Seven

Amanda was stunned when he slapped her across the face. She tasted blood, and she realized her lip was split. He shoved her backward and she toppled back onto the bed, and he climbed on top of her.

"Get off me!" Amanda yelled as he shoved his knee between her legs.

She pushed herself up and he grabbed her hair, slamming her back down against the headboard. He pinned her wrists above her head and leaned in to kiss her. Amanda moved her head, and he bit her ear. She tried to turn and throw him off, but he was too big. She cried out and he covered her mouth with his hand.

She bit him. He groaned and slapped her face again.

"Move your hands and I'll break your wrists." He threatened quietly.

She nodded and he ripped her shirt open. He pushed her bra up.

"Please don't." She said brokenly.

"No!" Amanda yelled as she bolted upright in bed.

She brought her hand up to the back of her head. It didn't hurt. She looked around and saw Olivia sitting up, looking at her. She felt tears running down her cheeks.

"Amanda?" Olivia asked gently.

Amanda shook her head. "I'm fine." She said, sliding out of bed.

"You're not fine." Olivia said.

"I know." Amanda snapped. It came out more harshly than she had intended it too.

She sighed and walked out of the bedroom. She made her way to the kitchen, leaning over the counter.

Olivia walked in behind her. She sat down, resting her back against the wall, watching her girlfriend closely.

"I've never heard you scream when you have a nightmare." Olivia said.

Amanda nodded. "They… those one's don't normally go on for that long." She told her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Olivia shook her head, even though Amanda was turned away from her. "I don't mind." Olivia reminded her. "What was the dream about?"

Amanda sat down on the floor across from her. "Patton." She said quietly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Olivia asked.

Amanda shrugged. "He was on top of me, and he hit me, and ripped my shirt open… I just got scared." She said, looking up at Olivia.

Olivia nodded empathetically. Amanda looked away.

"Please don't do that." Amanda said.

"Do what?" Olivia asked.

"Give me that look. I've seen it before. It's the look you have when you're interviewing victims." Amanda stated.

"Manda-"

Amanda cut her off. "I'm not a victim Olivia." She snapped.

Olivia nodded. "That's not what I meant to do."

"I know, it's… that's not how I want you to see me." Amanda told her.

Olivia reached out to rest her hand on Amanda's knee.

"Manda – I don't… I don't see you as a victim baby, I just hate seeing you so scared."

Amanda nodded and slid toward her, allowing herself to melt into her girlfriend's side. "You make me feel safe Livvy."

Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda, hugging her tightly.

"Do you wanna go back to bed?" Olivia asked.

Amanda shrugged. "What time is it?"

Olivia looked up at the clock on the microwave. "Almost five."

Amanda sighed. "Yeah… it's too early to be awake."

X-X-X-X-X

"I'm gonna go into work for a little while today." Amanda said as she cleared the breakfast dishes off the table.

"Why?" Olivia asked.

"I have to do some paperwork." Amanda told her.

"Bring it home?" Olivia asked.

Amanda shrugged. "I'll only be a few hours. I just wanna get it done so I can spend the weekend with you and Allison."

Olivia nodded. "Okay." She said. "Maybe I'll see if Allison's up for a trip to the park after you're done."

Amanda nodded. "That would be good."

"Maybe Melinda and Karen would bring Mark and Sammy, if that's alright with you?" Olivia asked.

"Of course, it's alright." Amanda told her. "I want her to be around other kids."

Olivia nodded. "Okay, I just thought-"

"It's fine Liv."

"Okay." Olivia sighed. "Go get dressed, the sooner you go the sooner you come back."

Amanda laughed and handed Olivia a plate to put in the dishwasher. She kissed her cheek softly before she walked toward the bedroom to get dressed.

When Amanda walked out of the bedroom ten minutes later, Olivia and Allison were sitting on the couch watching tv.

Allison turned to look up at her. "Where you going?" She asked.

Amanda smiled and leaned over the back of the couch, in between Allison and Olivia. "I've gotta go to work for a little while, but I'll be back a little after lunch, and then we can go to the park. How's that sound?"

Allison nodded excitedly. "Good!"

"And we thought that maybe Melinda could bring her kids, and her wife, Karen." Olivia said. "If you want, or it could just be the three of us."

