Disclaimer: I own nothing below except the plot. All characters, locations, and concepts are owned under their respective copyrights.

Spoilers: Angel through Season 5

Timeline: During the season 5 episode "Time Bomb"

Author's note: As with all of my stories, suggestions about future plot development's are welcome and wanted, Reviews of any kind are neat as well.

To RandomDude: All of those are excellent ideas. Especially the one about Wolfram & Hart, Wesley does know a lot about the company and he will make use of it. The other ideas don't really fit into the timeline I have set in the story. Wesley and Fred aren't going to leave Pylea until Angel and the rest of the Team arrive at the end of season 2. So Wesley will get back to Earth after Buffy is dead. There is already a story on here called "Wesley's Mulligan" that uses many of those ideas. I have no desire to rehash that excellent story.

The Burden

Chapter 6: In patience to abide

Life in Pylea was not so bad. Fred and Wesley had settled into a semi-routine during the day. There was breakfast, where they planned out the rest of the day. Next, they would go out and do what they planned. These included getting food or fuel for the fire, or going to the nearby town to sell what they had if they could. Fred was invaluable for these transactions, as she had tried to eat everything she could find and knew what was good, and non-poisonous. She had a grasp of the native language, which prevented them from being ripped off on a number of occasions. Also, they would purchase as many other things they would have a hard time making themselves. As many supplies as Wesley had brought, they were limited and soon ran out. The templates that Wesley had brought were invaluable for finding substitutes.

Wesley had taught Fred the locator spell they used to contact the Groosalugg. Wesley preferred having his presence when they went to the marketplace. The average Pylean was not accepting of the two collar-less cows. However, the Groosalugg and Wesley would provide an explanation, and if that failed, they could always threaten more violent methods of persuasion. That was usually enough to diffuse the situation, the Groosalugg's reputation would cause most to back down.

The next part of the day involved training of one sort or another. Wesley had resolved to train Fred in the art of combat. He encountered a number of problems. The first was that he cared about her safety. He didn't want to hurt her. This led to less effective training until one day, after a half-hearted fencing session, Fred became fed up and spat out "C'mon, Wes, quit holding back, I'm never going to learn anything useful like this, I get that I'm special to ya, but that doesn't mean I'm soft."

After that Wesley had given more serious thought to what she could do well. Given her size and personality, he thought it best that she refrain from hand-to-hand combat. So he focused on improving her use of weapons. For close in fighting, he focused on edged weapons of various types. The fact that she wasn't a Slayer meant that Wesley had to change his training accordingly. Where a Slayer had the strength, speed, and instincts to be aggressive, Fred did not have those advantages.

What she did have was a quick mind and a sharp eye. Wesley took this and her size and developed a fighting style that focused on defense, using parrying and counterattacks, she helped this by utilizing a technique that some Pyleans used against larger drokken. They would let the beast charge and at the last moment they would step or jump out of the way, letting the beast's own momentum lead to its demise. Fred embarrassed Wesley a number of times with this, when he would commit to an attack, only to find a giggling Fred with a weapon poised for a killing blow at his neck or back.

It was with the crossbow that Fred truly excelled, being a physicist, she was well versed in trajectory calculations. Once she had figured out the weight of a crossbow bolt, both the ones Wesley originally brought as well as the wooden ones they both made. She could hit a target with great accuracy, not exactly pinpoint, but well enough to hit the target consistently and fatally. She also became proficient at re-loading quickly. Wesley had made sure she understood that best way for her to end a fight was from a distance, that any other weapons she might have, were secondary.

Fred came up with final part of her training, she had done it for years. And Wesley encouraged it. Being able to fight was important, being able to avoid a fight was just as important. If she was threatened and thought she couldn't win, then she was to run. Wesley simulated a pursuing opponent. He would chase her. Given that he was slightly faster due to his longer stride, Fred learned from experience that just running was sometimes not enough, changes in direction were important, as well as shifting from running to fighting. This was a crucial part of the training, as many demons in Pylea and elsewhere were markedly faster than most humans. But just as many were bigger and slower.

