own way, but there was always this small part of me that couldn't forgive Ur because I wanted to die and she had saved me instead."

Gray buried his face in his hands. "Lyon thought I went after Deliora because I was stupid enough to think I could kill it, but I didn't, not really. I wasn't that stupid. I didn't have a chance, and I knew it. I just didn't care.

"Either Deliora or I was going to die, and I didn't care which as long as it was one of us. But she came after me." Gray dropped his hands, and a horrified guilt shone in his eyes. "Don't you see? That's what makes it so terrible. I was the one who was supposed to die, the one who wanted to die. Not her. Never her. But it all went wrong, and she gave her life for someone who didn't even want their own.

"After that I couldn't very well give up like that again, could I? She died so that I could live, and I couldn't throw that away. That's what made Galuna so bad, because I wasn't supposed to give up like that again after I got her killed, but I did anyway.

"And I used to think–" His voice cracked, but he pressed on, his words jagged and broken. "I used to think it would have been better if she had known I wanted to die so that she knew better than to die in my place. But I think she would have come after me anyway, even if she had known. She would have followed me and died because she wanted me to find a reason to live, even if I didn't really want to yet. So now I'm glad that she never figured it out. I'm so, so glad."

Gray hugged himself tightly and started rocking again. Natsu thought he might throw up or start crying or break something. It horrified him that Gray could think like this, feel like this. He had known Gray for years and had never once suspected any of this. Even after Galuna, when Gray had been more honest than ever before, Natsu still hadn't realized what was lurking underneath the surface.

And he felt terrible that he had never realized. What kind of friend was he?

"You don't–you don't still feel that way… Right?"

Gray looked at him with haunted eyes. "I don't always want to die anymore," he said dully. "But I don't always want to live either."

That physically hurt to hear. All the breath rushed out of Natsu all at once, and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes even though he tried to fight them back. This was Gray, the boy he had grown up with, fought with, laughed with, counted as a best friend. And all this time…

"No," he breathed. The tears finally won the fight and began trickling down his cheeks. "No."

A horrified, guilt-stricken expression spread over Gray's face as tears welled in his own eyes. "Don't cry, Natsu," he pleaded, reaching out to brush the tears off his face. "Please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, please don't cry."

But what else was Natsu supposed to do? His best friend had just said that he didn't want to live, hadn't wanted to live for years, and Natsu had never known. He had thought that Gray was mostly happy. Yeah, Galuna had cast some doubts on that assumption, but he had thought that was just an all-time low and things were getting better. But Gray had been hiding things again.

Natsu needed him to come clean and be completely honest for once, because he couldn't help Gray if he didn't know what was wrong. He was years behind schedule in figuring this out, and he needed to make up for lost time.

He reached out and grasped Gray's wrist, pulling it away from his face. "Do we not give you enough to live for?" he asked, his voice cracking.

Gray's face twisted into an even guiltier expression. "You do, you do," he said quickly, fresh tears dripping down his cheeks. "Don't think like that—I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not always like this, I swear I'm not. Fairy Tail is what saved me and helped me get my life back on track after Ur…"

He let out a shuddering breath and wiped at his tears with his free hand. Natsu released his other wrist, and Gray let it fall back down limply.

"I was in a really, really bad place after everything with Ur," he continued, his voice low. "I didn't want a reason to live. But you all took me in and gave me a new home, and even though you didn't have any idea how badly I was screwed up, you helped so much. You did so much, more than you'll ever know, and I can't repay that.

"It's not always so bad, really. I have a lot of fun and good times with everyone, and I am happy sometimes. It's only so bad now because it's an anniversary, and it's worse because seeing Deliora again on Galuna brought up bad memories. I'm getting better, I really am. Tomorrow won't be so bad. It's only for today."

But it wasn't only for today. Maybe today was particularly bad because of what it meant to Gray, but that kind of intense grief and pain wouldn't magically disappear overnight. And as far as Natsu could tell, Gray had done this every year. He had grieved every year, and Natsu had never known or done anything to help.

"I've been such a terrible friend," he whispered.