"I like Melinda I think." Allison said.

Olivia nodded. "She liked you too." Olivia told her.

"They should come." Allison said.

Amanda smiled. "If you change your mind, that's alright, all you've gotta do is tell us."

Allison nodded. "Okay."

"Alright, I'll see you two later." Amanda said. She kissed Olivia softly and stood up straight.

"You sure you're okay?" Olivia asked.

Amanda nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine, I just need some air."

Olivia nodded. "Call me if you need me."

"I will." Amanda agreed. "I love you." She called as she opened the door.

She heard Olivia say, "I love you," before the door shut behind her.

X-X-X-X-X

Three hours later, Amanda was finishing up her fourth DD5 and she was starving. She pushed her chair away from her desk and stood up.

Just as she was shutting down her computer, Melinda appeared in the doorway, and walked straight over to Amanda.

"Can I talk to you?" Melinda asked. "In private?"

Amanda, slightly taken aback, nodded. "Yeah, upstairs."

Amanda led her up to the crib. Melinda closed the door behind them, looking around to make sure no one was in the room before she started to speak.

"Does the name Charles Patton mean anything to you?" She asked in a quiet voice.

Amanda felt herself starting to shake, and she heard a buzzing in her ears, and she tried to make herself say no, that she's never heard of him before. She only told Olivia his name, nobody else knew.

She rocked back on her heels, biting her lip. She felt like she was going to be sick. She sat down on the nearest bed and Melinda sat next to her. She put her hand on Amanda's back, noting the way she flinched, but she didn't pull away.

"Who is he, Detective Rollins?" Melinda asked.

Amanda felt tears in her eyes. "He's Allison's father." She admitted quietly.

Melinda sighed sadly, and Amanda shifted, trying to move away from her. Melinda didn't let her. She wrapped her arm around Amanda's waist, like she was trying to anchor her, and Amanda let her.

It took about ten minutes before Amanda was able to speak again.

"How did you find him? I didn't think you were lookin' for him." Amanda said.

Melinda shook her head. "I wasn't, I ran his DNA on a completely unrelated matter."

Amanda was horrified. Had he raped someone else? In New York?

"What-"

Melinda cut her off. "He's applied for a position as a D.A.'s investigator. They asked me to run him through the system, and when I saw that he was a deputy chief with Atlanta PD… it made sense… I had to ask."

"He applied… he wants to…" Amanda mumbled brokenly.

She felt dizzy and her stomach was churning. Melinda felt the young detective's body tense and she snatched the trash can by the end of the bed and got it under Amanda's chin just before her stomach said goodbye to her breakfast.

Melinda rubbed her back gently as she heaved, for at least fifteen minutes until her body forced nothing up but bile.

"All done?" Melinda asked when she felt Amanda relax.

Amanda nodded silently.

"Want some water?" Melinda asked, pointing to the small water cooler in the corner of the room.

Amanda nodded. "Please."

Melinda set the trash can down in front of Amanda and got up to fill a small paper cone with water.

"Thanks." Amanda said hoarsely, taking the cone. The cool water soothed her burning throat blissfully.

"I'm gonna get someone to call Liv." Melinda said.

"No, please don't, she's at home with Allison, I don't want her to see me like this." Amanda said quickly.

Melinda considered it for a minute before she sat down beside Amanda.

"Is the DA's office really considering him?" Amanda asked.

Melinda nodded silently.

Amanda sniffled. "He can't come here."

Melinda set her hand on Amanda's back gently. "Have you ever thought about reporting him?"

Amanda took a deep breath. "I tried. I told my captain. He told me that if I was sober… but I'd had a couple drinks, he was drunk… so I just shut up about it." She said sadly.

"I'm sorry Amanda." Melinda said softly.

Amanda nodded. "Yeah." She said. She looked up at the M.E. "Why are you being so nice to me?" She asked suddenly.

Melinda sighed. "Because I've talked with Liv a few times… I didn't realize how much you helped her… After Elliot left, then Alex and Casey, and then Lewis," she paused. "You're good for her. She made me see that."

Amanda and Melinda had always had a bit of a strained relationship. Melinda thought Amanda was trying too hard, and Amanda thought Melinda was intentionally snubbing her because she was different from the rest of the squad.

