Sorry for the delay, enjoy!
Ch. 9
Insecure- Mitchie
Ignoring someone turned out to be harder than Mitchie thought. Especially when that person was her best friend
Wrapping her cardigan around herself ignoring the slight chill in the air, she made her way up the steps wincing from the pain in her legs. Yesterday she had went with Cody and Tawni to get the Connect 3 album at Target. Dressed for success in a red skirt and black blouse she felt pretty cute. Unfortunately she did not anticipate being trampled by fellow fans once Shane Gray had grabbed her hand, by pure chance. Grateful for the leggings she wore to cover the bruises and her body in general, she slunk to the tree in the courtyard and plugged in her headphones listening to Connect 3's new album. Pulling out her notebook she listened to the lyrics of "That's Just the Way We Roll."
Listening to the lyrics of how they had felt so sure of who they were, she found herself realizing how unsure of who she was herself. How even though she was starting to open up with her new friends, she was still unsure about who she was. That she could decide who she wanted to be and who she could hang out with. Feeling inspired, she found herself scribbling lyrics to a song that she had started earlier last month.
"Whoa ohhh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How to choose who to be.
Well let's see.
There's so many choices now.
Play guitar, be a movie star.
In my head a voice says:
Why not try everything?
Why stop reach for any dream?
I can rock.
Cause it's my life and now's the time…."
Glancing at the page at the lyrics she had written thus far she felt satisfied. That she had completed verse 1 to the would be song. All she needed now was a second verse and a bridge and it would be complete. Flipping through her journal tempted to start a new song she looked up only to see a mass of curly frizzy hair and glasses coming towards her. Sierra.
Swallowing her nervousness she put on her best face, grateful that Cody was off campus for lunch and Tawni taking care of cheer prep. It would give her time to decide if she really could go through the decision she had made: to cut her best friend out of her life.
"Hey."
"Hey," Sierra greeted back settling unto the grass besides her. "I haven't seen you in forever even though I did say hi to you in the hallway a few days ago. Did you lose weight?"
"Really you said hi to me?" Mitchie asked ignoring Sierra's comment about her weight loss. If anything she had felt like she had stayed the same size. She hadn't purged since that weekend at the party in fear of damanging her throat. But since she felt heavier these days, she was wondering if she should.
"Yeah," Sierra said as she studied her intently and Mitchie's half eaten California rolls. It was like she could she right through her. Feeling self conscious she grabbed a roll and stuffed it into her mouth, not wanting to raise suspicion as Sierra continued on. "You were with Cody and Tawni the other day. Guess you didn't notice. You're always with them in fact."
Swallowing what felt like a ton of bricks, Mitchie struggled to find the words to say. She didn't want to be rude, but she didn't want to lie either. She decided to reach middle ground instead. "I've just been busy, that's all."
Sierra nodded as if accepting it before continuing. "Yeah. Busy enough to lose weight and buy the Connect 3 album with Tawni and Cody even though you promised we would go together. Yeah real busy." Struggling to find the words to say she watched Sierra get up and start to walk away before adding, "By the way you're not fooling me Mitchie." Sighing it seemed as if Sierra had already made the decision for her.
Gathering her things, she made her way back into the building tossing out the remainder of her lunch no longer hungry. Then again it seemed like these days she never was.
Making her way through the halls she smiled scurrying through the halls trying to look for Cody. Long hair flying she rounded a corner and paused seeing his familiar blonde head of hair bent towards Tawni's talking in hushed whispers and giggles. Frowning at the scene she wondered if she should be worried. She doubted that anything would happen since Tawni was her friend and Cody her boyfriend. Especially since she and Cody shared their first as a couple days ago. They wouldn't conspire against her. Trusting her instincts she moved forward and tapped Cody on the shoulder.
Turning away from Tawni, she smiled in relief as Cody greeted her with a quick kiss to her lips and Tawni acknowledged her presence as well. It turned out she had nothing to worry about after all.
Rain pouring down hours later, Mitchie leaned against the passenger window as her Mom droned on and on about work. Pulling her hood up to her cardigan she slumped in her seat eager to sleep but her mom had other plans. "So how's Sierra?"
Holding back a sigh, she put on a brave face and mustered up the best answer that was true and not raise any questions. "She's good. We've just been super busy that's all."
"That's good," her mom said pleased by her answer. "I hope you guys have time to see each other. Maybe you and your new friends can hang out together."
"Maybe," Mitchie replied trailing off. If only it were that simple.
