Reminiscing
Curling up on the couch, Peter was lost in his own world, so Elizabeth let her mind wonder in the comfort of her husband's arms.
She had worked through some of her memories from the attack, but she still had some scenes to face.
Skipping through the parts where she was told that Peter and Neal were being taken to the hospital, through the terror of being told that they were certainly going to die, she decided to pick back up at the heartbreaking point where she was forced to try and sleep through the night knowing that they might not make it through 'till the morning.
Unable to reach a restful sleep, Elizabeth spent the night in a mixture of tears and dreadful nightmares where Peter and Neal were already dead, or breathing their last while she was not with them.
In the morning, she insisted on going to the hospital. If Peter was going to die, then she wanted to be with him for every moment possible.
Day after day, she went in when the visiting hours started, and was practically drug back to the safe house when the day ended. The comas continued to keep their decline at a reduced pace, but they were still dying despite the doctors best efforts. Each day, she had to go through the horror of watching her friend and beloved husband die a little more, with no hope that they would make it through.
Then one day, she was numbly running her fingers through Peter's hair. She couldn't cry as she had worn herself out and the words were too many to express. He was barely alive with nothing more than machines running his body… there was nothing left, but the shell of her husband.
Suddenly, the nurse came into the room and requested she go to the hall. Something was going on, so Elizabeth fought to be by her husband's side in those last moments. Two more staff came and took her out where she collapsed in shocked silence. She was too numb to even mourn for her husband.
Eventually, she regained her focus to find herself lying on a bed in the neighboring room. Looking around, she was surprised to see the doctor smiling at her. "Before you say anything Mrs. Burke, I have tentatively good news. Their numbers are rising, and they show signs of waking up soon. Despite the odds, your husband and his friend seem to be pulling through."
Overcome, Elizabeth collapsed. To be pulled from such depths of despair, to discovering hope, was too much for her to take at the moment. What if they were to relapse and die, just when she was finally hoping they might survive? Her mind did the best thing it could at the time, it shut off, and she fainted.
When she regained consciousness, the doctor ordered Diana and Jones take her home to clean up and rest for a little bit. He would remain by Peter and Neal's sides as he waited for them to wake up, and when they did, he would contact them immediately.
Elizabeth was taken to see Peter and Neal before she left to go back to the safe house.
Chuck was holed away in his room as he tried to use the Intersect to make any further headway on the case, Sarah was out with Theo as they worked street contacts, Casey was guarding Peter and Elizabeth, and this all meant that Neal was alone in his apartment.
Taking the reprieve, Neal pulled the box closer to his chair where he could start looking through the messages from his parents. With thirty years worth of missed mail, it would take him some time to read it all. Keeping that in mind, he decided to start with his baby book as that was where it had all begun.
Turning the pages, it took him a while to read it through. It had started out in anxious excitement as his mother had kept a journal of the party plans and all of her aspirations for her second child.
This weekend we are going to have a party to tell your big brother, Peter, and the rest of the family of your impending arrival. Although we don't know if you are going to be a boy or a girl yet, there is no doubt that you are going to be a highly anticipated addition to our family.
Based on how their first weekend together had gone, Neal could generally imagine what it would have been like for his expected arrival to be announced. His mother would have had tears of joy that he was coming, his father would have ignored the financial burden for the sheer joy of another child, and his brother would have begun imagining games that they could play together as he grew up.
For a moment, his mind suddenly had doubts. James had been experiencing financial difficulty when he chose to starting skimming off of the top at busts. Would Isaac have eventually been driven to take extreme measures as well, or was that simply an excuse that James used to try and get away with his crimes? Shaking his head, Neal tried to get the growing fears out of his mind. Isaac wasn't James, they had both faced financial difficulty, but only James had resorted to crime, and Isaac was actually his father so he had more reason to look out for his better interests.
Moving on to the next part of the baby book, Neal read through the parts where his mother fought for her life and his. Page by page, the words got shorter, weaker, and devoid of emotion. She became a sick woman writing about her illness with little hope that she, or her baby, would survive. Those months didn't take long to read.
Once she started to recover, Iris had those pages spotted with sorrowful tears as she still feared for his life.