When Olivia was kidnapped and news of their relationship got out, Melinda had been a bit hurt that she was the last to know, especially since Olivia was one of her closest friends.

Amanda smiled a bit. "Thank you."

Melinda nodded. "She really loves you. I haven't seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you in a really long time."

"I love her. More than I've ever loved anyone." She assured Melinda.

Melinda nodded. "I believe you."

Amanda nodded. "So, you're voluntarily holding my puke bucket because you wanna be friends now?"

Melinda laughed lightly. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Amanda chuckled and leaned back against the wall.

"What if he gets the job?" Amanda asked.

"I think you should report him, so he doesn't." Melinda said.

Amanda shook her head. "It wouldn't do any good. Patton would just deny it, and his word is… law, down there."

"Georgia does have a fifteen-year statute of limitations… you could put him away." Melinda said.

"With what evidence? I didn't take photos of my injuries; I don't have the clothes… I just can't."

Melinda bit her lip. "You have Allison."

Amanda's head snapped up. "No. Absolutely not. She is not evidence, she's my daughter." She said firmly. "Maybe he won't get the job, can't you make sure he doesn't?"

Melinda sighed. "Amanda, I would if I could, but if someone found out, I would lose my job... maybe my medical license."

Amanda nodded. "I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She told her. She sighed. "Can you call Liv now?"

Melinda nodded. "Yeah, where's your phone?"

Amanda sighed. "On my desk."

Melinda stood. "I'll grab it."

"Just use Siri… call her and tell her I'm sick and I'll be home soon."

Melinda nodded. "Alright." She said before she walked out of the crib.

Amanda rested her head in her hands, trying desperately, and failing miserably, to sort out her feelings, and her thoughts.

A few minutes later, the door opened, and Melinda stepped back into the room.

"She won't let me hang up until she talks to you." She said, holding the phone out to Amanda.

Amanda took the phone from her and held it up to her ear.

"Hey Liv." Amanda said, trying to sound better than she felt.

"Hey Manda, Melinda said you got sick. You okay?" Olivia asked.

Amanda could hear the concern in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just gonna grab my stuff and come home." Amanda told her. "How's Allison?"

Olivia laughed. "She's fine, she's watching some tv. I was just making lunch."

Amanda nodded. "Alright." She sighed. "Just don't say anything about this to her."

"You're allowed to not feel good Amanda."

Amanda sighed. "I know, I just don't want to right now. And besides, it's not a big deal. I'm sure I'll be over it by the time I get home."

Olivia sighed. "Alright, we'll see how you feel when you get home."

"Alright. I'll see you soon. Love you." Amanda said.

"Love you too."

Amanda hung up and dropped her head back against the wall.

"I told the captain you weren't feeling well." Melinda said.

Amanda nodded. "Thanks."

"You ready to go?" Melinda asked.

Amanda checked her watch. "If I leave now, I'll just make the train."

Melinda shook her head. "Not a chance, I'm driving you home."

"You don't have to, I-"

Melinda cut her off. "I do, Liv would kill me if I let you take the train home like this."

Amanda nodded and sat forward, close to the edge of the bed, making sure the room wouldn't spin if she stood up.

She moved the garbage can away from her feet.

"Let me help you?" Melinda asked.

Amanda nodded and let Melinda wrap her arm around her waist, to steady herself as they walked toward the door.

"Let me do the stairs by myself?" Amanda asked. "I don't want the guys to see me struggle."

"You know they'd wanna help right?" Melinda sked.

"I don't need their help." Amanda insisted stubbornly.

Melinda nodded silently, knowing when to back off.

When they got to the top of the stairs, Melinda's arm fell away from Amanda's waist. Amanda grabbed the railing and took a deep breath and started to walk down the stairs slowly, but not slow enough to raise suspicion.

She reached the bottom of the stairs and walked over to her desk to grab her keys and her jacket.

Munch looked up from his computer. "Leaving us so soon? What did we ever do to you?" He asked.

Amanda smiled. "Anything and everything John." She said, earning chuckles from all the guys.

"I'll see you guys later." Amanda said as she headed toward the door where Melinda was waiting.

Amanda was glad that no one had offered to walk them out of the building, because as soon as they reached Melinda's car, her legs collapsed under her, and she felt the tears starting again.

