Disclaimer: I own nothing below except the plot. All characters, locations, and concepts are owned under their respective copyrights.

Spoilers: Angel through Season 5

Timeline: During the season 5 episode "Time Bomb"

The Burden

Chapter 2: Go bind your sons to exile

Wesley and Illyria were in Fred's apartment. They were more specifically standing in her bedroom. Illyria found it curious that Wesley would come back to this place time and again, it usually caused the grief that merely cloaked him most of the time to consume him in full. Not this time, however, he had the grief covered in some other things. She could taste the decay of the insanity that was slowly breaking him. This was being restrained by a spark of purpose which was lit with that most fickle of human qualities, hope.

Wesley was trying not to be overwhelmed by all the feelings that this room brought forth. It would be so simple to succumb and wallow in the unrelenting misery. The intense woe masked something more horrible. The repeated thought that if this was the result of fighting the good fight, his heartache and Fred's unprecedented obliteration, than the fight itself was worse than useless. That his entire existence was utterly pointless.

This day he had those thoughts under control, or at least they were muffled, by the fact that he was in the place where Fred died to find those things that would help her live once Illyria's plan was complete.

He still had questions for her though, "I know why you're worried about me, what I don't understand is the concern for Fred. Other than her memories, you Illyria have never regarded her with anything but a passing disdain."

Illyria stared and reacted "The shell had a mind that was able to understand this world at its most basic level. There is great power there. I also find the breaking of your mind abhorrent to me. I would not see the shell endure the same. You came here to find items to prevent that."

Wesley nodded in agreement

Illyria smiled, or what she thought of as a smile, "Unfortunately, I cannot send you back to a point before the shell would experience some of what I seek to prevent. If you are with her than you can mend her mind. To do this you will need to provide four things to the shell, protection, company, comfort, and trust."

Wesley remembered something from before "Illyria, when Fred was dying she mentioned the name of something she needed, Feigenbaum, I think it was, do you know what she needed?"

Illyria responded in Fred's voice "Feigenbaum, he's the master of chaos." After this she shifted to her normal, deeper tones "Moreover, it was one of the shell's childhood toys, a white rabbit."

Wesley searched the room and found the small stuffed animal, he hung his head, yet another of his many failures weighing on him, he never even had enough time with Fred to learn these things. He was about to breakdown completely when Illyria grabbed him, slapped him, and snarled "Not now, Wesley, get the other items you came here for, we are running out of time."

Wesley, still stinging from the rough treatment, but with that previous spark of purpose rekindled "Alright, then"

After obtaining all the items they sought at Fred's, personal and otherwise, Illyria took them both to Wesley's place. Her power was increasing and using it for short-range transportation seemed as good an outlet as any. Once there Wesley gathered up the remaining supplies, mostly weapons, that he would need while in Pylea.

He was outfitted with the wrist-mounted collapsible sword and stake combination weapon, a crossbow for long range work, a machete for close in, a last resort dagger, another one-handed medium length sword, and another crossbow. He had considered taking some firearms, but there were a number of problems. The first would be ammunition, or lack thereof. The second was the fact that they were quite noisy and would attract far too much attention. Thirdly, he was worried about what the introduction of such technology would do to Pylean society.

Aside from weaponry he had gathered other supplies such as food, some clothing, both for himself and Fred, and those other things that campers would use to survive in a place that was bereft of modern technology. The most crucial items were the templates he had taken from Wolfram and Hart. He was fully prepared to go, survive, and accomplish the mission Illyria had set for him.

Illyria was getting ready to open the portal when the door to Wesley's place came crashing in. First in was Gunn, weapon in hand, followed by Lorne with the same. Angel and Spike remained outside for the time being. Illyria turned to Wesley and said "Allow the half-breeds to enter, I wish to speak with them"

Wesley in turn addressed the two vampires "You can come in, I guess I should have said something earlier, there just wasn't time."

"Wes, what's going on, Lorne tells me your aura changed since you left your office and why do you look like you're going for a long wilderness hike?" Angel inquired as he moved closer to Wesley.

Wesley pleasantly responded "Well, Illyria offered to send me back in time so I could see Fred again, Illyria thinks I am going insane you see. As to the kit I have, Lorne how cold does it get in Pylea?"

