Five
Amanda, Olivia, and Allison were sitting on the couch when there was a knock on the door.
"That must be your caseworker." Olivia told Allison as she stood.
She walked over to the door and pulled it open. A thin red head stepped into the apartment and looked around, nodding approvingly.
She waved at Allison before she turned to Olivia.
"I'm Beatrix Campbell." She said, extending her hand.
Olivia shook her hand. "I'm Olivia." She told her. "And this is Amanda."
Amanda sat up. "Please, come sit." She said, gesturing to the chair at the end of the coffee table.
Beatrix sat down and Olivia took up her spot back on the couch.
Allison scooted forward so she was on the edge of the couch. "Hi Miss Bea."
Beatrix smiled. "Hi Allison." She said softly. "How are you doing?"
Allison shrugged. "Okay."
Beatrix nodded. "Do you know why I'm here today?"
Allison nodded. "To see if I can stay here."
Beatrix smiled. "That's right." She told her. "I just wanna talk to Olivia and Amanda, and then I wanna talk to you, alright?"
Allison nodded.
"Why don't you go watch cartoons in our room until we're finished with Miss Bea?" Olivia asked.
Allison smiled at the idea of getting to watch cartoons. "Okay." She said, sliding off the couch.
"It works the same as this tv. Channel ten." Olivia told her.
Allison nodded and grabbed Teddy off the couch before hurrying down the hall.
They heard the bedroom door shut and the two women focused their attention on the red head, who was digging through her bag.
She pulled out a file and set it on the coffee table.
"Thank you for volunteering to take her. I had an emergency yesterday, a girl on my caseload overdosed." Beatrix said quietly.
Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry."
Beatrix sighed. "If I had known what was going on in the house we had Allison in, I never would have let them keep her. Or their license." Beatrix told them. "She was just added to my caseload last month, I've only seen her twice."
"We understand." Olivia told her.
Beatrix nodded. "Well, I guess first things first then. Are you willing to keep her, long-term?" She asked.
Olivia and Amanda nodded.
"We're hoping to." Amanda said. "We also… we also hoped you might have a copy of her birth certificate."
Beatrix looked confused, but she nodded. "Of course." She opened the file on the coffee table and pulled out the birth certificate. She examined it for a moment before her head snapped back up.
"What's your full name?" She asked Amanda.
Amanda paled. "Uh… A-Amanda Sierra Rollins." She stuttered.
Beatrix handed the birth certificate to Olivia, pointing to the section that read, 'mother's maiden name.':
Amanda Sierra Rollins.
Olivia was as speechless as Amanda, who sat, staring at her name in Olivia's hands.
"Can you explain to me… what's happening? Allison is your daughter?" Beatrix asked.
"I didn't know – I mean, I wasn't sure." Amanda said.
"Was this a case of abandonment? Did… I'm not sure this is the best-"
Amanda cut her off. "There was an adoptive family lined up. I didn't… I didn't just leave." She took a deep breath. She didn't know how to explain herself. She was starting to shake.
Olivia rubbed her back softly, unsure of how to help.
The room was silent for a few moments as Beatrix flipped through the notes in Allison's file.
She looked up. "You're right." She told Amanda. "There was a family that wanted her, but it looks like it fell through."
"Why?" Olivia asked.
"When she was four months old, she caught a cold, and she developed pneumonia. One of her lungs collapsed. Her parents brought her to the hospital, then left and never came back." Beatrix told them. "It was before the adoption was finalized, so your parental rights, legally, are still intact."
"She was sick… and they just left her?" Amanda asked.
Beatrix nodded. "According to the notes." She told her. "I… I have to ask though, why did you give her up in the first place?"
Amanda took a deep breath. "I was raped. And when she was born, I was so terrified… I didn't think I could give her the life she deserved."
Beatrix's expression softened. "I'm… I am so sorry."
"I've been looking for her." Amanda said quietly. "I just didn't know how…"
"You wanted her back?" Beatrix asked.
Amanda nodded. "If she didn't have a family, I hoped…"
Beatrix nodded. "I'm gonna be honest, I've never dealt with anything like this before… I mean, you're licensed foster parents, so I don't have a problem with placing her with you, but then this is also a possible reunification…" She took a deep breath.
