"I guess we might as well call it a day," Erza said with a sigh as she looked around at their half-built guild.
Their last guild hall had been destroyed in the fight with Tartaros, and now that Fairy Tail had been reformed, they needed somewhere to gather. The past week had been spent rebuilding and sending out feelers to find out what had happened to their master and where he might be now. Until Makarov was found, Erza was nominally in charge. She didn't intend to let anyone slack off of the construction, but she thought she should reward the guild with a half day today since they'd been working so hard recently. Everyone could use a break.
"Already?" Lucy asked. "It's still so early. We have a few hours of daylight left."
"Yes, but with how hard we've been working, we might as well take a break. Mind you, we'll be right back to work tomorrow, so enjoy it while it lasts."
"Yes!" Natsu whooped, immediately dropping the armful of boards he had been holding. Erza winced as they crashed to the ground. "Freedom!"
Everyone else began gratefully abandoning their respective tasks, although thankfully with more care than Natsu.
"Lu-chan!" Levy said, turning to Lucy with a wide smile. "Let's go sit down and you can tell me more about your time at the Weekly Sorcerer. I read all of your articles!"
Lucy laughed and joined her, and everyone else began drifting into groups as well, taking this time to reconnect with old friends and talk about what they had been up to for the past year. Erza smiled as she watched. It was nice seeing everyone together again after all this time.
"Hey, ice block! Let's fight!"
Erza whipped around to tell Natsu in no uncertain terms that he would not be starting a fight that would in all likelihood result in the destruction of everything they had managed to rebuild so far, but paused. Gray had been making a teasing comment to Lucy and Levy, his eyes sparkling with mirth, but his amusement faded when Natsu addressed him. The look he gave Natsu wasn't hostile, exactly, but it lacked the warmth he had been showing the others.
"Not now, Natsu," he said, his voice tinged with cool politeness. "I'm actually planning on heading home."
"But–"
"I'll see you tomorrow, everyone!" Gray said, talking right over Natsu's protest. His easy smile had returned as he waved goodbye to everyone, but his eyes seemed to pass right over Natsu. Then he turned on his heel and began walking away.
"Gray–"
Gray glanced back and briefly met Natsu's gaze. "I'll see you tomorrow, Natsu."
And then he was gone, heading into the street and merging into the crowd of pedestrians. Natsu stared after him forlornly.
"Wow, what did you do to him?" Cana asked. "He doesn't seem happy with you."
Natsu scowled and turned back to face them. "I don't know."
"Oh really?" Gajeel asked. "He seems to be getting along with you better than ever before." He rolled his eyes. "You haven't gotten into a fight big enough to undo all our work on the guild yet, anyway."
"Yeah, that's the problem," Natsu muttered. "He hasn't wanted to fight me in days." He glanced back at where Gray had disappeared a few moments before. "He hasn't called me 'flame brain' since the mess with Avatar," he added mournfully.
Erza almost wanted to laugh because not fighting or being insulted seemed like silly reasons to be worried, but she understood what Natsu meant. She hadn't noticed anything off with how Gray was treating Natsu at first because the changes were subtle, but something was definitely up. The two of them had gotten pretty close before Tartaros—if Erza had to guess, she would say their relationship had started shifting not too long after Lucy had joined the guild—and although she wasn't privy to the workings of their friendship, she had noticed that they had become more open with each other.
Oh, the fighting and teasing banter were still there, but she could read the change in their eyes. They had even started going out on missions together, just the two of them. She liked to call it their 'bonding time', although she didn't know the true purpose. That was what puzzled her about this sudden shift in Gray's attitude, because he and Natsu had been getting along really well until now.
"He seemed a little withdrawn after Avatar," she said, "but he was back to normal within a couple of days. Except with you, Natsu. I thought it might just take him some time to adjust because being in a dark guild must have been stressful, but he seems to have recovered quickly from that."
"He can't possibly be that upset that I ruined his cover," Natsu muttered.
"Happy and I were there too," Lucy pointed out. "We screwed up his mission as much as you did, but he's still plenty nice to us."
"Yeah, he's being plenty nice to everyone but me," Natsu growled. He paused. "Actually, the problem is that he's being too nice to me. He won't fight me or insult me, and he's just too polite. Just like…really stiff and formal. It's weird. He doesn't usually have any problem yelling and starting a fight when he's angry at me, but now it's like he's pretending that he's not really mad, except that he also isn't trying to hide the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with me. It's like he's talking to a stranger." His eyes narrowed suddenly. "He's shutting me out again, is what he's doing. I worked way too hard to get him to open up. There's no way he's going to shut down on me again after all that."
Erza wasn't sure exactly what this 'opening up' consisted of, but Gray and Natsu had always had a rather unconventional friendship that was somewhat baffling to outsiders. She did, however, understand exactly what Natsu meant about the rest of it.
Gray had seemed a little reserved after his stint with Avatar, and she imagined that living with a dark guild had been stressful. She didn't know exactly what had gone on during that period—he hadn't told her much unless it was directly relevant to the mission—but she could understand if it was difficult to adjust to normal guild life again afterward.
But he had quickly regained his normal energy and good cheer, and he was acting normally towards everyone but Natsu. He had started treating Natsu with something of the over-politeness and formality usually reserved for strangers or acquaintances, with just a touch of coldness. Gray usually faced his problems head-on, especially when Natsu was involved. Those two would fight like cats and dogs but still be best friends at the end of the day. They weren't fighting now, but they were farther apart than they had ever been.
Erza couldn't say for sure what the problem was, but she did agree that Gray was shutting Natsu out. And it didn't look like he was going to address the issue anytime soon. If Gray wasn't going to go to Natsu, then Natsu would have to go to Gray.
"Go talk to him," she said.
She prepared to override the inevitable protest—Gray and Natsu always insisted that they didn't talk to each other, although she thought that was a half-truth at best—but Natsu just nodded slowly.
"Yeah," he said. "I'd better go see what's up."
Erza blinked at him, surprised by his easy acquiescence, but then smiled. "Good luck."
"Thanks."
Natsu hurried out the door. Erza watched him go, fervently hoping that those two would come to some sort of understanding already. Drifting over to where Lucy and Levy were swapping stories about their time outside the guild, she joined in the conversation.
They had only been chatting for a few minutes when a panicked man came running in, his eyes darting about frantically.
"Is something wrong?" Erza asked. "Can we help you?"
He focused his agitated gaze on her. "Do you have a fire mage and an ice mage in your guild?"
Erza steeled herself for the worst. "Yes. What did they do now?"
"They're fighting in the middle of the street," he said, wringing his hands together. "Everyone's already evacuated the area, but you should go stop them from killing each other."