It was at night that they would drift apart. Wesley had taken to studying how he could use magic to improve their situation. Everything from trying to find a truly eternal flame, which was partially successful. The fire would have to be recharged with a small amount of magical energy each day. He also tried to improve their security, which was totally unsuccessful beyond the Sanctuary spell he originally used. He even tried his hand at conjuring objects. That endeavor was largely beyond his reach, both because of his own limited magical ability as well as his lack of extreme emotion to allow for access to more power. He was also wary of magic, never attempting anything until he understood it fully, and using as little power as possible. Magic always had a price, and Wesley was careful with how much he and possibly Fred might have to pay.

He also sought to augment his own capabilities in combat. Again his limited power meant that he could only perform simple offensive and defensive spells, and even these would leave him exhausted. He relegated magic to a last resort option, to be used decisively or not at all.

Fred had her own project. She kept trying to figure Wesley out. He barely talked about himself. He told her of events on Earth she had missed since she came to Pylea. Otherwise they talked of everyday things and her training.

She knew him as Wesley and she heard him mention the name "Pryce" when he was negotiating with Narwek. She used one of the templates to search for the name. She was amazed at what she found. There was information about him that stretched from his childhood to years that had not happened yet.

There was the factual, sterile, and standard Wolfram & Hart biography that showed some of his actions. At least the ones the firm knew about or observed. There were periods where they didn't know much. His time in a place called Sunnydale seemed to have gaps in it, as if whoever was keeping track of him kept having to change for some reason. Apparently Wolfram & Hart liked to employ "vampires" for this work. It seemed Sunnydale at that time was not a safe place for their employees. There was a curious report by a branch in Phoenix of a leather-clad, motorcycle riding, and self-appointed demon hunter that matched Wesley's description.

Fred tried to imagine a picture of that description to match with the man currently in the cave. His clothes now consisted of mostly jeans, with some slacks thrown in. His shirts varied and were usually covered by a medium brown leather jacket that Wesley seemed to wear all of the time, as if it was some kind of security blanket. Fred came up with an image that combined the two and resembled someone out of a Mad Max movie. Her mirth at the image had caused a stifled laugh that had Wesley smiling as well.

There was one piece of clothing that Fred noticed was never worn. It was a black turtleneck sweater. When Fred asked about this, Wesley seemed surprised he had even brought it, but then mentioned it held some bad memories. Fred tried to find out more, but Wesley would tell her no details.

Fred realized she would gain no more insight from the biography, and asked for any other works referencing Wesley. She wasn't expecting anything much, but the template filled itself something titled The Collected Watcher's Dairies of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.

The work had started with his time at something called "The Academy" Fred had asked about this. While Wesley was initially angry that she had started reading what was supposed to be information that just the Council should be able to access, he realized that since Wolfram & Hart had them, Fred might as well be able to read them. Wesley explained that as he was a Watcher, a very specialized education was required to aid the Slayer. Fred had asked for the other template to look-up the terms she was unfamiliar with, such as "Watcher", "Slayer", and "vampire."

Given her time in Pylea, she had no trouble accepting the supernatural creatures of the night or their hunters. She read how Wesley had been given an assignment in the "Sunnydale" she had read about earlier. The diary had shifted from confidence to bewilderment almost immediately. There was also a trace of resentment towards someone named "Giles" and how he should "step aside and allow a real Watcher to exercise full control over the Slayers." Not that they had much respect for him to begin with. Fred also read about Faith's descent into evil, and Wesley's actions to try and prevent it. All of which failed. Then their were the entries dealing with the prelude to the Ascension of someone called "the Mayor." Wesley was chastened after the battle, he had not covered himself in glory, in fact he seemed to be grateful he had survived at all.

After he had left Sunnydale Wesley had not written much until he arrived in L.A. Having been sacked by the Council had led to a listless approach to keeping up the diary. It seemed that Wesley had taken his failure in his assignment rather hard. When there were entries, they dealt with musing over what he could have done differently, especially when it came to the other Slayer, Faith.