"We'll do whatever it takes." Olivia told her.
"We have to take this to a judge, and explain the situation… I would treat this like any other reunification." Beatrix told them.
"Do we need a lawyer?" Amanda asked.
Beatrix sighed. "I really don't think so, but if you feel more comfortable, it can't hurt. You're licensed, you have glowing recommendations, there wasn't an issue of abandonment or abuse, and you're her biological parent." She told her. "We always want to place children with their biological relatives if it's what's best in the end."
Amanda felt tears in her eyes. "So… so you're telling us she can stay?" She asked slowly.
Beatrix nodded. "Unless a judge says otherwise." She said. "I'll get this in front of a family court judge as soon as possible."
Olivia's hand rested on Amanda's back as the blonde took a shaky breath.
"What else can you tell us about her?" Olivia asked.
"You can read her file, but um, she's been in six different foster homes-"
Amanda cut her off. "Why so many?"
"For the first two years her medical issues were persistent. She's had pneumonia three times. When her lung collapsed, she needed surgery. There were medications, and follow up appointments, hospital stays… things that some foster parents just weren't up for." Beatrix said sadly.
"But she's okay now, right?" Amanda asked, concern written all over her face.
Beatrix nodded. "Yes. She's not on any medications, her lungs have been clear at every check-up for about fourteen months now. Though a couple months ago she did have an overnight hospital stay, after a febrile seizure."
"She had a seizure?" Amanda asked, fear lacing her voice.
Beatrix nodded. "They're fairly common in children her age. She had a bug, and her fever spiked to a hundred and two, but there was no damage."
Amanda nodded silently.
"Allison told us that her foster father hurt her… how long was she in that home?" Olivia asked, almost nervous to hear the answer.
Beatrix sighed. "Longer than she should have been. Almost ten months."
"And nobody suspected abuse?"
Beatrix sighed. "My predecessor's notes were all clear… I only met Allison twice in the home, once when I took over her case, and once about two weeks ago. I try to visit every two weeks. We talked for over two hours… she never said anything." She said sadly.
"She's four." Amanda snapped.
Beatrix flinched a bit at the sudden harshness in her voice, but she understood it.
"I should have paid closer attention." She admitted. "I know I made a mistake, but I plan to fix it, Miss Rollins. I'm on your side, I want to keep her here."
Amanda sighed. "She likes you." She told her.
Beatrix raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" She asked, genuinely confused.
"Allison. She told me she likes you." Amanda told her.
Beatrix smiled slightly. "I-I'm glad. I wish I had done more for her." She told Amanda honestly.
Amanda nodded silently as Olivia's hand ran up and down her back lightly, trying to keep her calm.
"You said you would get this in front of a judge as soon as possible… do you know how long…?" Olivia asked.
Beatrix shook her head. "It could be a few weeks, or it could be a few months, but I promise, I'll let you know what's happening every step."
Olivia nodded.
"Can I ask you somethin'?" Amanda asked.
Beatrix looked toward her. "Of course."
"Who… who named her?"
Beatrix bit her lip. "When she was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia the first time, the parents didn't even check her in. They handed her to a paramedic outside and took off." She explained. "From what I understand, the nurses called her Allison, and because she was abandoned at Lennox Hill, her last name was recorded as Lennox when ACS took custody."
"How did you get her birth certificate? How did you find it if she was abandoned?" Olivia asked.
"Her footprints. Every hospital in New York records them for the long-form birth certificates." Beatrix said.
"And when you found her birth certificate, why wasn't Amanda contacted?"
"Nobody knew where to look." Beatrix said. "The address on the long form was wrong."
Amanda's eyes widened. "I-I moved. I thought she was adopted, and they would have an amended birth certificate." She said sadly.
Beatrix nodded. "My best guess is that after the adoption fell through and she was sick, everyone was more concerned with the health issues, and she just… slipped through the cracks."
"I won't let that happen again." Amanda told her.
Beatrix nodded. "I believe you." She said. She was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "Can I be honest? Off the record?" She asked.