We are to be released tomorrow, and we will finally go home for the first time in weeks! Although I am improving in health, it is greatly feared that my illness may have done its damage to you. The doctors have strict orders and bed rest suggested for the rest of the pregnancy… and maybe, just maybe, you will survive? Knowing that it is questioned by the doctors, I can't help but cry. After so many years longing for another child, your father and I don't want to lose you for the world. If Peter knew, he would also be suffering for fear of your health, but that is one person spared the pain. We have yet to tell your brother about you, but we still hope for you. I will do everything in my power to help you live, and when you are okay, we will then have that party we planned to tell Peter… until then, we need to sleep as rest is a part of healing. So goodnight my baby, we will be going home tomorrow.
Wiping the tears from his eyes, Neal felt his mother's love in a way that he had never experienced before. The woman that he had grown up calling mom, she had ignored him and dwelt in her own cloud of painful emotions. But his real mom, in just simple written words, she conveyed a love for him that had his heart aching with her. If she was in the loft, he would have pulled her into a hug and conveyed his thanks for her determination to fight for his life.
Reading through the end of the book, he found the information about his adoption. Despite knowing the general information, it was still interesting to read through his mother's notes that were written at the time instead of hearing recited facts thirty years later.
A nice family from Washington has offered to adopt you. James Bennett is a police officer and has good prospects for climbing the ranks. He seems so excited to have a son… he and your father have been talking about the joys that come with having sons. Then there is his wife, Evelyn, she seems to be full of a quiet excitement. We spent hours talking today, and she seems to be falling in love with you already. For some reason, she wanted to find some kind of similar appearance between you and them, but the best she could find is your eyes. I don't think you have 'the blue of her husband,' but maybe that is just me… because your blue eyes actually remind me of my own.
At least his adopted parents had been happy to have him at one point, but for all of that, it only took three years for them to change their minds.
The notes also explained some of the details about his blue eyes. Evelyn had deluded herself to see something of her husband in him from the beginning, but at least he could now compare himself to his biological mother instead of his betraying adopted father.
She was sleeping when Diana came in and shook her shoulder. "Elizabeth. The doctor thinks that Peter and Neal will be waking up shortly. How about you get a shower, and we'll grab something to eat on the way to the hospital?"
It was the fastest that Elizabeth had ever cleaned up, and the least she had ever tasted her food. Arriving at the hospital, she found that her boys weren't hooked to so many machines. Their color was returning, and they actually looked like they were just sleeping. With tears running down her face, she moved to Peter's side and stared at him. He was going to make it!
After a while she decided to check on Neal as she hadn't even looked at him when she entered the room. Walking over to his bed side, she was thrilled to see that his eyes were cracked open. "Neal?"
"Sorry to put you through all of this…we'll be okay you know." He croaked at her, and she barely got what he said.
Looking at those blue eyes, she felt the best that she had since this whole mess had begun. Grabbing his hand, she cried on him as she was happy to see him alive and recovering. "You almost weren't… you were both at death's door when you turned around…"
She didn't know that Peter had opened his eyes while she was crying on Neal.
As her tears were quieting, Neal squeezed her hand. "I think someone else is awake too… you had better go check on him as he might get jealous." Neal had smiled ever so slightly.
Taking his advice, Elizabeth walked back over to Peter and was overjoyed to see that his eyes were open as well. "Peter…" a whole new flush of tears ran down her face as she cried again.
"We'll be okay hon. We'll be okay." Peter had squeezed her hand comfortingly while mustering up just enough strength to place his other hand on top of her head. "I love you." He whispered as his thumb twitched in her hair.
Those were some of the best moments of her life, the first moments where she actually believed that they were going to be alright.
Once she remembered that the medical staff would need to check them over, she notified the nurses and was ushered into the hall again.
Sitting in the chairs while the doctors looked over their patients, Elizabeth cleaned her face up by wiping away the tears and blowing her nose… then she repeated the action as the tears of joy continued to fall.
When Jones and Diana returned from getting their coffee, they handed her one as they took their respective seats.
"How are they?" was the general question.
"Awake! The doctors are checking them over now, so hopefully they will have news shortly." Elizabeth managed to get the words out through her emotions.
Beaming, Jones congratulated her before walking away to notify June and Mozzie.
Diana remained by Elizabeth's side with the promise to call Hughes as soon as Elizabeth was back in with Peter, the team would be thrilled with the news.