Gray's reaction was immediate, and Natsu wished he could snatch the words back. Gray drew back sharply and made a grief-stricken moaning sound in the back of his throat.

"You haven't," he choked out, his voice thick with tears. "You haven't. You've always been there. Especially after Galuna, when I needed you. I needed you, and you were there. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to feel bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't feel like that. You're my best friend, and you've done so much. You're not terrible, not… God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm–"

"Stop," Natsu rasped.

Gray broke off and stared at him with that horrible, broken expression. Natsu leaned forward to rest his forehead against Gray's, closing his eyes and letting out a breath.

"Please," he breathed. "Please stop apologizing."

If there was anything worse than listening to Gray talk about how much he hurt, it was listening to him apologize over and over again for things he shouldn't have to be sorry for. Natsu didn't know how to take away the guilt, but he wished he did.

"I'm sor–" Gray started, before forcing himself to stop. "Okay," he said instead, his voice wavering. "I'll try."

Natsu leaned back again. "Why didn't you say something? All these years we've been throwing parties and celebrating, and you've just been…this? You should have just told us. We didn't know. We didn't…"

Gray wrapped his arms around himself and looked away, eyes shimmering wetly in the faint streetlight streaming through the window.

"I like the celebrations," he said quietly. "Sometimes it's hard because I don't always feel like celebrating, but I like to see everyone having a good time. It makes me feel better to see you all happy. That's one of the reasons I didn't say anything, because I'd rather see you celebrating and laughing than feeling bad for me and trying to figure out what you're supposed to do to help. My parents and Ur are dead and gone, but you all are still here and I want you to be happy. I really just… I don't want you to be sad because of me."

"Don't you get it?" Natsu asked, pulling his own legs up onto the couch and wrapping his arms around his knees. "We care about you too, and we'd rather celebrate with you when you're happy and mourn with you when you're sad. We want to be there in the good times and the bad.

"Besides, you've always looked out for us when we were sad. Why can't we do the same for you? Every year around the time Igneel left, you always find a way to help me feel better. You never say that's what you're doing, but I know that's what it is. Why can't I do that for you? Although… I guess that's kind of my fault too. I should have noticed something was wrong. You're my best friend, and I never even really noticed."

Gray's lips quirked into a sad half-smile. "You know, I didn't really think much of you when you first joined the guild," he said softly. Natsu frowned at the tangent, but held his tongue. "So I didn't care that much about what was going on with you. I know you talked about Igneel and mentioned when he disappeared, but I didn't really pay attention. But I figured it out anyway."

"What?"

"Once we started becoming friends, I started paying more attention. I noticed that around one particular day each year, you would start getting sad. You weren't always very demonstrative about it, but you didn't really hide it either. So I figured it out, and then I couldn't very well leave you alone, could I?"

Natsu grimaced. "I should have been able to do the same thing for you."

"No, the situations are different," Gray said, shaking his head. "I already knew that Igneel had disappeared, and even though you tried not to be really obvious when you were sad, you didn't exactly hide it either. I had something to work with there.

"But with me… Well, you didn't know anything about my parents or Ur, and I didn't give you any clues that anything was wrong. You didn't even know that there was a problem in the first place, so how could you figure out when my worst days were? I didn't give you a chance to help. That's my fault, not yours."

"Not everything is always your fault, you know. Okay, you made it really hard for anyone to figure out what was wrong, but we've also known you for years. I'm not completely hopeless. I can sometimes tell when you aren't doing well, but I had no idea that it was this bad. I just… I wish I could do something to help."

Gray's eyebrows rose fractionally. "Do something to help?" he repeated. "What do you think you're doing right now? What do you think you were doing on Galuna when you stopped me from using iced shell? When you tracked me down afterwards and harassed me until I told you what was wrong? When you followed me out into an unfamiliar city in the middle of the night and listened to me talk down on the beach? When you followed me home tonight because of something you remembered I said months ago?"

He looked down, eyes narrowed. "Don't discount that. I don't like talking about this stuff because you always look so sad and worried. Maybe that's part of the reason I didn't just tell you everything from the beginning. It's hard seeing you like this, especially since I'm used to your stupid carefree side. I've hurt a lot of people in my life, Natsu, and I'm sick of it. I don't want you to hurt because of me."

