Six

The next morning, Amanda and Olivia had decided that it was time to go shopping to get Allison some of the things she needed. She had come to them with nothing, and while they did have some of the basics, she needed more clothes, and especially a new pair of shoes.

Olivia walked into the bedroom to get dressed, and found Amanda going through the closet, trying to find a shirt to put on.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

Amanda smiled. "You could stand to say it more often." She joked.

Olivia laughed lightly and pulled Amanda close, kissing her gently. Amanda wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, threading her fingers through her hair. She felt Olivia's leg slip between her own and she pulled out of the kiss.

"I can't, I'm sorry." Amanda said quietly.

Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry. I've just been thinking… it's been a long time since…" she trailed off.

Amanda nodded. "Yeah."

Olivia sighed. "Lewis kinda ruined that for us… kinda ruined me, didn't he?" She asked quietly.

Amanda's head snapped up, blue eyes meeting brown. "Absolutely not." She told her firmly. "Is that what you think baby?" She asked, resting her hands on Olivia's hips.

Olivia nodded silently.

Amanda's heart broke. "Liv…" she whispered, "don't ever think – he didn't ruin you, Olivia."

Olivia's gaze flicked up to meet hers, her brown eyes shining with unshed tears. "Then why can't you touch me anymore? Do you just not want to? Am I less attractive? Do I seem… dirty?" She asked brokenly.

Tears immediately sprung to Amanda's eyes. "God, Liv no!" She told the older woman. "I just… I remember how I felt after Patton… I wanted to be on the moon – alone. I didn't want to be touched. I barely wanted to be looked at. And I-I think I just assumed that you would feel the same way," she brought both hands up to rest on Olivia's cheeks, holding her gaze on hers, "and I am so sorry if I made you feel like I don't want you."

She watched as tears fell slowly down Olivia's cheeks and she did her best to wipe them away. She pulled Olivia into a tight hug.

Olivia sniffled. "I thought maybe… he turned you off of me or something."

Amanda squeezed her tighter. "Why didn't you say anything baby?"

She felt Olivia shrug against her. "I don't know."

Amanda kissed the older woman's temple softly. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." She told her. "But I promise you, I still feel the same way I did before Lewis."

She felt Olivia sigh against her, and she knew that her girlfriend was trying to believe her, but she was having a hard time.

"I want to touch you Liv, but I don't want to… make you uncomfortable… scare you." Amanda told her.

"I just wanted to go back to the way we were. I could never be scared, or uncomfortable with you. I never have been."

Amanda nodded. "Still." She said softly.

She thought carefully for a moment. It devastated her that Olivia had been in this much pain, and she hadn't caught on.

The brunette was tense against her. Amanda decided quickly. She started to run her hands up and down Olivia's back, down to her hips, up to her shoulder blades, tickling the back of her neck gently.

As the tension started to ease in Olivia, Amanda pulled Olivia's hair over her shoulder, giving herself access to her neck.

"I still want you as much as I did before him." Amanda told her softly. She turned her head to trail kisses along her bare shoulder.

Olivia sighed deeply.

Amanda smiled a bit. "I miss you Liv. I want you so much it hurts. I love being with you," she pressed wet kisses to her girlfriend's neck and her hands slid down to rest on Olivia's ass, "feeling your knees weaken when I do this," she gave Olivia's ass a light squeeze, and the detective reacted exactly how she expected, the brunette dropped slightly, and her head fell onto Amanda's shoulder. "And I love the sound you make when I do this." She pulled Olivia's earlobe between her teeth, nibbling gently.

Olivia let out a gasp, which quickly turned into a stifled moan against Amanda, and her grip on Amanda's hips tightened. She missed this too.

Amanda released Olivia's earlobe, pressing a tender kiss against it before she continued to speak. "I love it when I get to watch you unravel. Nothing turns me on more… even now, just thinking about you… touching you… feeling you… fuck Liv."

She paused to take a deep breath. If nothing else, Amanda was good at working herself up. She pulled out of the hug she had kept Olivia in and was a bit surprised to see that Olivia's eyes had sunk to a once familiar shade of dark brown.