"I should call Peter's parents… they have been worried sick, but as they are visiting family, they haven't been able to make the trip here yet." Elizabeth suddenly remembered. While Diana quietly supported her, she called Iris and Isaac. "He woke up just a few minutes ago. The doctor is in with him now, so I'll have more news in a while." She had had a brief conversation with her in laws as they celebrated the initial good news.
Once the doctor came out, he had filled her in on Peter's current condition and told her that his prognosis was beginning to look good. "It turns out that there are a few cases where the victims have survived this, but a minimalistic number compared to those that have been overcome by it. If you and your husband would consent, we would like to do some testing to see if we can discover how they survived."
Peter, Elizabeth, and Neal all consented to the testing, so the doctors began as soon as the patients were strong enough to endure it.
From then on out, the time past quickly between socializing around the hospital room, the discomfort of recovering, and the pain of the testing that was going on.
Eventually though, the two men recovered enough to return to their homes, and things seemed to settle down beyond the occasional doctor's visit for check-ups or additional testing.
Finally, when they were back to working on desk duty, the next curve ball was thrown at them with the discovery of their shared biological bonds.
Having finished going through the baby book, Neal transitioned into the letter that he had tucked away in the back of it, the letter that his father had given him to share his side of the adoption.
Aaron, my boy. The doctors still say that the battle for your life isn't over, that there are more procedures to do before you even stand a chance. I'm sorry to say that I can't afford to give that to you, because I have been out of work for months, but the doctors have another suggestion for how we can work this out. As much as I hate to agree with them, there is nothing more important than you and your safety, so I must give in.
And there was the difference. James had faced financial struggle and he had turned to crime, meanwhile, Isaac had faced financial difficulty and he had adopted his son for a legal means of saving him… no matter how much he hadn't wanted to.
Your mother and I have discussed the options, so we reached out to an adoption agency, and the doctors are generally keeping you alive until we can find a way to provide for the procedures that you need.
That must have been a miserable time for him, to be trapped with a dying baby and be unable to do anything to help him. Neal found himself beginning to feel a sense of understanding and respect for his father's strength. The written words showed the emotion as it was fresh, and he had seen how strong it still was, even after thirty years.
Our prayers have been answered. A couple has reached out to us from Washington and they are willing to pay for you to have the procedure. With the finances to go ahead, the doctors will begin first thing in the morning.
Those few words were full of relief and contained a great deal of hope. Isaac believed that Neal would survive with the procedure, so this was the point where the worst was over in his mind.
Today was a good day, it was the first time that I got to hold you despite the weeks that we have been waiting for you to be healthy enough. You are so small and light compared to what your brother was, but you have already battled for your life for so long. Still, you are quite the little fighter. When the nurse went to take you away, you wrapped your little fingers around mine and opened your eyes at me pleadingly… it broke my heart when she still lifted you out of my arms. The sounds of your cries will probably ring in my ears for as long as I live, and that feeling will never go away. It was like… it was like I had failed you, that I couldn't even keep the nurse from taking you away from me. Then I remembered that you are going to be adopted, and I broke down crying.
Wiping the tears from his eyes again, Neal felt the first stirrings of love for his father. Before, he had connected to him more for being Peter's father than as his own, but to be given such a perspective into his heart, that was the door to a real relationship with the man.
The dreaded day has come, and it's worse than we could have ever imagined. James and Evelyn have come to take you away and, based on their request, not only will we never get to see you again, but you will probably never know that we even exist. I held you for the last time, and you looked up at me with those big eyes of yours. It was like you were telling me that you were going to be okay. Feeling your fingers wrap around mine was like your hug goodbye. With my time run out, I kissed your little head, hugged you to my chest, and passed you to your new parents through the tears.
Having reached the end, Neal finished by reading their plans to keep a box for him where they would write to him in the hopes of giving him their words someday. It also covered their decision not to tell Peter for fear of him looking around every corner for the brother that he might never know.
Unable to hold back any longer, Neal took them up on their offer and dialed their number. For the first time, he wanted to have his parents with him through an emotional experience, and he had the means of doing so with a simple dialing of their phone number.
Settling back into his chair, he listened as the phone rang. When he heard his father answer, he opened with the words that Isaac had waited for during the previous thirty years. "Hey dad, I just finished reading your letter and my baby book…"
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