"Yeah. But in the meantime let's spend some quality time together. I hardly get to see you anymore sweetie."
Mitchie nodded weakly in agreement grateful the subject was off Sierra, but sadden by her answer. Her mom was right, even though she saw her every day, she felt she didn't spend enough time with her mother anymore.
Watching the scenery roll by as they drove downtown. Smiling she took in the scenery as they passed her favorite coffee shop. Her mom who must have seen her wandering eyes lingering on the place chuckled before saying, "we'll stop there on our way back from running some errands. I swear you take after your father, always drinking coffee."
Mitchie smirked. "So coffee is life. When inspiration strikes I just have to it." And it was true. Lately coffee had been her inspiration for songs.
"Another thing you got from your father's side, your singing. You definitely didn't get it from me." To prove her point her Mom began to sing along to one of the songs on the radio causing Mitchie to groan.
"Please stop."
"What? I warned you."
Rolling her eyes in amusement they pulled up to a clothing store nearby. Meeting her mother's eyes she watched as her mother mumbled in defense, "You can never have too many clothes," as they headed inside. Instantly spotting the juniors section, Mitchie scampered over instantly picking up a burgundy baby doll dress and holding it up to herself in the full length mirror. Mitchie smiled instantly sucking in her stomach to make herself thinner, a habit that Tawni had quickly introduced to her.
"Don't you have a dance coming up?"
"Yeah," Mitchie answered dreamily thinking of the dance that she and Cody would be going to later that week that she almost forgot about. She shivered at the thought of her and Cody on the dance floor. It would be their first actual date.
"And you're going to go with a guy? The one you can't stop daydreaming about and dressing cute for?" Connie Torres asked as Mitchie bite her lip glancing down at her oversized shirt, black leggings, hooded cardigan, and ankle boots. She was dressing cute? If anything she was dressing to hide her body.
"Yeah," she admitted before opening up a bit more. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to tell you much about him, but his name is Cody. We've kinda been together for a while now. I would've told you sooner but-"
Her mom held up her hand silencing her. "Say no more. You're new to dating so it's understandable. Just as long as your father and I get to meet this boy."
"Done," Mitchie replied relieved that her mom was mad. Glancing at her reflection once more with her mother in the mirror she spoke once more. "I suppose these errands were dress shopping then."
"Maybe, I am aware of the events the go on at your school Mitchelle and besides you can never have too many clothes." Rolling her eyes in amusement, she picked up the dress along with a few more items from the clothes rack before heading into the dressing room.
Hours later she found herself setting at the bar to her favorite coffee shop with a blueberry scone and a large hazelnut macchiato with an extra shot of espresso with her while her mom went to do some quick last minute grocery shopping. Dress shopping had been success with her mom. Not only did she find a perfect dress to wear to the dance, but her mom also spoiled her with a skirt, blouse, 2 more dresses, and a pair of brown fringed boots that she was currently wearing. Staring down at her feet she gazed at the beaded tassels hanging from the sides memorized by them. It felt as if they were made for her. That unlike the other clothes she bought where she felt insecure due to her body, the boots she felt confident in. Like the coffee shop, it was exactly where she was supposed to be now.
"Exactly where I'm supposed to be now," Mitchie mumbled lost in thought as she turned to another blank page and scribbled the lyric down. Sighing she flipped through more pages with lyrics to potential songs. Even though her creative juices were flowing she couldn't complete a song to save her life. Tapping her pencil against the page she nibbled on her blueberry scone lost in thought before hearing "I like your boots."
Startled she turned around to see a little boy with a mass a wavy brown hair staring at her. Smiling she collected her thoughts, "Thanks I just got them. I like your shirt. I used to watch Courage the Cowardly dog when I was your age."
Grinning the little boy hopped up on the stool next to her glancing at her song book. "What are you doing?"
"Writing songs," Mitchie admitted wondering where the little boy's parents were. Didn't they care where he was? "Where are your parents?"
"They're outside talking to my brother on the phone. He writes songs just like you. He's in a band with his best friends. Are you in one?"
"No I'm not, I just write songs and sing in choir."
"But if you write songs why don't you perform them?" the little boy asked curious. Mitchie stared into the depths of his brown eyes before sighing.
"Because I have stage fright and am not that good." She admitted in defeat. She couldn't believe she was confiding all this to a little boy she didn't know.
"Well you never know if you don't try, at least that's what my brother says. He used to think that too, but now he and his band are starting to get big. They're away right now actually. I miss him."