Fred read through Wesley's early years in Los Angeles. She saw his nervousness in working with Angel, who had the potential to become a rather infamous evil version of himself. Fred cross-referenced Angelus in the other template, she was sickened at some of the stories, very much so by his Valentines' day tradition, honestly, killing puppies. Never mind the countless people he killed in ever more gruesome and inventive ways.

Those early years ended with the case involving a drokken at someplace called "Caritas" and a "vision from Cordelia involving a girl in a library and a portal" Fred remembered that day, how it had started normally and ended with her in Pylea being sold in the market like an animal.

The diary continued once Wesley had returned from Pylea. He had started out by calling her "the traumatized shut-in from Cordy's vision." and later he wrote "I should thank her for her contribution in Pylea, it's quite likely that Angel would have seriously hurt Gunn and myself, possibly even killed us both if she hadn't intervened." It was a while after this, in terms of the number of entries, that his references to her changed to "that poor girl" and then to "Angel's hanger-on" and finally "an oddly helpful young woman."

There was a time period where the diary stopped almost completely, with one item jotted down in the beginning of the stoppage "How could I have done that, she is probably afraid of me now, and she has every right to be." and another at the restart "Forgiveness, how could she do it? She's extraordinary."

There was a flurry of activity in the diary with the re-appearance of "Darla" from earlier and the arrival of Angel's son. And then a brief recounting of the ballet with a final "What did I expect, Gunn never tried to kill her, the choice makes perfect sense." and then the horrified "Angel is going to kill him, Connor, I have to prevent it, somehow."

There was another time period where nothing was written, and then only in shaky writing "I succeeded, Connor is still alive, hopefully. I failed, I lost him to the enemy. I'm alone, which is good, Angel promised my death, I expect that is what will happen if I seek to aid him or the rest my once friends, or her."

Fred found out who "her" was in the next item "Gunn appeared at my door tonight, asking for my help, the nerve of that man, I thought we were friends, I guess it was conditional upon whether I could be of use or not. I almost turned him away if he hadn't been seeking help for Fred. She was only one who visited me in the hospital, so did Angel, but he tried to kill me, so I can't regard that as anything more than revenge upon me. Fred informed me of my failure at least, and warned me to stay away. I will help her, the rest completely abandoned me."

Fred read about the reappearance of Connor after a drink with an "evil lawyer" that person kept appearing until they were replaced with the name "Lilah." Wesley also wrote about his search for Angel and Cordelia, who had both disappeared suddenly.

He chronicled his capture and interrogation of "Justine" with a certain amount of justification "She did try to kill me, I see little reason to be gentle in getting the information I require."

There was a gap after he wrote about retrieving Angel. The entry concluded with the statement "Fred asked me if I cared anymore, how could she ask me that? Haven't I proven that I care by my actions towards them. Risking Angel's wrath upon seeing me."

Then Wesley had jotted down various demons he had encountered during cases while doing freelance work.

Fred noticed that the pauses between entries were getting longer between the dates when they were written. There was one that really caught her attention "I had a pleasantly unexpected visitor this night. Fred sought my aid in helping her deal with someone named Seidel, apparently he was the one who sent her to Pylea, she wanted to reply to him in kind. My feelings for her have not lessened, my dalliance Lilah notwithstanding, I found Fred's company most enjoyable. Angel already approached me about Cordelia, perhaps I can rejoin my colleagues, end my exile."

That brought Fred out of her reading, she thought it was her own fault she'd opened the portal, but if she was sent here, she wanted to know "Wesley, what happened to Professor Seidel? You wrote here that you helped" and Fred was torn by trying to reference her future self "with some sort of revenge on him."

Wesley looked up from his own work, since Fred had both templates, he was practicing with weak offensive magic. Given the confined area of the cave he focused on pure energy attacks instead of anything elemental. He was trying to figure out how many attacks he could perform before he was out of energy. He answered "The plan was that she would send him through a portal, though I don't know for certain if that's what happened." He missed Fred's frown at the mention of her counterpart, it seemed Wesley had no trouble in separating them, he was no longer confused when he mentioned her, but he still wouldn't offer anything without a direct question.