Melinda caught her before she fell and helped her into the passenger seat of the car.

X-X-X-X-X

Melinda walked Amanda up to the apartment. When Amanda opened the apartment door, she was surprised to find the lights off and a note on the coffee table:

"Amanda,

Don't worry, Allison and I are at the bodega to find some ingredients for dinner. We'll be back soon.

Liv and Ali"

Amanda laid down on the couch while Melinda grabbed a blanket from the hall closet. She tossed the blanket over Amanda gently and sat down on the end of the couch.

"Are you gonna be okay until Liv gets back? I can stay if you want." Melinda said.

Amanda sighed. "Yeah, yeah, go home, I'll be fine."

Melinda nodded but didn't move. "Are you going to tell Olivia? About Patton coming up here?"

Amanda shrugged. "I don't know."

Melinda nodded. "I think you should."

"I just don't want her to worry." Amanda told her.

"I think she'll be more worried if you don't tell her."

Amanda nodded, bringing her hands up to massage her temples. "I'm gonna have to, aren't I?"

"You don't have to… but you know it'll help if you do." Melinda reminded her.

Amanda nodded silently.

"Do you need anything before I go?" Melinda asked.

Amanda shook her head. "Nah, I'm good, I'm just gonna lay here. Liv should be back soon."

"Alright." Melinda stood. "I don't live far from here, if you need anything, call me. I can be back here in five minutes."

Amanda nodded. "Thanks."

Melinda smiled. "Anytime."

X-X-X-X-X

Amanda felt someone shaking her gently and she opened her eyes. She groaned at the sunlight pouring through the window. Her eyes started to focus, and she saw Olivia standing beside her.

Amanda smiled, sitting up. "Hey."

Olivia sat down beside her. "Hey. How're you feeling?"

Amanda shrugged. "Better than I was." She told her. "Where's Allison?"

"In the bedroom. She's a bit tired. I don't think she slept too well after her nightmare last night."

Amanda nodded. She knew the feeling. Before her own nightmare, Allison had come to get them around one in the morning, almost shaking.

"What time is it?" Amanda asked.

"Just after one-thirty." Olivia told her. "I figured I'd take her out for a while until I was sure you were home. I figured you wouldn't want her to watch you stumble in the door if you still felt sick."

Amanda nodded. "Thank you."

Olivia nodded. "What happened today?"

"What do you mean?" Amanda asked, trying to sound like she had no idea what Olivia was talking about.

"I mean you weren't sick when you left, and then a few hours later you're so sick Melinda had to call me." Olivia said softly.

Amanda looked down at her hands. "I… I kind of had a panic attack." She mumbled.

Olivia reached out to hold her hands. "What happened baby?"

"He applied for a job with the DA's office." She said quietly.

"Who did?" Olivia asked.

"Patton."

"Are you gonna do anything about it?"

Amanda shrugged. "There's not much I can do."

Olivia ran her thumbs over Amanda's palms gently. "You could press charges in Atlanta?"

Amanda sighed. "They won't do anything to him Liv, I tried…"

She sniffled and pulled one of her hands out of Olivia's grip to wipe her eyes.

Olivia slid closer to her, opening her arms to her girlfriend. "C'mere sweetheart."

Amanda leaned into her, resting her head on her chest.

Olivia held her tightly, one arm around her waist, the other running through her hair softly.

Amanda stayed silent for a few minutes, listening to Olivia's steady heartbeat, trying to calm her own down again.

When she finally spoke again, her voice was timid.

"I don't know what to do."

Olivia nodded. "I know Manda, I'm sorry." She said softly. "I… I can't tell you what to do, but whatever you decide, I'll support you."

"I just wanna forget it… him." Amanda told her.

Olivia sighed. "I know… but with Allison… It'll always be there. I know that's not what you want to hear, and he won't ever be in her life, but you can't forget it baby."

Amanda nodded. "I know… I don't want to…" She trailed off.

"Don't want to what, Manda?" Olivia asked.

"I don't wanna take back Allison… now that I know her."

Olivia squeezed her. "Of course, you don't baby, I know you want her. But you can want her, and love her, and still hate him. That's perfectly okay Amanda."

Amanda nodded against her. "I do hate him." She told Olivia. "The amount of time's that I've wished death on him… but I also love her."