Erza cursed under her breath. She had told Natsu to talk to Gray, not pick a fight. She wanted to believe that it was a good sign since it was a step back towards normalcy, but given how things had been going recently, this didn't seem like one of their normal fights.
"We'll go take care of it right now," she said. "We're very sorry for the trouble they've caused."
She headed outside, pausing briefly to ascertain where the two troublemakers must be—which wasn't difficult, since she could quite clearly see stray flames leaping into the sky a few streets away—and started running down the street towards the conflict. Lucy quickly caught up and ran by her side, and a few other guild members followed along as well. Apparently, she wasn't the only one concerned about the way things were going with Natsu and Gray.
And with that, Fairy Tail went on a mission to ensure the friendship and well-being of two of its members.
Natsu picked up Gray's scent without much trouble and followed it down the street at a quick clip. He didn't know what was up with Gray, but it was high time that they figured this out already.
He had been excited to see Gray after a year of being apart, but after they had wrapped up the mess with Avatar, Gray had withdrawn and shown none of the same enthusiasm at seeing Natsu again. He wasn't being hostile, wasn't being rude or disrespectful or angry, but he was so cold. With everyone else he was the same Gray as before, but with Natsu he had become distant. It wasn't so much that he had cut off their friendship, more like he had taken a step back. A huge step back. What had happened after Galuna had shifted the boundaries of their friendship and brought them closer together. Now Gray was firmly retracting that progress, restricting their friendship to a pale reflection of what it had once been. It was like Gray was saying that they could still be acquaintances but not best friends anymore, and Natsu didn't want that.
The other thing that worried Natsu was that Gray hadn't actually come out and said anything about any of this. His behavior was anything but normal, but he had given no direct acknowledgment that anything had changed. Neither of them had ever had a problem pointing out when there was an issue. If Gray was mad at Natsu, then he would pick a fight and they'd work things out that way. He had never before been so angry that he had completely ignored the problem and pretended like nothing was wrong, even as he pushed Natsu out of his life.
Natsu didn't know what the problem was, but he wanted his friend back right now. He didn't know what he had done wrong, but he'd do whatever it took to fix it.
He turned a corner and spotted Gray walking slowly down the street, his hands jammed in his pockets as he stared moodily at the ground.
"Hey! Ice princess!"
Gray's head snapped up, and he watched warily as Natsu bounded over. Annoyance and something unreadable briefly flashed across his face, but then he smoothed out his expression to polite indifference.
"What is it, Natsu?"
Natsu winced. Was it too much to ask for Gray to just call him 'flame brain' or 'squinty eyes' again?
"We need to talk," he said firmly.
Gray arched an eyebrow. Then he shrugged, turned, and started walking leisurely down the street again.
"Talk?" he asked with a faintly derisive air. "We don't talk."
Natsu scowled and took a few quick steps forward to catch up with Gray, before slowing down to match his friend's pace. "That's a lie and you know it."
Maybe they didn't always talk a lot about their feelings and such, but they would talk to each other if something important enough came up. Galuna Island and Gray's birthdays were proof enough of that.
"Maybe in the past that would be true," Gray said with a sigh. "But now? Now we don't talk."
And that was Natsu's fault how, exactly? Gray was the one who was shutting down the lines of communication.
Natsu growled in frustration. "But why?" he demanded. "What did I do that was so bad?"
"Nothing, Natsu," Gray said tiredly. "You did nothing."
"Why are you so mad at me, then?"
"Who said anything about being mad?"
"Well, certainly not you!" Natsu burst out, grabbing Gray's arm and forcing him to a stop. Gray looked briefly startled before his expression closed off again. "You keep acting like everything is okay, like nothing has changed, but something is definitely wrong. Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?"
They stared at each other, Gray impassive and Natsu trying to keep his raw desperation out of his face. Then Gray skillfully twisted away from Natsu and shook off his hand. He turned away and began walking down the street again.
"Why would anything be wrong?"
Natsu stared after him, hands hanging uselessly at his sides. Gray had just dismissed him like it was nothing. He didn't want to talk, didn't want to work things out. But Natsu did.
"Don't walk away from me!" he called after his friend, half angry and half desperate. He couldn't help but feel that if he let Gray walk away now, he would never really come back. Natsu wasn't ready to lose his best friend.
But Gray didn't even pause. "Why not?" he asked softly, his voice almost lost in the everyday noise of the streets. "You walked away first."
Natsu didn't know what that meant, but he couldn't just accept this. He had to stop Gray and figure out how to work things out. He needed a way to make Gray turn back around.
A flaming fist to the face should do quite nicely.
Gray sensed the attack a moment before Natsu's fist connected with his head, instinctively twisting out of the way.
"What the hell?" he griped.
Natsu swung again, and Gray simply swayed to the side to avoid his fist once more. Again and again, Gray dodged the attacks, backing up slowly and watching Natsu with a guarded expression. Usually, he would be fighting back and they would have a brawl. Now he wouldn't even deign to play along.
"When you're mad at me, you fight," Natsu snarled, narrowly missing Gray's face as he swung wildly with a flame-covered fist. "You don't walk away. You don't just stand there like I'm not worth the effort. You fight."
Gray's eyes darkened, and the anger he had been hiding flashed to the surface.
"Fight?" he asked, grabbing Natsu's fist as it hurtled towards his face. He twisted it sharply, making Natsu hiss in pain and hurriedly shake him off. "You want me to fight? Fine, then, let's fight."
Gray's magic flared in response to his anger, and he swung back at Natsu. Natsu wanted to think that this was a good thing, that it was better now that Gray wasn't trying to pretend everything was normal, but he also wasn't sure if this had been his smartest idea. He backed away from Gray's ferocious hail of attacks, wondering if he should look for a way to defuse the situation. But then Gray's fist connected with his nose, and all bets were off.
Soon the fight had escalated from a mostly straight-up fistfight to an all-out magical attack, with flames and ice flying everywhere. Natsu was vaguely aware of bystanders' panicked cries as they fled the scene, but he was too focused on Gray to care.
"Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?" he hissed, dodging a blast of ice and responding with a burst of fire that Gray neatly avoided.
"I don't want to talk to you."
"Yeah, I got that, thanks," he retorted sarcastically. "How am I supposed to fix things if I don't even know what I did wrong?"
"Maybe this doesn't need to be fixed," Gray snarled.
That gave Natsu pause, and he nearly got an icy fist to the face for his trouble. He dodged and gave Gray a hurt look. "You don't mean that."
Gray hesitated, and for a moment, the fight seemed to drain out of him. "I don't know what I mean right now," he said quietly.
But the moment passed quickly, because Natsu's fire was already on its way and Gray had to dance out of the way. When he looked back, his face was set and cold again.
"Why are you so mad?" Natsu demanded again.
"Who the hell cares?" Gray shot back, dodging another attack.