"Why not? If you were part of the plan, wouldn't you want to finish it with her" Fred sagged a little bit, all of this reading and studying was illuminating but it was exhausting at times.

Wesley's expression was half fond remembrance and half sadness, that would never again get to talk to the person who had that memory. While he had accepted that Fred was sitting right in front of him, he still held the memories of another who was also her. "She told me to stay behind, it was something she needed to do alone."

"Oh, I hope he got what he deserved, this isn't a picnic here." Fred flipped through some of the pages on her referencing template, so she could ask about and see if there was any information on Dr. Seidel after the date in Wesley's journal, if there was nothing she could maybe take comfort that he wasn't able to do anything that might be recorded by Wolfram & Hart, or it could be that he wasn't worth their effort to track as they did to so many others.

Wesley reflected back on that time in his life, and he realized he never did find out what happened, Fred had other things to deal with after, and everyone became rather busy with the oncoming apocalypse.

Fred went back to her reading and studying, while Wesley stopped his own work to watch her for a moment, noting the similarities between her and the Fred from his memory, they looked the same when they were researching, her eyes flitting over the page, her glasses perched on the edge of her nose, and her face contorting with various emotions. It was only the location and his perception that were changed.

Fred was engrossed in a few short passages about something called "the Beast." And then Wesley had written about his impending interrogation with Angelus "This could be my last writing, the demon I'm about to face is likely to view me as a particular target, from what I gathered from his last appearance, Angelus loathed those who befriended Angel, going so far as to engage in prolonged torture. One mistake on our part, and he will indulge in his proclivity for destruction and terror. I fear it would be worse this time. I must be on guard, failure here carries the highest price."

After that the diary had stopped for a long while, except for an odd and short entry "I feel peace and love, above anything else, it's paradise."

Fred wondered at this until Wesley got back to his normal pattern with "We actually prevailed, we stopped Jasmine, and for some reason, we've been offered positions at Wolfram & Hart, though I can't imagine accepting the offer."

It was surprising when later Wesley had followed along with the others in going to the law firm. He wasn't filling the diary like usual except for the occasional "Damned bureaucracy, it's a wonder we get anything done." Apparently he was rather busy. He mentioned a visit from, and killing "my father" but Fred looked at the official incident report and found that it was not who she originally thought, it was simply a cyborg using a glamour spell.

And then Fred got closer to her goal when she came across this "who knew a kids program with demonic undertones could lead to something wonderful. Smile time indeed."

And yet another hiatus that only broke when he wrote with an unsteady hand that couldn't seem to spell, there were words that were crossed out and some were repeated over and over as if he wasn't aware of what he had written. There was also rambling and ranting, not the usual recounting of events for posterity.

He had written "Why do I continue to do this, habit I guess, how useless. Is this my fate to sit and watch as those around me die. First Cordelia and now" and the next word was smudged, as if he had touched it after writing it "Fred. As a watcher, I was trained to expect death, I knew from my history that should a Slayer be put in my care, I would likely watch her die eventually. Death happens, Fred didn't die, she was wiped from existence. Is this what awaits all of us, to suffer before we too leave that empty chair for our friends."

Fred looked up at Wesley, now she understood his confusion when he first arrived, she had died, he loved her and she had died, with a new sympathy she turned back to the book.

Wesley continued later with a slightly less wavering writing style "And yet there is no comfort, her body still walks, still speaks to me, though it is not her. I must at least give this warning. Illyria, even in her current form, has the potential to be a great threat. Better to try and form an alliance with her than to confront her directly. If it should become necessary, attack with every force at hand. Mystical energy, scientific expertise, and possibly brute strength. Using military-grade firepower is encouraged."

Fred closed the book and moved over to Wesley, who had taken to studying the fire, using it as a concentration point, attempting to discover how long it took him recover enough energy for another spell. Fred placed a hand on his shoulder and asked softly "Wesley, who is Illyria?"