They sat in silence for several long minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Natsu still felt terrible, but he understood where Gray was coming from. He hated to see his friends in pain too, so he could understand that.

"Gray," he said finally. "Tell me about them."

Gray eyed him warily. "What?"

"Your parents, Ur… Tell me about them. You say that when you're upset you want to see the people you care about be happy, right? Shouldn't you do the same for the ones who are gone? Remember them when they were happy—not what it was like when they died, but what it was like when you were all happy together? Tell me about that."

Gray stared at him unblinkingly, and Natsu wondered if he had made a mistake. He knew it would hurt to think of the past and remember what had been lost. But still, he thought that Gray needed to remember, if only to be reminded that things hadn't always been this bad and wouldn't always be this bad in the future.

Finally, Gray's gaze drifted away as he gathered his thoughts, and he began talking. He told Natsu about his hometown and its people. He talked about his childhood friends and the mischief they had gotten into. He talked about his mother and father, about the things he remembered about them the best: his mother's warm smile and sparkling eyes, his father's rumbling laugh and constant teasing. He talked about his favorite memories: curling up inside by the fireplace with his parents after a long day playing in the snow, listening to his mother sing him lullabies when he couldn't sleep, following his father around like an adoring puppy in his eagerness to be just like him.

Then he talked about Ur and Lyon. He talked about how they had taken him in and set themselves up as a second family. Natsu couldn't help but laugh when Gray described how shocked he'd been the first time Ur took him out training and stripped her clothes off, ordering him to do the same. He immediately stopped himself, worried that his amusement was inappropriate, but Gray just shrugged and continued talking, a faint half-smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He told Natsu about how troublesome he and Lyon had been and all the mischief they'd gotten into despite Ur's best efforts to keep them in line. He talked about how amazing and magical it was to learn ice molding.

He talked for hours, his eyes unfocused as he dredged up memory after memory. Even when his voice started going hoarse, he kept right on going, not even seeming to notice.

Natsu had long since curled up into a more comfortable position on the couch and settled in to listen. These were stories he had never been privy to before. This was the Gray that he had only half known—the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. Here in this moment, Natsu felt closer to his friend than he ever had before.

Nostalgia and grief still warred on Gray's face, but sometimes his lips would curl into a wistful smile as he spoke fondly of the people and places of his past. Occasionally his eyes would light up as he recalled something particularly heartwarming or humorous, and he had even chuckled a little once or twice.

But then his voice suddenly wavered and died out.

It took Natsu a moment to adjust to the sudden silence, but then he peered at his friend worriedly. Gray had bowed his head so that his hair fell into his face and obscured it from view. His shoulders hunched a little, and he hugged his knees closer to chest.

"Gray?" Natsu asked cautiously, his voice sounding too loud in the silence.

Gray gave no sign that he had heard for several long seconds, but then he slowly lifted his head. His face was streaked with tears, and a maelstrom of guilt and loneliness and anguish raged behind his eyes. Natsu sucked in a breath and opened his mouth, but he couldn't find the right words to say. They stared at each other for a full minute before Gray finally spoke.

"I miss them," he whispered, his voice broken and jagged at the edges.

"Gray…"

"Maybe I don't have the right." Something about his voice was wrong. Natsu couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, but there was something in the inflection that sounded too broken and flat to be Gray. "But I still miss them anyway."

Natsu struggled to find his voice. "Of course you have the right to miss them," he said past the lump in his throat. "You loved them, and they're gone. Of course you miss them."

Gray's gaze turned inwards, and even though his eyes were still on Natsu, they weren't seeing him.

"Yes, I loved them," he said, bitterness creeping into his voice. "I loved them, and I killed them."

Natsu's heart twisted. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised that everything still boiled down to Gray blaming himself for everything, but he still couldn't accept it.

"Gray, it's not–"

"Don't!" Gray said harshly, his eyes snapping back to Natsu's face with burning intensity. "Don't tell me that it's not my fault. I don't want to hear that. I don't need to hear that right now."