"I care!" Natsu burst out in frustration. "Why don't you see that I care?"
"Well, you picked a great time to start caring again now."
"What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? I've always cared!"
"Oh really? You really have some way of showing it."
Something inside Natsu snapped. "Why the hell are you so mad?" he yelled.
Fury flared in Gray's eyes, and Natsu could see the exact moment that something snapped inside him as well, the exact moment that Gray finally lost control and couldn't stop the words from pouring out.
"Because I needed you!" he shouted back. Natsu's eyes widened, and he was caught off guard when Gray's fist slammed into his stomach and sent him flying backwards. "I needed you, and you weren't here!"
"Gray…" Natsu breathed, still shocked by the outburst.
Gray advanced on him, eyes blazing and fists clenched, but his magic had died away and he didn't move to hit Natsu again. He stopped a few feet in front of where Natsu lay sprawled on the ground and glared down at him.
"I know you had your own issues to deal with, but a lot of stupid shit happened to me too, you know. You promised not to leave. I fucking begged you not to leave. But you left and Fairy Tail disbanded, and I had to deal with it all on my own. Memento Mori, Avatar, my father…"
He trailed off and averted his gaze, his fists slowly unclenching to hang limply by his sides. A sudden fear twisted Natsu's insides into knots.
"Did something happen with Memento Mori?" he demanded. Gray had taken that curse to save Natsu, but he had seemed alright afterwards. Had Natsu missed something? "And what about your father? Your father is…" …dead.
Gray closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. He didn't much look like he wanted to fight anymore. He just looked drained and empty, and a hint of sadness lingered in his eyes when he opened them again.
"It's not important," he said wearily. "It doesn't matter anymore."
He turned away, and Natsu hurriedly scrambled to his feet and grabbed his arm again. There was no way he would let Gray walk away after making a statement like that. Gray let out an irritated sigh and shook him off, but he turned back to face Natsu anyway.
"It's obviously important to you," Natsu countered, "and it definitely matters to me. Don't lie to me, Gray. I don't think you're okay."
Gray laughed harshly. "Oh really?" he asked, bitterness creeping back into his voice. "What gave it away?"
Natsu swallowed hard and looked away. "Look, you're right. I wasn't here, and I obviously should have been. I'm sorry, okay? I really am. And you have a right to be angry, but please don't shut me out again. You're hurting yourself by pretending that you're okay. Tell me, Gray. We have a lot of catching up to do. Tell me what happened."
He tried to keep the pleading note out of his voice, but Gray evidently picked up on it anyway, because his bitter irritation drained away and he just looked tired again. Even while he was angry, he couldn't take pleasure in the sight of his friends hurting.
"It was over a year ago. I've had time to adjust. It's not such a big deal anymore."
But apparently he was still angry enough not to open up and be honest, because that was a goddamn lie if ever there was one.
"Deliora killed your parents and Ur over ten years ago, and it's still a big deal," Natsu said. "It's okay to still be upset over something that happened a long time ago."
Pain twisted Gray's features at that, and Natsu recognized it. He could see all the old pain written across Gray's face, but there was something new as well. Natsu didn't know what that new hurt might be, but he'd be damned if he didn't figure it out.
Gray opened his mouth, but no reply was forthcoming. He stared at Natsu for a moment and then slowly closed his mouth, shaking his head helplessly. Natsu suddenly realized that despite whatever was holding him back, Gray wanted to talk. He wanted to let Natsu back in. But he also didn't seem to know exactly how to go about it, and Natsu had the sinking feeling that he knew why.
Gray had once told Natsu that he had originally kept his distance from the guild because he had been scared that if he cared about them too much, he would end up getting hurt again. And wasn't that exactly what he was doing now? He had come to rely on Natsu, but Natsu had left when Gray needed him the most. And that would have hurt. So Gray had blocked Natsu out again so that the next time something happened, he wouldn't run the risk of being let down again.
"I screwed up," Natsu said quietly. "I left when I should have stayed. But I'm here now, okay? I'm here. You're still my best friend. I still want to help. Please, Gray. Please let me help."
Gray wavered for a few seconds longer, but then he met Natsu's eyes and whatever he saw there seemed to convince him to give in.
"I don't–I don't even know where to start," he said miserably.
That didn't sound like an encouraging way to begin.
"Well, what did you mean about Memento Mori? I didn't think it really did much after you first collapsed. Did it…?"
"I suppose that's as good a place to start as any," Gray muttered. "Might as well get the little things out of the way first." Which also did not sound encouraging. His lips pressed together in a thin line, and his voice was quiet when he spoke again. "Natsu, do you remember what 'memento mori' means? It means 'memory of death'. And I died, didn't I?"
That was a rather ominous way to introduce the topic. Natsu very well remembered the mess after the Grand Magic Games. Gray had been quiet and unhappy after the issue with the Eclipse Gate had been resolved, and although he seemed to have rallied quickly, Natsu had had a lot of practice reading his moods by that point and could tell that he was still upset over something.
Natsu had bided his time—Gray would come when he was ready. But Gray had not come, and a couple of weeks passed without any acknowledgment of the problem whatsoever. Just as Natsu was beginning to wonder if he'd have to take more drastic measures after all, Gray had finally shown up on his doorstep one morning with a handful of job requests. Halfway through the trip, he told Natsu about how he had been killed by the dragonlings and how Ultear had sacrificed herself to turn back time for a single minute, saving his life.
That had been a hard conversation for both of them. It had worried Natsu because he hadn't seen Gray that upset in a long time. And although Gray didn't come out and say it, Natsu knew some part of him wished that Ultear hadn't cast the spell.
That frightened Natsu more than a little, because he remembered the things they had talked about on Gray's birthday. He knew there were still times when Gray would rather be dead if it meant that the people who had sacrificed themselves for him were still alive and well.
The other thing that had struck Natsu was how close he had come to losing Gray for good this time. Yes, Gray—and all the rest of them—had come very close to dying on many occasions, but this revelation had been more real. This time Gray actually had died. Close calls were common enough, but to know that Gray had actually died, that Natsu had been one minute away from losing him forever… That was terrifying.
And after Memento Mori had come hurtling at them, when the dust had cleared and Gray had collapsed under the weight of a curse meant to kill immortals, death had seemed very close then too.
Natsu's stomach turned over. "What did it do to you?"
Gray's mouth twisted into a faint grimace, and he glanced off to the side. "It didn't–it didn't really do anything, but…it kind of messed with my head. When it hit me, it made me relive my death. I thought it was over after that, but then the nightmares started. I was okay when they were just about my death, but then I started getting nightmares about everyone I cared about who died: my parents, Ur, my father, even Ultear, though she's not technically dead." Natsu puzzled over the double mention of Gray's father, but he was still more worried about Memento Mori. "And then I got nightmares about different kinds of ways everyone could die, kind of like after Galuna but not as focused on Deliora. And they weren't… They weren't normal nightmares. I don't know what that curse did, but it really screwed with my brain. But the effects kind of faded over time. They were only bad for the first few months. It's not so bad now."
