Four

Amanda startled awake when she felt someone poking her ribs. She calmed down once she realized she was at home and Allison was standing beside the bed, with Frannie at her side.

"What's up?" Amanda asked, groggy.

Allison was silent.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

Allison nodded.

Amanda sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. "What should we do about that?"

Allison shrugged.

"Well, you, Frannie and Teddy could come up here," Amanda patted the spot next to her, "and me and Olivia will keep you safe and talk, or I could make some hot chocolate, and we can drink that and talk for a little while."

"I never had hot chocolate before." Allison told her.

Amanda smiled. "Oh, well that decides it." Amanda said.

She stood up and held her hand out to Allison. The little girl flinched, hesitated for a second, and placed her hand in Amanda's.

Amanda led her down the hall to the living room.

"You go sit on the couch and I'll go get the water going." Amanda said.

She watched Allison and Frannie run toward the couch before she walked into the kitchen to put the water in the kettle and turn on the stove.

When she walked back into the living room, Allison was curled up on the couch with Frannie's head on her lap.

She sat down beside Allison. "Do you wanna talk about the dream?" Amanda asked.

Allison shrugged. "Do I have to?"

Amanda shook her head. "Of course not. But when I have a bad dream, I talk to Olivia, or Frannie, and that helps."

"Aren't you too old for bad dreams?" Allison asked.

Amanda sighed. "You're never too old for bad dreams. I wish I was."

"Why do you talk to Frannie?" Allison asked.

Amanda smiled. "Because she's a good listener, and she can't tell anyone the things I tell her."

Allison nodded. "I like Frannie."

"She likes you too."

The kettle started to whistle, and Amanda hurried into the kitchen, hoping the sound didn't wake Olivia.

She mixed the hot chocolate quickly and brought her and Allison's cups back out to the living room. She put the cups own on the coffee table.

"We'll just let it sit there for a few minutes to let it cool." Amanda said.

Allison nodded.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Allison spoke.

"Manda? Can I ask you a question?"

Amanda nodded. "Of course."

"Why do you get bad dreams?" Allison asked.

"For the same reason you do." Amanda told her.

She didn't know how else to say it, at least not in any way that would be appropriate for a four-year-old.

"Bad man hurt you too?" Allison asked.

Amanda tried to blink the tears out of her eyes as she nodded. "Yeah."

A tear escaped and she tried to wipe it away before Allison noticed, but the little girl saw it.

Allison stood up on the couch beside Amanda. She hesitated for a second before she threw her arms around Amanda's neck.

Startled, it took Amanda a moment to react before she returned Allison's gesture.

Allison released her and wiped a tear off Amanda's cheek gently.

"You needed a hug."

Amanda smiled a bit. "Yeah, I did. Thank you."

Allison smiled and sat back down. Amanda picked up their cups and handed one to Allison.

"Try this, I think you'll like it."

Allison took a sip of the hot chocolate. "This, really, good." She said in between quick sips.

Amanda heard footsteps behind her.

"What's goin' on out here?" Olivia asked.

She stood in the door of the living room looking sleepy, standing in a pair of shorts and Amanda's old Atlanta PD shirt.

Amanda smiled. "Well, Allison had a bad dream, so we decided to come out here and try some hot chocolate."

Olivia smiled. "Is there any hot water left? I want some."

"There's some in the kettle." Amanda told her.

Olivia smiled and did a little happy dance, making Allison giggle, before she walked into the kitchen.

Allison took another sip of her hot chocolate.

"Manda?" She asked.

Amanda looked over at her. "Yeah?"

"Did… I asked Miss Bea, and she didn't know…"

Amanda put her cup down on the coffee table.

"Didn't know what baby?" Amanda asked.

"Why don't I have a mommy?" Allison asked quietly.

"You do have a mommy sweetheart, everybody does." Amanda told her softly.

"Why did she leave me?"

Amanda sighed. "That's… that's a complicated question."

"Did she not like me?" Allison asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

Amanda felt tears in her own eyes. "I'm sure she did." She said softly. She held her arms open to the little girl. "C'mere."

Allison crawled into Amanda's lap, and Amanda wrapped her arms around the little girl.

"I think she left you because she thought it would be best for you." Amanda said softly. "I know that's hard to understand."

Amanda's heart clenched when she heard Allison sniffle.

Olivia walked back into the living room and sat down beside Amanda. She looked down at Allison and back up at Amanda, concerned.

Amanda shook her head. "I'll tell you later." She mouthed.

Olivia nodded, sipping her hot chocolate while Amanda sat, rocking Allison.