Mitchie stared at him saddened by his expression. Glancing at the guitar in the corner where there were instruments open to anyone in the café she had an idea. Hoping down from her seat she walked over to it and grabbed the guitar before walking over to the little boy and his now confused expression.
"Tell you what. How about I sing you a song? Would that make you feel better? In fact you can tell me how bad I am."
The little boy nodded and spoke once more before she began to strum, "Do you any of connect 3's songs? They're my favorite band at the moment."
"Yeah I know some and they're my favorite too," Mitchie replied as she readjusted her position on the strings messing with the chords before strumming on the guitar settling on a melody. Feeling herself get the melody she smiled nervously at the little boy before singing:
"We don't have time left to regret (hold on).
It will take more than common sense (hold on).
So stop you're wondering and take a stand (hold on).
There's more than life to just live (hold on).
'Cause an empty room can be so loud with so many tears to drown them out
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on (hold on).
One single smile a helping hand (hold on).
It's not that hard to be a friend (hold on).
So don't give up stand till the end (hold on).
Cause there's more to life than just to live (hold on).
'Cause an empty room can be so loud with so many tears to drown them out
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on. (hold on).
Hold on.
When you love someone and they break your heart,
Don't give up on love have faith restart.
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on (hold on).
When it falls apart and you're feeling lost.
When all hope is gone,
Don't forget to hold on.
Hold on.
cause an empty room can seem so loud with so many tears to drown them out
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on. (hold on).
When you love someone and they break your heart,
Don't give up on love have faith restart.
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on (hold on).
'cause an empty room can seem so loud with so many tears to drown them out
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on (hold on).
When you love someone and they break your heart,
Don't give up on love have faith restart.
So hold on (hold on).
Hold on (hold on)."
She sang the last note and trailed off noticing the little boy's pleased expression and jumped when she heard clapping. Glancing around it appeared she had gathered the attention of a small crowd and the owner of the shop as well.
Shooting her a smug look the boy remarked, "I think you're selling yourself a bit short. You're not bad you're pretty good. And thanks for the song by the way." Smiling the little boy hopped off the stool, as his phone beeped and walked outside.
"Uh, thanks," she stammered out as she watched him go to what she presumed to be where his parents were waiting for him. Wow a compliment from someone other than my family and friends what luck! She thought as she put the guitar up before sipping her coffee in amazement. Yet there was something about him that seemed familiar even though she had never seen him before. Almost as if his attitude matched the guy she met at the coffee shop earlier this week.
"I didn't know you good sing," the owner of the shop said interrupting her thoughts causing her to jump. Managing to regain her composure she nodded gathering her things even though her mom wouldn't be here for another 5 minutes. Even though most of the strangers she meet were nice she wanted some time to herself.
"Yeah I do, but mainly to myself. I have stage fright." She replied nodding towards the door indicating that she had to go.
The owner nodded in understanding. "That's a shame. We're always looking for live entertainment and you would make a great act. Just know if you get over it, you're welcomed to perform here."
"Wow. Tttthanks," she stammered in disbelief. Now 2 people thought she was talented. Talk about a real confidence booster.
The owner said a quick "Anytime" before heading back to his customers. Relived that the attention was off her, Mitchie headed out of the shop with her coffee in hand deciding to wait for her mom there and collect her thoughts.
Once outside, she breathed out hardly believing her luck. Maybe it's a sign Mitchie thought glancing around the street in search of her mom. To stop purging so my voice can be strong and I can sing more songs. She closed her eyes and envisioned herself singing at her favorite coffee shop getting over her stage fright. If she did this then she could follow her dream. Smiling her grinned until she caught herself in the reflection in a shop window. Frowning she lowered her head and dug her nails into her wrist feeling ashamed. How could she live the dream if she wasn't comfortable in her body?
Lost in her own little world and unaware of how deep her nails dug into wrist, she looked up once more and smiled seeing her mom had finally arrived. Relaxing her nails, she let go of her wrist and walked towards the car rolling her sleeve down. Entering the car she said a quick "hello" to her mom and listened to her talk about what she got at the grocery store. Zoning out, she looking down at her nails the once clenched her wrist noticing they were slightly red. Swallowing her rolled her other sleeve up hiding them from her mom in case she asked. Focusing her attention on her mom, she listened in once again hoping she wouldn't notice this action. Although she knew she couldn't have the best of both worlds, she found a new way to keep her purging at bay. Even if it caused her to keep another secret from her mom in the process.