Beatrix took a deep breath. "I would have done the same thing, if I was in your situation." She told Amanda. "And honestly. I don't know how you're still standing and willing to fight for her, but it shows me that you've always loved her. You've always been her mom, even though you didn't know her."
Amanda tried, and failed, to blink tears away, leaning into Olivia when she wrapped her arm around her.
"As long as she's happy, I'll do whatever I can to make sure you get her back." Beatrix said. "And to tell you the truth, I think you're the best people to help her through everything she's been through, being SVU."
"We'll get her counselling and let her talk… we'll keep her safe." Amanda told her.
"I know you will. But I will make sure to add that to my notes for the judge."
Olivia and Amanda nodded.
"I'll leave you the copy of her file, but is there anything else you wanted to know?" Beatrix asked.
Olivia shook her head and looked to Amanda.
"I wanna read the file." Amanda said.
Beatrix nodded. "I understand." She told her. "I'd like to take the chance to speak with Allison though."
Amanda's attention snapped back up. "You won't tell her-"
Beatrix shook her head. "No, no of course not. That would be best done under the advice of a therapist and a reunification specialist." She said.
Amanda nodded. "Okay…okay, good. I'll um, I'll go get her."
Beatrix smiled. "And of course, if you both wouldn't mind waiting in the other room…"
Olivia nodded and stood to follow Amanda. "Of course, we understand."
She reached for Amanda's shaky hand and walked down the hall with her.
Amanda knocked softly on their bedroom door before she twisted the knob and pushed it open, to reveal Allison sitting back against the headboard, with Teddy on her lap, intently focused on Paw Patrol on the television.
She saw the door open in the corner of her eyes and her attention turned.
Amanda smiled. "Miss Bea wants to talk to you for a while, okay?"
Allison nodded and turned the television off. "Okay." She said as she climbed off the bed.
"She's waiting in the living room. We'll be right in here if you need anything." Olivia told Allison, holding the door open for her to walk through.
Olivia closed the door behind her.
Allison wandered into the living room and climbed up on the couch, on the closest cushion to Beatrix.
Once she got herself settled on the couch, she looked up at Beatrix.
"Hi." She said simply.
"Hi Allison." Beatrix smiled. "How are you doing?"
Allison shrugged. "Okay."
"Did you enjoy watching cartoons?" Beatrix asked.
Allison nodded.
"What did you watch?"
Allison smiled. "Paw Patrol. Chase is my favorite."
"Chase is the police officer, right?" Beatrix asked.
Allison nodded.
Beatrix smiled. "Like Amanda and Olivia are police officers?"
Allison smiled. "Yeah. I like them too. They're nice."
"How are they nice?" Beatrix asked.
Allison smiled once more. "They don't yell, or hurt me. We had Chinese food last night."
Beatrix nodded. "That's exciting, what was your favorite food?"
"Chicken balls! With sauce!" Allison told her.
Beatrix smiled. "I like chicken balls too." She said. "So Allison, I know earlier, when I asked if you know why I was here, you told me, but could you tell me again?"
"You're here to see if I can stay here." Allison informed her.
Beatrix nodded. "Exactly."
X-X-X-X-X
Olivia sat down on the end of the bed beside Amanda.
"You okay?" Olivia asked quietly.
Amanda shrugged. "I didn't think she'd be mine. I mean, I know I said – but I didn't – she's my daughter." She said. The words felt foreign to her. She knew she had a daughter, of course, but now she had her daughter, and it felt different.
Olivia wrapped her arm around Amanda's waist. "She is." She said softly. She wasn't sure what else to say.
"I um, I know the footprint thing is pretty conclusive, but do you think a DNA swab would be too much?" Amanda asked. "Just to be sure."
Olivia nodded. "If that's what you want, I can get Melinda to do a swab. But I do think it'll just tell us what we already know."
Amanda nodded. "I know, I just…"
"Want to be one hundred percent?" Olivia asked.
Amanda nodded silently, leaning against her girlfriend. "I'm not this lucky."
Olivia kissed the top of her head softly. "You are this time."
Amanda shrugged.
"You believe that everything happens for a reason, right?" Olivia asked.
Amanda nodded. "I guess."
