Tonight Cassian has a serious problem falling asleep. Weird thoughts are coming and going, and he's unable to contain them, force them to quiet down.

He should be the happiest man in the galaxy now. His very own miracle, the most important person in his life is in his arms, calmly breathing in her sleep. Jyn stormed into his life and turned it upside down, but made him a better human being. Sometimes he thinks she actually made him human again, after years of being less alive than a blaster rifle. Sometimes he can't wrap his brain around the fact they're together: as a team, as friends, as lovers. Right in this moment he just can't believe in such happiness and his mind inevitably goes towards painful questions: why does this amazing woman want to be with him? Is this how love really looks like? Will this last forever? Is he the man she truly needs?

Actually, he was kind of jealous at the party. He saw how some males - and females - were looking at Jyn, his Jyn. If she would like to, she could have any of them at her feet. But she didn't want. Why? Because she loves him, no-one else. But why did she choose him, of all the people in her life? Not for his looks, he's guessing. He was told his brown eyes are deep and beautiful, some marks considered his rugged looks a handsome image, some Rebels were crazy after him as well, but the man he sees in the mirror everyday is a scarred soldier, aged prematurely due to the burden his life has put on him. Surely she sees the same when looking at him? But then she keeps on insisting he's gorgeous. And they have their intimate life incredible too, even if this evening he acted more like a rutting animal than lover. Stars, she seemed to enjoy - apparently they both enjoyed - such a way of having sex, but was it really the way to treat her? So strong, and yet sometimes too vulnerable, Jyn needs someone who rather won't exploit her in such state; excited with party, slightly drunk and thus carefree. Someone who doesn't get overly aroused just because of a dance, no matter how amazing dance it was. Someone who doesn't loose his mind because of such gift, because to him it was a beautiful gift, the best he got in past twenty years - kriff, more likely the best gift of his life. On the other hand, it was she who initiated their wild make out tonight, it was she who led things the way they went, maybe she does need someone who's rough and tough for her? Or is he just an idiot who can't understand what had happened?

Can love actually choose? Can an element, force of nature choose where or how to act? Because Jyn is like fire, she lights up his heart every time she looks at him, burns him with her every touch, she had burnt him and left burn marks even before fire of Scarif did. She's like ground, even if he stumbles she pulls him into her gravity, keeps him anchored in reality and doesn't let him float away. She's like water, brings him life and lets him slip easier through each day. She's like air, necessary to breath, but one never knows what wind may bring together with oxygen. Jyn is all of these and so much more. Is he enough for her? Tired, broken, scarred, is he enough to stay the chosen one?

He sighs deeply and tries to concentrate on falling asleep, to focus on the very thought of sleeping safe and sound, like the miracle of a woman he holds in his arms, but the doubt and confusion stick to him like blood sticks to a wound - clotting and thicker by each passing minute, may not let go for hours or days. He sighs again.

"Andor, would you please stop overthinking stuff again?"

Exasperated, heavy with sleep voice drags Cassian out from his head back to reality. Deep in his thoughts, he didn't notice Jyn is awake now.

"You sigh so deeply and so often that you'll make a hole in back of my head if you won't stop all the huffing and puffing!"

Taken by surprise, he doesn't respond, move, or even breath, he goes rigid instead, which makes her curious enough to see what happened. She untangles herself from his arms and rolls from one side to the other to face him, not bothering with keeping the blankets on her during the movement. She looks at him with worry clearly written on her face, while half naked, with kyber pendant sparkling between her breasts and some red markings spotting her skin. The sight hitches his breath again - is it bad that he loves and worships her body too?

"What is it that you're thinking of so hard?" Jyn asks softly. She furrows her brows when Cassian sighs yet again.

"Bad dream?" He shakes his head against the pillow while trying to find a satisfying answer. He doesn't want to trouble her with his self esteem issues, she deserves better than that. But they know how to read each other very well, so she soon knows where his thoughts were.

"Cassian, you do know you're an idiot, don't you?" The words are harsh but the voice is quiet and gentle when Jyn puts her palm on Cassian's cheek and slowly caresses it with her thumb. He puts his palm on hers and moves them both so that he can plant a kiss inside hers. Jyn smiles, but it's a tiny, sad smile.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He has no idea how to respond. He simply doesn't know where the doubt comes from. He doesn't doubt in her, never did and never will. But apparently he has no problems doubting in himself.