Natsu stared at Gray, a nauseous feeling curling in his stomach. "Like Galuna? You were a mess after Galuna."
Gray pursed his lips and stared at the ground. "Yeah, well. I figured it out."
That was neither reassuring nor made Natsu feel any better. "You said this went on for months?"
Gray shrugged dismissively. "On and off. The first couple of weeks were the worst. It started getting better after that."
"I saw how upset you were after Galuna. This was worse than you're letting on, wasn't it?"
Gray sighed through his nose. "Maybe a little."
Which spoke volumes, really, because even that statement sounded watered down, which meant that things had been a lot worse than Gray was saying.
"Damn, I should have been here. I should have… I'm sorry. I was really freaked out when the curse hit you, but I thought you were alright. You took Memento Mori to protect me, and I didn't even double-check to make sure that you were okay after. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
But even though it was stupid for Natsu to blame himself for something that in truth really wasn't his fault, he still felt bad that it had happened.
Gray could obviously read the regret in his eyes. "Don't look at me like that. You know better than to blame yourself for stupid crap that isn't your fault. It's not like there was anything else you could have done—if the curse had hit you, then you would be dead. And honestly, you don't have to hold my hand every time I have a nightmare. I can handle nightmares."
"But you shouldn't have to handle them on your own anymore." Natsu had had his reasons for leaving after Tartaros and he felt like those reasons were justified, but in running off to deal with his grief he had abandoned Gray to his own problems, and he hadn't meant for that to happen. "I was here for you last time, and I should have been here again."
He half expected some sign of agreement or another acerbic comment about how he had left despite his promise, but Gray just shrugged, apparently unwilling to pursue that topic again.
"It doesn't matter. That was the least of my problems, really, and everything with Avatar helped distract me anyway."
"Least of your…? You know what, tell me about Avatar first."
Gray's lips flattened and something cold entered his eyes, but his sudden shift in attitude didn't seem to be directed at Natsu this time.
"There's not much to tell."
Or maybe it was.
"Don't do this again," Natsu pleaded "I know I screwed up by leaving, but don't shut down on me again."
Gray shook his head. "This isn't about me being mad at you. I'm just not ready to talk about Avatar yet. It was a dark guild, Natsu—they weren't nice people. In order to get in with them, I had to get them to trust me. I had to do things that I…normally wouldn't do, and they did things to me that I don't really want to think about right now."
He swallowed hard and looked at the ground, shame and misery flickering in his eyes. Natsu opened his mouth to demand more details because he definitely didn't like that look, but Gray talked over him.
"And being in a dark guild is just really toxic," Gray continued, his tone conversational and no-nonsense once more as he shrugged off whatever it was that still haunted him about the experience. "It was stressful and uncomfortable and, quite frankly, pretty terrifying at times since I saw what they did to suspected traitors. But it was also important work, and I don't regret taking that mission."
Natsu stared at him wordlessly, his mind churning. He didn't know what Avatar had done to Gray or what they had made him do, but it wasn't a good sign that he was refusing to give any details.
"They didn't, like, make you kill anyone or anything like that, did they?"
"What?" Gray's eyes widened, and he recoiled a half-step. "No. I was committed to the mission, but not that committed." He shook his head fitfully. "God, Natsu. Don't I already have enough blood on my hands?"
Natsu's heart twisted painfully, and it didn't help that he noticed Gray involuntarily make that dry-washing motion with his hands again. Natsu was about to tell him to stop, but Gray caught himself and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
If Gray wasn't ready to talk, he wasn't going to talk. He did that sometimes, where he wouldn't want to talk immediately after something had happened but would seek Natsu out a few days or weeks later, like after the Games. But Natsu also knew that their friendship was on the rocks right now, so he wasn't sure that Gray actually would come to him if he needed help. He felt that he should at least try one more time, because he wasn't sure if this was his last chance.
"Gray–"
"Not right now, Natsu," Gray said firmly. "I don't want to talk about it."
Natsu sighed in defeat. "Then… What was it you were saying about your father?"
Pain flashed across Gray's face like lightning, and Natsu immediately knew that something was very, very wrong.
"Natsu, one of the Demon Gates…" Gray trailed off as his voice wavered dangerously, and he took a deep breath in preparation to try again. "One of the Demon Gates was a necromancer."
Yeah, Natsu did vaguely recall something about a necromancer. Keyes, was it? That creepy guy Juvia had taken out. He still didn't know what that had to do with someone who had been dead for–
His eyes widened. "There's no way," he said, stunned. "That's impossible. Tell me that you aren't saying what I think you're saying."
He searched Gray's face for any sign that this wasn't as bad as he thought it was, but Gray just stared back sorrowfully, his eyes clouded with unshed tears.
"You remember when you said that one of them smelled like me? That was–that was–"
"No," Natsu whispered.
He remembered that man, the one who had smelled like Gray, the one who had shown him and Lisanna the barest of kindnesses when the other demons treated them like trash. He remembered how Gray had mentioned his father when he had shown up to help fight Mard Geer. He had meant to ask Gray about it, but then Igneel had…Igneel had died, and Natsu had been too caught up in his own grief to really worry about his friend.
"You aren't the only one who lost your father again," Gray said brokenly.
"Your father…was one of the Demon Gates?" Natsu asked, still trying to process that.
Gray swiped the back of his hand across his eyes and stared vacantly at a point somewhere off to Natsu's left. "Yeah. But he wasn't a demon. I mean, he pretended to be, at first." He let out a choked laugh. "He told me–he told me he was Deliora, actually. But I've faced that demon before and I watched it die, and I knew it wasn't true. I knew he was my father, but he was still–still an enemy, so I fought him anyway."
Gray looked back at Natsu with haunted eyes, and his tears finally spilled over. A slight movement caught Natsu's attention, and he glanced down to see Gray rubbing his hands together again, furiously this time, so hard that Natsu almost expected to see him rub the skin right off.
"And I killed him."
Natsu's head jerked up, and he met Gray's eyes once more. Gray's entire body was shaking, and his eyes were filled with so much raw pain that it hurt to look at.
"No," Natsu breathed. Gray would never ever forgive himself for that.
"I didn't kill the necromancer, but it didn't matter," Gray said, his words as sharp and jagged as knives. "My magic didn't work, but I–I threw a metal ball through his chest. When he asked me to just finish him off, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, but it didn't matter because I killed him all the same.
"And that was bad enough. It was terrible to think that I had to take out my father because he was our enemy, because he had somehow become evil enough to work with demons." Gray let out a strangled sob and tore his hands apart long enough to cover his face. "But it was so much worse than that."