Olivia reached out and picked up Allison's cup off the coffee table.

"How about we finish our hot chocolate, and we can all go to bed?" Olivia asked.

Allison reached out and took the cup. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? You don't have anything to be sorry for sweetheart."

"I didn't mean to wake everybody up." Allison said quietly.

Olivia smiled sadly. "Don't ever worry about waking us up. If something's wrong, that's exactly what we want you to do."

Allison nodded, and let out a quiet, "okay," and went back to sipping her hot chocolate.

Olivia set her empty mug down on the table beside Amanda's and Allison held hers out for Olivia to take.

"You ready to go back to bed?" Amanda asked.

Allison nodded, and climbed off Amanda's lap so she could stand.

Amanda gestured toward the hallway. "Lead the way." She told Allison.

Allison started down the hall and Amanda held out her hand to Olivia, and pulled the older woman off the couch. Amanda wrapped her arms around Olivia, pulling her close.

Amanda waited a few moments, until she was sure Allison was out of earshot.

"She asked me why she doesn't have a mom." Amanda told her quietly.

Olivia tightened her grip on Amanda. "I'm sorry sweetheart." She said softly. She pulled back from the hug to see tears in Amanda's eyes. "You okay?" She knew it was a stupid question, but she really couldn't think of anything else to say.

Amanda took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." She told her. She pressed her palms against her eyes for a moment. "Let's go get her back in bed."

Olivia released her girlfriend's waist, taking her hand instead. They walked toward the hallway that led to the bedrooms. When they entered the hallway, they were surprised to see Allison standing in the door to their bedroom.

"Allison?" Olivia asked. "You ready to go to bed?"

Allison nodded slowly, looking toward their bed.

"Do you want to sleep in our bed?" Amanda asked.

Allison looked back at her. "If you want."

Amanda froze. Her mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

Olivia squeezed her hand before she crouched in front of Allison.

She took a deep breath. "You don't… you don't have to worry about any of that here, Allison. That is not what we want… what you had to do, in other houses, it wasn't okay." She said softly.

"I didn't like it." Allison said quietly.

Amanda, who had sat down on her knees on the floor beside Olivia, finally spoke up.

"We know that." She told her. "It must've been really scary, huh?"

Allison nodded.

Amanda held her hand out to Allison. Allison hesitated for a moment before she took Amanda's hand.

Amanda smiled softly and squeezed her hand. "You are safe here." She told her softly. "We won't hurt you, and we won't ever let anyone hurt you."

Olivia nodded. "You can sleep in our bed, if it makes you feel safe, or you, and Frannie, and Teddy can go get back into your bed, and we'll come say goodnight and tuck you in. You can choose."

Allison's eyes flicked back and forth between the two women.

"Can I… can I sleep in my bed?" She asked slowly.

Olivia and Amanda both nodded. "Of course." Amanda said. She stood up and turned on the light in Allison's bedroom. "Come on." She said, smiling toward the little girl.

Allison walked into the bedroom slowly. She was preparing herself for when this turned bad, like it always did. She climbed up onto the bed, watching as Olivia and Amanda stood in the hallway.

Amanda walked into the room and pulled the covers up over Allison. "Come get us if you need us." She told her.

Allison nodded.

Amanda smiled softly. "Goodnight."

"Night." Allison said quietly, as Frannie snuggled up beside her.

"Night Allison." Olivia said from the doorway, waving.

Allison waved back.

Amanda flipped the light off and reached to close the door.

Allison sat up quickly. "Wait!"

Amanda whipped around to face her again. "What's wrong?"

"Can you leave the hall light on? And don't close the door? In case… in case I have to go to the bathroom?" Allison asked.

Amanda nodded. "Of course we can." She told her. "How about I just close the door a bit so it's not too bright?"

Allison nodded. "Okay."

Amanda closed the door about halfway. "This okay?" She asked.

She heard Allison's quiet, "yeah," from behind the door.

"Okay, we'll see you in the morning." Amanda told her.

Olivia was standing against their bedroom doorframe when Amanda turned around. The blonde looked exhausted. She held out her hand to her.

"C'mon, it's almost four in the morning. We can talk if you want, just come lay down."

Amanda nodded and took her hand, allowing herself to be led back to bed.

"I don't wanna talk." Amanda mumbled as Olivia pulled the covers back and climbed in.

Olivia laid down and opened her arms. "Let me hold you then." She said softly.

Amanda nodded silently and crawled closer to her. Olivia wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close. Amanda laid her head on Olivia's chest, listening to her heartbeat. Her tears started to fall quickly, and Olivia rubbed her back softly until she fell asleep.