"Then why do you do this to us? To me? Is there something wrong with me?" she asks and her eyes get cloudy with unshed tears.

"Force, no!" Cassian almost shouts out the response; of course there's nothing wrong with Jyn. It is he who fails again; how come he fails so often around her? He can't fail; she won't suffer again because of him.

"It's me, Jyn. I'm no good for you. I'm too weak, you will never be happy with me" he utters. He doesn't know what he could expect after such statement but Jyn is crying openly now, huge tears falling on their sheets.

"Are you still drunk or what? I am happy with you. I love you, and you said you love me too" Jyn is sobbing painfully. She twists her palm out of his and buries face in her hands. When his heart wrenches at the horrifying sight, Cassian can't help but think that he is just an idiot indeed, a fool with pile of bantha's dung instead of brain. Why is he trying to push her away, to leave such an important person out in the cold, and in probably worst of possible ways too? The truth is, he wouldn't survive a single day without her. No, this time he can't fail, he has to fix what may be not too broken yet.

Very slowly and very gently Cassian tries to pull away Jyn's palms from her face. She finally lets him, and doesn't try to free her hands out of his, but the look she gives him is so full of pain and hopelessness that he shudders. Maybe the irreparable has already happened? By the Force, he has to do something, say something.

"I just couldn't believe I may be everything someone needs, especially someone as incredible as you. I know you keep on telling me that, but sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for you and I may loose you to someone better" he tries to explain with fear gripping his throat. "Forgive me, I'm just stupid, didn't mean... well, I did, but..." He stumbles on his own words, having a feeling he just makes things worse. With raising desperation he tries to find a proper way to explain himself before it's too late. It's not easy to focus while feeling moisture of Jyn's tears on the hands of hers or hearing how she can barely breathe through heavy sobs, but Cassian has to brace himself. He did this to her, and while it probably can't be undone, at least he can try to say he's so very sorry for being so very stupid. A minute or two and he thinks he knows what to say; he looks in her sad eyes and takes a deep breath but before he manages to even open his mouth, Jyn speaks first.

"You are stupid, but I still love you, Cassian" It's more of a choked whisper, and sobs still shake her lithe body, but Jyn looks at him with clarity in her eyes and crooked smile on her wet face.

"There's no-one better, never was and never will be. You're my home and as long as I'm your home too, I'm not going anywhere".

It's Cassian's turn to let his feelings loose, already way too pent-up for past hours. He was such an ass to her, pretty much backstabbed her emotionally and yet she understands and still wants to be with him. To hide treacherous tears he wraps his arm around Jyn's shoulders and tugs her towards him, so that she lays with her cheek against his chest.

"My heart is your home. Always, as long as it beats. Can you hear the beating? My heart may be stupid, but it's all yours" He swallows back the tears and just says what he feels, however dumb it may sound. Apparently he is dumb, after all.

But Jyn just nods and wraps her arm around his torso. She's not crying anymore, but she's not smiling either.

"Don't overthink stuff again, please. It hurts us both. If you keep doing this, next time you may be right that you're too weak for me..."

Cassian just stares at the top of Jyn's head, all of the positive mood leaving him again. But Jyn just lifts her head slightly, looks up at him with bright eyes and finishes the sentence grinning viciously:

"...because I'll totally kick your ass so that you won't get out of medbay for weeks! I'm not kidding, Andor!"

Immensely relieved, Cassian just laughs out loud. What else he can do? He deserves a serious ass-kicking already anyway.

"Can we go back to sleep now, please? I'm tired, and you need to take some rest too" Jyn places her head again on Cassian's chest, against his heart. She does look more tired than before, now with eyes puffy, voice hoarse and chapped lips. Cassian doesn't even try apologizing again, he knows how well it would end up this time. Instead he just tries to move to their usual sleeping arrangement.

"Stay this way. I want to hear that stupid heart of yours" Jyn whispers with gentle smile and eyes already closed. Cassian doesn't mind, he loves the way her body seems to anchor him within their own reality. He just grabs the blankets and covers Jyn as thoroughly as he can. That's the least he can do for her now - except for falling asleep quietly, so that she can have a comfortable pillow out of him. And he does fall asleep, finally.