Natsu couldn't imagine any way things could possibly be worse than that, and he wasn't sure that if such a way existed, he wanted to hear about it. He had been enough of a mess watching Igneel die, but at least he hadn't had to fight him. He hadn't had to feel like he was killing him.
"Because he wasn't!" Gray wailed.
He swayed slightly as if his knees might give out, and Natsu stepped forward to wrap his arms around him. Gray leaned on him heavily and dropped his head to hide his face in Natsu's shoulder. Natsu could already feel tears seeping through the fabric.
"He wasn't evil, he hadn't been turned into a demon, he hadn't wanted to work with Tartaros. He hated Tartaros. That goddamn necromancer found his body after Deliora–after Deliora… And he just used his damned magic to raise him up. And my father ended up learning devil slayer magic. Do you know why, Natsu?"
Natsu shook his head soundlessly, even though Gray couldn't see him. He tightened his grip even further, as if he could protect Gray from the world if only he could hold him close enough.
"Because he hated demons so much," Gray whispered. "Because he knew my mother had been killed by one and because he thought–he thought that I had been too. He learned devil slayer magic to kill demons in revenge for what they did to me and my mother, but I wasn't even dead. I wasn't even–
"All this time… All this time he thought I was dead, and he was miserable and hunted demons because that's all he could do, and I didn't know! I didn't know. I was so messed up after Deliora, and this whole time he was the same way. I don't want to think that he hurt as much as I did, Natsu. I don't want to think that anyone else could hurt that much."
Natsu held on to Gray and cried silently. He didn't want Gray to hurt that much either. He wished he could fix it, but he didn't know how.
"In the end, we just waited for the necromancer to die because I couldn't–I couldn't make myself give the killing blow," Gray added in a low, tear-choked voice. "But I couldn't think of a single thing to say. There was so much I could have told him, so much I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't make myself say any of it. And then he gave me his magic and was gone. He was just…gone. Again."
Natsu shuddered. That sounded much too similar to his own experience with Igneel's death. He had just found his father again after so many years of searching and there had been so much he wanted to say, but instead Igneel had died right in front of him, and there was nothing Natsu could do about it. He didn't have the time to tell Igneel any of the things he wanted to, and it had hurt.
"But he was already dead, really," Gray choked out. "He died when Deliora ripped my home apart, and I mourned for him then. I already mourned for everyone I lost back then, and now I have to mourn all over again. Just when I finally thought I was getting better…
"I was finally getting better, Natsu. I still hurt, I was still sad, but I had Fairy Tail and I had you, and you were helping me finally start letting go. But then you left and Fairy Tail disbanded and everything came back to haunt me again, and I couldn't–I couldn't handle it."
Gray jerked back suddenly, startling Natsu into letting him go. "It never ends, does it?"
Natsu didn't like the sound of that. "What?" he asked thickly.
Gray waved his hands in the air in a vague gesture. "Any of it. I know I've screwed up, I know I'm not always a great person, but why won't it stop? Every time I think I'm getting better, something else always happens. I just keep losing people. Some of them I've even managed to lose more than once. And it felt like I lost you and Fairy Tail too, and it was just like before, when Deliora took everything from me. It felt like it did then, when everyone I loved was gone and I had nothing left."
That was the moment when it finally struck Natsu why Gray was so upset. He remembered what Gray had said when they talked on his birthday after Galuna: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But everyone I loved was dead and I had nothing left and I had no reason to live, and I wanted to die…I don't always want to die anymore, but I don't always want to live either."
Natsu stared at Gray, horrified. He hadn't known. If he had known what had happened, if he had known this was how Gray would feel, he would never have left, no matter how broken up he was about Igneel. He suddenly felt sick, wondering how close he had come to pushing Gray over that edge again.
He needed to say something to make this right, but when he opened his mouth, a different thought sprang to his lips. "Your birthday must have been so bad last year."
Gray's gaze slid away from his face. "Yeah."
"As bad as after Galuna?"
"Worse. Much worse."
"I'm sorry," Natsu said brokenly, heedless of his own tears. "I didn't know. If I'd known, then I wouldn't have left. I'm so, so sorry."
"Don't cry, Natsu. What did I tell you about the crying?"
"Not to do it."
He rubbed at his eyes and tried to pull himself together, but he knew Gray could still read the regret written across his face.
"It's okay, Natsu," Gray said tiredly. "Erza came to see me about infiltrating Avatar shortly afterwards, and it gave me something to focus on other than…all that." He pursed his lips. "And really, after everything I did, it almost felt like I belonged in Avatar anyway."
Natsu frowned. Gray was hardly evil and had nothing in common with dark mages. The only reason he might feel as if he belonged in Avatar—deserved to be in Avatar—was if…
"You're nothing like them," Natsu said harshly. "And you sure as hell didn't deserve to be stuck with them, no matter what you may have had to do in the past. And you especially don't deserve it because of what happened with your father. You're better than that. Whatever they did to you… Don't you dare think that you deserved it."
Gray just stared at him expressionlessly, as if his earlier outburst had left him drained of emotion. He shrugged.
"It doesn't matter. If nothing else, Avatar took my mind off things. And then you showed up and now everyone's back together and everything's okay again."
"That's not true, and you know it."
Gray shrugged. "Well, it's going to have to be."
"You're not okay, Gray. I know that part of it is my fault, but… Why didn't you just tell me? If you had told me, then I wouldn't have left."
Gray drew himself up to his full height, eyes flashing. Natsu was almost glad Gray was angry again because at least he wasn't so flat or sad anymore, but he also didn't know what to make of the sudden mood swing.
"Why didn't I tell you?" Gray repeated. "When did I have time to tell you? First we were fighting a goddamn demon, which isn't exactly a great time to be like, 'hey, by the way, I just killed my zombie father. Just thought you should know'. And then we were doing all the cleanup and taking care of the aftermath. And then you just left without saying anything. Tell me, Natsu, when could we have had that conversation?"
Natsu wilted, still feeling bad about the whole situation. "Okay, you're right. That's my fault. But couldn't you have at least told someone else so that you weren't dealing with it all alone? I'm sure you could have talked to someone before everyone went their separate ways. And weren't you with Juvia for a while? Why didn't you just talk to her?"
Gray was already shaking his head. "Juvia was the one who killed the necromancer, which is what…released my father. She already felt terrible about that. There was no way I was going to have another breakdown about my father and make her feel even worse. And besides, I didn't need Juvia. I needed you.
"You were the one who snapped me out of it on Galuna. You were the one who hunted me down afterwards and wouldn't leave me alone until I told you what was wrong. You were the one who agreed to go on a stupid road trip with me and tracked me down on my birthday to figure out why I was upset. You were the one who I told all this stuff to, the only one who knew.