"I know there's a lot going on right now. In your head, and mine. And I am so sorry I made you doubt… but baby, don't ever think that I don't want you."

Olivia, who had fresh tears in her eyes nodded. "I'm sorry I doubted you." She told her. "I just didn't want to lose you… if I said anything."

Amanda cupped the brunette's cheek lightly. "You won't ever lose me Liv." She said before kissing her deeply.

"I know I'm not ready for sex… but, I want you to… be normal. When we were walking down the street, and you put your arm around my waist, I want you to slide your hand into my back pocket, like you used to. I want you to be able to move your hands when we cuddle, just like before." Olivia told her when their kiss ended. "I trust you."

Amanda nodded. "I can do that. I should have in the first place. I should have asked you what you wanted." She said softly, looking down at the floor.

Olivia reached out and hooked a finger under the blonde's chin, tilting her head up to look at her. "I should've said something sooner."

Amanda sniffled. "You know I love you more than anything, right?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda, pulling her close. ""I know. I love you too."

"Are we okay?" Amanda asked against Olivia's neck.

Olivia pressed a kiss against her cheek. "We were never not okay Manda. I just… overthink things."

Amanda nodded. "I feel awful." She told her girlfriend honestly. "I didn't… I didn't realize that's what you were thinking."

Olivia laughed lightly. "I didn't expect you to. You're not a mind reader Amanda, it's not your fault I didn't tell you what was wrong."

Amanda nodded. "Please tell me next time." She said. "I wanna go back to when we told each other everything."

Olivia nodded. "I promise." She told her softly. "And just so you know, there's nothing else. And I do tell you everything else. There's no one I trust more than you."

Amanda smiled and pulled out of the hug so she could kiss Olivia softly. "Thank you."

Olivia smiled. "Come on, we should get dressed if we want to go shopping at some point."

Amanda laughed. "Yeah, I guess I can't just walk into the mall without a shirt on huh?"

Olivia smiled. "Definitely not." She told her. She leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "And besides, I'm the only one who gets to see you shirtless."

Amanda smiled brightly. "You are indeed."

X-X-X-X-X

"Where are we?" Allison asked, staring up at the large building in front of her.

Olivia smiled. "This is a mall. It's just a lot of stores in once place."

"Is it safe?" Allison asked.

Amanda nodded. "It is pretty safe, but you should still stay close to use, alright?"

Allison nodded, reaching for both Amanda and Olivia's hands.

They walked into a shoe store, where a blonde teenager was sitting behind the counter.

"Do you need help finding something?" She asked.

Amanda smiled. "Yeah, if you don't mind. We need some new shoes for this young lady." She said, looking down at Allison.

The girl smiled. "Of course! Do you know what size you need?"

Amanda shook her head. "We're not too sure, it's been a while."

"That's okay, follow me." She walked out from behind the counter.

She led them over to a bench and she pulled out a Brannock device.

"Alright, can you take your shoe off for me, and put your heel right here?" She asked, pointing to the heel cup.

Allison did as she was asked, and the girl adjusted the width bar and arch length pointer until it was snug.

"I think you're looking at a nine and a half, maybe a ten." She told Olivia and Amanda.

She stood and led them to a row of shoes that had too many pairs to even attempt to count.

"Just about any of these should fit." She told them.

"Thank you." Olivia said.

She nodded. "If you need anything else, I'll be around here somewhere."

Amanda looked down at Allison. "Alright baby, which ones would you like?"

"Which ones can I get?" Allison asked.

"Whichever ones you want." Olivia told her.

Allison walked up and down the aisle for a few minutes before she pointed to a black and pink pair that lit up.

"You want those ones?" Olivia asked.

Allison nodded slowly.

"Can you reach them, Manda?" Olivia asked.

Amanda laughed. "One inch Liv." She said as she reached up to grab the shoes. "Here, try these on."

Allison pulled her shoes off and allowed Amanda to slide the new pair onto her feet and tie them up.

"Okay, can you walk down to the end of the aisle?" She asked.

Allison walked down to the end of the aisle and back to stand in front of them.

"How do they feel?" Olivia asked.

"How should they feel?" Allison asked.

Olivia smiled. "Do they feel like they're too tight? Are they squishing your feet?"