"Then believe that there's a reason that Allison is in your life. I think you need each other now." Olivia told her softly.
"You too." Amanda admitted quietly. "I can't do this without you."
Olivia squeezed her. "And you don't have to baby. I'm not going anywhere." She told her. "Whatever you need, I'm right here."
Amanda lifted her head to look at Olivia. "Would…" she trailed off. "Never mind… it's too much." She mumbled.
"What is it?" Olivia asked.
"Would… would you adopt her?" Amanda asked shyly.
Olivia was shocked, but delighted. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, unable to make words come out.
Amanda quickly tried to back track. "You don't have to I just-"
Olivia cut her off. "Of course I will." She told Amanda. "If that's what you want, if it's okay with you, I would love nothing more."
Now it was Amanda's turn to be shocked. She didn't think Olivia would actually say yes.
"Really?" Amanda asked.
Olivia nodded. "Is that what you want?" She asked.
Amanda nodded. "I… want her to have two parents, two parents who love her, and if somethin' ever happened to me, I want her to stay with you, if that's somethin' you want, I just… I want to be her mom, but… I want you to be her mom too."
Olivia had tears in her eyes by the time Amanda had stopped speaking. She tilted Amanda's head up to kiss her softly.
"I would love that." Olivia told her when they pulled away.
Amanda smiled. "I know this isn't exactly what we planned…"
Olivia nodded. "No, it's not, but I'm okay with it. I'm happy."
Amanda nodded. "I am too… I just – I still can't believe that her parents – they were supposed to protect her and they left her. I can't believe I left her." She added quietly.
Olivia shook her head. "There's a difference."
"Is there though?"
Olivia nodded. "You left her with the belief that there were loving parents ready to take care of her. They left her with a life-threatening illness. She could've died. She needed people to love her, and the people that were supposed to do it weren't there."
"I wasn't there either though." Amanda reminded her.
"But you had no way to know what was happening baby." Olivia countered.
Amanda nodded. She knew everything Olivia was telling her was right, but that didn't do much to assuage her guilt.
"Do you love her?" Olivia asked.
Amanda nodded. "I… I do. I love my daughter, I always did but I don't – I didn't know her." She sighed. "I guess it's a bit complicated. But yeah, I love her."
Olivia nodded. "Of course it's complicated Manda, it's a complicated situation."
"I didn't think I would at first." Amanda admitted.
"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.
Amanda shrugged. "When I found out I was pregnant… I got really dark. I hated everything. I hated him, I hated myself… I even hated…" She paused, shaking her head. "I wanted to have an abortion. When I came up here, I was planning to."
"What changed?" Olivia asked.
"It's gonna sound stupid." Amanda said quietly.
Olivia kissed her temple. "Talk to me." She requested.
Amanda sighed. "I had a dream. One of those if/then type of things, y'know? If I had the abortion, I'd be miserable, and I'd feel guilty… I don't know if I would've made it through."
Olivia nodded. "But?" She asked.
"I was scared… what if… what if I had a boy? What if he looked exactly like his… father?" She shuddered. "What if he was like him?"
Olivia kissed her temple softly. "She's not though. She's like you. She's your daughter. He is nothing."
Amanda nodded. "When I found out she was a girl… I thought maybe I had a chance, but it all got so… complicated. I was… I was gambling, that got bad… I was in a bad place."
Olivia nodded. "You don't have to defend yourself to me baby, I get it."
Amanda nodded. "I just hope I can make up for everything."
"Just being here will go a long way."
Amanda sighed. She had no idea how she was feeling. She was happy, and sad, and absolutely terrified. Everything was suddenly so complicated again.
"Were you serious?" Amanda asked softly. "About adopting her?"
Olivia nodded. "Of course I was Manda. I would be… honored, if you let me be her mom." She told Amanda.
"We did say we wanted kids." Amanda laughed lightly.
Olivia chuckled. "This is perfect." She told her.
Amanda looked up at her. "Once everything is settled, with the courts and everything… even now, she's yours too. Just as much as any other child we decided to have would be, alright? That's what I want." She told her girlfriend firmly.
Olivia nodded. "Okay. I would love nothing more." She smiled.