"The others don't even know that I'm so screwed up, Natsu. That's my fault, because I never told them. But don't you see? You were the only one who knew. You were the only one who understood. Don't you see why it had to be you?"
Natsu opened his mouth, needing to say something to defuse the situation, but Gray kept right on talking, his voice rising in volume.
"But you just left. God, at least Lucy got a note, not that that's much better. She was really upset over it, and you owe her an apology. But at least she got something. You didn't bother telling me that you were leaving, note or otherwise. You didn't even say anything to me. I thought we were friends!"
"Of course we're friends," Natsu said, hurt that that would even be called into question. He grimaced and dropped his gaze to the ground. "I left Lucy a note because I wasn't sure she would get it. I didn't leave you one because I thought… I thought you'd understand without it."
A long pause stretched between them. Natsu stared at his feet and tried to figure out how he had misjudged the situation so terribly, how he had managed to screw everything up.
"I did," Gray said finally, his voice quiet. Natsu looked up quickly. All of Gray's anger had disappeared, and now he just looked tired and sad again. "At first I was shocked and upset, but when I thought about it, I wasn't even that surprised anymore. And I do understand. I know how upset you were about Igneel, and I'm not surprised you needed some space and did your training thing again."
He tilted his head downward so that his hair shadowed his face. "That's why I didn't want to fight you. That's why I didn't tell you I was upset. Because I felt bad that I was mad about something that wasn't really your fault, and I knew it wasn't fair to you. I thought that it would go away on its own eventually, that I'd get over it without ever having to have this conversation with you. I know you were hurting too and had your own problems to deal with. I'm just being selfish."
Natsu didn't want Gray to think it was selfish of him to want help or companionship. He didn't want Gray to think that he didn't have the right to come to Natsu when he was unhappy or confront him when he was upset.
"Maybe. But maybe I was being selfish too, running off without saying a word to anyone. I know I left and ended up breaking my promise, but I was always going to come back, Gray. I was never going to leave for good."
"I know," Gray said quietly. He glanced up again, a melancholy look on his face as he met Natsu's gaze. "I really was happy to see you again," he added in a small voice. "I missed you."
"I missed you too," Natsu said wistfully. He hesitated a moment. "Gray?" Gray arched an eyebrow in question, so Natsu pressed on uncertainly. "You didn't–you didn't really mean it earlier, did you? When you said that we didn't need to fix things?"
Gray frowned and didn't reply immediately. The silence made Natsu nervous. After all of this, he didn't think he could bear it if Gray really thought their friendship wasn't worth saving.
"Remember when you told me that you used to think some things were too broken to fix?" Natsu asked, a hint of desperation creeping into his voice. "And then you said that you didn't really think that anymore? Can't we fix this?"
Gray sighed. "I said that because it was what you needed to hear. And maybe because it was what I needed to hear too."
Natsu felt like the air got knocked out of him all at once, and he clenched his fists uselessly. "Gray, you don't really think–"
Gray shook his head, and Natsu broke off.
"I think it's very possible that some things are just too broken to fix. I might be one of them, but I don't think our friendship is."
Natsu was relieved that Gray wanted to give their friendship another try, but it worried him that it sounded like Gray was giving up on himself.
"You're not," he said. "Give me a chance. I was doing a pretty good job up until the whole Tartaros thing. I can do this."
Gray hesitated, debating whether or not to say something, but then sighed. "Well, if we're going to fix things, then that needs to be the first thing we correct."
Natsu frowned in confusion. "What?"
"Look," Gray said, considering his words carefully. "It's true that I was upset you left, but that's not the only reason."
"What else did I do?" Natsu asked apprehensively, his mind racing to find any other possible reason that Gray might be mad at him.
But Gray didn't look angry right now. He just looked sad.
"I needed you, Natsu, but why didn't you need me?"
Natsu's mind ground to a halt. "What?"
Gray slouched down, and his gaze dropped to the ground. "I saw what happened to Igneel. I've been watching out for you every year around his disappearance and any time I've noticed that you're missing him. I've done it for years. You think I didn't know you were devastated? You think that I wasn't devastated? I went with you on some of your quests to look for him. I wanted you to find him. And when you finally did find him after all those years, he died right in front of you.
"If I stood by you through all that, why did you think I wouldn't want to be there for you through this too?"
Natsu stared at him, stunned, and his eyes slowly filled with tears that he tried to blink away. Even after everything, Gray was still more worried about Natsu than about himself.
"I needed you too," Natsu admitted, his unshed tears obscuring his view of his friend. "I guess I just didn't… I don't even know."
Gray shrugged. "I guess maybe I'm being presumptuous. I was pretty torn up at that point too, so maybe I wouldn't have been that much help. I guess I just thought that maybe it would be better if we did it together instead of trying to handle everything by ourselves."
The indirect reminder of what had happened to Gray's father snapped Natsu out of his daze, and he forced back the tears at the corners of his eyes and smoothed out his expression. This really wasn't the time or place to mourn for Igneel again. Gray was still upset too, and he needed Natsu. Natsu had screwed up and left him behind before, and right now he owed it to his friend to be there for him.
"It's okay, I–"
"Natsu," Gray interrupted. Natsu immediately broke off and regarded his friend apprehensively. "It's okay to be sad."
"Well, yeah, but right now we're talking about you and–"
"You still don't get it," Gray broke in. "Look, you know how you just started talking about fixing me again? That's what you've been trying to do ever since Galuna. Once you found out how messed up I was, you started this…mission to fix me. And I appreciate it, really, and maybe I need that. But Natsu, what good does it do if you don't let me return the favor?"
Natsu stared at him blankly. "I don't understand."
Gray smiled faintly. "I know you don't, but if you want to fix things between us, then this is something you're going to have to understand. You know how when we talked on my birthday you said that you felt like a terrible friend? How am I not supposed to feel that way too in this situation?"
Natsu opened his mouth to protest, but subsided when Gray's eyes flared with sudden irritation. Maybe he should hear his friend out and save his comments until the end.
"You've been trying so hard to fix me that you sometimes forget that I was looking out for you first," Gray said. "I've been 'fixing' you since before you even knew there was anything wrong with me. You're always so careful to look for signs that I'm getting unhappy again, and you're stubborn as hell until I tell you what's wrong. Since Galuna, I've come to you about everything major that goes on, or you've come to me."
Gray sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "And yeah, we still go on jobs and things around the anniversary of Igneel's disappearance or when I can tell that you're missing him, but when something major finally happened, you ran away. It's like I'm allowed to help you when anything minor is going on, but all bets are off when it's actually important.