Allison shook her head.

Olivia bent down to feel her toes. "Your toes are in the right spot."

"Do you like them?" Amanda asked.

Allison nodded.

"Then we'll get them." Amanda told her.

Allison smiled a bit.

Amanda walked over to the counter where the young employee was sitting.

"Can she wear those ones out? Her old ones are pretty worn."

She nodded and pulled open a drawer. She took out a pair of scissors and handed them to Amanda.

"Just bring me the tag so I can scan it."

Amanda went back over to Olivia and Allison and cut the tag off the shoes before snipping the elastic that bound them together.

"Do you want to keep the old ones?" Amanda asked.

Allison shook her head.

"Okay." Amanda said. "You ready to go?"

Allison nodded and reached for Olivia's hand.

Amanda took the tag for the girl to scan.

"Thirty-four ninety-five."

Amanda dug through her wallet for the right bills and handed the cash to her.

"Your daughter is adorable, by the way. She looks just like you." The girl told her.

Amanda smiled a little. "Thank you."

"I'll throw those old shoes out if you'd like."

Amanda nodded. "Thank would be great. Thanks." She told her.

She walked out to the bench that Olivia and Allison were waiting beside.

"What's next?"

X-X-X-X-X

The rest of their shopping took them four hours to complete. By the time they had finished, they were all exhausted, and starving.

Amanda pushed open the apartment door and stumbled through the door with Olivia and Allison in tow. Both Amanda's and Olivia's arms were full of bags, and Allison, who wanted to help, was carrying two herself.

They dropped the bags behind the couch and Olivia went to close the front door.

"You wanna help us put all this stuff away?" Amanda asked Allison.

Allison nodded and peeled off her shoes and started dragging bags down the hall to the bedroom.

Amanda laughed lightly as she pulled off her own shoes and she and Olivia picked up some bags and took them back to Allison's bedroom.

X-X-X-X-X

After dinner that night, Olivia and Amanda sat on the couch, while Allison had gone off to her room to look at some of the picture books they had picked up earlier.

"Do you want me to call Melinda to do the swab? She should be just about to leave the office." Olivia told her.

Amanda nodded. "Yeah… I'm gonna have to explain everything again, aren't I?" She asked.

Olivia nodded. "You know she'll be curious."

Amanda sighed. "I might as well just tell everyone we know." She said angrily.

Oliva reached out to rub her back softly. "That's a bit extreme baby."

Amanda looked over at her. "I know, I'm sorry… I kept it a secret for so long… I don't want anyone to treat me differently."

Olivia nodded. "Do you really think that would happen?" She asked.

Amanda shrugged. "Yes… no… I don't know Liv… it's just personal."

Olivia wrapped an arm around Amanda, pulling her close to her, and kissed her temple softly. "I know it is baby." She told her softly. "I'll call Melinda."

X-X-X-X-X

When Olivia let Melinda in the front door twenty minutes later, Amanda was sitting on the couch, staring off into space.

Olivia sat down next to her, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Amanda looked toward Melinda, who was sitting in the armchair at the end of the coffee table.

"Hey." She said awkwardly.

Melinda smiled softly. "Hi… Liv told me you wanted me to do a DNA test?" She asked.

Amanda nodded. "Yeah." She said simply.

"Can I ask why?" Melinda asked.

Amanda looked up at Olivia. "You didn't tell her?" She asked.

Olivia shook her head. "It's your story to tell, but I can if you want."

Amanda shook her head. She looked down at the floor, trying to gather her thoughts before she looked back up at the M.E.

"The little girl that we're fostering… Allison… I was raped… I came to New York, and I gave her up… we have her birth certificate, I just… I want to be sure." Amanda said brokenly.

That didn't come out at all like she had hoped it would. She usually prided herself on being well-spoken, but right now she felt lucky to be able to form words at all.

Melinda nodded sympathetically. "Your name is on the birth certificate?"

Amanda nodded silently.

"Do… do you know who the father is?" Melinda asked.

Amanda nodded. "My old deputy chief."

Melinda tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. At least now she understood why Amanda seemed so scared.

"I'd be happy to run the test." Melinda told her.