The anger and bitterness slowly drained away, leaving him to slump over as if the only thing supporting him had been cut. Only that aching sadness was left.

Natsu desperately tried to come up with something to say. He still didn't think Gray should keep blaming himself for the deaths of his family or master, but telling him that right now wasn't going to get through to him. Gray didn't want to let go of the guilt yet because he still didn't know how to forgive himself for the things he had done.

But there had to be something Natsu could say. He didn't know what it was that Gray needed to hear, but he couldn't just shrug it off and walk away this time. This time it was too important, so he would have to try.

"I see you, Gray Fullbuster."

Gray blinked at him in helpless bewilderment. "What?"

Natsu leaned forward. "I see you. I see the things you've done and the mistakes you've made. I see the people you've hurt, the bad choices you've made, the times you've given up. I see what you did to your parents and Ur and Lyon. I see that dark part of your soul that you try to keep hidden from the world, the part that hates and rages and fears and hurts."

Gray flinched back and dropped his head, choking out a strangled sob that nearly broke Natsu's heart. Natsu reached out and gently tilted his face up again.

"But that isn't all I see," he continued quietly, his voice softening. "I see all the things you've done for us over the years, the ways you've helped us when you should have been helping yourself. I see the people you've helped, the good choices you've made, the times you fought to the bitter end. I see what you did for your parents and Ur and Lyon. I see that part of your soul that you sometimes forget to take into consideration, the part that loves and laughs and comforts."

Another solitary tear worked its way free and slipped down Gray's cheek, leaving a glistening trail in its wake. Natsu wiped it away with his thumb and looked at his friend sadly.

"I see you, Gray. I see the good and the bad, and even though I can see all of the terrible things you've gone through and done, I can't ignore the good. That's why you're still my best friend. We all still love you, Gray, because you still deserve to be loved even after all your mistakes.

"You sometimes only see the bad, everyone else sometimes only sees the good, but me? I see you. I see you and I'm still here, because the person you are—the good and the bad—is someone I care about and who I think deserves to be happy. You don't want me to tell you that all this isn't your fault? Fine. But still, even if it was your fault, I would still love you anyway."

Gray began crying in earnest, his body shaking with silent sobs. Natsu's first thought was that his little speech must have sounded better in his head and maybe it should have stayed there.

"I screwed up bad, Natsu," Gray sobbed. "And I'll screw up again. I'll be annoying and infuriating and drive you crazy, and at the end of the day I'll tell you to go away and stop bothering me. But God, don't leave. Please don't leave."

Natsu's own eyes filled with tears, and he leaned forward to hug Gray as tightly as he could. "I'm not going anywhere," he said fiercely.

Gray hugged him back and dropped his head against Natsu's shoulder. His tears seeped through Natsu's shirt, and Natsu held him close while he cried.

They sat like that for several minutes before Gray drew back and zeroed in on Natsu's face.

"Don't cry," he whispered.

Natsu laughed breathlessly and scrubbed at his face. He knew Gray didn't want to see him upset, but that was just what friends did. When Gray smiled, Natsu would smile. When Gray laughed, Natsu would laugh. When Gray cried, Natsu would cry.

"You told me a lot of stories tonight," Natsu said. He couldn't magic away the grief, but he could try to ease it a little for the both of them. "Let me tell you some in return."

Gray raised a questioning eyebrow, but he only settled back against the couch and watched Natsu with those unblinking eyes.

Natsu told Gray about how he had stumbled across a guild in his search for Igneel and decided to join. He talked about an annoying dark-haired boy with an unfortunate tendency to unconsciously strip at the most awkward times. He talked about how he had built a rivalry and then a friendship with that boy, about their fights and bickering and teasing. He talked about how that annoying rival would harass him all the time except when he was sad, because somehow he had always been able to tell. He talked about the boy who had fought tooth and nail for all of his friends, even Natsu.