"And I get it, to an extent. I know that I scared you half to death with what I almost did on Galuna and freaked you out with some of the things I said afterwards. God knows if you said even half of that stuff to me, I would put you on an around-the-clock suicide watch." He snorted, but Natsu could tell that he was only half joking. "But it's not necessary, really. You seem to think that I'm going to break again if you so much as breathe on me wrong. I'm pretty screwed up, but I'm not usually as fragile as you think I am.
"You're right that I have a lot more problems than you do. I'm a lot more broken, a lot more scared, a lot more depressed at times. But Natsu, that doesn't mean you need to hide all of your own problems so that you can take care of mine. Remember, I handled watching out for you long before you started this mission of yours, and I did fine.
"I appreciate everything you've done for me, but don't you understand yet? It's not supposed to be about fixing me. This is supposed to be about both of us. Not letting me do my part only makes me feel worse about everything. Things were okay before because I could still tell when you were upset and we could take care of it together, but… You left this time, Natsu. I was supposed to be there for you when something that devastating happened, but you left. Why? Why didn't you trust me to help you like you helped me?"
He fell silent and stared at Natsu forlornly, and the dragon slayer's eyes widened as all the pieces finally started falling into place.
"Oh," he said.
He had been concerned because Gray was resetting the boundaries of their relationship, but now he could see that in Gray's eyes, Natsu was the one who had restricted the boundaries. Natsu was the one who had left as soon as something major happened, effectively saying that it wasn't Gray's place to help.
Friendships were two-way streets. Natsu had harassed Gray until he finally opened up and let him in, and Gray had expected a measure of the same from him. For a time, it had been alright because Natsu had been there for Gray all the times he'd fallen into depressive phases and Gray had been there for Natsu any time he was upset about Igneel or anything else. There had been a balance of sorts. Sure, Gray was usually the one who needed more comforting, but that was because he had a lot more insecurities and guilt, and his past had come back to haunt him more than once.
For the most part, nothing too major had happened to Natsu, but Gray would have expected to be there for him if it did. And then something major had happened, and instead of going to Gray like he should have, Natsu had left instead. If Gray didn't think that Natsu trusted him when it counted, then no wonder he hadn't wanted to tell him anything important once he had finally come back. Gray would have felt that if he didn't have the right to comfort Natsu when the dragon slayer most needed him, then he didn't have the right to expect any comfort from Natsu either.
Gray might have ended up restricting the boundaries even more afterwards, but he wasn't the one who had reduced their bond to a mere acquaintanceship—Natsu was. He hadn't realized he'd been doing it, he hadn't meant to do it, but the damage had been done all the same.
"I think I understand," he said quietly. "Gray, I'm sorry."
Gray dropped his eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry too, flame brain."
Natsu started in surprise, and then felt a smile work its way across his face. "Been a long time since I've heard that."
Gray looked up and offered him a half-smile in return. It was still a little sad, still a little hurt, but it was there.
"There must be stranger things to miss, but I can't think of many."
"Ha, you'd miss it too if I stopped calling you by nicknames."
Gray's eyes dimmed. "Sorry."
Natsu bit his lip. He didn't want to make Gray feel bad again.
"It's okay. Hey, maybe we should go on a job after this?" he suggested uncertainly, not sure how the offer would be taken now that things were different.
"We're too busy now. We still need to rebuild the guild and find Jii-chan."
"We could make it a short job," Natsu wheedled.
Gray snorted. "Try explaining that to Erza."
"Erza can be reasonable," Natsu said. Gray arched an eyebrow. "Well, okay, she might not be too happy about having us run off for no apparent reason, but–"
Natsu paused and took a couple of steps to the left so that Gray wasn't blocking his view anymore. He had been vaguely aware that all of the bystanders had fled when he and Gray had started fighting, and he had assumed the streets had stayed empty.
"Hey, you know how I told you that one day you were gonna have to tell everyone else about all the stuff that's been going on with you?"
Gray's eyes narrowed warily. "Why?"
Natsu nodded at a point behind Gray. Gray blinked at him and then spun around.
"Oh, hell," he said. "How long have they been there?"
Natsu didn't know how he had missed half of Fairy Tail standing on the sidewalk nearby. Erza was in the front, a shell-shocked look splashed across her face. Lucy was hugging Happy tightly to her chest, and Levy had latched on to one of her arms. All of them were teary-eyed. Even Loke had materialized on Lucy's other side, eyes hidden behind his tinted glasses. Juvia looked like she had been bawling silently, and Cana had even abandoned her booze to look on with a distraught expression. Wendy clutched Charle and looked like she had been crying as well, and Mira stood nearby with her hands pressed over her mouth as Lisanna hovered by her side. Even Gajeel, Laxus, and the Raijinshuu were there, all with varying degrees of horror and unease written on their faces.
"I…don't know," Natsu admitted. Although judging by all the tears, he suspected they had probably witnessed at least part of Gray's story about his father.
Gray gave him a disbelieving look. Natsu thought he might be starting to regret his flippant comment about the suicide watch right about now.
"How in the world did you not see them?" he demanded.
"You didn't see them either!"
"I was facing the opposite direction. You were looking right at them."
"Sorry, I guess I was a little bit distracted," Natsu said sheepishly.
Gray shook his head. "I don't know why you couldn't just ambush me at my apartment like usual instead of accosting me in the middle of the street. Some things never change. Good to know you're still an oblivious idiot at heart."
Natsu smirked. "Maybe, but you love me anyway."
He had thought the teasing would be acceptable now that they were no longer overtly upset with each other, but Gray's face immediately fell. Natsu's heart sank. Maybe they weren't as close to fixing things as he had hoped. He wanted to smack himself in the face when Gray's eyes slowly filled with tears.
"Yeah," Gray said, his voice wavering slightly.
Natsu froze and had to fight the urge to start bawling. Instead, he let his eyes drift back towards the rest of Fairy Tail.
"And you love them too," he said past the lump in his throat.
"Yeah," Gray said again in a small voice.
"I know you don't want to see them hurting because of you, but we knew this was going to have to happen eventually. It's the same thing you were just talking about with me—you've spent so long trying to help them, but you never let them have the same opportunity. That's not very fair, is it?"
Gray shook his head reluctantly, but he still didn't look pleased at this turn of events.
"You did help them, didn't you?" Natsu pressed.
Gray hesitated and glanced back at them, biting his lip.
"Come on, Gray," Natsu insisted. "You already told me this. You've been looking out for them ever since you joined Fairy Tail. You took care of them instead of taking care of yourself. Isn't that what you said? That needs to change."
Gray still looked torn, but the others were finally shaking off their stunned stupor.
"Well, he was my first real friend at the guild," Cana said. "And goodness knows he's stuck by me a long time. He's always getting me out of trouble." She eyed him sadly and added, "I didn't know."
Gray winced and looked away.