Lorne blinked in surprise "Well with the two suns, it stays pretty warm during the day. Even the winter isn't that bad, a lot like here actually. At night though, think cold, I mean really cold. Like you could wake up to a winter wonderland if it rains."

Angel interjected "Wait, did you just say this demon-god will send you back in time just to see the woman you love? I don't buy it Wes, she probably just wants you out of the way so it'll be easier to deal with the rest of us later."

To which Illyria snarled "You know nothing..."

but Wesley cut her off "Angel, it doesn't matter either way, we're all dead anyway. I just don't care anymore. Besides, if she wanted to kill me she could have easily done it back at the office."

Angel stopped, his eyes shifting between Illyria and Wesley "What do you mean we're all dead anyway? Are you just being philosophical, or is something going on right now?

Wesley smiled, glanced at Illyria, and responded "I am being perfectly literal and immediate here, Illyria here is essentially a walking thermonuclear weapon." He addressed Illyria "What is your estimate of the range of the explosion?"

Illyria smirked in turn "Comparing the release of my power to those pathetic human attempts at destruction is laughable, I am more like a force of nature. Using the shell's knowledge I calculate that my power would have four times the explosive force of the largest such 'weapon' that humans have made."

Spike interjected at this point "Bloody hell, I remember what she's talking about, that huge bomb in Russia, everything out to fifty miles, just flat. I felt the rumblings of it and I was in the States at the time." Angel was horrified "That means most of southern California would be destroyed, Wes, stop smiling, don't you think this is something we should try and stop, or have you been so blinded by this 'offer' of Illyria's that you are willing to risk millions of lives. I know you're hurting because of Fred, we all are, but she wouldn't want either of these things." Spike and Gunn winced at this last comment as they both had a hand in her death.

Wesley laughed at this point "Hurting, you think I am hurting do you, I honestly don't know what I am going through here but I can assure you it goes beyond pain and grief. Do you remember what I told you when you asked me about Nina?"

Angel did indeed remember, he realized that Wesley wasn't talking about Angel and Nina, he was talking about himself and Fred when he said if there was someone who made the world worth fighting for that person should do something about it. "I'm sorry Wes, it's just this situation has got all of us on edge." Angel was also considering the plans he had set in motion since Cordelia had left him with a final vision of the real power behind Wolfram & Hart. "Wes, let's see what you are going through, Lorne would you be willing to do a reading?"

Lorne hesitated before answering, he recalled the last time he had heard someone sing, It was Fred right before she collapsed from the thing that killed her. He had seen so much pain and sheer horror in that brief tune he wasn't sure he wanted to see what Wesley would show him. "Angel-cakes, I guess I could," he looked at Wesley "Okay, Wes, what about you, will you sing? And please nothing by the Stones."

Wesley lost his smile but said "Of course Lorne, I've got nothing to hide anymore." He cleared his throat and began singing. Lorne had to admit he had gotten better since the first time he came into Caritas years ago with Cordy and Gunn. Lorne hummed the melody of the song quietly.

"Take that look of worry, mine's an ordinary life
Working when it's daylight
And sleeping when it's night
I've got no far horizons
I don't wish upon a star
They don't think that I listen
Oh but I know who they are

Seems so long I've been waiting
Still don't know what for
There's no point escaping
I don't worry anymore
I can't come out to find you
I don't like to go outside
They can't turn off my feelings
Like they're turning off a light

So take, take me home."

Lorne waved him off at this point, his eyes were glistening with un-shed tears and a sympathetic look graced his face. "Surprising choice there cupcake, I figured you for a Beatles kind of a guy. Angel, don't worry about Illyria, she is not trying to kill him, she really is going to send him to Pylea, and he really needs to go."

Lorne said this because he had seen the man's aura. He had glimpsed it when Fred had sung her last song. The Wesley he had seen at that point had been filled with love, and something Lorne hadn't seen before, a certain kind of peace with his place and purpose in the world.

The man standing before him had almost none of that left, the love was still there but it was hollow. It was wrapped and mixed in with a deep grief, the likes of which Lorne had only seen a few times before. The fates of those overwhelmed souls had never lasted very long and always ended with their utter destruction. He had tried to help them, to halt what he had seen, and he had always failed. This kind of grief would not allow for consolation and it wouldn't abate in time. Lorne could see he might be able to help this time.