Wesley shook off her hand, stood up and turned to face her, she took a step back, a little scared by his expression, this was something he really didn't want to talk about, but he didn't shout or do anything else to show his anger, surprisingly he started his answer softly. "An old one, ancestor among ancestors of most earthly demons. She felt it was her right to rule the world. Oddly, she only ever killed one person, and some demons."

Fred thought she knew who, but she wanted to hear it anyway "Who was that one person, and how did she kill them?"

Wesley paused before answering, trying to organize his thoughts "Illyria's essence infected Fred, and destroyed her from the inside out."

Fred was shocked, she knew about death, had seen it often enough in Pylea, but to hear about her own wasn't something she expected and she asked in small voice "Did it hurt? Was it quick?"

Wesley would never forget that day, how he watched as she was torn from the world. "It was undoubtedly painful, she writhed in pain, fell into delirium from it, but she fought, she hung on as long as she possibly could, I almost wished she hadn't."

Fred moved closer, seeing his downcast eyes as he relived the memory, and tried to understand that last thought "Why, Wesley?"

Now his voice rose with emotion "Because, we thought there was a chance to save her, we were wrong, and she suffered for it. If it wasn't for my own blind foolishness, we had the means to make her more comfortable or we could have forced a quick death." Then Wesley blinked, and his voice became softer "though, if we had done that, Illyria may not have arisen at all."

Fred was confused, either way her future counterpart ended up dead "Why would that matter?"

Wesley responded "If we had killed her before Illyria took her, we would have released her soul, as it turned out, Illyria needed that to complete her rebirth. And if Fred had simply died, I would not be here."

Fred shifted nervously "What does Illyria have to do with you coming here?"

Wesley smiled, time to let the cat out of the bag, and endure the scratches "She sent me here, she loathed the idea that she was trapped in a human body, in a world that wasn't meant for her."

Fred didn't see it as quite the revelation that Wesley thought "So, what, you're supposed to keep her from infecting me?"

Wesley was surprised, he thought that would get more of a reaction "Actually, she wanted to remain in her resting place. So, eventually, I'll have to find those who worship her and stop their plans for her rebirth. So she can't infect anyone or anything."

Fred accepted that, and wondered how bad the suffering was to cause Wesley, who was so concerned for her safety, to actually think about killing someone he loved to spare her that agony. "Thank you, Fred meant very much to you, huh?" She winced a bit at referring to herself in the third person, but it was better than trying to qualify who she was talking about.

Wesley remembered that Illyria once mentioned towers that were as high as moons. He thought that was a befitting comparison for his feelings, he would reach for the stars for Fred, or as it turned out, descend into hell on the slim chance that he would catch a fleeting image of her, or someone who looked liked her, he recoiled from that comparison, as Illyria had said the same thing when asking for his help. He didn't tell Fred this, she didn't need that, so he simply said "Yes, certainly."

Fred was glad, many of her questions had been answered, there was still a crucial thing she had yet to learn. How to get Wesley to transfer his feelings from a memory to her. It wasn't that she was in love with him, but he had helped her. And she had helped him as well, but she didn't think it was fair, that she would be forbidden to return his obvious care with nothing more than company. She saw how her proximity affected him, he was more relaxed. But he never seemed happy. At best, he was in a 'there's work to be done' mode.

Fred nodded at Wesley and went back to her books, she saw the last part of his diaries. After a short "So many memories, I feel like I've lived two lives." there was final record dated a little past four years from now "Two questions, and no answers. How funny, a question without an answer, an unsolvable equation, there are more of those than there should be. Two questions 'Would you have loved me?' and 'Why can't I stay?' For the first, there would never be enough time to show her or tell her what I felt. For the second, it's like pi, there is no one answer, but there are infinite possibilities. These questions repeat like a drumbeat, I'm unable to focus on my so very important work, that is also amusing, what's the point."

Fred closed the book, looked at Wesley, who was now actually using the fire to cook an evening meal for the both of them, and she smiled, if he was still searching for an answer, maybe she could supply him with some.