"Funny, but he ended up looking out for me too," Loke said. "I don't know how he could tell how guilty I felt or how he always seemed to know when I was the unhappiest, but he did." He set his lips in a thin line. "I didn't know much of anything either."
Gray hunched his shoulders.
"He was always making sure I was okay after Lisanna…after we thought that Lisanna was dead," Mira said tearfully, grabbing onto her younger sister and holding her tightly. "And I had no idea."
Gray swallowed hard and clenched his hands into fists, digging his fingernails into his palms.
"He was one of my first friends in the guild besides Natsu and Happy," Lucy said, swiping at her eyes. "He always made me feel welcome and looked out for me. And even though I saw some of what happened on Galuna, I didn't know it was this bad."
Gray shifted uncomfortably and shuffled a half-step back.
"Gray-sama made Juvia's rain stop," Juvia added, her voice almost a wail. "She knew that Gray-sama was upset about his father, but she did not realize he was hiding it to protect her!" She buried her face in her hands, tears leaking out from between her fingers.
Gray grimaced and tilted his head away, his hair falling into his eyes.
"He was my first friend at Fairy Tail too," Erza said softly. She narrowed her eyes and glanced away in a bid to stop the tears from escaping. "He was so annoying at first, but then he found me crying down by the river and sat with me so that I didn't have to be alone. Maybe I could tell that something was bothering him from time to time, but not like this. I never knew this."
Gray flinched back and wrung his hands helplessly.
"He sure was annoying when I first met him," Natsu said quietly. "But he always seemed to know when I was down and lonely, and he'd do what he could. He was the best friend I ever had. I knew a lot more than everyone else, but there's a lot that I didn't know until today."
Gray made a strangled sound in the back of his throat and covered his face with his hands.
Natsu hadn't heard most of these stories until today, but he couldn't say that he was surprised. Gray hadn't been kidding when he said that he always ended up looking after other people instead of taking care of himself. He just needed to learn that it was okay to let other people return the favor.
"I told you, we want to be there for you in the good times and the bad. I know that you don't want to see us upset, but surely by now you must realize that this is what friends are for. You celebrated with us when we were happy and comforted us when we were sad. Let us do the same for you."
Gray dropped his hands and looked up. His face was streaked with tears.
"I–I don't–" He broke off and shook his head.
"You can take some time to go on a job or two if that's what you need," Erza said quietly. "But first… Won't you let us help you? You've done so much, Gray. It's our turn, but we won't know what to do unless you tell us what's wrong."
Gray looked at her and then switched his gaze back to Natsu, as if asking him for help.
"You know I wouldn't normally press you on this, but…this is important," Natsu said. "I think it's time."
Gray stared at him miserably. "I wouldn't even know where to start."
"You don't have to tell them all the details of everything." Natsu was sure there were things Gray had said, things about life and death, for example, that he wasn't ready to share with the others yet. And that was okay, because this was just a start. "But they need to know the basics. Tell them about how you weren't doing so well for the past several years. Tell them about what happened on Galuna and the aftermath. I'm going to assume that you didn't tell them about everything with your death?"
Gray shook his head and averted his gaze. "Juvia knows some of it since she was there, but I never told her about Ultear."
"Then tell them about your death and what happened to Ultear. And for God's sake, Gray, tell them about your birthday."
Gray's eyes snapped back to his face, and Natsu could read the reluctance there.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Gray said. "You didn't take it very well."
"Of course I didn't take it well," Natsu said grimly. "I don't think there is a way to take it well. But they deserve to know, don't they?"
Gray hesitated, and Natsu could tell that he was wavering on the brink, half inclined to walk away and half inclined to stay and share.
"Tell them," he urged gently.
This was the moment of truth, so to speak. Either Gray would speak up now or the moment would be lost. And it concerned Natsu for more selfish reasons as well, because he thought that Gray's choice might reflect something about the state of their friendship right now. If a scene like this had played out a year ago, he thought that he could have convinced Gray to tell the others what was going on. Gray had listened to him. Natsu wasn't sure if Gray was quite ready to go back to that kind of relationship yet.
"It's okay," he said. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
"Sometimes promises are made to be broken," Gray said. He didn't sound angry or accusatory, just sad and apprehensive.
Natsu bit his lip, knowing that he didn't have the best track record here.
"You said that you knew I always meant to come back even though I left?" he asked. Gray nodded wordlessly. "That's a promise. I didn't come out and say it, but you knew it anyway. Who knows? Maybe there will be times when I have to leave, so maybe that's not a promise I can keep. But I can promise that even if I have to leave, I'll always come back for you."
Gray swallowed and looked away, blinking back tears.
"I'm here right now. I know it's scary. I know it's something that you've dreaded for a long time. But I'm here, okay? You're not gonna have to do it alone. And that is one of the things you're scared of, isn't it? You've lost so many people and felt lonely for so long that you don't really want to be alone again, no matter what you've tried to tell yourself. But look at them, Gray. Look at them."
Natsu nudged Gray to get him to look back at the gathering of their friends, all watching with concern. "What happened after Tartaros is a fluke. I'll be damned if we all split up like that again. You're not going to be alone. We're still a family, and family comes with promises built in."
Natsu held his breath as Gray stared at him. He needed Gray to understand, needed Gray to let him back in so that they could figure things out together this time. What he really needed was just some sign that Gray was going to forgive him.
Gray seemed frozen in place as well, but then he slowly edged a couple of hesitant steps towards Natsu. His body radiated tension and he had an uncertain, vulnerable look plastered across his face, as though he still wasn't sure if he was allowed to ask Natsu for help again.
Natsu wrapped an arm around him and tugged him closer. Noticing that Gray's hands were trembling, he grasped one in his own free hand to make it stop. Gray stared wordlessly at their joined hands, and Natsu waited to see whether the effort would be accepted or rejected.
Then Gray let out his breath in a shuddering sigh and leaned against Natsu. He tightened his grip on Natsu's hand, hanging on to it like a lifeline. He glanced up, and their eyes met. Natsu could tell that he was still hurting, still sad, still frightened at the prospect of facing the others. But then he inclined his head in the barest hint of a nod, and Natsu knew that things were going to be alright. Gray looked back to where the rest of Fairy Tail waited with sad and worried faces.
And, taking a deep breath and clinging to Natsu for support, he finally told them his story.
emmahoshi: Yeah, you're right that this idea was originally listed on my profile as a future standalone project, but then I decided to tack it onto this verse instead. Your comments are, as always, appreciated. In answer to your inquiry, no, I didn't take a class to learn how to write. I'm hardly an expert so I don't know if I'm really qualified to give advice here, but if you really are looking to improve your writing, then I suggest practicing a lot and reading a lot. Pick something you care about to write, and play around with the words, dialogue, and descriptions. Anyway, good luck with your writing and thanks again for all the reviews :)