"You'll run it as a Jane Doe, right?" Amanda asked quickly.

Melinda nodded. "Yeah, of course. Nobody has to know." She said softly.

Amanda nodded. "Thank you."

"Cheek swab?" Melinda asked. "And I'll need to swab Allison as well."

Amanda's eyes snapped up to meet Olivia's. She didn't want that. She didn't know how to explain why she was shoving a cotton swab into Allison's mouth to her.

"We haven't washed her dishes from dinner, would a spoon work?" Olivia asked.

Melinda nodded. "Yeah, of course."

She pulled a paper evidence bag out of her medical bag and handed it to Olivia.

"For the spoon." She said.

Olivia nodded and took the bag, heading into the kitchen to collect the spoon off of Allison's dirty plate.

Melinda pulled a pair of gloves and a swab out of her bag. She pulled open the packaging of the swab with practiced ease and held it up for Amanda.

"Ready?" She asked.

Amanda nodded and opened her mouth, allowing the M.E. to swab her mouth generously.

Melinda packed the swab up again and placed it in another evidence bag as Olivia walked back into the living room.

"Here you go." She said, handing the bag with the spoon in it over to Melinda. "Thanks again for doing this."

Melinda nodded. "I don't mind. It's something important." She told her.

A small flash of movement by the door to the living room caught her attention and Melinda looked over to see a little blonde girl peeking around the corner nervously.

She smiled, and Olivia followed her gaze to where Allison was standing.

"You wanna come meet someone?" Olivia asked.

Allison stepped into the living room and made her way slowly around the far end of the couch to where Amanda was sitting. She stood beside her, making sure to keep Amanda between herself and the stranger.

Melinda smiled softly. "You must be Allison." She said softly. "My name is Melinda."

Allison nodded. "Hi." She said quietly.

Olivia smiled. "Melinda is one of our very good friends. She works with us."

Allison seemed to relax a bit when she heard that Melinda worked with the police.

"You're a police officer?" Allison asked.

Melinda smiled. "Not quite. I'm a doctor, but I help the police put people in jail."

Allison nodded. She liked Melinda, she seemed nice, but she still wanted to stay beside Amanda.

"How old are you, Allison?" Melinda asked.

Allison smiled a bit. "Four."

Melinda smiled. "Four? Wow! That's a big number! I've got two kids that are just a bit older than you."

"What's their names?" Allison asked curiously.

"I have a boy and a girl; their names are Mark and Sammy." Melinda told her.

Allison smiled, unsure of what to say next. She looked up at Amanda.

"You can go back to your room if you want to." Amanda told her.

Allison looked relieved. She liked Melinda, but she didn't know her yet, so she wanted to go be with Frannie.

"Bye M'linda." She said politely, waving toward the M.E.

Melinda smiled and waved back at the little girl. "Bye Allison, it was nice to meet you."

Allison smiled a bit and turned to hurry back down the hallway.

Melinda turned to Amanda. "I don't even think I need to run the DNA to tell you she's yours." Melinda said, she sounded amazed. "She looks just like you."

Amanda nodded. "I'm glad my genes won out." She admitted.

Olivia reached out to squeeze her hand.

Melinda nodded. "I understand that." She told her. She stood up. "I should get going though, it's Karen's night to cook, which means it's my night to do the dishes."

Olivia laughed. "Bet she loves that."

Melinda smiled. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

Oliva rolled her eyes. "I've seen you do dishes." She told her.

Melinda swatted her shoulder playfully. "I've gotten better! And we got the new dishwasher installed last week. All I have to do is rinse and load." She told Olivia.

Olivia laughed. "That's not even work!"

Melinda shrugged. "But it works for me."

Olivia shook her head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it does. Go on then, get outta here. I hope she cooked something with lots of dishes for you to rinse."

Melinda rolled her eyes as she headed toward the front door. "Why must you wish ill on me?"

Olivia snorted and looked toward Amanda, who was sitting back on the couch, watching the two women interact so easily.

"Thanks again for doing this Melinda." Olivia said sincerely.

Melinda nodded. "Anytime." She said. She looked toward Amanda. "I'll let you know as soon as I know something." She said before she exited the apartment.