"Wes, I hope I see you again, if you sing then I will know you again, oh and stay lost for a while, you're going to need time for many things. By the way if you need help while you are there my cousin Landok might be an option, he appreciates a good hunt or joust. If you can kill stuff you'll get along great with him."

The 'many things' comment was meant for the other part of Wesley that Lorne had seen. It was like looking at a pane of glass that had been shattered and yet still remained in place. He had seen this before as well, though the people that showed this usually ended up in the news the next day with some heinous murder or robbery, or they ended up jumping off a high rise building. Lorne didn't think Wesley was suicidal, though maybe this latest thing with Illyria was his attempt at it.

Wesley considered this for a moment "Thank you, Lorne, hopefully I'll show you something different when next we meet."

Angel stepped in at this point "Wait, wait, wait. So, what its already been decided, what about the impending explosion of Illyria here, are we just going to ignore that?

Illyria answered "You are foolish, when Wesley goes through the portal..." at this she flung her hand out and a swirling mass of blue-tinged energy appeared, which caused a slight wind in the room. "He will change the timeline irrevocably, if he keeps his end of the bargain I will not exist in my current form, so you need not worry about that."

Wesley stared at everyone around the room considering Illyria's words and decided to end things without a parting word, there wasn't much more to say. He turned towards the portal and was about to step into it when Angel had a thought "Wes, wait, when you meet me again you had better make sure I know about Holtz."

Wesley returned "Of course, Angel." He turned to Gunn and Spike "Spike, I wanted to thank you for saving Fred from Pavayne, for all the good it did."

Spike was taken aback "What's all this about, if you go through that rabbit hole, none of this will happen, just when you see me again, give me something I can bet on, maybe if I had a stake I coulda done things differently."

At this point Gunn chimed in "Hey Wes, time's a wastin' here, and you better not get killed out there." Wesley smiled at his friend "I'll try Gunn, maybe we won't meet again, I guess we'll just have to see."

With that he went through the portal. Several things happened all at once, the apartment was bathed in a changing light which removed everyone and everything from the place and replaced it with different furniture and various things that turn a place into a home, with pictures of unfamiliar faces and the family that lived there going about their day as normal.

–-

Four and and a half years ago

On a dusty highway somewhere near the Arizona-California border a leather-clad motorcycle rider was on the trail of a demon he had last picked up in Phoenix. His journey was to remain unfinished as he was encompassed by a ring of blue-tinged smoke that suddenly coalesced and contracted inward. Before the demon hunter had time to consider what this was, the ring had snapped him out of existence with a sharp and very loud crack. The bike careened out of control and ended up twisted and wrecked on the side of the road. Authorities who later arrived to remove the bike tried to find it's rider, but never did find him or what there should have been of his body.

In Los Angeles, a balance demon gifted with visions from the Powers That Be, received a cryptic one about a man out of time and a face to go along with the title. He didn't know the man or the location in which he was shown, which included two suns, and so would have waved the vision aside had not there been a caution about sacrifice and redemption, that he did not have do the one to receive the other.

Seers and psychics the world over felt the impending arrival of someone new and old at the same time. Some of their predictions and prophecies were made invalid. Others were modified to incorporate this person.

In a cave in Pylea, a young woman was scared and intrigued at the same time by the swirling mass of energy that resembled the portal that had brought her there. What was strange was that it did not pull at her like the other had, in fact when she approached it she could only get within a certain distance before she was stopped. She figured out that it had to be open for a reason, if she couldn't go in, that meant something was going to come out. She wanted to be ready when it did, she did not expect whatever it was to be friendly. Bad things always happened here.

Wesley felt the pull and heard the noise of the portal. The passage was surprisingly smooth 'Leave it to Illyria to improve upon portal travel' he thought even as he was passing through time and dimension. It was quick too, as he soon found himself stepping out of the portal into a dimly lit cave whose walls were covered in writing made with chalk. 'Fred's cave, I actually made it, well now to...' his thought was interrupted as he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head, and the last thing he saw was the cave floor rushing up to meet him.