The whole time he talked, Gray's eyes remained steady on him. When he finally paused, Gray slowly continued on for him, talking about an annoying pink-haired boy with an unfortunate tendency to destroy things and get himself into trouble, who had nonetheless wormed his way into Gray's heart and helped him realize that he could still have friends despite everything he had done and lost. He talked about how that annoying rival never realized exactly how much Gray was hurting but always managed to make him feel better anyway. He talked about the boy who had always fought impossible odds and won in order to protect all of his friends, even Gray.

And when their voices and stories finally died out sometime deep in the night, those two boys looked each other in the eye and saw each other more clearly than they ever had before.

"You know," Gray said finally, "I used to think there were some things that were too broken to fix."

"And now?"

A rueful smile tugged at one corner of Gray's mouth. "Now I'm not so sure."

Natsu smiled, because he thought that he must have managed to say the right thing for once. His specialty had always been breaking things, but if he found something important enough, he would move heaven and earth to fix it again.

"You know," he said, "I used to think that nothing was impossible if I put my mind to it."

Gray snorted softly but played along. "And now?"

"Now I still believe that I'm always right."

"You never did understand the meaning of the word 'impossible'," Gray said, rolling his eyes.

Natsu's grin widened. "Doing the impossible was always my other specialty."

Gray smiled faintly and looked away. "You might just be able to do it."

That sounded like a challenge. Natsu's eyes glinted with sudden determination. He was always up for a challenge, and this was one he couldn't afford to lose.

"Watch me," he said with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, I see you."

Natsu's smile softened. "And you're not gonna go anywhere?"

"'Course not," Gray mumbled.

Natsu's smile sharpened into an impish grin once more. "Oh good, that means I get to stay the night."

"Planned that out, did you?"

"Planning was never my specialty."

Gray shook his head and glanced at the clock on the wall. "Not much left of the night to spend, but you're welcome to stay the morning."

"I'll fight you for the bed!"

"Like hell you will. You can have the couch."

"Alright, alright," Natsu conceded, settling back into the cushions.

Gray rose and disappeared from the room. He reemerged from a shadowed doorway a few seconds later with a blanket that he dumped on top of Natsu unceremoniously. Natsu pulled it around himself more snugly, yawning widely as the late hour began catching up to him.

"'Night, Gray."

Gray moved back across the room, but paused in the doorway. "Goodnight, Natsu." He glanced back. "It's really late, so just go to sleep. I'll go to sleep on my own without you watching me."

Natsu stared at him blankly before realizing he was referencing the road trip after Galuna, when Natsu had always made sure he stayed awake until Gray had fallen asleep. He hadn't realized that Gray had noticed. He had thought he'd been careful.

"Uh…"

"I'm not that stupid," Gray said with a snort. "See you in the morning."

He disappeared into his room, leaving Natsu blinking after him.

Natsu had a few specialties, but following directions had never been one of them. If he stayed awake until his keen dragon hearing could pick up Gray's slow, even breathing in the next room… Well, old habits died hard.


One year later

After the great birthday fiasco of the previous year, Natsu was prepared for anything when Gray's birthday rolled around again. Gray had made it very clear that everything they had shared that night would remain strictly between the two of them, so the party was continuing on as usual despite Natsu's reservations.

Natsu kept one eye on Gray and the other on the clock as the celebration raged on. He waited until mid-afternoon, when he figured Gray had probably had enough, before stalking over to where Gray was talking to Lucy and Erza at one of the tables.

"Oh, hey, Natsu!" Lucy said cheerfully.

"What's up, squinty eyes?" Gray asked more cautiously.

Natsu nodded to Lucy and Erza, but he kept his eyes on Gray, looking for any sign that he was more upset than he was letting on. There was definitely some sadness and pain lingering there. Natsu thought it wasn't quite as bad as last year, but it was still there.

He nodded to himself and fished some papers out of his pocket. Spreading the five job requests out in a line on the table in front of Gray, he stood back to await his friend's reaction.

"What's this, Natsu?" Erza asked, frowning at them in bewilderment.

Natsu shrugged. Gray stared at the line of papers for several long moments, his eyes slowly traveling over the individual job requests. Then he looked up at Natsu expressionlessly.

"Well?" Natsu asked. "What do you say?"

A lazy smirk spread over Gray's face. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."